10 reason to get married

[Skooby]

Skooby how old are you? Would you be the 40 year old virgin? And how quickly do you see yourself proposing and getting married? Would you enter a relationship for at least a year? Or 6 months? Or is it something you think will happen quickly and you'll marry very soon.

I am 31 years old. I see myself being married before I'm 40 (I hope anyway). I don't know how quickly i'll propose...it depends on who the woman is and our comfort level. It may happen quick or take 2 years...I don't think I can put a time table on it.

But I can see myself proposing after 8-10 months if the situation was right.

[mom-from-missouri]

Mom-in-missouri, how long had this couple been going out before marriage?

They had been courting for 2 years, engaged for the past 1 year.

[jIM_Ohio]

But as he put it, rush into marriage for sex and then most of his friend's have regretted it. And he's over 30. So he'll likely be the 40 year old virgin. Will his marriage last? Absolutely 100%. But not because he waited.

Anyone who marries for sex must be a virgin.

Without giving TMI, I can tell you being single was better in many intimate regards than being married.

I am sure this varies by religion and other factors...

If you are single, put a quarter in a jar each time you score and a dollar if twice in a day. When you are married take out a dollar each time you have sex. The jar will probably never empty (if my experience holds true).

Most of the friends I have would concur.
Most of the females we are with would not admit it though. Publicly.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Skooby, I have to ask have you had a long term serious relationship? I know my roomies very religious friends never do, mostly because of religion. It's a major thing, so the serious relationship is marriage and most have admitted it's different marrying for reasons other than "westernized love".

Mom-in-MO, how old was this couple? Please tell me at least 25-30?

Jim that's not fair. I think marriage it's the kids factor. The longer you are married without kids the more fun you have at least in that sense. Once you have kids I can see how it's be tough and tiring. And I'd be broke from taking money out of the jar.

Being single it was more interesting maybe because well you cared less, drank more, and the anonymity was great. :P Depends on how much you lived.

[mom-from-missouri]

Mom-in-MO, how old was this couple? Please tell me at least 25-30?

I have actually been to several weddings of this nature. For this one, the bride was either 19 or 20. (I can't remember if she just had or about to have her 20th birthday). The groom was 21.

Also, went to one where the bride was 30 and the groom 34, and a cousins of mine, she was 39 and he was 40 (both are now MD, but I think she was still in school when they were married about 4 years ago).

Another couple in our church has a similar arrangement and have just announced their engagement.

Out of these couples, I will add, each couple or at least one member of each couple were Bible college students or graduates. I am sure that is a factor to a certain degree, but I have also heard of it with couples who don't even attend church.

I think it is also part of the mens "Promise Keepers" movement that is growing in numbers.

[SacredFaerie]

I'm glad I didn't wait. If I'd married the first person that proposed to me (I did love him at the time don't now) I would have been stuck with bad sex for the rest of forever.

[disneysteve]

Interesting conversation on many levels.

Jim, our wedding was a great time, but I have to say that our daughter's Bat Mitzvah beat it by a mile. I think that's because there was no pressure on us since we weren't the centers of attention. We were free to wander around the room talking to our guests, dancing, drinking and just enjoying the day. Not to say that we didn't enjoy our wedding, but it wasn't the same. Plus, the Bat Mitzvah had the added level of pride and parental accomplishment that came from watching our little girl do such a great job. Tough to beat that.

Why did I get married? At the most basic level, it is because we both believe that's what you do when you want to be with someone long-term. We don't believe in living together unmarried and certainly don't believe in having a child that way. It works fine for others and we don't have any ill feelings for folks who do that. It just wasn't right for us. We are both pretty traditional, and tradition dictates that a couple get married in order to have a life together. We've been married for over 16 years and I can't imagine living any other way.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Mom in missouri are you saying that your 39 year old cousin waited till marriage?

I noticed a lot of people who wait Mom, not saying it's wrong are married at 19/20/21 like that couple you just mentioned. They began dating at 18/19 for 1 year then got engaged for 1 year to get married.

Not very long for a very young couple. I'm not saying they aren't ready, but the statistics like you said for couples who wait get divorced less. Well the statistics for couples younger than 22, even 25 are tremendously HIGHER for divorce because they married so young.

So this couple barely had to wait past when most people have sex. Most have sex 18-20, so they are in the right age frame, except they are married.

Now if you are 30 and 34 or 39 and 40 and waited until marriage that's a lot more impressive. Even more so if you dated for 2 years and then got married. It also shows a little more patience than an 18 year old getting married at 20 to have sex.

I've seen promise keepers, something I've noticed is how young most of them are. Getting married before 22. Most are not 30-somethings or even late 20-something waiting for sex.

Which leads me to wonder, what happens after the marriage? Do they regret it in 20 years?

I can say this because I went to many friends weddings the summer after college, and most were 22. Most are now divorced by age 30 and those were their starter weddings. They got married because they "should" after dating 2-4 years and having sex with their first partner. Then by age 27/28 they realize they want different things in life and have changed a lot from 22 to 28. You do a lot of growing up.

I think college you grow up, and even more so with a first job, first apartment, paying all your own bills, etc. My sister married at 22 and always comments that she was fortunate they grew up together. Most of her friends did not and got divorced.

I think the same, I'm fortunate that my DH and I have grown together and are still compatible 10 years later. I think a lot of people change a lot in their 20s, more so than any other decade.

[Investing First Steps]

I think the answers are as many as there are couples. You can usually see the reasons in the results. People who got married for the wrong reasons usually aren't very happy. I live in Texas, where it's viewed as obscene for a woman to still be single at 26 (hyperbole, but not by much). I think the younger you get married, the more likely the reasons are to be bad.

[PrincessPerky]

I wonder about that whole theory of no sex after marriage.

I personally would like statistics on families with single income vs two incomes.... in our circle having one parent home (male or female) is a sure fire way to have frequent sex. (and friends who went from two working parents to one often came to us knowing why we keep having kids....modern BC is recommended)

This does not work for parents of a baby....about a month after baby sleeps through the night life is good again. (and some kids take to long to sleep through the night!)

I personally was not umm respectable before marriage, and yet after children, once they sleep through the night, I have more sex.....and better.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

PP, I'm telling you it's the kids that ruin it. I have friends who are at home, the biggest problem is co-sleeping children. Where the kids stay in the bed till like age 3-5! Then there is like no sex for 3-5 years! That's what ruins it.

Thus my DH has already banned kids from our bed. I thought cosleeping might be cool, but I do worry about the sex thing.

[maat55]

I view marriage as a religious commitment/contract. If I did not believe in a God, I would just enter a legal union if needed.

[disneysteve]

PP, I'm telling you it's the kids that ruin it.

I agree, but it varies by age. When our daughter was a baby, no problem. She was in her room, we were in ours, and she was asleep by 7:00. Even later, as toddler and youngster, she went to bed well before us. Now, however, she's 13 and stays up just about as late as us. Doesn't leave much private time.

[vole]

Reason to get married?

Live longer. Married men live longer than single men Or the old joke, it just seems longer.

-Dave
berkshirecard.com

[Well Spent]

Anyone who marries for sex must be a virgin.

Without giving TMI, I can tell you being single was better in many intimate regards than being married.

I am sure this varies by religion and other factors...

If you are single, put a quarter in a jar each time you score and a dollar if twice in a day. When you are married take out a dollar each time you have sex. The jar will probably never empty (if my experience holds true).

Most of the friends I have would concur.
Most of the females we are with would not admit it though. Publicly.

That's terrible, Jim. I feel sorry for you. Maybe it will get better for you when your twins get a bit older.

I think marriage is for parents who are raising kids together and for elderly people to have companionship.

I don't think adults should lock themselves into a contract with huge penalties if you ever want out. I like freedom and keeping my options open. I waited so long to become an adult and do whatever I want whenever I want. I see no reason to limit myself.