Financial crisis. What do I do??

**buildmybudget** · 12-09-2009, 07:43 PM

Unfortunately, unless you have a friend/family member that can help you out, you're stuck with either increasing your income somehow or reducing your expenses to try and free up some cash. Do you have any large/valuable items you can sell? Have you already shaved every bit of fat out of your budget? It stinks you're in this situation....best of luck getting it resolved!

**cptacek** · 12-09-2009, 07:59 PM

Wow, that sucks. Forget about the credit card right now. Your credit is in the toilet, so who cares if it goes to collections. Tell the people who call you to stop calling and that you will only accept written correspondence. When you get your feet under you again, begin making payments. (I'm not saying to not pay it. I am saying to postpone paying it until you get other things under control.)

The house is more worrying. Could you afford to pay an extra $500 a month? Maybe the mortgage company will accept that. Do you have anything you can sell?

I am really worried about your wife. Did anything happen a year ago? Did she have a baby (maybe post-partum depression?) Some kind of trauma or shock? God forbid, is someone having an affair? Is she gambling? I know this is delving pretty deep into your lives, but if someone has that big of a change, from being responsible to not paying the mortgage for 5 months, maybe there is something really wrong with her.

**joesaysso** · 12-09-2009, 08:12 PM

Cptacek, yes, unfortunately there have been quite a few things to go on in our lives that we are trying to move on from. Its been a terrible year. Without question 2009 has been the worst year of my life. She would probably say the same. Be that as it may, I have to fix this mess. All of that other stuff is what it is but my kids need a roof over their head and elctricity to stay warm.

**disneysteve** · 12-10-2009, 04:54 AM

Perhaps you could borrow from Prosper.com or LendingClub.com.

**disneysteve** · 12-10-2009, 05:52 AM

Originally posted by joesaysso View Post

she spent all of our money that should have been going to the bills.

Do you know where or how the money got spent? If it got spent on things, clothes, housewares, etc., I'd look to return or sell anything you possibly can. If it got spent on consumables (food) or experiences (show tickets, spa, etc.) then you're out of luck on that one.

**creditcardfree** · 12-10-2009, 06:11 AM

You need additional funds. Period.

Here's a brainstorm list from me: Sell anything you can (craigslist or ebay), shovel snow, paper route, part time job, mow lawns, counsel someone, babysit, clean houses, write an e-book on a skill you have that you can share with others. Collect aluminum cans for cash. Kids clothes sell well online. What other ideas can YOU come up with to generate cash?

Build up the cash, then call the creditor back to negotiate. House first, credit cards later.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 12-10-2009, 06:19 AM

Can you borrow to get the house current? I would not worry about the credit cards at this point.

Also if your wife was suffering from a mental breakdown or something then get her into counseling asap.

**sfalexi** · 12-10-2009, 08:03 AM

Make sure you prioritize. House, food, basic utilities should be first. Credit cards should be WAAAAY down the list until you have the others under control.

And definitely cut any expenses you can. Cable, lower cost/speed internet perhaps, sell unnecessary items, stuff like that.

**fruitbowlk** · 12-10-2009, 08:46 AM

1st. The has to be some communication with your wife which it wasn't any before.

2nd. Counsling will help this Marriage stay strong.

3. Do you not have an EF you can tap into? I think it's more important to get the mortage paid up than the credit cards.

**lovcom** · 12-10-2009, 02:25 PM

1. Stop placing most of the blame on the wife. She may have been the designated financial person, but that does not mean you stop looking at statements, balances, etc. Man up here and take responsability, because if you did, you'd not be so "surprised" and so blaming of her.

2. DO NOT stop paying the minimal on your credit cards...someone suggested you should and this is dead wrong...make the minimum payment.

3. Like already suggested, sale whatever you can, cancel the cable TV...the kids will cry foul but just ask them to read a book, play outside, like we all did years ago.

4. You're going to need a strong marriage and a good relationship with the wife so make up and man up, exchange apologies and forgive. Forget about counseling for now, as you can't afford it, or if you have bennies from work do take advantage of them now. Buy Dr. Laura's books "Care and feeding of husbands", and "Care and feeding of wives"...they are great.

5. Try to get more hours at work if you can.

6. Devise a plan, write it down, execute it, and stick to it.

7. People that were in far worse situations got out and you can too.

8. Don't stop thinking of ways to bring more $$ in, save more $$ and you are the captain of your household so find ways to bring peace and understanding to your domain.

9. Accept right up front that it's going to be a long rough ride so strap yourself in, hold on and do the best you can.... be kind to your kids and wife, as they are stressed like you too. Stop playing the blame game, and frankly you being the man of the house it's mostly your fault....sorry ;-)

**LuxLiving** · 12-10-2009, 02:55 PM

What does the mortgage lender say? As a general rule they really don't want to foreclose. Get the proposed budget in order to show them how you're going to pay from here on out and get thyself in front of them and have a heart-felt discussion of what you intend to do for them. Show them a plan that will get you out of arrears, and current. Make it happen. Don't hide from these people, own up to the situation and see what you can do to salvage it.

If all else fails you might need to find out about this...

Fannie Mae's New Deed for Lease program:
Fannie Mae program aids homeowners facing foreclosure | Journal Record, The (Oklahoma City) | Find Articles at BNET

**joesaysso** · 12-10-2009, 05:52 PM

I'm already doing most of the stuff that has been mentioned. I've listed anything that has any value on different sites. I have already re-done our budget and re-established a good record keeping system and we have already taken steps to lower our bills i.e. ditched the expensive cable, cut electricity usage, etc. I also agree that the credit card can wait. I am focused on the house right now. We will also be calling the family for help.

We tried to increase our income. The wife had a good job lined up but was told that they wouldn't be able to hire her full time until after the holidays. She already works part time and its better for our family to stay at the first part-time job until the second place could afford to hire her full time. Getting more hours for me isn't an option, I don't get paid over-time.

Lux, the mortage company basically said that the foreclosure process has been started. I applied to re-activate the loan. This means in a couple days the mortage company will get me a total that I need to pay to bring the account back to currency. Once I get that total, I decide whether I can pay it or if I should apply for assistance from them. If I apply for assistance I have to qualify for a new loan basically. If I qualify for their assistance, the total of the loan would stay the same but interest rates would probably go up. But they would have to look at all of my finances to determine if I qualify and what are they going to think when they see that I was broke every month even though I wasn't paying my mortgage (or other bills for that matter)? They also added that since the foreclosure process has started even though I am applying for re-instatement a foreclosure date could be put on my house at anytime.

Lovcom, I don't want to start a "thing" so I will make one comment and then move on. Why should I not put most of the blame on her? Somebody has to get the blame. When things go wrong its usually somebody's fault. I work alot, 50 hours a week average plus the occassional weekend and lots of work traveling. I'm away a lot. She was stay-at-home. I brought the money in and she managed it. Simple and if we both do our jobs, it works. I went to work everyday and supported my family. Would you suggest that if I did something at work to lose my job and thus cost us our living, should she share some of the blame for not keeping tabs on me? I would also suggest that I did "man up" when I immediately assumed control of the finances and started digging out of the hole. I never said I was blame free but to suggest that my wife not be held accountable simply because I wasn't watching her is a little ridiculous. There's this thing called trust, you trust your spouse until they give you a reason not to. Its easy to play the hind sight game now but I simply trusted my wife to do her part. Call it blind faith, if you wish. When she didn't do her job, I stepped in. But she is an adult and should be held accountable for her role. Even she knows this. I came to this "financial" forum to get help and advice on how to solve my problem not have my marriage judged by somebody who doesn't have the first clue about what they are talking about.

Thank you all for the advice provided so far. I assure that I have been reading carefully and checking out the links provided.

**maat55** · 12-10-2009, 07:06 PM

All you can do is the best you can. Prioritize your home and basic needs first.

Do you have equity in your home? If so, you may want to sell it and start over, by renting for a while. If not, just talk to your mortgage company and tell them your situation, they may work something out.

If you are forced into BK, so beit. You pretty much know what to do, just sell things, work all you can and live as cheaply as you can.

You may want to find a good church and pray. It will help more than you know.

**lovcom** · 12-11-2009, 10:09 AM

Originally posted by joesaysso View Post

Lovcom, I don't want to start a "thing" so I will make one comment and then move on. Why should I not put most of the blame on her? Somebody has to get the blame. When things go wrong its usually somebody's fault. I work alot, 50 hours a week average plus the occassional weekend and lots of work traveling. I'm away a lot. She was stay-at-home. I brought the money in and she managed it. Simple and if we both do our jobs, it works. I went to work everyday and supported my family. Would you suggest that if I did something at work to lose my job and thus cost us our living, should she share some of the blame for not keeping tabs on me? I would also suggest that I did "man up" when I immediately assumed control of the finances and started digging out of the hole. I never said I was blame free but to suggest that my wife not be held accountable simply because I wasn't watching her is a little ridiculous. There's this thing called trust, you trust your spouse until they give you a reason not to. Its easy to play the hind sight game now but I simply trusted my wife to do her part. Call it blind faith, if you wish. When she didn't do her job, I stepped in. But she is an adult and should be held accountable for her role. Even she knows this. I came to this "financial" forum to get help and advice on how to solve my problem not have my marriage judged by somebody who doesn't have the first clue about what they are talking about.

Having been married for years I know more about this then you can know.

Making her the designated financial person is not the same thing as allowing yourself to skip reviewing the books now and then.

Companies have accountants to run the financial operations but did you know the CEO, CIO, and even some of the board members review the books weekly, or monthly?

You are the CEO of your family and you didn't review the books periodically because if you did, you'd not be so surprised about how things went to cr@p.

I never suggest your wife not be held accountable, nor did I suggest she not share the blame....you put words in my mouth, so to speak.

What I did say is that you BOTH have a lot to blame, and since you are not a real man, you place it all on her and think this is good....you are such the "victim" aren't you? :-( Man up and share the responsability for the current situation. That way your kids and your wife can learn and look up to you.

When a company goes to sheet, the CEO can't point fingers at his staff...the buck stops with him, and it is HIM that the board of directors take to task.

If you come to any forum for help, and include a lot of interpersonal information, then you should not be surprised if you get called on that interpersonal information....or will you blame me 100% for that too? lol

Financial crisis. What do I do??