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    My husband has no idea!

    We have a lot of cc debt and he knows we have some but not the real number. We both failed to have a budget and as I was making one saw that our debt was way more than we thought. How do I tell him without losing him?

    #2
    Your post seems to imply the debt is your fault. You're in a marriage - he's just as responsible for the debt unless you've been hiding purchases from him.

    Sit him down and lay it out. You can't solve the issue alone.

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      #3
      It might help a little to have at least the beginnings of a plan to pay off the debt. You probably need his input to complete the plan, though. Definitely you will need to have firm resolve to stop accumulating debt. And to bring in more money to pay it off, if possible.
      "There is some ontological doubt as to whether it may even be possible in principle to nail down these things in the universe we're given to study." --text msg from my kid

      "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." --Frederick Douglass

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        #4
        What do mean by "losing him"? As in you don't want to make it so complicated that he will not understand it? Or do you mean that he will walk out on you?

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          #5
          We have both been careless but because I pay the bills I feel responsible because I didn't see this sooner. We have enough income to pay it off we just need a good budget. I think.

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            #6
            Originally posted by Broken Arrow View Post
            What do mean by "losing him"? As in you don't want to make it so complicated that he will not understand it? Or do you mean that he will walk out on you?
            I think he will be so mad that he would walk out on me.

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              #7
              Originally posted by foxg04 View Post
              We have both been careless but because I pay the bills I feel responsible because I didn't see this sooner. We have enough income to pay it off we just need a good budget. I think.
              What is the source of the debt? If it is due to spending you did without his knowledge, that's one problem. If it is due to joint spending, that's a different issue.

              If it is joint debt, just sit down and review everything with him and show him how much debt there is and basically where it came from.

              If it is your own debt, that's a little more difficult. You need to sit down and tell him that you've spent money that he didn't know about. Lay it out for him and be willing to make any necessary changes in your lifestyle and behavior to get the debt repaid.
              Steve

              * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
              * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
              * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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                #8
                Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
                What is the source of the debt? If it is due to spending you did without his knowledge, that's one problem. If it is due to joint spending, that's a different issue.

                If it is joint debt, just sit down and review everything with him and show him how much debt there is and basically where it came from.

                If it is your own debt, that's a little more difficult. You need to sit down and tell him that you've spent money that he didn't know about. Lay it out for him and be willing to make any necessary changes in your lifestyle and behavior to get the debt repaid.
                We have joint debt but I just don't know how to tell him because he hates talking about money.

                Comment


                  #9
                  I think it helps to start the conversation with: "You are probably going to be mad or upset. I have something to tell you. Please hear me out first."

                  Pause for a brief moment, but then tell the news. The statement of how someone might feel gives them a little warning that they might not like what they are going to hear, but gives them a chance to listen to the information.

                  I also agree that it will help to have some ideas on how to fix this. But also ask for help in making the plan together.

                  The truth will set you free. Tell him the truth and take it from there.
                  My other blog is Your Organized Friend.

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                    #10
                    Sit down and tell him the truth. It'll get worse the longer you wait.
                    LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by creditcardfree View Post
                      I think it helps to start the conversation with: "You are probably going to be mad or upset. I have something to tell you. Please hear me out first."
                      ..........

                      People tend to assume the WORST with such a vague statement. Whatever his worst fear is will be going through his head. Might be better to say, "I was going over our budget and bills and unfortunately found out that there's more debt I didn't notice before" or something like that.

                      It HAS to be shared though. Otherwise, when he does find out (which he will eventually, even if it's years down the road), it could be looked at as deceitful and you living a lie.

                      I understand your wanting to be cautious and your fear bringing it up. Finance is a huge thing in couples/marriage. But I think you're better off letting him know sooner than later. And it might help to have a gameplan of you (plural) can pay it down/off or options right there so you can show you found it, re-evaluated your lifestyle, and came up with a plan to correct it.

                      Best wishes.

                      Alexi

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by foxg04 View Post
                        We have joint debt but I just don't know how to tell him because he hates talking about money.
                        I wonder what kind of guy would literally leave a woman simply because she told him the truth? Especially a truth that is meant to save the marriage, rather than to further jeopardize it?

                        I'm very sorry that you are in this difficult situation, but I agree with the others. This is something you have to level with him, and the sooner you do, the better.

                        Regardless of the outcome though, I would at least have a back-up plan in mind. I find it difficult to imagine that such a conversation would result in a split, but... if it does, then he's not mature enough for you anyways. You'll want to make sure you have a safety cushion to prepare for the worst, just in case.

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by sfalexi View Post
                          ..........

                          People tend to assume the WORST with such a vague statement. Whatever his worst fear is will be going through his head. Might be better to say, "I was going over our budget and bills and unfortunately found out that there's more debt I didn't notice before" or something like that.
                          Actually, that's kind of the point. Have them think the worst, whatever their own mind comes up with for that brief moment, because their worst isn't what you are going to tell them. What you tell them will be a relief compared to what they may have imagined. I still think it gives them some warning that the forthcoming information isn't going to be pleasant.

                          I would never use the statement above for a death, an accident, illness or divorce.
                          My other blog is Your Organized Friend.

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                            #14
                            I can kinda relate, I was letting things slide and when I finally realized how far they had slid I didn't want to deal with an unhappy husband in addition to the problem, but having his support is FAR better than dealing alone.

                            If your husband would really walk out over the truth of finances, or accidental screwup on money you might as well know now, and dump half the debt in his lap rather than having to deal with all of it and keep it from him.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Destroy the credit cards and come up with a plan to reduce balances starting with the highest rate first!

                              You can do this together and you're absolutely NOT alone. This should bring you closer in the long run as you both need to be on the same "financial" page. Good luck!

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