Girlfriend w/ CC debt won't accept help

[Seeker]

I'm guilty of the same thing she is--I want to ignore the situation and let it magically disappear.

I'm going to have a discussion with her and tell her to shape up or ship out.

Boosami -- hear this: You CANNOT change a person who does not want to change.

The situation will NOT magically disappear; it will only get worse. Things don't "get better" without work. It shouldn't be your job to make her work at her future.

The only chance for her to change, is for her to crash on her own. Nobody should be there to "save" her.

Get her out of your place and find someone more in tune with the real world.

You need to make your own life with someone who values you for who you are. You need to make a life with someone who shares your interests and desires for the future. Forget her. What she wants is to take advantage of your kind-heartedness.

Her saying to someone else: "HE put me on a budget" is just spiteful and manipulative. Treat it as such. And recognize all the other times and things she's said to other people (in your presence) that were designed to make you feel guilty. She's manipluating you. Get rid of her.

[thegoat]

Time to let go...as hard as it might be. It's not worth it anymore, she needs to do this on her own...

[tripods68]

This tells me the sex must be really good, otherwise i would have dump this lady LONG time ago.

[glock35ipsc]

[jIM_Ohio]

This tells me the sex must be really good, otherwise i would have dump this lady LONG time ago.

I read this thread and think the same thing, but keep my mouth shut.

Thank you for stating what I have been thinking for weeks.

[tripods68]

Hey, I think we HUMAN sometimes make it complicated than it truly really is. I'm just stating the obvious

[Well Spent]

I read this thread and think the same thing, but keep my mouth shut.

Thank you for stating what I have been thinking for weeks.

I think so too. I think the sensible solution to keep the sex but get away from her $$$ issues is to live separately. That way he's only on the hook for dates he pays for but doesn't get wrapped up into her debt, monthly bills, spending habits and still has sex with her.

[boosami]

Update:

This weekend we had a long discussion regarding her finances. Basically, I told her she needs to get things in order or else the relationship is over (and she's kicked out of the house).

She broke down and talked about how ashamed she is about her debt, and how she doesn't feel like she can get out of it and can't resist spending money. Though that's not news to me.

She said she wants to go to counseling to figure out what the best options might be. There are some credit counselors in the area and she has selected one to meet with. They'll be able to shed some professional light on the situation. She hasn't made an appointment yet, but she is supposed to schedule one for this or next week. She also said she will submit at least 5 applications for part-time jobs by the end of next week.

We'll see if she can follow through with our relationship on the line. If she can't do in two weeks what I could do in a single day, she doesn't deserve to be in this relationship. It's her last chance.

[tripods68]

boosami,

I applaud you for standing what she needed to hear. I hope she follow through and get her financial life in order. I'm sure with your support and advice you can help her through the whole thing.

[cptacek]

I'm glad you put that in writing. I have two sisters that need to go to counseling with their spouses, and that is all the farther they get...saying they need to go to counselling. Somehow, the appointment never gets scheduled. Glad you put a time line on it as well.

[mom-from-missouri]

Does she have any mental issues?? Mood swings? Headaches? Low self estime?? I ask because one of my stepdaughters has what we think is bi-polar and does the same thing. Gets upset over no money, but has all the latest clothes...all charged or paid for with bounced or stolen checks. She denies she does it till proof is shown. She has been taken for treatment several times, but refuses to accept it. She has been baled out by Grandmas and other relatives so many times that she has no desire to change. She is now in her 3rd "going to get married" relationship and her spending is part of her problem, but she wont admit it.

[boosami]

Update! Things are taking a turn for the better. I think the last talk really got through to her. She's finally taking some responsibility.

She's submitted job applications for several different jobs, so hopefully she will get one in the very near future. We're especially waiting to hear from one in particular that she is excited about taking.

She also received some money as a gift from a relative, and just used it to pay off the collectors and eliminate that debt on her credit report! She worked out a great deal with them to elimiate the debt at partial cost. She is now reapplying for the consolidation loan for all her credit cards, which is supposed to go through with the collections removed.

She let me look at a copy of her credit report, so I know she is not hiding any additional debt from me. If the loan and the job go through, she'll be on track to put this all behind her! I think getting this done will take a great deal of weight off her mind.

I know most of you guys don't like moving debt around, but she needs the extra leeway a lower interest loan can offer in minimum payments. Her credit cards are still locked in my safe, so she won't be able to charge them up again after the loan. Plus I'll be closely monitoring her

[glock35ipsc]

Her credit cards are still locked in my safe, so she won't be able to charge them up again after the loan. Plus I'll be closely monitoring her

Personally, I would cut them up and cancel the accounts. Then she won't be able to use them no matter what.

Otherwise, it sounds like things are going good then!

[mom-from-missouri]

I have a step daughter much like here. She now is working on serious relationship #3, because she already ran #1 and #2 into ruin. We tried to warn them, they thought they could turn her around...Instead, she stole their cards and checks and ruined them...

Run Forrest run!!!

[boosami]

Instead, she stole their cards and checks and ruined them...

Run Forrest run!!!

If she did that to me, I'd just call Diner's Club Concierge and have them hire me a hitman. If they won't do it, American Express sure will...