Girlfriend w/ CC debt won't accept help

[gamecock43]

I BUY designer clothes on ebay! I know that a $60 Bebe top goes for $10 used. But trust me...it really adds up!
I suggest opening a paypal account and listing those clothes immediately. $10 for a $60 item that she wears occasionally will make her cry. But seeing $100 in a paypal account because she got rid off 3 tops, a belt, a pair of flip flops, and a cocktail dress might change her perspective.

And in the face of 30k, $100 does not seem like much. But going from $30,000 to $29,900 in one month is better than going from $30,000 to $30,100 in a month. And thats how this bill will rise unless she does something to tread water for a bit.

Honestly, if you can create $6,000 in selling stuff or switching to lower rates, you have knocked out 1/5 of the total bill. And then you are in a position to snowball.

Do not feel overwhelmed and want to go the fastest route possible! You seem really freaked out right now. You need to be positive about this.

Last night hurt the most. Last night was terrible. I bet there was crying. I bet there were thoughts of breakup.

This coming weekend while you switch to new phone plans, call the CC companies and set up an ebay account will be exhausting. It will seem like you are working against a tidalwave...
But after you have those few measures in place where you have switched things around, you are mailing things off to ebay customers, ext...it will be ok. You will see that you guys are going to make it.

[gamecock43]

If she has a coach or LV bag by all means list it on ebay! Those things sell well!They hold their value, and even purses that are 4 yrs old sell well!
** But make sure she has a good solid ebay credit rating first, people are very wary of buying coach or LV bags on ebay because of the fakes. They will not pay its ebay value if she has a poor feedback rating. She must sell little items first to get the rating high in that case.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Sell everything, and NO bankruptcy won't help. BK does not take care of student loans. She'll still be majorly in debt.

She needs to sell everything and put it to the car. Then turn around and sell the car and get a $1k beater or nothing at all and use you for transportation or take public transit.

Cars are expensive. Repairs, insurance, gas, etc. She could be saving a bundle if she had a different car. What does she make? How much is the car payment? Rent?

She might have to look for a higher paying job in her field.

[boosami]

She has no student loans... the $30k is only CC debt and the rest in an auto loan. She pays me $200 in rent and the car loan is also $200.

We'll be working this weekend to cut some costs, sell some stuff, and find that second job. Thanks for all your help. I'll let you know how it goes!

[maat55]

She will feel like she is going through a, get out of debt boot camp, but after she starts to see results, she will begin to thrive on it and hopefully build good managing habits for the future.

I sometimes miss my golf membership, but the idea of going back before I am ready, is not appealing. Building debtfree instincts, will lead to a less stress and more prosperous future. If she can tackle this mountain,she should surely find financial peace.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

How big is her income? I think $30k is completely doable.

[aida2003]

From the looks of it, most of that debt was spent on clothing and food/services. Unfortunately, there's not much of a profit in selling used designer clothing on eBay... ... a couple electronics like an iPod and a camera, but old enougn they wouldn't fetch too much on eBay.

That's the problem of hers: spending money on DESIGNER clothes, iPod. Those don't come cheap, I'm sure. I have no clue how much they cost since I have no designer clothes...

How old is your GF and what does she do?
How much does she spend on her cellphone each month and when does her contract expire?

Maybe she could talk to her CC companies and ask them to decrease her interest rates before you consider bankruptcy. Another thing about the bankruptcy.... You already said that she was bailed out by her parents in the past. So, unless her changes her attitude and commits to responsible living in the future, I don't think declaring bankruptcy will really help her. She might view it as a free ride to accumulate new debt again .

I also read somewhere that the bankruptcy record NEVER disappears. E.g. If she applies for a loan or mortgage in 11 years after declaring her old CC has been wiped out, she'll find a question on the application "Have you EVER declared bankruptcy?" (or something similar, I haven't applied for any loan lately and each application is different). If she says "NO" assuming that her record should be clean, she's WRONG because lenders if they wish have means to access your whole record no matter how old it is. So in such a situation, it implies she lied on her application...
I think Dave Ramsy said this in his Total Money Makeover, but not sure...

If I were you, I'd be very careful ... Good luck!

[rizzmo]

My suggestion

1. Set-up a budget (sounds like you have already done this)
2. Set-up automatic savings withdrawls from her checking
3. File for chapter 7 bankruptcy
4. Stop paying all creditors
5. Drive car until it is repossed, at which point she should have enough saved to buy a beater.

Under this plan she will have a car to get to work, a small savings (EF), and be in the positive month to month all in 3-6 months.

[gamecock43]

If the car gets repossessed she owes the difference...I guess unless she files for bankruptcy.
I just dont think that $30,000 is worth declaring bankruptcy over. Plus if OP- with excellent probably credit marries her- his credit is tied into her bankruptcy.

[solo]

DO NOT declare bankruptcy. $30k can be paid off with due diligence. If she were to owe $150k, sure.

She needs to talk to her CC company, tell them that she's thinking about declaring bankruptcy and that it will help her if they can reduce the interest rate until she can pay off her debts.

She should get out of her apartment and move in w/her parents for a while and she'll pay them monthly rent (negotiate). If the lease penalty is an issue, get someone to take over (Craig's list?).

She should find a 2nd job, which I've read that she is doing. Judos.

DO NOT pay off her debt for her, even if she finally consents. If the relationship ends, you'll lose your money. Are you a philanthropist?

[PrincessPerky]

Can't is a dirty word, and I bet you have used it a lot, 'can't live without cell phone' can't live without car, can't move, can't sell,.

Ban yourself from using the word, and try 'haven't figured out how yet'..that way you haven't closed the door.

If she will sell what ain't nailed down, do it for her if she doesn't mind, and then you can 'pad the bill' you can give her more than you made if you want to help financially (DO NOT risk your own finances though keep it reasonable too, and don't lie..tell her after all those sales there is $100 in paypal! (13 of it is yours...))

Another thing a BF can do is to constantly remind her how good she looks out of the designer clothes. play her music on your stereo (since she is losing that Ipod) bring her a rose or poem after a long day at two jobs. Find fun free entertainment..that you can't wear designer clothes at (park..wouldn't want to get em dirty) And don't waste money...even if you can afford a high electric bill keep the lights off, unplug unneeded equipment. learn to cook at home for her. and so on.

Never lie, and never stop trying. finances are not rally fix it and forget it, when you are in debt. I used to look for at least one new way to reduce bills each day...might not have used all of them, but I was constantly searching. back when we made less than 30K and had expenses of oh the same. So please don't tell me can't

[disneysteve]

Another thing a BF can do is to constantly remind her how good she looks out of the designer clothes.

Yep, I always remind my wife how good she looks out of her clothes.

[boosami]

Thanks for all the encouragement... It really helps me help her. I'm trying to get her excited about finding places to save money.

It looks like once we find a decent second job and make some savings in the auto insurance, cell phone, and utility bills, she can pay off the first (lowest balance of a dozen) credit cards in 2 short months. Then we've got $20 more a month to use on the next one! She does like seeing that if we can stick to it, 3 cards can be paid off completely by EOY. They're low balances in light of the total, but those minimums add up to more debt paying power we can use! She'll have a bonus coming in December as well, and if it's the same as last year, that's a 4th card down before 2009 and we'll have closer to $100 in minimum payments back.

Thanks to all your help I'm becoming more optimistic and excited than worried. And I think that will be rubbing off on her. Keep you posted.

[Saving in So Cal]

If GF doesn't want to sell her clothes on eBay, she might see if there is an upscale consignment shop near her home or work. They might be able to sell her clothes for her. Of course, she'll still get a lot less than she paid for them.

Also, I am frequently in the minority view about bankruptcy. While it should be a last resort, it is not as dire as it is sometimes characterized. In your GF's case, because she has income and can make payments, she is likely not a candidate for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Instead, she would most likely be a candidate for Chapter 13 bankruptcy, in which she would have to pay off her debts through set monthly payments over a period of (I think) up to 5 years. If, as it appears, she can do this on her own, then obviously it would be better overall to avoid the bankruptcy.

While things probably look pretty bleak to her now, she will be surprised at how fast the debt can be repaid if she focuses her efforts. She will also gain extra self-confidence in the process.

[Seeker]

I also read somewhere that the bankruptcy record NEVER disappears. E.g. If she applies for a loan or mortgage in 11 years after declaring her old CC has been wiped out, she'll find a question on the application "Have you EVER declared bankruptcy?" (or something similar, I haven't applied for any loan lately and each application is different). If she says "NO" assuming that her record should be clean, she's WRONG because lenders if they wish have means to access your whole record no matter how old it is. So in such a situation, it implies she lied on her application...

1) The question of "Have you EVER declared bankruptcy?" is illegal. Nobody is "obligated" to answer that question.

I'd recommend skipping the question on any form (you do not want to write any answer to this).

If asked about it face-to-face, then it's your choice how to respond or not.

The question itself is illegal and if it happened years ago, it usually does not have any bearing on present circumstances.

2) Bankruptcy can and should be petitioned off a record when it has expired legally. There are Federal laws with regard to this as well as State laws.

Creditors do not have complete access to your history..... only a certain number of years depending on the local laws. While I do not recommend to lie, I do not recommend TMI'ing (to much info) yourself with past events. We're all human.