helping others

Not a Merry Christmas: People Stealing Food from the Needy for Profit in San Francisco

December 19, 2013 By Jeffrey Strain 4 Comments

If you want to get your blood boiling, just take a look at the video below. This took place at Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco by a local TV station. It’s the complete antithesis of what the holiday season is supposed to be about. Food that is meant to be given to the needy is taken by a long line of people. But instead of being thankful and taken home to eat, many instead immediately sell the food for $5 a bag to others. It doesn’t stop there. People then go back into line to get more bags of food. Some people even throw out (yes, into the trash) the food that they’ve just been given because they don’t want it for themselves or can’t resell it. Just watch the video and be amazed in a bad way.

This is a classic example of people taking advantage of peoples’ generosity to help themselves at the expense of the people who really do need the food. My guess is that anyone who watches the video will be disgusted, and they should be. But instead of leaving it at that, why not do something positive to help those in need. Here are a few things that you can do:

Donate Food

In my experience working with food banks, it is an exception that abuse like this happens, and not the rule. Most people that use the food banks are extremely thankful and appreciative of the help. Most food banks usually have protocols in place so that the few people who do try to abuse the system aren’t able to do so. With that in mind, donate some food to your local food bank. There is always a great need for it, and unlike the video above, it will go to a family that not only needs it, but greatly appreciates the generosity.

Donate Money

If you have some extra cash this holiday season, consider donating it to your local food bank. When you do this, they are able to get the food that they need most. Often they can get it for a greatly discounted price compared to what you could buy it for at the grocery store. In other words, a dollar given to a food bank will often result in more than a dollar’s worth of food from the local grocery store.

Volunteer

This is an extremely busy time for food banks and they usually can use all the extra help that they can get. Volunteer to help so that the food that is donated really does get to the people who need it most. Part of the issue in the above video was that the church probably didn’t have enough volunteers to help prevent the abuse from happening. This is not to say that there was any fault on the church’s part or that it should have ever happened in the first place. Having more volunteers simply ensures that distribution goes more smoothly.

Help All Year

Consider helping out more than just during the holiday season. There are a lot of things you can do to help any non profit without spending any money, and most are always looking for help in a variety of ways throughout the year. Let the disgust you felt from watching the video motivate you to do more to make sure that help is given to those who really do need it.

50 Things I Am Thankful For

November 25, 2013 By Jeffrey Strain 104 Comments

It’s so easy in our day-to-day lives to get caught up in the moment and forget about all the good things that there are to celebrate. Most of these things have very little to do with money (although having money can sometimes make them easier to accomplish). I think it’s important to sit down every once in awhile and reflect on those things I’m thankful for to make sure they aren’t forgotten in the day-to-day dramas.

What I’m thankful for is probably not exactly the same as what you’re thankful for, but I hope that by sharing my list, you might discover a thing or two which you’re also thankful for that you may have not considered before. Here is my list, in no particular order, of 50 things for which I’m thankful:

Life: When you think of the odds that you even exist, then the odds that you ended up exactly where you are today, you have beaten odds far greater than any lottery.

Beaches: It really is impossible to have a bad day if that day is spent at a beach.

Nature: The wonder and beauty of it inspires me on a daily basis. My friends often say that it’s my religion. They might be right.

Curiosity: The joy of wanting to learn something new about the things around me on a daily basis is something that I truly love.

Joy: I seem to be able to find it on a daily basis, and the more I find, the more it comes to me.

Friends: It’s funny because as an introvert, I don’t have a lot of them, but the friendships that I do form are the foundation of my life.

Family: We don’t always get along and we tend to fight about petty things, but I know that if I ever needed anyone they would be there for me in an instant. I would be there for them in an instant as well. Besides, I have the two cutest nieces in the world.

Science: A subject that I have never been all that good at and struggled with in school, yet one that fascinates me on a daily basis and I strive to learn more about everyday.

Stars: I still stare at them in the night sky with the wonder of a little boy.

Clouds: I can spend hours watching clouds form shape after shape as they cross the sky.

Sun: There is nothing like feeling the warmth of rays from the sun hitting your face on a brisk morning.

Seasons: Each time a new one rolls around, it seems like a celebration of the new excitement to come.

Smiles: It’s the first thing that I notice about people, and seeing a genuine one can literally make my day.

Laughter: There can never be enough laughter in the world.

Hugs: No matter how you are feeling before you receive a hug, you are going to feel at least a little better after it.

Backrubs: Seriously, do you know anyone who doesn’t love a good backrub?

Wine: A glass of wine at the end of the day is always a welcome treat.

National Parks: Most people don’t realize there are nearly 400 in the US, and that the lesser known ones can be just as beautiful (if not more-so) than the popular ones.

Love: There is such a huge variety of love out there, but when you have it with another being, you know it.

Romance: Okay, I admit it. Deep down, I’m still a hopeless romantic.

Chocolate: Sneaking snacks between meals just wouldn’t be the same without it.

Surprise: I love it when the unexpected infiltrates the normalcy of my normal day-to-day activities that I’ve become accustomed to.

Sadness: It’s the sign that shows how much you really cared.

Internet: It allows me to make a living while traveling full-time, and provides me with my dream job.

Discovery: One of my favorite things in life is discovering new things each and every day.

Imagination: I’m probably so thankful for this because mine tends to work in overdrive.

Ideas: I love sharing, hearing about and simply thinking about new ideas, and the better ways that we can do things.

Difference: Think what a boring world it would be if everything was always the same. I try to celebrate difference even when that difference isn’t what I would choose for myself.

Music: There’s nothing like the right song to reach deep inside you and pour out exactly what you’re feeling at that moment.

Art: I am fascinated by it and how artists can make it come alive — probably because it’s something that I don’t do well myself, but wish I could.

Health: I can basically do any activity that I want to do without major physical or mental roadblocks in the way. Since I know others who aren’t as fortunate, it’s something that I cherish all the more.

Individuality: I can be who I want to be and you can be who you want to be, and if those are two completely different things, that’s okay. How great is that?

Sunsets: The colors that a sunset can produce still leaves me in awe each time I see a new one. Sunrises are the same way.

Hot Showers: My secret everyday pleasure. I would not have done well living 100 years ago.

Walks: I absolutely love them and try to take at least one a day for my mental health.

Caves: There is just something about them that speaks to me.

Dreams: It fascinates me what my mind comes up with while I’m asleep, and then trying to figure out why it decided that all that strangeness was something I needed to see.

Goals: I love to constantly strive toward them even if I can’t accomplish all the ones I set.

Failure: While I’m not usually all that happy at the time of the failures, I almost always come away with a better understanding and perspective from from the failure.

Classes: I truly wish I had more time to take more of these.

Planes: Think about it. You can get anyplace in the entire world within a day. How fantastic is that?

Road Trips: Do you know anyone who doesn’t love a road trip?

Passion: Whether it’s about something you’re doing or toward another person, having passion is something that is an indescribably feeling.

Bucket Lists: If you don’t have one, you should start making it right this second, and then actively working to cross everything on the list off.

Modern Medicine: I have good friends still alive because of it that wouldn’t be here if we were all born 100 years earlier.

Backyard Gardens: There is something delicious about food that you have grown yourself.

Challenges: They make us do more than we thought we could while at the same time making us better people.

Rainbows: Storm versus sunlight to create pure beauty.

Patience: Something that I am eternally thankful that others have with me, and something that I continue to try to improve on having for others.

Sex: I debated whether to mention this, but let’s face it — it’s awesome.

I hope the above list has made you stop for a moment and consider some of the things which you’re thankful for in your life. I would love to hear some of those things in the comment section.

10 Ways to Teach Kids Financial Generosity

September 25, 2013 By Danielle Warchol 1 Comment

While many parents strive to teach their children money management skills, it’s also a great idea to help teach them to be financially generous. Many of us donate to charities or fundraisers to help people or organizations in need, and anyone who has children can follow some of these tips to help teach their kids about financial generosity as well:

Lead By Example

If you’re going to teach your children to be financially generous, you should lead by example. Most young children imitate their parents, and you don’t want to get stuck telling them to do something that you don’t participate in. A great way to encourage them is by showing them where you donate to charity or where you volunteer for a specific organization.

Teach Financial Responsibility

Another excellent way to teach your children about financial generosity is to do so while you’re teaching them about financial responsibility. A common way to do this is by using the “three envelopes” method. You can take three envelopes or jars (or any container of your choice) and have them separate money into piles for saving, spending, or giving. Some parents add a fourth for investing. The money they put away can be money from their weekly allowances, birthdays, or holiday gifts, but it’s important to teach them the reasons that it’s in their best interest to separate out this money for different purposes rather than simply spend it all.

Donations

Another way to teach kids about financial generosity is by encouraging them to donate items to charities. This can take the form of choosing cans to donate to a food pantry or picking out gifts to donate to an organization around the holidays. Or you can have them pick a charity or organization they want to donate to if you’re looking to get them more personally involved. You are likely to have more success if you let your children choose what organizations they are most interested in and then encourage them to make donations once they have chosen. In all likelihood, each child will have different interests and donate toward different causes, but still get the same important lesson.

Volunteering

In much the same way that giving donations is a great way to teach financial generosity, volunteering is also an excellent way to do this. It’s important for kids to understand that financial generosity doesn’t always have to be about writing a check to a charity or dropping a couple of dollars into a donation container. Sometimes offering to volunteer counts as well. Having your children volunteer an afternoon or a couple of hours of week for a cause that they believe in can be a great way of teaching them about financial generosity, not to mention it’s an experience that can really help them out down the road.

Take on a Family Project

While simply donating money is a wonderful way to support a cause or foundation, sometimes children don’t really understand the purpose behind it. A great way to get them more involved is by taking on a family project. This works especially well when children are young and may not have yet chosen specific causes that they like for themselves. Everyone can sit down and decide together what charity or organization that they want to help out. This is a wonderful way to get your children to become more hands-on about donating both their time and money.

Acknowledge Instead of Reward

If your child is already generous by nature, or takes your advice to heart, it’s important to remember to acknowledge their generosity rather than reward them monetarily for it. Many people like to reward their children for generous acts thinking that this will encourage them to do this more, but it could actually have negative connotations. For instance, they could start only performing generous or kind acts with the expectation to be rewarded afterward. You should encourage them to be financially generous without expecting compensation for the act.

Raise Awareness

Sometimes children don’t always understand why they should be financially generous. This can be an opportunity to raise awareness about different causes and organizations, as well as awareness about what it means to be financially generous. it’s also a great opportunity to explain that there are many differences in the world, and even in their own country. Providing them with explanations and examples can help encourage them to be financially generous in the future.

Make the Experience Hands-On

As stated earlier in this article, making an experience hands-on can be a great way to help your child become more involved in financially generous acts. For a lot of people – adults as well as children – physically doing something creates a greater impact and a greater sense of personal pride and inclusion. Having your child work as a member on a food drive or raise money for an event or charity might make them feel more involved in the process and help encourage them to do similar acts in the future.

Teach Them Why It’s Important

While you can raise awareness about different charities or the needs of different people, it’s also important to teach your children why being financially generous is important. There should be plenty of opportunities where you will have the chance to do this, but you need to take the time to explain to the child rather than just do it and assume they understand why. When you do something financially for others, explain why it’s important to you to have done that. That gives the child an opportunity to consider your reasons and make similar decisions on their own.

Encourage Generous Acts

Encouraging your children to be financially generous is probably one of the most important lessons you can give them. This can be anything from supporting them if they choose something as simple as bringing in a can of food for a school food drive to praising them for something as little as donating a few coins to a charity donation box. A simple act can go a very long way and it’s important to remind them of that.

(Photo courtesy of Alameda County Community Food Bank)

51 Reasons I Won’t Lend Money to Friends and Family

August 28, 2013 By Jeffrey Strain 16 Comments

“Should I lend money to a friend?” is a question that comes up on this site from time to time. A lot of people say it’s a bad idea in almost all cases, while others say they will lend without the expectations of getting the money back. While I’m generally adverse to lending to friends and family, I have done it on a number of occasions. Even though a lot of people would be against this, I feel that if I can help my friends, then I should. I have lent as much as $10,000 to a friend and have lent money in smaller amounts to a number of different friends for a variety of reasons. Although I have heard the horror stories and bad experiences of lending money to friends and family, I’ve never experienced this. Every friend I have lent money to has paid me back. Even if this weren’t the case, I would still continue to do it.

There is one important caveat to my lending. Just because I have lent money to friends doesn’t mean that I lend money to anyone who asks. In fact, I have had to turn down far more people who have asked me for money than I have given out loans to. Although I don’t have a specific checklist of what’s required for me to loan a friend money, there are a number of reasons that will immediately disqualify a friend from me even considering giving them a loan. Below are some of the reasons why I won’t lend money to friends.

You Have Enough Money for Bad Habits

If you have enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes a day, drink heavily or buy drugs, but say to me that you need a loan, you aren’t going to get one from me. Yes, it’s difficult to stop these habits, but there is a good chance that one of the reasons that you need the loan in the first place is, to some degree, because of them. I loan money to friends to help them out in difficult times, not to help them perpetuate their bad habits.

Some Work is Beneath You

If the reason that you need the loan is because you’re out of work, but you have turned down work opportunities because they weren’t right for you or below your perceived level, I’m not going to give you a loan. Hard times require difficult choices and sometimes it’s necessary to take any work available, not just the work you feel is at your level.

You Haven’t Solved the Problem That Requires the Loan

There is a reason that you need the loan. If you haven’t put in place something to address and take care of the issue which has caused you to need the loan in the first place, then any loan I would give would end up being worthless since the same problem would continue to plague your finances. You need to show me you understand what happened to get you in the current situation, and how you have put in place a system so it won’t happen again.

You Have an Excuse for Everything

I’m not a big on listening to those that have an excuse for anything and everything. If you tell me that the entire reason that you need a loan is everybody’s fault except you’re own, I’m not likely to lend you anything. It’s important to take the responsibility so that I know there won’t be even more excuses when it comes to paying me back.

You Won’t Sign a Promissory Note

Anyone who I lend money to, I ask them for a promissory note. If you hesitate or give excuses as to why you won’t / don’t want to sign the promissory note, then I will refuse to lend you money. If you are willing to ask for something and say that you will pay it back, you should also be willing to make it official. Any excuses as to why you aren’t willing to do so simply show me that you aren’t sincere when you say that you will pay it back.

You Don’t Tell Me When I Will Get My Money Back

If you want some money from me, I expect to have a timeline when that money will be paid back to me. If you simply say “when I can” or “when things get better” you will have to find someone else. I expect that you have thought things through enough that you know approximately how you will pay me back and how long that will take. If you haven’t thought this through to this degree, then I’m not the lender for you.

You Refuse to Consider a Second Job

I know that most people don’t want to do a second job. For most of us, one job leaves you pretty exhausted by the end of the week, so a second job can be quite a sacrifice. But there are times when making a sacrifice is what needs to be done. If you want to borrow money from me, but at the same time aren’t willing to take on more work than your primary job to pay me back, then I won’t be inclined to make a loan to you.

Your Car is Better than Mine

This isn’t literal because I drive a pretty simple car that is probably not as good as most people’s cars out there, but it is a general guideline that I follow. If your car is significantly better than mine, and especially if it’s much more than you need for your basic transportation, I won’t be giving you a loan since I know you can trade in the car to get the money you want to get from me.

You Have More Than Two Cars in Your Household

Along the same lines, if you have more cars in your household than you need, I don’t see why you would need a loan from me when you could simply sell one of the cars for the money. Yes, this might mean that junior won’t have his own car, but the reason I would give the loan isn’t so he could continue to have his own car.

You Can’t Explain How You Plan to Pay Me Back

If you don’t have a plan in place where you can explain how you will pay me back, then you won’t be seeing any cash from my wallet. While I don’t necessarily expect that there will be a detailed plan, I do expect the basics of that plan to be in place when you ask. If you have the attitude that “we’ll take care of that later” then I don’t believe you have put in enough thought about how you’ll pay me back.

You Owe Money to Other Friends

If I know that you owe sums to others in our group of friends, there is little chance that I will end up extending you a loan. If you have borrowed from others, but haven’t paid them back when you come to me for funds, how can I expect that I will ever get paid back. The way that you have handled money in the past is something that I take into consideration before I give any loan.

You Want It for a Want, Not a Need

I have found over the years that what people believe is a need and what is actually a need are two completely different things. I’m more than happy to lend money to people who have a legitimate reason for needing a loan, and that loan is going to go toward a need: food, shelter, basic clothing, etc. If the request is being made because you can’t pay for your cell phone bill, you need to go on a weekend getaway to escape all the stress in your life, or you feel it’s time for another car even though the one you have still runs fine, you won’t be getting the loan from me.

You Think It’s OK Because I Have Money

If you have the attitude that you feel that I should lend to you because you don’t have money and I do, you aren’t going to get a loan from me. The reason that I do have money is because I have been financially responsible and have spent less than I make. If you are in need of a loan, there’s a good chance that the reason why is that you haven’t been financially responsible. The attitude that you feel you’re entitled to a loan just because I happen to have money proves to me that you still lack the financial responsibility for me to make you a loan.

You Refuse to Consider Other Options

Having written about personal finance for a number of years, I’m pretty good at finding out where leaks are in people’s budgets. I’m also pretty creative and can often come up with ways to do things differently (or for less money) that others may have never considered, but still solve the problem. You also have plenty of other options such as peer to peer lending or bank loans. If you ask me for a loan, but refuses to consider other legitimate ways to get what you need without it, then I’m not the person to give one to you.

You Won’t Take Your Own Lunch to Work

This isn’t so much about actually taking your lunch to work as an overall look at your willingness to cut expenses where ever you can. If you refuse to take your own lunch to work, and instead insist on buying it each day at a restaurant (I do realize that some companies provide meals for their workers at very good prices), it simply tells me that you aren’t taking reducing your expenses seriously. Due to this, I wouldn’t be the one to give you a loan.

You Continue to Buy Your Morning Cup of Coffee

Much like the taking your own lunch to work, if you feel you need a loan, but at the same time think it’s OK to buy your morning coffee on the way to work, you haven’t made enough effort in my eyes to justify giving you a loan. Even if you claim this is your only splurge (which I have heard before), your willingness to ask me for a large amount of money while not having the willingness to stop your morning coffee purchase tells me that I’m not the one to help you out.

You’re Unwilling to Sell What You Have

If you have a lot of valuable items lying around the house that really aren’t necessary, but you refuse to sell any of them for whatever reason, then I’m probably not the one you should be asking for money. Most people have far more than they really need, and if selling the stuff you already have is off the table to get the funds you need, then I assume you aren’t serious enough to be asking for a loan from me.

You Blame Your Financial Situation on Others

I realize that some financial situations are out of people’s control (that’s why there’s insurance), but if the reason that you need a loan is because of some life choices you have made, then own up to the choice, explain to me how you’ve learned from the lesson, and explain to me how it won’t happen again. If you insist that the issue that caused your current financial situation is always somebody else’s fault and you have no responsibility for the situation, you better be able to convince me of that or I won’t be lending any money to you.

You Lack a Plan

I expect that if you ask me to help you out financially, you have a plan in place on how the entire loan and repayment is going to work. If you come calling without this plan, then you aren’t someone I would feel comfortable lending to since it doesn’t seem that you have thought things through thoroughly enough for my ease of mind.

You Haven’t Made Any Sacrifices

If you come asking, but at the same time refuse to make any sacrifices to your current spending or lifestyle, that sends up a big red flag for me. While it’s never easy to change one’s lifestyle, refusing to do so in the face of lack of funds is a sure sign that there is more trouble to come down the road.

You Continue to Live above Your Means

Personal finance is pretty easy once you learn that in order to save money, you need to live within your means. If you still haven’t figured this out when asking me to help, then I can assume that whatever amount I loan will never make it back to me. You need to be spending less than you make for me to consider your proposition.

You Have Poor Priorities

When you explain about how the money will be used, and in the way in which it will be paid back to me, the priority in which it will be paid back is important. If your priorities are to make others whole or spending it on some of your wants before paying me back, these poor priorities will likely result in you not getting a loan.

Material Things Continue to Matter to You

While asking for a loan, if you still feel it’s important to continue to purchase new stuff before you’ve fully paid off the loan you received from me, you won’t be getting one for me. I assume that if I decide to give you a loan, paying it back will trump the other materialistic urges you may have. If it doesn’t, then I’m not the person to help you out.

You Don’t Understand Value

This one can be a difficult one for many, but I feel it’s extremely important. If you approach the current financial crisis by cutting back on everything, and only buying the cheapest things available, you likely don’t have a good sense of value. While buying things that are cheap may save you some money in the short-term, it will likely cost you much more in the long-term. Understanding value, and getting value out of the things that you purchase, is an important way to get your finances back on track which will allow you to pay me back.

You Insist on Designer

If you continue to insist on purchasing designer brands while also needing to borrow money, that will be a red flag that you won’t be getting the loan from me. If you have a lot of designer merchandise, it might be a good idea to look into liquidating these for the money you need rather than asking me to help out.

You Still Play the Lottery

The odds of winning the lottery are minuscule at best, so if you continue to play the lottery because “there’s a chance I could win big” and “you can’t win if you don’t play,” I have little faith that you understand the basic fundamentals of money management. When you have money troubles, playing the lottery is like throwing money away. That’s not the type of person I want to lend money to.

Your Kids Get Everything They Want

Some parents just can’t say no to their kids no matter what the current financial situation. Part of being financially responsible is being able to say no to unnecessary purchases no matter who in the family is making them. Hiding the kids from the reality of the current financial situation by continuing to give them any indulgence they want is not going to benefit you or them.

You Are Lending to Others

If part of the reason you need to borrow money from me is because you are lending money to other people, then I’m not likely to help you out. If you don’t have the money yourself, you shouldn’t be lending to others in the first place, and if I am going to give a loan, it would be for you, not for someone else that you’re passing it onto. If I wanted to give them a loan, I would give it directly to them.

You Continue to Eat Out

This might not seem like a big deal, but it’s another indication that you aren’t making some of the most basic efforts that most people make when they get into a bit of financial trouble. If you feel it’s OK to continue to eat out on a regular basis instead of making your own meals at home, I feel it’s OK to not help you out on your request for a loan.

Everything is Disorganized

I’m not necessarily talking about your house here, but everything in your life. If it seems that you are running around like a chicken with its head cut off with never enough time to do all the things you have to do each day, I will make the assumption that any money that goes to you will end up disappearing into the frantic disorder. Often times money issues aren’t about money and other aspects of life need to be addressed before the financial issues can be solved. Being disorganized is one of them.

You Can’t Make Difficult Decisions

Part of money management is having to make difficult decisions from time to time. If you have all the good intentions in the world, but when it comes down to it you can’t make the difficult decisions to get your finances back in order, you aren’t going to be able to make those same difficult decisions in order to pay me back.

Your Spouse Isn’t on the Repayment Plan

If you’re married or have a significant other, they also need to be completely on the financial plan you present to me. If you’re the only one who is committed, chances are it’s not going to work out well. All parties involved need to sign on to make finances work, and if one isn’t on board, that’s a good indication that the best laid plans will end up getting sabotaged in the long run.

You Throw Parties

I understand that getting out with friends is important, but if you feel that it’s necessary to entertain (while paying for everything) while asking for a loan, that tells me that you really aren’t serious about getting your finances in order. If, on the other hand, your entertainment consists of a potluck where everyone contributes, then I would have a much more favorable view that you are making the compromises to get things back in order.

You Find It Easy to Ask

Asking for a loan shouldn’t be easy. It’s something that you should have thought about long and hard, while exhausting all the other opportunities that might be available to you. By asking, you must realize that you have placed me in a spot where I now need to make a difficult decision. While I’m more than happy to make it, if you find it easy to ask without giving it much thought, that indicates that you haven’t thought through all aspects that you need to for me to give it to you.

You’re Still Planning to Take Your Yearly Vacation

There have been a number of years when I have opted for staycations rather than vacations when money was tight, so if you’re still planning to take yours while asking me to help you out, that’s not going to fly. If I decide to help, that help isn’t so you can go on a family vacation, but to get you through difficult times. Cancel your vacation and use the money saved instead of trying to hit me up.

You Consider Me Your Emergency Fund

If every time there is some monetary crisis in your life you turn to me for help, I’ll stop lending to you, even if you have paid me back in the past. There is a reason that you should build an emergency fund, and that is to deal with the unexpected money emergencies that arise. You need to build your own emergency fund, not rely on me to be it.

It’s for a Money Making Scheme

When I lend money, I’m lending to help you out of current financial trouble, not financing some scheme where you think you’re going to make a lot of money. If you need money to finance some money-making opportunity that you have heard about, you’re going to have to find another source than me to get your project off the ground.

You Act as if It’s No Big Deal

It might not be a big deal to you, but it certainly is to me. I’m not looking to make an overproduction of the request, but I’ve worked hard for my money and so I don’t lend it without giving it any thought or consideration. Any request that makes it appear that it’s not a big deal isn’t likely to get funded by me.

You Expect It

If I feel that you expect me to make the loan because we are friends or family, and only because of that reason, I’m not likely to help you out. Our friendship and money are two separate things. If you expect me to help you out and our friendship will suffer if I don’t, then I have greatly misjudged our friendship in the first place. Just because we are friends doesn’t mean that I will automatically give you money.

I’m Your First Choice

If you come to me as your first choice in trying to solve a money issue that you have, then that’s a good sign that you still don’t have the financial responsibility needed for me to give you a loan. I should be far down on your list, and you should have tried numerous other ways to get the money you need before you come to me.

Your Story Doesn’t Make Sense

When you come to me, the reason that you need the money has to make sense to me. This might sound like something that is obvious, but there have been a number of times that people have asked me for money that made absolutely no sense. Either what they thought was a necessity wasn’t, or the story of why they needed it just didn’t add up. If I’m going to help out a friend, what I’m helping with has to make sense to me.

You’re Trying to Avoid Consequences

Decisions have consequences. This is an important money lesson that everyone needs to learn and understand. If you’re seeking money to avoid the consequences of a poor decision that you made, I’m probably not the person that will be willing to help you out. Sometimes it’s better that you suffer the consequences even though they’re going to be hard so that you don’t make the same financial mistake again.

This is the Only Time I Ever Hear from You

I have good friends that I don’t see often. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care for them, just that our schedules make it difficult to meet often. If the only time you seem to be able to make contact with me is when you need to ask me for money, that’s a sure sign that you aren’t going to get any from me.

You Lie to Me

I assume that when you explain why you need to borrow some money, the reason that you give me is the truth. If I find out that what you told me isn’t accurate, or that you happened to leave out some important information at a later point, that will be enough that I wouldn’t feel comfortable lending you the money.

You Don’t Take Things Seriously

While I don’t expect that asking me will be as somber as a funeral, I also don’t expect it to be all fun and games. There is a happy medium there, and if you’re tilted to the fun and game sides when asking, I’m probably going to pass on helping you out.

You View Me as a Bank

Just because I have money doesn’t mean that I’m a bank, especially one where my money is your account. That should be obvious to you because the only reason you should be coming to me with the request is because you couldn’t get a loan from a bank. If you view me as a convenient way to get money when you need it, I’m not the right person to ask.

You Want an Immediate Answer

When I’m asked to help a friend or family member, I usually need to take some time to think about it before I can give an answer. If you demand an immediate answer to your request, then the answer will be an easy no.

You Have Failed to Payback Small Loans

When I go out with friends, there are times when someone ends up being short for whatever reason and may ask if they can borrow a few dollars. I’m more than happy to help out on these occasions, but if I have done this and the friend has never made the attempt to pay me back later, I’m not likely to help them out when they come asking for even more money. Your history matters.

You Complain about all the Sacrifices You Have to Make

While I want to see that you are making sacrifices to get your finances in order, I don’t want to hear constant complaining about all those sacrifices that you need to make. I understand they are difficult because I have had to make them over the years, but that doesn’t mean that you should constantly complain about them. Making sacrifices is part of money management, complaining about them isn’t.

You Continue Extra Curricular Activities

If you still feel it’s OK to play a $100 round of golf each weekend instead of figuring out a way to earn a bit of extra money in your spare time, I’m not the one that will help you out. I know that it’s important to relax and escape every once in a while, but that can be done without spending much money doing it. If your extra curricular activities are expensive and you feel that they’re necessary to continue them while asking me to lend you money, I will likely pass.

You Spend $200 for Jeans or a Haircut

I understand that not everyone is willing to buy their jeans at Costco and cut their own hair like I do. That being said, if you insist you need $200 jeans or a $200 haircut while also asking me to lend you some money, that would be enough for me to decline the request. You don’t have to live exactly like me, but if your spending isn’t even in the same realm, I won’t feel comfortable doing it.

You Have Better Alternatives

You also have plenty of options in borrowing money. For example, you can get money from another friend or family member. Alternatively you can get the money from a bank or a peer to peer lending outfit. Companies like Prosper.com and Lending Club.com have become increasingly popular because they offer loans to Joe and Jane average at modest interest rates. Of the two options, Lending Club is probably the strongest due to poor management at Prosper. If you do need a loan at Lending Club, feel free to use this link.

These are just a few of the things that came off the top of my head when asked who I wouldn’t be willing to give a loan to. If I spent more time, I’m sure I could make this list even more extensive. Are they harsh? Some may think so, but since I have had to make sacrifices and tough decisions to save the money that I do have, I’m not willing to let someone else avoid those if they want to get a loan from me.

In the end, my list is my list and there may be things on it that you don’t feel are important or aren’t a concern to you. On the other hand, there are probably things that don’t concern me that would be a big concern to you and would disqualify someone asking to borrow from you. The main thing is that if you are in a position to lend others money, you have some basic parameters of who you will and won’t lend money to with which you feel comfortable.

In the end, I never expect repayment. I put in place what I feel are basic fundamentals that give me the best chance of being repaid, but if it didn’t happen, I wouldn’t pursue it. If I get repaid, I count it as a pleasant surprise. Because of this, I never lend money if I can’t afford to lose 100% of it. At the same time, I don’t throw away my money needlessly since I have worked hard for it.

(Photo courtesy of David Neubert)

Frugality Isn’t Common Knowledge

July 15, 2013 By Jennifer Derrick 6 Comments

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a piece about how eventually saving money becomes second nature. What used to seem hard or foreign suddenly becomes common and easy. I wrote this piece because I was frustrated with an acquaintance who wanted to know the “easy” ways to save money, but balked at everything I suggested as “too hard.”

After thinking about it, I decided that my instant judgment of this person as an idiot was a bit harsh. After all, it does take a while to overcome inertia and laziness. After another, unrelated, experience this week, I’ve decided that the problem goes deeper than simple laziness. The problem is that the knowledge of how to live frugally isn’t as common as one would think.

This week, I was talking to someone about some books I’d picked up at the library. She expressed an interest in the titles and asked, “How much did it cost to get those books?”

I stuttered for a moment and said, “It’s free, as long as you live in the county, which we do.”

The other person was stunned. “Free books?”

“And movies, music, and books on CD,” I added. “You can get a ton of stuff for free at the library.”

She went off shaking her head, vowing to check out this hotbed of freebies. I was shocked, though, that she had no idea how a library worked and how much money she could save there. This was a woman of my age group, not a young kid. I assumed that how a library works was common knowledge. But you know what they say about assuming…

I’ve had this happen with other frugal activities, too. Some people don’t understand just how much money you can save by bringing your lunch to work or school every day. Some people have no idea how to cook even the most basic dishes so they order take out every night. Some people are shocked by how much gas money can be saved by planning trips and combining errands. Coupons might as well be a foreign language for some people, free entertainment doesn’t exist in their world, and some don’t realize how much can be saved on utilities by simply being conscientious about usage. Yet all of this is stuff that I’ve always considered to be common sense and common knowledge.

Apparently, it’s not. I think it used to be, but in our consumer-oriented world where there is a store-bought solution for every problem, we’ve lost sight of some of that common knowledge. It’s too easy today to just buy a book or some take out food. We don’t stop and think about frugal alternatives. We don’t stop and think about how our actions (leaving the lights on all the time, for example) relate to our bills because it’s just so easy to flip that switch and leave it on. Unless you’ve had someone teach you the basics of frugality, you probably have no idea about what’s available and how easy it can be to trim some expenses.

I think this is why many people balk and whine when it comes time to save money. They just don’t know how and they don’t know that it doesn’t have to be a big production. All they can see is that their “easy,” consumer-oriented, ways of doing things are threatened. They think that they’re going to have to learn a whole bunch of skills and work really hard. They don’t realize that it can be just as easy, or easier, to save that money. How simple is it to drive to the library and pick up a bunch of free books, once you know that you can? It’s no harder than going to the bookstore. How easy is it to make a quick batch of pasta to take to lunch? It’s easier (and less time consuming) than driving to a restaurant, reading a menu, ordering, and dealing with other annoying patrons and crowded places. And so it goes. But people need other people to teach them how easy it all is.

We used to get this knowledge from our parents and grandparents who still had roots in the “old,” less consumer focused world. They were the keepers of frugal knowledge. Unfortunately, many of them are passing away and we’re left with generations who’ve always had everything at their fingertips, as long as they were willing to pay for it. Most people haven’t had to “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without,” as members of the WWII generation had to do. Schools no longer teach anything related to money or frugality (and have done away with anything un-PC like home economics and shop classes which were good places to learn some frugal skills). Unless they have a frugal parent who takes them to the library and free concerts, makes meals at home, and harps on them about putting on a sweater instead of turning up the heat, many kids grow up utterly clueless about money saving behaviors.

I would encourage any frugal people who read this to make it a point to teach others what you know. Rather than making fun of them or dismissing them as an idiot (which I admit to being guilty of), help them out. Show them how simple it can be. Remind yourself that the things you do on auto-pilot everyday are not common knowledge for many people. Sure, some people still won’t get it, but some will appreciate having their eyes opened. And if you’re not frugal but want to be, don’t feel badly that some things seem so foreign to you. There are plenty of resources available and lots of great people who can teach you and once you figure it out, it’s a very easy way to live.

(Photo courtesy of Matthew Hunt)

Am I A Sucker? Day 9

January 9, 2013 By Jeffrey Strain 12 Comments

I don’t usually give money to people. I’m far too familiar with the many scams that are out there, and I know that my money will go a lot further and help a lot more people by purchasing food for the food bank rather than give it to individuals begging on the street (I have had a habit of putting $5 toward the food bank fund every time I was asked for money in the past — I would like to continue that, but may have to reduce it to $1 with the current minimum wage challenge restrictions). So I wasn’t really expecting to hand $10 to a total stranger today, but that’s exactly what I did.

Since this is my last day visiting my mom before heading off to my second house sitting job this year, and having a ton of work to do, I decided that this probably wasn’t the best time to test if I could be more productive at home or at the library (I’ll do that testing when I have a longer period to visit and can do all three back to back). So I headed to the coffee shop to work knowing I still had money on my card that I could use to get a drink. I did find out the least expensive drink is a small coffee ($1.75), but unfortunately, I don’t drink coffee. So I have to settle for my $2 tea.

I figured with the card and a day full of article writing to do, it was going to be an inexpensive and uneventful day. So much for my predictive powers…

The rain started to drizzle and I was working away from the coffee shop when a young woman and her daughter came in to use the ATM. There had been a few other people that had come in to use it, and although I wasn’t really paying attention, I made out that it wasn’t working at the moment and people couldn’t withdraw money. There was something in the young woman’s voice that made me look up. With the little girl by her side, she was panicked. I sort of made out that they were supposed to see a movie together at the theater, but she didn’t have enough money for the tickets. She desperately asked where the nearest ATM was, and the staff explained that there was one about a 5 min. drive down the road. She looked at her watch, grabbed the little girls hand and started to run out the door.

There was just something about her demeanor and actions that made me conclude that the movie was really important. I’m not sure if there was any special meaning for the movie they were going to see, but my gut told to me that she needed to see the movie and she wasn’t sure how she was going to get the money to do it. Without really thinking about it, I got up from my seat and ran out the door after the two. I managed to catch them after about 100 yards. She turned and you could tell her mind was running 100 miles an hour trying to figure out how to get to the nearest ATM and still make the beginning of the move.

I asked her how much she needed for the movie. She seemed somewhat confused by the question. I asked again. She said the $10 would do so I reached into my pocked, pulled out a $10 bill and gave it to her. I think she was more stunned than anything, then an immense look of relief. She thanked me profusely and asked how she could repay. I simply told her to make sure to pay it forward to somebody else someday.

I really have no idea what the whole story is or whether she really needed the money or not. I just had the feeling she did and acted on it. Was it financially smart thing for me to do well living on a minimum wage budget? Probably not. There certainly may be sometime during this challenge where I wish I had that $10 back. But my gut tells me that it was the correct thing to do under the circumstances. I guess my basic feeling is that I hope that if I am ever in a situation where I was in such a panic, that there would be somebody who would be willing to help me out.

One of my biggest worries with the challenge has been that I would begin to over analyze all the daily financial transactions I make so that the money becomes the overriding theme of each day. Whether I was right or wrong in giving the woman the money from a financial perspective, my hope is that I can keep that spontaneity to listen to my gut and do what seems to be right at the moment rather than always stepping back and over analyzing.

So what’s your opinion? Did I make the right move, or should I have found out more of the story before offering the money? What would have you done in a similar situation? Do you give money to strangers, and if so, under what circumstances?

Today’s Spending

Food: $0.00
Car: $0.00
Housing: $0.00
Travel: $0.00
Misc: $10.00

Total: $10.00

Total Spending

Food: $7.39
Car: $0.00
Housing: $0.00
Travel: $0.00
Misc: $16.15

Total: $23.54

Next article: Day Ten: Do I Really Have To Try To Date?

(Photo courtesy of savanna-smiles)