friendships

Ways Friendships Can Affect Your Health

January 9, 2016 By Amanda Blankenship 2 Comments

Is the concept of “friendship” in trouble? We hope not, because it turns out they are key to a long and healthy life.

Friendship is an important part of everyone’s life. Most Americans (about 98 percent) say that they have at least one good friend, and the average number of friends each person has is nine. So, it seems, friends really may make the world go round. However, just 25 years ago, people were reporting that they had 10 friends on average. The number of close friends has fallen as well.

Increases in social isolation would be pretty bad for Americans, who have already isolated themselves with technology. As it turns out, friendships may also have a significant impact on your health. Let’s take a look at a few reasons why.

Friends can actually help extend your life. You are less likely to die prematurely if you have a good group of friends than if you are isolated. Social ties like this impact life expectancy more than exercising or quitting smoking. The main reason for this is that the number of friendships you have are linked to the body’s way of processing stress. Social isolation can increase stress and cause some significant wear and tear on your body.

Friends make you healthier overall. This statement sounds kind of weird, but it is true. Looking at studies over a period of time, researchers have found that people who are socially isolated are more likely to be sick often or have chronic illness.

Friends help your mental health. Friends oftentimes make you feel like you belong with them, and that may be key for mental health. Older people with dementia often see an increase in symptoms when feelings of loneliness increase. This led researchers to believe that a lack of social attachments increases cognitive decline.

Friends are good (or bad) influences. Many headlines and news stories have alerted people that “obesity is contagious.” If your friends gain weight, it is likely you will also gain weight, but this is also true of losing weight, or being thin. Your friends influence you more than you know, for better or for worse.

Friends are great support systems. When you are going through hard times, you can usually lean on your best friend. Research has shown this has also worked in helping cancer patients to pull through treatment. Support groups and friendships may not extend the life of people going through hard times (mentally and physically), but it will improve their quality of life.

Friends can help you cope. We’ve all seen relationships that go badly, but friends can help you get through the rejection. They can also help you pick up the pieces and cope with your feelings. They are people you can lean on, always.

Friends can be there forever. Lifelong friends are a real concept. Even when people move away for work or school, friendships can be maintained. Oftentimes, friendships made during college years last for the length of a person’s life. Even if they don’t live near one another, many people keep in contact via telephone and email.

It seems your friendships can be crucial to your overall health, so make sure you focus on your friendships and the healthy relationships in your life. It can mean life or death.

Photo: Flickr: Corey Balazowich

Happiness Comes From Being Yourself: Fun Money Friday

June 21, 2013 By Jennifer Derrick 1 Comment

I’m going to try something new here at Saving Advice for the coming weeks, and that is having “Fun Money Fridays.” Most of the time we (that is, all financial bloggers, talking heads, and advisors) focus on the negative and scary aspects of money. The refrain(s) go like this:

“You’re never going to be able to retire!”

“You’re failing at life if you don’t have ‘X’ amount saved!”

“Inflation will kill you!”

“The markets are crashing!” (Or, “The markets are rising too fast!” Whichever is scarier on any given day.)

“Saving and frugality are painful!”

But much of what happens with money isn’t negative. It can actually be kind of fun, and sometimes even funny. (Even those who aren’t finance wonks like me can find some fun and amusement in money, trust me.) Taking care of your finances allows you to do some pretty cool stuff like donate to charities, help out a friend in need, mark an item off your bucket list, send your kid to college, and retire on your terms. Even if your finances aren’t that great, there are still positives to the journey of fixing the mess such as learning about yourself, learning new skills, and finding a resilience you didn’t know you had. You just have to choose to look at the positives instead of the negatives and try to find the humor, fun, and good things in your personal situation.

To that end, I begin with this little video entitled, “What Matters Most,” which Capital One sent me on my birthday. (I’d have preferred a cake, but a video will do, I guess.)

The music alone has to lift your spirits. (Happy, happy, joy, joy. Sticks with you, doesn’t it?) But the message is the great part. It’s one of the things that we try to convey here at Saving Advice quite often, and that many people come to realize after they’ve been on the financial journey for a while. The message is this: Happiness isn’t found by comparing yourself to other people and it isn’t found in money.

The happiest people are those who can look inside themselves at any level of wealth and like what they see. Comparing yourself to others is the road to misery. We often see others and imagine that they are so much better off than we are and that makes us miserable by comparison. The thing is, though, that a lot of those people aren’t even real (such as people on TV or in ads), or they’re not as well off as we imagine (they may be in debt up to their eyeballs, or they may have money but not a happy family). Comparisons are meaningless and destructive.

The happy people are the people who build relationships, rather than trying to compete with everyone or tear others down. They embrace the Joneses, rather than try to keep up with them. They look at their life and say, “Hey, maybe some things could use a little improvement, but overall I’m doing pretty great.” Sure, money makes some things easier, but true happiness doesn’t come from money. It comes from being the kind of person who can look beyond wealth and status to see what’s important in life. Things like friendship, love, and joy are important. Whether your neighbor drives a new BMW and you drive a ten year old Chevrolet is not an important aspect of life.

The video begins with a question: “If there was a scale that went from miserable to really, really, happy, where would you be?” It’s a question worth pondering and if you can look beyond the surface aspects of things, status, money, and power, you might find that you’re higher on the scale than you thought. And if you’re not high on the scale, ask yourself what you need to do to move higher. If you’re honest with yourself, it probably doesn’t involve money.

(Photos courtesy of John Earl)

10 Friends Who Can Hurt Your Finances

May 30, 2013 By Danielle Warchol 4 Comments

Friends. They can certainly be a blessing in anyone’s life. Unfortunately, we sometimes have friends who have negative qualities which can affect our lives and relationships as well. It’s far too easy to ignore the signs and pretend that these friends aren’t really negatively influencing our decisions. For instance, you may have friends who borrow money without paying you back, or who encourage you to buy things you can’t afford. These types of friends can be deadly to your finances. Here are some of the types of friends that you need to be on the lookout for so you can protect your finances from them.

The Mooch

Do you have a friend who always asks you to spot them money but forgets to pay you back? Maybe they’re always asking to borrow something you own but never end up returning that item. If so, this person is the mooch in your group of friends. A friend who mooches off of you is bad for your finances because they’re essentially taking money from you without the intention of ever returning it.

The Enabler

Sometimes everyone needs a little encouragement to buy something they’ve desire but are hesitant about purchasing. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, a friend who constantly enables you to buy something is a bad influence. This is a type of person who might encourage or persuade you to buy every item of clothing you try on, any car you look at, twice the amount of food you need, or a bunch of books, video games, movies, or electronics that you can’t afford. The enabler might not realize what they’re doing, but they’re harmful to your finances because before you know it, their suggestions and encouragements have made you spend hundreds of dollars without realizing it.

The Perfectionist

A friend who is a perfectionist is someone who feels that everything that needs to be done exactly in relation to their concept of perfection. That means no compromising even when the finances don’t allow for the very best and insisting on all the extras when those extras aren’t necessarily in the budget. While perfection has it’s place and time, having a friend who insists on perfection on every activity the two of you do can quickly drain your finances.

The Miser

The miser is similar to the toll collector as they’re the type of person who never wants to part with their money. This is someone who tries to get out of paying their fair share. Such a person is bad for your finances because you run the risk of paying for your portion in addition to part of theirs. Have you ever planned an event with this person and ended up paying for most of it because they didn’t want to chip in? There’s a difference between a friend who is on a budget and a friend who is stingy. The miser falls into the stingy category.

The Manipulator

A friend who manipulates you in any way is not a good friend to have. One who does so with money is the type of person you want to avoid having as a friend. This is a person who will manipulate you into either loaning them money or paying for their purchases. They might try and guilt you into it or claim you owe them money. Regardless, this person is a very big negative influence on your finances.

The Gossip

Do you have a friend who constantly asks how much money you make, how much you paid for a certain item, or if you have any outstanding loans or debt? These are questions that no one has the right to know the answer to unless you want to tell them. It might make you second guess your financial status or reveal too much information about your finances to a third party. Anyone who asks after your finances, especially when they have no business asking, is someone you should be careful around.

The Competitor

Do you have a friend who always wants to one up you when it comes to items you own? Maybe you bought a new car and then they went out a bought an even better car. Maybe you went on a nice vacation and then they decided to brag about their three month long vacation in Europe. A friend who is constantly trying to compete without is damaging for many reasons. But when it comes to your finances, you have to be careful that you don’t start trying to one up them.

The Fault-Finder

Do you have a friend who judges you for what you buy? Maybe they sneer when you don’t buy clothing from a famous designer or food that’s organic. These friends might mean well, but their judging attitude could influence you to buy something way out of your price range for the simple fact that you don’t want to offend them. They’ll make you second guess your purchases and lifestyle which will have a lasting negative influence on your financial state.

The Wealthy Friend

While having a friend who is well off is nothing to be ashamed about, it could come with some negative side effects. What happens if they suggest going out to eat at a restaurant that is way out of your price range? Or what if they want to go away from a trip and it’s something you could never afford? They might mean well or be totally harmless, but it could end up with you spending more money just so you don’t feel like the “poor friend”.

The Jealous Friend

Having a jealous friend is similar to having a friend who is a manipulator, miser, gossip, or competitor. They might always question your purchases, making such statements as, “I didn’t know you could afford that”. This type of friend is not good for your mindset as they might be purposefully trying to make you feel guilty for their financial insecurity.

(Photo courtesy of Jack Newton)