where should I put my emergency fund and extra money I save?

[disneysteve]

I would have numerous hiding places for cash here at our house that it would take someone along time to find where I hid it away.

The problem that arises with this is if you are the only person who knows the hiding places and something happens to you, that money could be gone. I've read many stories over the years of contractors renovating a house and discovering stashes of cash behind paneling, under carpet, in ductwork, etc. Sometimes it belonged to the homeowner. Sometimes it belonged to a prior occupant.

So if you're going to stash a large amount of cash, at least have some trusted friend or professional (like your accountant or attorney) who knows about it in case something happens to you.

[FLA]

I wonder why you can't put cash in safe deposit boxes?

[disneysteve]

I wonder why you can't put cash in safe deposit boxes?

I'm sure it has to do with criminal activity and money laundering concerns. The same reason that cash transactions of 10K or more require a special report to be filed.

[Gailete]

The problem that arises with this is if you are the only person who knows the hiding places and something happens to you, that money could be gone. I've read many stories over the years of contractors renovating a house and discovering stashes of cash behind paneling, under carpet, in ductwork, etc. Sometimes it belonged to the homeowner. Sometimes it belonged to a prior occupant.

So if you're going to stash a large amount of cash, at least have some trusted friend or professional (like your accountant or attorney) who knows about it in case something happens to you.

Of course, I was thinking of hiding things from non-family burglers. If you can't trust your family, hiding cash in your home is the last place you should be hiding it.

[~bs]

if you filed for divorce already, weren't all assets already declared, and the divorce settlement/agreement factored in all of this? so shouldn't your EF not matter? Unless you're telling us that you didn't disclose the EF, in which case I believe it's breaking the law, and you would need to ensure that he doesn't find out about it, or you'll be in big trouble.

[FLA]

at the last court appearance I had to disclose all my financials and my EF was smaller. We then negotiated out of court and I kept saving during that time. We reached an agreement that did not require updated financials. My lawyer said there's nothing illegal about having the money just if the ex knows about it, he will go after it with both barrels blasting. I was always a good saver and my ex knows that but I don't think he knows I can still save even on this little income.

[msomnipotent]

Any time I traveled with extra cash on hand and no real decent place to squirrel it away on the trip, I would tuck it in a box of sanitary napkins as I figure most guy burglers would have a psychological dread of touching THAT STUFF.

I would have numerous hiding places for cash here at our house that it would take someone along time to find where I hid it away. Since I don't have a large amount of cash that needs hidden, I don't need to hide anything. Temporary small amounts can go in our safe if needed. When new it had a 3 year warranty, but that is long over. Apparently if high heat from a fire gets to it, something in the closing melts and protects the contents from the fire itself burning them up.

I use fake tampons to sneak booze into venues. I have to try to get in the lines with guys checking the bags because a woman would know the size isn't proper. I've noticed that the men seem almost afraid to look at them, and I'm hoping it is because they are thinking, "Eww, tampons!" and not, "OMG. She really needs a tampon that big???"

I also had numerous hiding places, but my husband would get a panicky call at work every 3 months from me because I have memory issues. Now I just have 2 really good spots.

[~bs]

at the last court appearance I had to disclose all my financials and my EF was smaller. We then negotiated out of court and I kept saving during that time. We reached an agreement that did not require updated financials. My lawyer said there's nothing illegal about having the money just if the ex knows about it, he will go after it with both barrels blasting. I was always a good saver and my ex knows that but I don't think he knows I can still save even on this little income.

Thank you for providing the information. That makes sense and would explain why the EF is an ongoing matter.

As far as not being able to keep the cash in safe deposit - you could deposit it in safe deposit, even though you might not be supposed to. It's not like a bank rep is standing behind you watching you deposit the money into the box, and I'm sure you're not handling the money in the open where it would be easily discovered.

Also you should probably see what the penalties are for breaking the SD rules. I mean, contents are already not insured or protected by the bank, so not sure what they could do other than forcing you to close your account and tell the authorities if you have contents that are illegal like drugs or whatever. But there really would be no way for them to discover that unless they somehow obtain a court order to execute a search warrant on your box.

Neither is a good option, but I would keep cash in a SD box versus at home in any sort of safe. And there is no such thing as a "fireproof" safe unless you're burying the cash or something.

[FLA]

as for the legalities of the EF, I have to hope we keep negotiating any future disputes over education costs then I shouldn't have to disclose it. We have in our agreement that we will cover the costs of a 4 yr state education up to age 26, so I have 8 more years of dealing with this EF. It would really suck watching him just buy a new car, travel all over the place and spend freely while I am struggling mightily to build this EF only to lose it to him down the road. I think each of us paying 20% of our respective incomes is fair, taking my EF, not so much. I am very lucky that he did not go after my retirement because I funded that well considering I was a single mom nurse.

[Gailete]

Money you earned post divorce or SAVE should be a moot point as long as you fork over your 20% of your recorded earnings. Don't know what the two of you did for a living, other than you being a nurse, but when I was still working as a nurse, I would have found it impossible to help fund 4 years of college for two kids. I would have never been able to agree to that, but then my ex had no interest in the boys going to college so he wouldn't have fought for that. The only slip thing we had to do was he had to maintain the boys health insurance like he had been doing all along at no charge and then any medical bill over and above with insurance paid we had to split. The only time it came up was for the youngest ones braces.

Earning does not equal savings so if it comes down to your income, all you have to show him is copies of work comp checks, paychecks, etc. same as he shows you. Do you get to see what he is saving and or spending/wasting on wine, women, etc.? I was so glad the day my kids graduated and that tie was broken and then a few years ago he moved to FL and I thought he wouldn't be part of my life anymore - nope he comes up here for the summer and harasses my youngest into doing stuff with him every Saturday as he never found friends of his own.

This must be so stressful for you and I'm sorry to hear it!

[~bs]

^
That was my impression earlier in the thread. But the problem as I understand it is the negotiations were done and continuing to be done out of court. even if the divorce was done in the court room, the parties have a right to revisit the issue (I think) if circumstances change or they feel its necessary.

A growing EF, recent lottery winning, promotions, etc have no bearing on the amount currently being due from each party. BUT if he finds out about the large ef or other savings, he may choose to insist that she pay more based on ability. if she refuses, and they are at impasse, then it may go back into a court room.

[FLA]

exactly ~bs

we wouldn't even be in this situation as most couples don't put college in their divorce proceedings from what I understand but my ex is 15 yrs older than me and the divorce was contentious. My lawyer and I thought he would retire come time for college and say he was paying nothing so we made the agreement to each pay half of a state school. Very foolish move on my part.

[james.hendrickson]

Keeping that amount off the book isn't a bad idea. I bet Ex did do some dirty games in between just as you did, and perhaps you are yet to find out.
That been said, You should no longer bother bringing out the money or investing it in a public financial institution because that will bring you out and you may be in trouble since you had intentional hid it before now.
Look for something under the mark and invest.

Ah, its never a good idea to hide your assets in these kinds of situations, it's almost certainly illegal.

[Gailete]

Ah, its never a good idea to hide your assets in these kinds of situations, it's almost certainly illegal.

Money she has saved following the divorce shouldn't be illegal in the least. If it was then couples would constantly be going after each other every time one thought the other had some assets that they wanted. I know my ex sure would have - he would come after me now if he could just because I have money in the bank now. All he wanted from the divorce was money and as much as possible. The problem here is these negotiations that have taken place outside the courtroom and without legal help. I was married for a short time to a guy with a son that the ex-wife had custody of. Right before we got married he was 'oh by the way I talked to X and since I'm getting married again she wanted more child support so I'll be giving her $500/month' not instead of what it had been. Now what did marrying me have to do with his child support payment? Absolutely nothing. He wasn't my child and I had no legal reason to help support him and his dad's income hadn't gone up. They didn't do this through the court but a verbal agreement between them. Next thing I know I'm paying $500/month to her for this kid. The dad's income was a lot less than what he told me he was making and he was much more in debt than he had told me. So to meet the child support payment, I ended up having to tap all my savings! I ended up broke and then next thing I knew he was coming to live with us and because yet again dad didn't want to rock the boat and have her take him back making us have to pay the support again, he didn't insist on anything from her. Three times in about 2 1/2 years she sent $500 for clothes and what not! She had no intention of taking him back and I bet she would have gladly paid us $1000/month to keep him as she got remarried and moved to England. I later found out that she had a savings account in his name with around $50K in it. Most likely all the support money from over the years. She had a good job and didn't need the money. When he came to live with us, he didn't even have enough clothing to fill a suitcase! Very frustrating. But the point being. Doing things out of court makes things cut and dried and none of this nonsense that exes pull on each other.

This poster seems to be in similar situation. In an attempt to keep costs down, etc. they have been negotiating in 'good faith' but it doesn't sound like things are being divided fairly. Every time they go through these patches is yet more chances to end up having something cost you far more than it should. Just like the QDRO that should have been handled at the time of the actual divorce. Someone's lawyer sounds like they weren't batting for the home team (a problem I had - he wouldn't speak up for me and wouldn't allow me to speak). I got rid of him-the lawyer- and took my ex back to court without a lawyer and won my case - legally. I really hope this all works out for you, but I strongly suggest that you get a decent lawyer involved.

[FLA]

we negotiated this last installment for the first time without having to go to court. We agreed we each will pay 20% of our income towards college. He is paying more because state school tuition is free if you work in the state for 4 years after graduation, we felt Claire could easily find work in NY state, he did not so he is paying extra by his own choice, around 6k a yr. But if he knew I had an emergency fund, even though I have every right to have it, he would go through the roof. This divorce has been ride or die for 14 yrs. He takes me to court for the stupidest things. I settled with him to pay 20% of my income towards college even though my lawyer said a judge may very well say I earn so little I don't have to pay anything, I didn't want to risk a judge touching my retirement. I have every legal right to the EF, I'm just worried my ex would find a way to get his hands on it if it was in a bank acct. Paranoid, perhaps, I've just been dragged to court over lesser things, and court is not cheap.