identity theft?

[FLA]

Bear with me here, this is long. a few weeks ago $300 went missing from my wallet when I went to deposit it at the bank. Since I don't go out much there were only a few scenarios that could have occurred.

I only pay cash at one MD, so I had only accessed the cash section of my wallet once in the 2 weeks prior to discovering the money gone. The section holds bills folded in half so I have to take the whole roll off to peel off one bill. I have been known to drop some of the money in the past. So that may have happened there.

Over the past few years, I could never be sure because I only carry $100 in cash for that one MD and for emergences, i don't count it routinely until I need more. Anyway, it would seem like small amounts were missing, between $20-50, but I was never sure. And that could've only been DD (maybe wanting money for something but she knows to just ask me) or the cleaning lady who has become a dear family friend. I trust both of them and I am not 100% sure it was happening.

the last person it could be is someone from my mom's Palliative Care Team. But they have to cross the house by opening a loud doggy gate and I do not remember having gone out without my purse.

So that's that with the $300. Then yesterday I called the United Way for tax prep, they said bring SS card to appt. I keep a big ziplock bag with all crucial documents pertaining to me and the kids in a desk drawer so I can grab it in an emergency. Went through the whole thing yesterday, my SS card was not there. Now because I'm having memory issues, short term and long term, I may have been the one to take that out of there and not replaced it. But I cannot, with my broken brain, think of any time I may have needed it. Also, I have not needed a single document that is in there in over 5 yrs, so my card could've been gone for years. So it could've been stolen now or totally not. The bag is not obvious as to its contents and it would take time to find it and then quite a while to go through each piece of paper. So DD ruled totally out, very, very unlikely that it was cleaning lady, and the Palliative Care person would've needed quite a long time in my room. My mom swears they have never gone through the doggy gate to the main section of the house.

then today I got an email from Discover that there were likely fraudulent charges. This has happened at least 4 times in the last 3 yrs and it's always been a problem on their end, not that my card was stolen and they think that is what happened again.

So this was terrible timing for Discover because now I'm wondering if I am about to become a victim of identity theft. I immediately checked my credit report. It is perfect, 46 pages (!) and not one piece of data erroneous. No one has tried to obtain a loan or cc in my name.

what do you think? The obvious person, the one who spends large amts of time in my room alone is the cleaning lady. But I just cannot picture her doing that, she has become a family friend, especially to my mom, she does tons of stuff for her for free. She comes to visit and have dinner. But also the missing card and money could totally have been me and I just don't have the memory to retrieve what I did. And the Discover thing has happened so many times before, the timing could just be a coincidence. I really do not want to get a new SS #, I wouldn't begin to know who to give that info to and doing it in an organized fashion would be hard with my short term memory.

I want to let a month go by, vigilantly watch credit card balances, then request a second credit report and see is anything has been opened in my name. Also, I am going to initiate putting a freeze on any new credit or loan attempts. Reasonable?

[FLA]

put a security freeze on anyone opening credit or requesting my report. This will delay me opening credit or getting a loan and it will delay companies that legitimately access my credit report but worth it for peace of mind

took 5 mins and is free in NY

[FLA]

so I decided to ask a neutral party who sees my mental status day and day out. My father thinks I could easily have put money from Christmas ($200 out of the $300 missing) somewhere besides my wallet for depositing and I just think I put it in my wallet. I make mistakes daily thinking I have done something and I have not. Since it has not shown up, he thinks I may have thrown it away with the cards.

As for SS card, he said if I haven't needed anything in there for over 5 yrs, how can I possibly say it's just been stolen? Could've happened but remote.

And the fraud on Discover has happened to him as well.

He totally trusts the cleaning lady with no hesitation. He doesn't think DD would be brazen enough to take all of the $300 in my wallet. And as for the Palliative care team, since he drives me everywhere, he says he cannot remember a time I did not have my purse with me and he has not heard them cross the doggy gate.

I guess he's right. I often don't cop to how bad my memory is or I don't even realize sometimes how bad it is. That's his 2 cents

Everything is in a safe now.

[msomnipotent]

I also have memory deficit issues and this sort of thing drives me nuts. I once lost my driver's license and SS card. I always keep the license in my wallet and the card in a safe. Always. I tore my house apart looking for them and had to replace them. A month later, I found them in our scanner/printer. I still have no idea why I needed to scan them or how long ago I did it. I now force myself to put everything back in the correct place right away. It takes me twice as long to do things, but it has really cut down on problems. I get stares at stores because I can't move away from the cashier until everything is in my wallet where it should be or my money will be everywhere.

While it is very possible that it was just you and not the cleaning woman, don't rule her out. There are a few people in my family that are as nice as can be, and I would trust them to take care of my own child. I just wouldn't leave any temptations where they can get them. They don't even think of it as stealing, so they have no problems looking you in the eye. They just assume that because they did something extra for you, they should get something extra and they take it. Although I really think one of them is an actual kleptomaniac, which is totally different. Did you ask your daughter and cleaning woman if they saw the money or SS card? How did they react?

In the mean time, definitely put a freeze on your credit as someone else has suggested. I wouldn't worry about the credit card as long as it is in your possession. Several of my credit cards were hacked this year, including two that never leave the house and one that hasn't been used in over a year. And if you don't have specific places already to keep things, decide where they will go and make a list. I have to write everything down. I buy a huge quantity of the little flip-top note pads during the back to school sales and keep one in each coat pocket and my purse, with a pen.

[FLA]

Discover is sending a card with a new number. I just remembered I have a purse that has slots for a bunch of credit cards that are anti-RFID so someone can't just walk by me and get the CC info.

I asked DD if she saw the money and she sarcastically said, "if you left $300 lying around, I would've taken it." The way she responded is how she responds when she is not guilty of something she is being asked about. I really don't think she'd have the guts to take all of it.

I did not ask the cleaning lady but I think I might because she does my parents' laundry so I can say, "did you see a wad of cash or a SS card in the washer or dryer? I can't find them." I can't ask her in any way that sounds accusing because she does so much for my parents', they would be furious if I caused a rift.

It's been a year and usually I am too proud to adjust things to eliminate memory being a problem. Like using pill boxes so I can be sure I took my meds. As a nurse, I filled patients pills boxes for decades, I remembered the pills of every patient on my caseload and was rarely wrong, I had a very good memory. I did not want to resort to pill boxes but eventually I had to because I really could not remember if 10 mins ago I had done them or I just thought I did. After starting the pill boxes, now when I don't know if I did them but am pretty certain I did, I just look at the pill box. And 8 out of 10 times, I have NOT taken them. It appalls me that my brain can trick me into thinking yup, you just did them when I totally have not. So I am starting to write important stuff down and doing other various tricks for things I can't remember. Like at 10p, when I realize I have no idea if I ate that day, now, pathetically, it's written down. I hate doing this stuff but I realized starting with the meds that I was being unsafe.

thanks for your advice

[Nutria]

While it is very possible that it was just you and not the cleaning woman, don't rule her out. There are a few people in my family that are as nice as can be, and I would trust them to take care of my own child.

Remember the old saying: you can only betray those who trust you.

[snafu]

I've one CC that contacts me at least twice a year about possible fraudulent use of card that causes upset but turns out ok. The last time I was so distressed, I cut up the card and find excuses to avoid shopping there.

In my experience, missing cards or money always turned up in inexplicable places. I now have a rigid routine for cash and CCs. Need to do better with library card because it pops up when I'm checking pockets for wash.

[msomnipotent]

A pill box is on this week's shopping list for me. I will probably forget to take the list with me, which happens a lot because I don't have the discipline to put the list in my purse right away. I only have to take Humira and Vitamin D, but I can't remember to take them unless I wake up and wonder why am I so sore today? I decided to take Humira on my husband's pay days, and I mark it on a calendar, and I still forget sometimes. It has been a little over 3 years since my last accident, and I still have more adjusting to do. Having an appointment is starting to unnerve me. I will make the appointment, call my husband to ask him to remind me, write it on a calendar, put it in my phone, and then constantly remind myself to set the timer on the stove for when I need to leave. Then sometimes I will wonder who turned the timer on, turn it off and go right back to whatever I was doing. I had to stop volunteering for my daughter's school parties because I was terrified of forgetting to show up. I have been doing brain games on Lumosity, but I'm not really sure they are helping at all.

Asking her about the laundry is a good idea. Maybe ask her if she found any lint that could have been a SS card because you think you might have left it in your pocket, along with some money you can't find. I tried to ask our house sitter, who is a friend of my sister, about my credit cards the first time they were hacked. She had her boyfriend that I never met and some friends over while we were gone a few days before the charges appeared, so I just asked her if anyone was in the room I keep them in. It caused a bit of an uproar and I probably should have been sneakier about asking her. And I thought the way one of my sisters were so defensive about it made her a suspect. But I realized the second time it happened that it wasn't happening on my end because I had everything locked down and didn't use them. I still don't know how they got the new numbers, but it has to be the company's problem.

[FLA]

we sound like we are in similar boats. I have an online calendar, it's in my phone, I set alerts for time specific things, I put post its on the BR mirror, I have a paper calendar, I tell the people who drive me and I still can miss an MD appt. God help me if I put a date on the post it note because I never, ever know what the date is and often not the day. It's so frustrating but I keep plugging away hoping it will get better if I try harder.

I was thinking of Luminosity until I got sent for IQ and memory testing. That was so upsetting, I decided I really don't need memory games online reminding me my dog probably has better memory than me, lol

Eventually, I am going to re-read Oliver Sachs' books about the strange neuro things that can happen to people, like the book titled The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. At least I'm not that guy!

[msomnipotent]

My memory seemed to keep getting worse, but now it seems to be getting better. Or maybe I am just adapting more. There are a few pluses. I can sit for hours waiting for an appointment and not complain, because I don't notice the time passing. And I used to be able to recall the exact time, place, words used, and what we were wearing when my husband or I said something. Now we argue a lot less. I still hate it when I ask him to remind me to do something, and he will absentmindedly say, "OK, just remind me.".

[Nutria]

My memory seemed to keep getting worse, but now it seems to be getting better. Or maybe I am just adapting more. There are a few pluses. I can sit for hours waiting for an appointment and not complain, because I don't notice the time passing. And I used to be able to recall the exact time, place, words used, and what we were wearing when my husband or I said something. Now we argue a lot less. I still hate it when I ask him to remind me to do something, and he will absentmindedly say, "OK, just remind me.".

Do you have a smartphone? If so, maybe an alarm app with a notes feature (so that you know why you set the alarm) would help.

[FLA]

I can sit for hours waiting for an appointment and not complain, because I don't notice the time passing. .

this is so true, lol

I can't keep up fully with the election, something I loved and would hotly debate. Oddly finding this sort of peaceful

[ua_guy]

I noticed you mentioned Luminosity, and I've heard good and bad things about it. Mostly that research seems to suggest that any gains are temporary (as in, while you are playing their online games, but no lasting effects?), and the memory-jogging it does is indistinguishable from any other mentally-taxing task, as are the temporary gains in cognitive ability.

As for the money and SS card, it seems like you have logical explanations for how they could have gone missing, but that you haven't entirely ruled out theft.

Maybe casually leave $20 somewhere that the house cleaner would see, but where it's is mostly out of sight, somewhere the house cleaner might think you've forgotten about it. See if it moves or disappears over the course of a couple of weeks. I don't think of it as a setup, but rather validation that the house cleaner is doing the other part of her job, which is having integrity while in your home.

[FLA]

that's a good idea. She comes tomorrow.

I already tested DD, even though I am sure it's not her. I left her alone for a long time in my BR. I had $100 in small bills in my wallet, I bunched the purse up in a way I would notice if it was disturbed. Nothing happened.