Should married couples have joint or separate accounts?

[kork13]

I agree more that it depends on the couple. As long as it works & both people are comfortable with whatever arrangement is in place, it's a good one. In general, I do think that most things should be joint, but I also like the idea of having a small, semi-private (still visible to & accessible by your partner) account that each individual can use for strictly personal expenditures. Basically, an account for each person's monthly spending allowance, if you give yourselves something like that. While I totally agree that marriage needs to be a melding of two individuals, they still remain individuals with individual interests & pursuits. Having separate pots of money to devote to those personal interests is a reasonable way to go.

My parents operated that way (each keeping a personal spending account beyond the joint accounts for everything else) in order to alleviate contention about what each other spent on personal items, hobbies, or whatever they enjoyed individually... My mother was a collector, so she bought baskets, figurines & beanie babies out of her side-pot, while my father would use it for eating out for lunch, electronics, and fantasy baseball/football. Neither one really agreed with or totally understood the desire to spend time/money on the other's expenses, but they learned to accept them. By funding those individual exploits from a personal account, it helped alot to stave off meaningless disagreements over insignificantly minor money issues.

So as I said, it depends on the couple. I'm getting married later this year, and though we haven't discussed this issue specifically, we'll figure out what we're both comfortable with, and implement it. Whatever solution works for you is a good option.

[Aristippus]

My thoughts: it all depends on what your relationship is like.

Obviously, one thinks "marriage" and thinks of two people united as one -- so their finances should be, too, right? Ours are -- but they weren't always. That's just what works for us right now.

By contrast, some married couples are very independent even in marriage, and for them separate finances work fine. We have friends like this -- and they are as happily married as any other friends we have.

There's also the "yours, mine, and ours" approach, which my wife and I used early on -- we had a kitty of household expenses to which we both contributed, then kept the rest of our incomes to use as we chose. This worked for us for a long time; we gave it up only when my wife was unemployed for a while and it made no sense (there was no "hers"). A word of advise on this one: if you're going to split finances this way, it works best if contribution to the "ours" pot should be proportionate to income (i.e., if you make $60k/year and hubby makes $40k, you should be contributing 60% of the household expenses).

But here's the bottom line, and it took me a long time to realize it: a household financial scheme cannot exist independent of your overall relationship. You have to be honest about who you both are, how you relate to each other, how much you trust each other, how much you do and don't like to share, etc. These can be hard, even painful questions, especially for newlyweds. But your personal finance schemes have to be right for you, and they can't be unless you are 100% confident you know who you are.

[MonkeyMama]

My parents operated that way (each keeping a personal spending account beyond the joint accounts for everything else) in order to alleviate contention about what each other spent on personal items, hobbies, or whatever they enjoyed individually... My mother was a collector, so she bought baskets, figurines & beanie babies out of her side-pot, while my father would use it for eating out for lunch, electronics, and fantasy baseball/football. Neither one really agreed with or totally understood the desire to spend time/money on the other's expenses, but they learned to accept them. By funding those individual exploits from a personal account, it helped alot to stave off meaningless disagreements over insignificantly minor money issues.

I don't personally understand why one would need to over-complicate things with separate accounts though. My spouse and I certainly both have areas of spending that we don't agree on. But, we also realize we are two different people and allow each other our splurges. We have the exact same mentality (as above) except fund these things from our joint accounts.

& I understand maybe that was less complicated for them. I just don't know if it really matters if it's separate or joint accounts, except for accounting purposes. Doesn't really mean much otherwise.

Or maybe I am just trying to say just because you have a joint account doesn't mean that you have to 100% agree with every little purchase. We are two people who share resources. Our marriage would be doomed if we didn't acknowledge our differences.

[scfr]

Do you think that married couples should have joint or separate banking accounts? How do you split the finances in your family? What is the biggest issue with how you split the finances? Would you do things differently if you had a do-over?

I too believe that there is not one right way to do it, and each couple should do what works for them. In my marriage, many accounts are joint. Some accounts that are single:
- Retirement accounts (IRAs, 401Ks, etc) simply because they can't be joint
- Smarty Pig account - again, joint accounts weren't allowed (I opened the account ... DH knows about it and is welcome to open an account of his own)
- Accounts that we have opened singly to get bank bonuses ... by each opening an account we doubled the bonuses

So, even though my husband & I believe in joint accounts, there are occasions where having single accounts are legally required or just make more sense.

We certainly have had differences of opinion that we have had to hash out, but I still wouldn't do anything differently. In 21 years together we have learned to accept & even respect each others' differences. I accept (up to a certain point) his spending on golf equipment; he accepts (up to a certain point) me wanting top-quality vet care for our pets.

I believe that more important than the ownership status of your accounts are trust, transparency, communication, and teamwork.

[MonkeyMama]

@scfr - very well said.

I think sometimes we get questions in the forums where the accounts are separate because there is not trust, or because people actually think they can live 99 % like they are single, though they are married. & it's hard to imagine how those marriages will ever work for the long run. Which I think is a lot of the feeling overall that "accounts have to be joint to work". But, I personally don't think it's how the accounts are held that really matters. Just the general teamwork and attitude.

In addition to all of the above, it's wise to be mindful of state laws. Wanting to keep things separate is one thing. The legality of doing so may be another thing.

[YLTL_Dan]

We combine finances. Here's why:

1. You get on the same page with short-term and long-term financial goals
2. It forces you to discuss the hard topics
3. Financial infidelity (hiding purchases) is still infidelity
4. How will you split your finances if you have kids? Only pay for the one you like most?

[jaynorth]

Doesn't matter

It really doesn't matter that you have joint or separate accounts. What matters is your understanding and financial skill. Is it necessary for married couple to have same toothbrush? of course not! but they share a lot of things. So, this is completely up to them.

[figuringmoneyout]

Do you think that married couples should have joint or separate banking accounts? How do you split the finances in your family? What is the biggest issue with how you split the finances? Would you do things differently if you had a do-over?

It really depends on the couple and their values and their goals. I've seen successful couples do it both ways. When I was part of a couple we had separate accounts and a joint account and that worked well. Splitting things wasn't an issue because we considered all the money to be our money even if it was in different accounts. I find honesty and openness is really what is needed with this.

[snafu]

b2b, is this series of questions a school assignment?