giving financial tips

**MoneyTips4U** · 05-11-2013, 06:31 PM

Work hard, play hard. The question is, how much are your friends "working" to take care of their financial matters?

**Gailete** · 05-15-2013, 02:39 PM

Spending 4% of their income on boating lessons. Do they have a boat? Is that on the agenda before the car and school loans are paid? It is obviously their choice for how they want to spend their money, but I can't comprehend it.

It would probably be different if she had said that they had saved up for three years to do this, but LESSONS imply something more will be happening on this front!

**shaggy** · 05-15-2013, 03:53 PM

IMO it's a bit unrealistic to think you can convince another person of the wisdom of living frugally.

My best friend died of a heart attack at 42 and hadn't done many of the things he wanted to do. You have to have some balance in saving vs spending, and perhaps what your friend is doing works for her psychologically. Bottom line, if she's not going to be asking you for a loan, it's best to leave her be.

**disneysteve** · 05-15-2013, 04:31 PM

I think the reason so many of us feel so comfortable at this site is because we are with like-minded people. Out in the real world, most people aren't like us. They live beyond their means. They are in debt up to their eyeballs. They are saving little if anything for the future. That, unfortunately, is the norm, and trying to convince anyone otherwise is futile. Until someone crashes and burns, they usually aren't ready or willing to listen to another way to do things.

**Jerry91** · 05-15-2013, 09:44 PM

It is very difficult to convince someone when the person thinks that he/she is right in doing what they are actually doing. Unless they get a jerk, they won�t realise that spending money on such luxury items can actually lead them to further problems. They could have easily applied the $4k money toward the husbands graduate school loans and car loan or save it for their kids. They wasted a good opportunity to lower their own debts.

**Gailete** · 05-16-2013, 04:57 AM

I can even understand a couple in that income bracket using $4K for a vacation as all their friends and co-workers probably do, but taking boating lessons implies that they will be BUYING a boat and what do they cost these days? I bet if they do they will find that all the associated costs, etc. they won't have cash money to fuel it up (out will come the cc)! That is how it feeds itself. At least a vacation is over and done with.

**disneysteve** · 05-16-2013, 05:31 AM

Originally posted by Gailete View Post

I can even understand a couple in that income bracket using $4K for a vacation as all their friends and co-workers probably do, but taking boating lessons implies that they will be BUYING a boat

I wouldn't be so sure. Perhaps they plan to rent a boat for a vacation. I've got info tucked away in our travel files about companies that rent boats for family vacations. I'd like to do that one of these days. I'm sure we would take some type of boat training class before doing something like that since I don't know the first thing about operating a boat or troubleshooting if something goes wrong while we're out in the middle of nowhere (though 4K does sound kind of steep).

**Gailete** · 05-16-2013, 05:59 AM

(though 4K does sound kind of steep).

I guess that is why I presume that a boat is in the offing. I too think that is steep for learning something unless they intend to make a lot of use of the lessons. My potential vacation file is pretty empty at this point. I'm happy to be able to sit and read a book, thank goodness! Although Australia has been calling out to me since I was a child. Lots of great crafters out there and many of the best sewing and quilting magazines come from Oz if you can find them and afford them!

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 05-16-2013, 07:03 AM

The plan is to buy a 36 ft sailboat for $150k and take out a loan to do it. Yep. Nevermind they only put down 10% on their primary residence. Nevermind they may still have car loans, student loans, and aren't paying for their kids college.

The $4k is to get certified to learn how to sail. Then they still have to pay to practice sailing and thats for 2 weekends so $1k per person each for 2 weekends. Then a third course for another $1k each for a weekend. The $150k boat? Well that's another $1k/month docking and then winterizing then maintenance and taxes.

No she asked me if we wanted to share a house in VT for a week at the rate of $2k/week (so $4k total rent!) As they are already sharing one week with her sister. I was like are you nuts? They are spending another $2k on vacationing not including gas, food, etc. I said no way I spend at most $100/night typically closer to $50 on a hotel.

Yeah they just spend and spend and spend. She can't afford to stay home with her two kids because they can't live off her husbands income! Because they still have student and car loans!

They spend money like it's water, who spends $2k on a week vacation rental when you still owe on your student loans, car, and didn't even put down 20% on a house? Seriously? And honestly she's working for NOTHING. Daycare costs for their 3 year old $15k/year and their 6 month old probably around $18k/year = $33k/year.

She leaves all the finances to her DUMMY husband. I say that because no way can he do math. But he's a narcissist who only thinks about his dreams. She's a teacher who told me "My DH says I gross $500/month more than daycare. If I don't work we wouldn't have any fun money."

I am going to guess they also have credit card debt since part of their retirement plan is to inherit money, they've renovated their house and gotten $30k from his parents, and asked their parents for part of their inheritance now so they can enjoy life.

This on top of her husband is "saving" to retire at 55. Um I have no idea how he plans or calculates that on happening. Likely he'll retire and she'll keep on working.

**Gailete** · 05-16-2013, 07:14 AM

They are NUTS! Sailboats that expensive are for people in the $500K+ at least category. When you count the loan payments, docking fees, lessons fees, party fees for impressing friends, winterizing fees (at least boats out here near Lake Erie get some sort of form fitting tarp before the snow hits). And then there is the babysitting costs because you would have to be crazy to take little ones that small out on a sailboat with parents that are raw beginners as opposed to people that have been sailing since they could help raise the sails. I'm assuming that they didn't since they are having to take so many expensive lessons. The last place toddlers belong is in a sailboat.

I can guarantee that they won't be looking at retirement at 55 for sure. Although if all the boat money was sent directly to retirement savings they might have a chance.

**NetSkyBlue** · 05-16-2013, 07:20 AM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

She's a teacher who told me "My DH says I gross $500/month more than daycare. If I don't work we wouldn't have any fun money."

And this person with a complete lack of financial skills or responsibility is teaching children? Good luck, next generation.

**phantom** · 05-16-2013, 08:28 AM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

They spent $4k on two weekends of boating lessons. They make around &100k jointly a year. But then we were talking about college and she says we aren't saving for our daughters college educations when I say that is one year coverdell contributions for their two girls. Okay fine. But then she says oh we are still paying off her husbands graduate school loans and car loan. Again I couldn't help but say that $4k would go a long way to playing off debt. Mind you this friends had her college and wedding paid for and her husband had his undergraduate paid for.

What I want to know is how your friend reacted when you said those things. Did she get mad and defend the boat lessons? Did she give you credit for having a point?

As long as you can keep your advice friendly and avoid angering your friend to the point where she blocks out what you say, I think it makes sense to try to show her that some of her financial challenges could be tackled more easily with some different choices. You don't have to convince her to completely change her lifestyle in one talk, but planting some seeds can help.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 05-16-2013, 10:18 AM

Oh the boat needs to be winterized where we live too. They leave their kids with parents so no babysitting fees. Nope they haven't ever sailed really.

Phantom I didn't say that about the $4k although I did say that was a lot for a vacation rental. I didn't know she had debt when she was taking the sailing lessons. I thought cool you are paying cash. But then when she said they still had debts then I rolled my eyes.

I figured that people who were doing something so expensive would be debt free. I have pointed out that it's a not a good idea to take out a mortgage to buy a boat. But she replied it's like buying a second home. I also pointed out that buying a second home and taking out more debt isn't the best idea. She said they bought a cheaper home to be able to afford a boat. I pointed out that buying a home and needing two incomes is not usually a good idea.

She said they just don't make enough money to afford to live on one income and buy a home etc. I think the more important word is they arent' willing to make compromises or make sacrifices to live within their true means.

**Blessed** · 05-16-2013, 11:23 AM

Unfortunately we know people like that also. What gets me is the complains about how they can't afford preschool or whatever because of all the silly things they do and buy. I don't even give advice anymore. I'll hear how lucky I am blah blah blah. I'll explain how we have done things to let me be primarily SAHM the last 18 years and be very comfy at it. So many things are met with " I couldn't do that! that is too hard!I couldn't shop there etc! " I've never ever said it but I always think " enjoy being constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul and worry about $ for the rest of your life!"

giving financial tips