Personal finance problems from another forum

[Nika]

I am on babycenter forums, and things I see there with regards to personal finance make my mind boggle. It seems that everyone is on assistance, everyone is constantly pregnant, and most of the time the first advice any woman will get when talking about any financial problems is "go apply for more assistance".
And they are all "supportive" of each other by saying that whatever the poster doing is OK and it will all work out.

Just one of the posts from yesterday:

My husband and I are struggling financially. We were doing ok, but now we have the car payment, ring payment, and ob payments. My MIL keeps saying my SIL will take the ring and take over payments, but why would I give up my wedding ring. My MIL insisted on my husband getting this ring and said she would put it on her account. It is making me angry they are all about money and don't care if they upset or hurt anyone. She is insisting that we sell our guns to be able to make payments, but why would I give up my family's protection and especially with the election coming and not knowing what direction these laws are going. Our account might go neg today and we will be charged 30 for every check that is about to go through! I can't go back to work because of my husband's work sch and he wouldn't get to sleep. We plan to just pay the car off at tax time we only owe 2500. I just want everything to go ok, but I am just at a loss and soo stressed and it isn't going away. Advice please

Linky to this post:
Need to vent, advice please! No rude comments please. In-law probs | BabyCenter


Even more depressing, the replies tend to support the poster. (you could probably guess which one is mine). But normally posting advice along the line of thinking of SA forum would be like going to a Fox News forums and posting accurate information (may be accurate, but completely pointless exercise that would get you nothing but a sht storm).

[phantom]

Where's the outrage at the husband? I would kill my husband if I found out the ring he gave me was not actually his to give me, but something his mother had bought with money she didn't have either. Not that the mother and sister in law don't sound rude and insensitive, but the husband is the jerk who asked a girl to marry him with a false symbol of his ability to support her, and he's the main one to blame for putting her in a situation where she might need to give up her ring.

I imagine there are ways out of the mess without giving up the ring or even the guns, and I wouldn't suggest either without making sure there were no better options. The couple obviously needs to make some sacrifices, but it's not clear that they need to give up things that are so important to them.

I also find this bit of advice particularly unfortunate:

Everyone has late bills this is 2012 if your bills are not late then you have a few credit cards that are racked up, so don't fill like you are going to be judged because the people that are judging you have just as bad money problems! Things will turn around eventually, (key word) its not fun i know, but just realize that your not the only one :-)

I have to disagree that everyone has late bills and/or credit card debt. Maybe everyone who thinks that problems all go away on their own "eventually" does. But, people who actively try to fix their problems can certainly avoid late bills and credit card debt.

[BMEPhDinCO]

Wow, glad I'm not on that forum, I'd have a bump on my head from

And I agree that the reply that everyone has late bills in 2012 is quite disturbing, I guess I'm not normal, once again.

The most disturbing comment though, is needing the guns in case of how the election goes!! Are they planning on shooting all of us?!

And I agree with the reasonable comment (Nika) - give back or sell the ring, it's not her's anyway. Go to walmart and get a $30 ring. Quit paying for anyone else's bills and focus on their family.

Bet it won't happen though!

[MonkeyMama]

Wow!!!

It's kind of like watching a train wreck - I see why you would want to share on here.

When I was pregnant, a decade ago, I was awed by the sense of entitlement. The attitude was pretty much, if your employer or government wasn't going to help you, then you were screwed. Very few would help themselves. This was just the complete opposite of my very being - I don't *get* it. I didn't realize everyone owes me!

I found it even worse regionally/offline. Because we do have some good mandatory insurance benefits in California. The insurance is taken for granted and under-appreciated. Few utilize it because the "one week no pay" to get the benefits is too big a hurdle for most. Or it would was probably utilized, but with lots and lots of whining! For all the whiners, I often wondered how most would even survive in another state.

This just takes it to another level. I never saw anything quite this crazy.

[EEinNJ]

There's some pretty screwed up people out there, who make bad decisions about money & how they run their lives. Then, when things go badly, they want validation that they're OK, it's not their fault, and things will work out. That's not to dismiss that many are struggling through no fault of their own- but to say that's just the way it is for everybody is not reality.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

If that is representative of the ideas & attitudes in that forum, I would have to stay away.

I hate to think of people having so little ability to look with open eyes toward the future. Just to start with, why even accept a ring from a guy who could not afford it? Say yes to the marriage, no to the ring. If you did not know he could not actually afford the ring and that it was financed by his mother, then you did not know enough about him to marry him in the first place. Be rational even when --maybe especially when-- making decisions like who to marry and when to have a baby, buy a house, a car, etc.

Then, of course, try to get your personal finance advice from people with not just experience of troublesbut experience of handling their money well. "Everybody has money troubles, so don't let it bother you," is not helpful.

[Petunia 100]

I think this person's attitude is a side effect of the marketing which is so prevalent in our culture. Advertisers tell us we need this and that to be happy. Also, that we are entitled to the things we want so we should just run out and buy them. So people swallow the sales pitch, then make comments such as "everyone has late payments and/or racked up credit cards".

[Nika]

Her response:

First off, don't ask questions that aren't your business. I asked for advice, not nagging from a stranger who has no idea what is going on. We have paid her, she is wanting more than what is due so she can go blow it at the boat and on shopping because her husband won't support her bad habits. How do you protect your family? Do you think you can defend your family with a rock? Guns are used for self protection and sport in my family I grew up around them my whole life, sorry you can't seem to understand. My husband works nights so he has one and so do I. I am not selling my protection and right to bear arms so I can make a payment that is not needed right now. I am not sitting here hoping it will just go away THANK YOU! My husband works his a** off 70+ hrs a week and I babysit daily for multiple kids through our house. Thanks for trying, but all you accomplished was making me more angry about the situation bc you sound just like my SIL. Not trying to be rude, but I did ask for advice

I'm not sure it is worth it for me to respond -- it would just be a waste of my time.

[UnknownXV]

This is the effect of living on emotionally charged decisions, unfortunately. Lack of discipline, and lack of control over your own actions.

It's quite a shame.

I think this person's attitude is a side effect of the marketing which is so prevalent in our culture. Advertisers tell us we need this and that to be happy. Also, that we are entitled to the things we want so we should just run out and buy them. So people swallow the sales pitch, then make comments such as "everyone has late payments and/or racked up credit cards".

Most people do. I often wonder if everyone in the US and Canada that use credit cards without paying them off every month (since they're the main focus of marketing consumption) was tallied, what would the percentage be?

Much higher than I would like it to be, that's for certain.

It doesn't make it right though. That expression is odd. Oh don't worry, everyone has late bills and credit card debt, so it's okay. Well, if everyone took up the sport of rape and murder would that make it okay too?

It's faulty logic, looking to appease themselves over the situation they are in. It's alright.. it's not my fault. It's the President. It's the economy. It's aliens! THEY DID IT!

No one will admit... I am to blame.

[Wino]

Her response:


I'm not sure it is worth it for me to respond -- it would just be a waste of my time.

(Snarky comment to get under Nika's skin removed by Wino before posting it)

I would point out on the baby forum that getting a loan is giving your word that you'll abide by the terms and repay the money accordingly. If you don't pay according to schedule, your word is no good; you are a liar. If you then don't pay back the loan at all, you are also a thief.

Then, I'd sit back and watch the fireworks until I got banned.

[kv968]

I went to the website you provided and besides the original posting that you replied to, this "gem" of a response from another member also had me shaking my head:

"You need to live for yourself! I look at it this way I PAY THE BILLS IN MY HOUSE SO I CAN DECIDE WHAT I DO WITH MY MONEY my husbands mother has tried to tell us what to do like this before as well and finally my husband told her that its his money his problems not hers and to back off. Yes at first she was Pi**ed but she finally got over it. And also her name is on his car and that is one of our bills that kills us every month and sometimes its paid late but again unless she wants to have the car and the payment its not her problem! Just remember its you and your hubby not you and her!"

I can understand not wanting anyone meddling in your financial affairs, but here it sounds as if the MIL co-signed for the car. If that's the case and if they're consistantly late on the payments, then YES it is her problem. Makes me wonder sometimes...I guess that just goes to show, be careful what you co-sign for or just don't do it at all.

[jpg7n16]

If a $50-100 ring payment is causing you that much stress, you have larger budget issues.

Someone needs to learn about a budget.


I would say that if she were to post here, we could find her several hundred each month of other waste in her budget.

[seen]

Her response:


I'm not sure it is worth it for me to respond -- it would just be a waste of my time.

I wouldn't bother responding. To be fair, in context with her reply the title to that thread began with "Need to vent", so I think her request for "advice" was on how to deal with her relatives, not her finances.

And if she's not looking for help with her finances, nothing you say will stick.

[kv968]

I would say that if she were to post here, we could find her several hundred each month of other waste in her budget.

We probably could find hundreds wasted in her budget, but it sounds as if we did the poster is of the mindset that we'd be "getting into her business" and she doesn't need that. She just needs approval of whatever it is she's doing regardless of whether it's right or not.

It's the old "tell me what I want to hear" syndrome.

[Blessed]

Wow that really is a train wreck!!!