What is wrong with adult children living at home?

[Aristippus]

Here's our experience, which comes at this question in a different way:

My daughter moved home in May, after graduating from college. She already had a summer job lined up, and managed to find a great full-time job that started just two weeks after her summer gig ended. She's now making an above-average salary for someone with her qualifications (fresh out of school with a liberal arts degree) and has medical benefits and a 401k; she also has no debt. And she's still living at home.

She's talking about moving out soon, but it's actually my wife who's trying to talk her into staying. Here's why: my wife struggled to put herself through college and graduate school and spent years living incredibly close to the poverty line; she sees letting our daughter move back home as a gift we can give her, allowing her to build up savings for a couple of years before she heads out of the house (and probably off to grad school). Without having to spend on food or rent, she could probably save at least $1000/month (which she's currently doing), which means she could head out in a couple of years as a 25-year-old with $25k in the bank and a better start at life than either my wife or I had at 25.

[Bryan Cranston]

In itself, it's neither bad nor good. But the question is if it's by choice or by necessity. From here we can determine the state of the economy, because you can't blame this phenomenon on people's lack of self-reliance.

[siggy_freud]

I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. In some cases, yes, these 'adults' need to grow up, and move out. However, there are many cases where it can be a mutual, or even single-sided, but accepted, benefit.

Take my situation for example:

My GF and I have been together for about 5 years now. We lived apart after we graduated college, both at home, an hour apart. I got a job making a good salary in government, and paid rent. She went on to grad school, her parents didn't charge her rent to stay at home, as they were supporting her education, although the loans were her responsibility.

We moved in together (again, as we lived together in college) and lived in a place for about 6 months. Her parents then took a job on Cali, but wanted to keep there house in Oregon. Plus they had a dog they couldn't really take. So we moved into their home, and paid rent, albeit significantly reduced rent. Then, a month later, they decided to move back as they got an even better job offer where they could work from anywhere. They felt bad for making us move, especially because we put off living together for 5 months while they figured out where they'd be (as we didn't want to get a place, and then have them move and have to leave their house empty or rent to strangers).

So almost as a "thank you" they let us stay in their house rent free. It's a rather large house, so we all have our own space/level, we pay our own groceries, but other than that, it's a financial "free ride." The GF is finishing her grad program, and I'm taking the $800 or so a month that would go towards rent, and paying off student loans.

I don't feel bad, or like I'm taking advantage, as they enjoy our company very much, and enjoy that they're helping us get a head start on our finances. Once the GF is working, we'll probably stay there for a few more months so she can build up some cash, and pay off her credit card debt.

[chrisburke21]

I agree with the statements that this is predominately a stigma here in the US and most of the Western World. Many cultures it is quite the opposite.

[Like2Plan]

I agree with the statements that this is predominately a stigma here in the US and most of the Western World. Many cultures it is quite the opposite.

I don't think the situation would be looked upon favorably in other cultures either, if the kids were not working and contributing. I'm refering to the stereotypical kid living in the basement with no job and no desire to get one. Or, like Disneysteve described where the kid who has a job, but spends all the money on frivolous stuff while living off the parents (and the parents can't really afford it). I can't see any culture embracing that type of situation.

[sagremus]

I don't think the situation would be looked upon favorably in other cultures either, if the kids were not working and contributing. I'm refering to the stereotypical kid living in the basement with no job and no desire to get one. Or, like Disneysteve described where the kid who has a job, but spends all the money on frivolous stuff while living off the parents (and the parents can't really afford it). I can't see any culture embracing that type of situation.

That's not hte situation this post was about, in fact quite the opposite.

[Like2Plan]

That's not hte situation this post was about, in fact quite the opposite.

sagremus, I'm sorry, I thought your question was in reference to why there is a stigma of adult children living at home in the US when it is quite the norm in other cultures?
The point I'm trying to make is I don't think there would be such a stigma at all if the setup was like with your situation or like some of the other posters who responded to this thread.

[kalikala1980]

I was an adult child living at my gram's with my mom until several months ago. I DID NOT want to move back into my gram's house let alone with my mom, but like a lot of people, I was a victim of a lay off and living in California and only having unemployment as my only form of income, I had no choice. Luckily I have been back to work full-time for awhile now and am out of the house. Living with my mom again after being out of the house at 17 was very difficult and I have no desire to repeat that.

[esb3357]

Honestly I see both sides. As I have mentioned before my husband is military. I have seen/heard many wives moving back home with their parents.i understand the stigma but see another side. If I ever moved back to my parents house. I would be expected to pay rent and groceries as expectsx which is fine. On the other hand the amount of choirs I would be expected to do would greatly impact my earning ability.!,


On the other hand I found a great mother in law suite. I will pay $600 a month no house work other than my own and my rules. I guess my point is people who live at home probably participate in care giving and household chores more than they are given credit for. Yes if you inhabit you should help but its not a fair divide.

My parents have a 3,000 sqft of living space and a huge garden that inhabits much if their 1/2 of acre. When I was a kids most of.my chores consisted of the garden that was my mothers hobbyy. Honestly i *hate* gardening. So if i moved back in and helped with the house work and lawn mowing. On the other hand weeding amd maintaining her massive garden would tick me off. Thats her hobby not mind amd it would prevent me from earnkng money from a secosn job or even having hobbies

[nimisht]

I agree. There is nothing wrong with adult children living with parents as long as they contribute to their parents' lives in a positive way. So many children give up their careers to take care of ailing parents. The bond and memories are far more precious than rent and food.

[kaleida]

I'm puzzled about why anyone would want to live with their parents longer than necessary...privacy and space is worth so much more to me than a few hundred bucks a month.
Or maybe other people's parents are less nosy than mine are

[Fishindude77]

I'll be a bit controversial....if you're an adult...you have your own place.

If you're an overgrown child, you live at home



Couldn't have said it better.

[disneysteve]

This thread is 4 years old.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take notice before responding. Spammers love to dredge up old threads. I have no idea why but they do.

[Fishindude77]

What is the motivation behind coming to a forum like this and posting up a whole bunch of silly replies to threads?

[disneysteve]

What is the motivation behind coming to a forum like this and posting up a whole bunch of silly replies to threads?

I have absolutely no idea. If anyone can explain that to me, I'd be grateful. It happens all the time so it clearly serves some purpose that I'm not aware of.