Analyze my situation - net worth, saving for wedding, buying a home

[bjl584]

So you're not saying a $40k wedding is bad, just paying for it myself is bad? What if my intention is never to pay for my kids wedding or pay for their college and make them handle that on their own. You do know maybe people paid for their own college tuition.

A $40K wedding is neither good nor bad on its own. A $40K wedding when you have plans to buy a $400K house, have other debt, and have a bride to be with negative net worth is bad. A $40K wedding when you have 0 debt, all future obligations are funded, and you have a net worth of $2.5 million is just fine.

If you want to spend that much on your wedding, then that is entirely up to you. Just understand that it may cause other financial strains down the road. It may delay your ability to buy a home, a car, have kids, pay off other debt, etc. The list is endless. You need to evaluate your priorities on your own and decide if spending $40K on a wedding is a sound financial decision. Will it prevent you from achieving other goals in life in the time that you would like to do them? If yes, then reconsider what you are doing. If no, then knock yourself out.

[JoeP]

I understand you have good intentions, but I question your outlook on life. You sacrific now in order to pay for your kids wedding, their college, and have tons of money for retirement and to leave your kids when you die. What happened to raising your kids with their needs and having them make it in life themselves by funding their own choices.

I start to wonder if I came here posting that my parents were paying $50k for my wedding if I would be getting the same response, about how I could do a $3k wedding and that money would be better used on something else......like funding something for my kids in twenty years.

What region of the country do you live in, home much was your income and the price of your home?

The cost of your wedding is irrelevant to me. My advice was and is in response to your desire to buy a $400k house shortly after getting married. I'll repeat: money is a source of great stress for new couples, and minimizing that stress will give you and your spouse the chance to grow together without the interference caused by big payments.

If you need to know, my first house was in NY as well (upstate). It cost $81k, I put about $12k down, I made about $40k in salary, took in a roommate to help pay bills. Lived there for almost 8 years (got married and lived with my wife there for last 2 years), sold it for $110k, moved into a $172k house.

What do you question about my outlook on life? If you moved into a starter home or even rented for a couple years, do you perceive that as a sacrifice?

[red92s]

So you're saying that my friends who had the same exact guest that I am having will give me different gifts than they gave them? I never said I will rake it in, but I assure you my friends give money and will do the same for my wedding. If I got zero $ gifts I would not care but I'm just stating what reality is although im not counting on the money.

My wedding list is 250 guest, I had a engagement part with 60 guests and received more than you did for your wedding of $3k. I hate to sound negative, but it's just the culture here in NY everyone gives cash gifts.

You came here looking for advice and input. I gave you some based on my experiences with a similary sized guest list and comparable wedding budgets. Guess you don't care for it.

I understand you have good intentions, but I question your outlook on life. You sacrific now in order to pay for your kids wedding, their college, and have tons of money for retirement and to leave your kids when you die. What happened to raising your kids with their needs and having them make it in life themselves by funding their own choices.

What region of the country do you live in, home much was your income and the price of your home?

Expecting your guests to foot the bill for your wedding is now considered "funding [your] own choices"? Heck on the first page you even mentioned you were anticipating a "large cash gift" from your parents, like your brother and sister got . . . but then you go on to question the logic of anyone who would do the same? Seems like you are preaching a different doctorine than you are practicing. If you really believe in letting your kids "fund all their own decisions", you'll be returning any check you get from your parents, right?

People DO do other things in retirement except die. They travel. They give to charities. They live on the beach. The do stupid things like buying a farm and rasing llamas or pygmy goats. They give their grandkids big cash gifts at their weddings. Seems like a fair trade-off for not fetishizing granite counters, hardwoods, and open floor plans ("we love entertaining!") in their first years of marriage.

Again, you asked for advice and input . . . and now you've resorted to the "oh YEAH, how much money do YOU have, huh?!" responses. Sounds like you didn't like whatever advice you got, or were really just expecting praise. Wedding Bee is a great place to go if you want to people to gush about how super-awesome and paid-for your wedding is. Not a forum largley comprised of finanical conservatives.

I'll second (third?) what everyone else has said: money is a huge stressor in a marriage, even if it isn't scarce.

[JoeP]

Again, you asked for advice and input . . . and now you've resorted to the "oh YEAH, how much money do YOU have, huh?!" responses. Sounds like you didn't like whatever advice you got, or were really just expecting praise. Wedding Bee is a great place to go if you want to people to gush about how super-awesome and paid-for your wedding is. Not a forum largley comprised of finanical conservatives.

I'll just add this and get out: This site is about advice on SAVING, and while conversations normally focus on saving money, the advice also applies to saving marriages, houses, relationships, energy, credit scores, sanity, etc.

[nyliguy]

You came here looking for advice and input. I gave you some based on my experiences with a similary sized guest list and comparable wedding budgets. Guess you don't care for it.



Expecting your guests to foot the bill for your wedding is now considered "funding [your] own choices"? Heck on the first page you even mentioned you were anticipating a "large cash gift" from your parents, like your brother and sister got . . . but then you go on to question the logic of anyone who would do the same? Seems like you are preaching a different doctorine than you are practicing. If you really believe in letting your kids "fund all their own decisions", you'll be returning any check you get from your parents, right?

People DO do other things in retirement except die. They travel. They give to charities. They live on the beach. The do stupid things like buying a farm and rasing llamas or pygmy goats. They give their grandkids big cash gifts at their weddings. Seems like a fair trade-off for not fetishizing granite counters, hardwoods, and open floor plans ("we love entertaining!") in their first years of marriage.

Again, you asked for advice and input . . . and now you've resorted to the "oh YEAH, how much money do YOU have, huh?!" responses. Sounds like you didn't like whatever advice you got, or were really just expecting praise. Wedding Bee is a great place to go if you want to people to gush about how super-awesome and paid-for your wedding is. Not a forum largley comprised of finanical conservatives.

I'll second (third?) what everyone else has said: money is a huge stressor in a marriage, even if it isn't scarce.

Where did you get the impression that I think my guests are funding my choice. I'm not banking on thier gifts, just stating that's a fact. I'd be spending the money regardless, in the end I would just have less money than 20% to put down on a home.

trust me I appreciate the advice and was not looking for praise, it was more of opening my personal situation and allowing critism. If I rebuttal some of the advice and try to show another side is one thing, continuously arguing by saying this is just the way it is, is another. Wether you like it or not, the friendships and relatives I have don't mind giving cash gifts.

Most of the people on this sight are narrow minded, while some commented and said they're not as conservative as others.

saying one should have $2.5M net worth to be able to spend $40k wedding is just silly. How do you know if I sacrificed not going on vacations, picked up a second part time job, kept the minimum cabel package, didn't upgrade to a jazzy new phone every year all in the effort to pay for the wedding. Should I have only sacrificed and worked more than one job just to fund my bank account with $2.5M and be able to spend it on my kids in 20 years?

You're right, some people will live in a bad neighborhood, not spend to enjoy life when they're young all so they can start spending it in their old age. There is certainly a balance between living and saving that should be applied.

[bjl584]

saying one should have $2.5M net worth to be able to spend $40k wedding is just silly. How do you know if I sacrificed not going on vacations, picked up a second part time job, kept the minimum cabel package, didn't upgrade to a jazzy new phone every year all in the effort to pay for the wedding. Should I have only sacrificed and worked more than one job just to fund my bank account with $2.5M and be able to spend it on my kids in 20 years?

Why is it silly?

I can only based my advice on the information that you provide.

Since we are talking hypotheticals, are you going to make sacrifices? Not go on vacation? Cancel your cable? Generally live frugally as a result of your wedding and housing costs? Or is all that just purely hypothetical?

If you did do and continue to do all those things then that's great. But, someone that lives that way probably isn't going to drop that much on their wedding.

And, I'm not sure what you mean when you say you are going to work for $2.5million so you can spend it on your kids in 20 years. If you are implying that you should live a life of frugality and suffering just for the sake of having a large bank account that you may or may not get to enjoy one day, then that is not what I am advocating. Life is about balance. Enjoying today and saving for tomorrow. But, you have to be smart about it. Bad financial desisions today can send ripples into tomorrow that can take years to recover from.

[witchkizzle]

Where did you get the impression that I think my guests are funding my choice. I'm not banking on thier gifts, just stating that's a fact. I'd be spending the money regardless, in the end I would just have less money than 20% to put down on a home.

trust me I appreciate the advice and was not looking for praise, it was more of opening my personal situation and allowing critism. If I rebuttal some of the advice and try to show another side is one thing, continuously arguing by saying this is just the way it is, is another. Wether you like it or not, the friendships and relatives I have don't mind giving cash gifts.

Most of the people on this sight are narrow minded, while some commented and said they're not as conservative as others.

saying one should have $2.5M net worth to be able to spend $40k wedding is just silly. How do you know if I sacrificed not going on vacations, picked up a second part time job, kept the minimum cabel package, didn't upgrade to a jazzy new phone every year all in the effort to pay for the wedding. Should I have only sacrificed and worked more than one job just to fund my bank account with $2.5M and be able to spend it on my kids in 20 years?

You're right, some people will live in a bad neighborhood, not spend to enjoy life when they're young all so they can start spending it in their old age. There is certainly a balance between living and saving that should be applied.

I'm not narrow minded.

I make as much money as you do (well 10k a year less actually). My wife and I are 24 and 25 respectively and make 142k a year.

The difference is, my 142k goes a further providing for my family than your 150k does. We live in Texas, around Houston. Our house that we just bought 2 months ago cost us 124k. It is a very nice little 1400 sq foot house in the area of Houston with the LOWEST crime rate. It has a very big yard, two car garage, shed in the back, new granite countertops, new floors and a covered back patio.

We spent 15k on a wedding and 11K on wedding rings last year and the year before. We paid cash for all of that. We spent 15k on our honeymoon last year too, also cash. We have no debt other than the mortgage now (we put 20% down so our mortgage is 99k) because all cars are paid for. We are about to go, in 6 months, pay cash for my wife to get a new used car for when we have kids. She will quit her job when we have kids and be a stay at home mom. It will cut our income to about 90k a year, since we will just be living on my income. Our $484 house payment every month isn't even a tiny blip on our budget at this point and we overpay it to cut down on interest. No student loans, credit card is paid off every month (just paid 5,200 yesterday to pay off the monthly bill on the card.)

We are in a good, secure financial position. My wife doesn't go to sleep at night worrying when the next house payment is due and if we will be able to afford it. We don't have to choose between going on vacation and paying our bills. We also save $1,700 a month for retirement because we realize how important it is to save when you are young. We are currently saving a little over 2k a month to replace my wife's car in the next 6 months. We don't choose between savings and fun, but we do balance them very well. I think that is all people here are trying to say to you.

When you find the right balance, you and your wife will be better off.

[nyliguy]

I'm not narrow minded.

I make as much money as you do (well 10k a year less actually). My wife and I are 24 and 25 respectively and make 142k a year.

The difference is, my 142k goes a further providing for my family than your 150k does. We live in Texas, around Houston. Our house that we just bought 2 months ago cost us 124k. It is a very nice little 1400 sq foot house in the area of Houston with the LOWEST crime rate. It has a very big yard, two car garage, shed in the back, new granite countertops, new floors and a covered back patio.

We spent 15k on a wedding and 11K on wedding rings last year and the year before. We paid cash for all of that. We spent 15k on our honeymoon last year too, also cash. We have no debt other than the mortgage now (we put 20% down so our mortgage is 99k) because all cars are paid for. We are about to go, in 6 months, pay cash for my wife to get a new used car for when we have kids. She will quit her job when we have kids and be a stay at home mom. It will cut our income to about 90k a year, since we will just be living on my income. Our $484 house payment every month isn't even a tiny blip on our budget at this point and we overpay it to cut down on interest. No student loans, credit card is paid off every month (just paid 5,200 yesterday to pay off the monthly bill on the card.)

We are in a good, secure financial position. My wife doesn't go to sleep at night worrying when the next house payment is due and if we will be able to afford it. We don't have to choose between going on vacation and paying our bills. We also save $1,700 a month for retirement because we realize how important it is to save when you are young. We are currently saving a little over 2k a month to replace my wife's car in the next 6 months. We don't choose between savings and fun, but we do balance them very well. I think that is all people here are trying to say to you.

When you find the right balance, you and your wife will be better off.

You overall spent the same as I will have on my wedding,in regards to your costs allocated a bit differently with more towards rings and honeymoon. You're very fortunate and I agree your money goes further in that you live in Texas which is a much cheaper cost of living area. You were able to find a home for a much less price tag that you could find here. You also keep more of your money due to state tax laws. Your reply is the type of thing that is useful to me, it shows your position and I can guage myself on it. Considering housing is more than 2-3 times in your area and property taxes are $10,000+ year here that is what worries me. If you're getting by there I wont be able to fund my accounts such as you are. I had a school friend that moved to Austin, I almost did the same and part of me wishes I was able to be apart from family and go as the cost of living is great. It's a cheap city with potential for high income.

I just mentioned narrow minded people, because people are offended when they hear it's normal for people to give cash wedding gifts and normal to be expecting it. They also can't understand that some cultures it's even more prevelant for relatives to fund the wedding.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I suggest you do a dry run on the future budget. Assemble all the numbers on what you expect your incomes & expenses to be including debt pay-off, mortgage, furnishings for house, taxes, insurance, set-asides for maintenance --all the stuff that must be covered. Do as thorough a budget as you can. Even if the numbers are only a best guess, it will give you insight and help you to decide on the choices.

[witchkizzle]

You overall spent the same as I will have on my wedding,in regards to your costs allocated a bit differently with more towards rings and honeymoon. You're very fortunate and I agree your money goes further in that you live in Texas which is a much cheaper cost of living area. You were able to find a home for a much less price tag that you could find here. You also keep more of your money due to state tax laws. Your reply is the type of thing that is useful to me, it shows your position and I can guage myself on it. Considering housing is more than 2-3 times in your area and property taxes are $10,000+ year here that is what worries me. If you're getting by there I wont be able to fund my accounts such as you are. I had a school friend that moved to Austin, I almost did the same and part of me wishes I was able to be apart from family and go as the cost of living is great. It's a cheap city with potential for high income.

I just mentioned narrow minded people, because people are offended when they hear it's normal for people to give cash wedding gifts and normal to be expecting it. They also can't understand that some cultures it's even more prevelant for relatives to fund the wedding.

I see where you are coming from for sure. Our property taxes are going to be a whopping 2k this year and like you said we have no state or local income tax.

I think you should make a projected budget. Just to see what the numbers tell you. There is a software I use for budgeting called You Need a Budget or YNAB. It is a wonderful software. It's 50 bucks but there is a 30 day free trial that would be worth trying.

I spend money... I just bought a new suit and watch last night for like $450 bucks. I'm going to get my CPA license in Austin this weekend so I wanted to look nice.

Anyway, make a budget. I think you need to talk to your fiance too. See what she thinks about things. Have her be very involved in the budgeting process. I think if you were to ask my wife, she would say that one of the ways she can tell I love and respect her is by how I handle our money. I refuse to put my family in a financial bind, because it truly is one of the most important aspects of marriage (right up there with sex) and one of the easiest to avoid.

[nyliguy]

I suggest you do a dry run on the future budget. Assemble all the numbers on what you expect your incomes & expenses to be including debt pay-off, mortgage, furnishings for house, taxes, insurance, set-asides for maintenance --all the stuff that must be covered. Do as thorough a budget as you can. Even if the numbers are only a best guess, it will give you insight and help you to decide on the choices.

I have a detailed budget spreadsheet that I built which is used as a financial modeling tool to test different scenerios. If I input different triggers such as income, % to retirement and savings, change what our fixe and variable monthly costs are gives various metrics such as:

Net Savings
Net Wealth
Emergency Fund
Personal Savings rate
debt to income ratio

The hard part to model is how monthly payments would be influenced if certain debt is paid off and the monthly payment can be allocated towards savings or retirement.

[nyliguy]

I'm going to get my CPA license in Austin this weekend so I wanted to look nice.

Congrats on the CPA,big acomplishment and dedication to the exam. Do you work in public accounting or Corporate? You mentioned roughly a $90k salary which is before you even had a CPA which seems very good for your region.

I did accounting for sometime after college, than moved in to finance (my degree is in Finance) in that most of the accounting positions needed a CPA to get to management and above. In NY you also need an undergrad with a ceratin amount of accounting credits plus a masters degree in accounting to sit for the exam.

[witchkizzle]

I have a detailed budget spreadsheet that I built which is used as a financial modeling tool to test different scenerios. If I input different triggers such as income, % to retirement and savings, change what our fixe and variable monthly costs are gives various metrics such as:

Net Savings
Net Wealth
Emergency Fund
Personal Savings rate
debt to income ratio

The hard part to model is how monthly payments would be influenced if certain debt is paid off and the monthly payment can be allocated towards savings or retirement.

haha, everyone at work makes fun of me for being so detailed in my planning. I have a similar spreadsheet built that shows age, income, wife's age, wife's income, projected timeline for kids, projected raises, promotions and bonuses, retirement contributions yearly as well as projected account value, tax liability yearly and discretionary income yearly all the way out to age 67.


I've been a CPA for a few months so that income is already with my CPA. I graduated college August 2010 (dual program where I got my Masters and Bachelors at the same time), so I feel like i'm doing pretty well so far. High School class of 2005. It takes a few months for them to get the ceremony together for the certificate presenation. I was licensed in March but am receiving my "official" certificate (my license has been hanging on my wall for 3 months). This certificate is what I will frame and put in my office.

What kind of finance work do you do? I work in public, actually in the tax department. You pretty much have to have a Masters or equivilant in Texas too to sit for the exam.

[jpg7n16]

My personal opinion is that you can not afford a $10k ring and a $40k wedding, but it's probably too late for that advice, isn't it?

What makes you say I can't afford it, I have the cash to pay it all in full.

Just thought I'd add my mindset here for you to consider.

If you have $40k cash, you can also "afford" to buy 40,000 items from the dollar menu at McDonalds. That's a lot of fries!

My point is, just because you can "afford" to do something doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea.

If I took my cash and use it on the wedding and my own debts, I would be back to zero and able to save more a month and grow my networth at a faster rate

This makes absolutely no sense to me.

It's like saying:
"Well, if I took $100k and used half of it to pay off all my debts, and half for an European vacation, my payments would be lower by $500/month and I'd be able to build my net worth faster. Therefore, spending $50k on a European vacation is a good idea financially."

What??

No. Paying off the debts is a good idea and helps you build your net worth over time. Going to Europe burns through your net worth, and does not help you build your net worth over time. The two are unrelated.

For your situation, using cash to pay off debts may be a good idea (depending on the interest rates), but how does that make paying $40k for a wedding a good idea? The two are unrelated. Have you considered what else you could do with the $40k?


I agree that paying cash for a $40k wedding is better than borrowing for a $40k wedding, but that does not mean a $40k wedding is a good idea.

[nyliguy]

haha, everyone at work makes fun of me for being so detailed in my planning. I have a similar spreadsheet built that shows age, income, wife's age, wife's income, projected timeline for kids, projected raises, promotions and bonuses, retirement contributions yearly as well as projected account value, tax liability yearly and discretionary income yearly all the way out to age 67.


I've been a CPA for a few months so that income is already with my CPA. I graduated college August 2010 (dual program where I got my Masters and Bachelors at the same time), so I feel like i'm doing pretty well so far. High School class of 2005. It takes a few months for them to get the ceremony together for the certificate presenation. I was licensed in March but am receiving my "official" certificate (my license has been hanging on my wall for 3 months). This certificate is what I will frame and put in my office.

What kind of finance work do you do? I work in public, actually in the tax department. You pretty much have to have a Masters or equivilant in Texas too to sit for the exam.

For one of the big four or however many major audit firms exist now? I'm an analyst in the planning and analysis department for a fortune 500 company. Not as lucrative as your career