Marriage finances

[snshijuptr]

When we moved in together, DH (then just BF) and I created a join checking that we contributed to equally and I used to pay our joint bills (rent, utilities, groceries). When we got engaged we dropped our separate checking accounts. When we got married we merged everything (insurance, phone plan, checking, savings) except we each kept our 1 individual credit card for credit score reasons.

Right now the only thing we have as "his and hers" is our cash which is only $10/week/person. This is just enough for us to each buy little personal indulgences like DH's weekly donut. We both benefit from the other's education so debt payments come from joint money. We also share many interests and rarely go out without each other so that's not a big deal for us.

I think merging finances slowly is a good bet whether before or after a wedding so that you each can fully understand the other's habits.

[DebbieL]

Not sure about the US, but in Canada pre-marriage assets and liabilities do not become joined by marriage. Post-marriage assets and liabilities can be joined or seperate, depending on arrangement.

I'm Canadian and this is correct. I'm personally far too independent to join everything financially with someone else. DH and I do have a joint account, but we also each have our own separate accounts too. We did join most things up financially (everything was separate for the first few years of our marriage). Know what? We never fought about finances at all, and everything was smooth separately. I do find myself annoyed with him sometimes now that we have joined most things (he's more of a spender than I am - and sort of impulsive). He doesn't stick to the budget.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Depends where you live in the US and if you combine assets after marriage.

[EEinNJ]

It sounds like you're off to a good start, both in a good position, and in agreement about money. When you're first starting out and haven't faced many of life's challenges together yet, it's hard to predict what will happen to you and how you'll handle it. Things like job loss, illness, or making "bad" choices (like a house or car that turns out to be a lemon) can lead to strains and blame.
Fights about money often really aren't about the dollars and cents, it's about a power struggle, being "right", trust, and what your priorities are in life.

I'd suggest figuring out you money personalities- who's the "saver", who's the "spender", when you travel do you agree on how pricey a hotel, etc.

Good luck on your wedding.

[disneysteve]

Fights about money often really aren't about the dollars and cents, it's about a power struggle, being "right", trust, and what your priorities are in life.

This is a great point and very true. Fights about money are not about money. They are about issues related to money. If you don't trust each other, if you don't share the same priorities, if you don't have good communication, you are likely going to clash on managing the household finances no matter how you divide or merge your money.

[Hector]

we dont believe in separate finances. we merged everything -phones, insurance, lease, bank accounts. we added each other to our checking/savings accounts. we both use same checking account. She pays with cash for everything and I love using credit cards. I handle our investment and retirement accounts. So I keep some minimum to our checking account and transfer everything else to investment/ret accounts. Since she uses cash for everything I pay credit cards bills, I dont have any surprises and I know how much money to keep in checking.

This is a great point and very true. Fights about money are not about money. They are about issues related to money. If you don't trust each other, if you don't share the same priorities, if you don't have good communication, you are likely going to clash on managing the household finances no matter how you divide or merge your money.

I agree. We do things that we feel comfortable with and try that both of us are not doing same things. She handles our budget and I dont interfere with it. I handle our investments and she doesnt inter fear with it.

[disneysteve]

She handles our budget and I dont interfere with it. I handle our investments and she doesnt inter fear with it.

It is fine, normal in fact, for one partner to handle the finances. Just be sure that both partners are fully aware of the finances regardless of who actually does the paperwork. My wife and I have a "financial date" every few months where we review our spreadsheet and I point out any areas that we need to pay more attention to. And any time something of note comes up, we discuss it as needed.

The problems seem to arise when one partner manages everything and the other one is in the dark. That leads to trouble.

[Frügal]

For sake of time, I have not read what others have posted, so excuse me if I am recapping what others have said already.

My wife and I (22 and 24, respectively) have always had joint accounts. This is probably easier to do for us, however, because only one of us has ever worked at a time. I have been the one to handle the finances, even when I was a stay-at-home-dad and the wife was bringing home the bacon. It has worked pretty well for us.

If I were you guys, I would have a joint account for everything. Pool all your debts together - remove any names from them. Don't make them yours or hers. They are now owned by both of you, or at least, that's how you should look at it.

Instead of her paying off her debt, and you paying off yours, I would put them all together in order of highest interest first. Just use the snowball method, and all should be well.

[fe2o3ez]

My wife and I have a "financial date" every few months where we review our spreadsheet and I point out any areas that we need to pay more attention to. And any time something of note comes up, we discuss it as needed.

I like the idea of a "financial date". Mine would have to be done over coffee, though. My wife falls asleep (literally) every time I start talking numbers. I think it is a coping mechanism.

[NetSkyBlue]

I am a firm believer that if you love and trust someone enough to get married, you should love and trust them enough to combine your finances. If not, you should reconsider the relationship. I wouldn't have married someone who I felt I couldn't trust with money.

Here's why I disagree... It's not always a matter of trust. I trust that my significant other isn't going to make bad financial decisions. But I'm a micromanager. I HAVE to know where every dollar I spend goes, for my own sanity. He doesn't. He doesn't overspend, or anything, but if we got married and combined everything in one account and I had to create a line item on my budget for "hubby", well, I can't imagine that would go over too well.

Plus, he smokes, which in addition to being a terrible health risk, is a complete waste of money. Right now, I don't see the money he spends on cigarettes. I see the money coming in for 1/2 the bills, and whatever he has left, he's free to do as he chooses with. As long as all the bills are paid and savings is going up, it's better for my health NOT to stress over money decisions beyond my control. Because I would, if I had to see it. And that's my failing, I know.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Netskyblue, is he saving for retirement and stuff too then? He pays half the bills and then saves and then spends the rest?

I would be okay with separate finances if the couple is on the same page. But if the couple are on different pages, how do you reconcile the future? If one partner saves for retirement but the other doesn't then what? And what happens if one partner makes bad investments but you aren't aware of it because it comes out of the second half?

I don't think it's bad but I wonder how you deal with it?

[BudgetSurgeon]

Getting married at the end of April of this year!

Just wanted to get a sense of what the married couples are doing in terms of joint finances.

We both have very stable, good paying salaries in New York City (live in Queens as it's much cheaper and a bigger space). We're able to live comfortably and do our favorite thing...travel!.

Thankfully, we've paid off this wedding in cash (destination wedding). Anything we get from the wedding cash wise (not that we're expecting many to give us a gift since it's destination) will be put in our joint savings account.

Fiancee has a small amount of CC debt while I have outstanding college loans from a 5 year university. My game plan so far was putting cash into this wedding so I've only been paying the minimum. After the wedding, I can agressively put money towards this and any future bonuses.

Our plan:

1) Put X amount towards savings each month as emergency
2) Start a joint checking account for joint expenses (grocery, utilities, bills, food etc.)

We don't have a car as we live in Manhattan and do not plan to buy a house/condo any time soon as we're trying to figure out what we want to do in the next 4-5 years.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Sounds like you have your act together, for the most part. I too, live in NY, and know how expensive it is here. My only advice to you at this point would be:

1) Minimize the cost spent on your wedding. Too much $$$ is still being spent on weddings
these days, and 60% of them wind up in divorce/separation (of course, this is not going to
happen to you and your future hubby!). Treat yourself to an expensive party, AFTER you're
married 25 years. Don't blow a wad, on a one-day extravaganza.....it's not going to make
you any happier after the dust settles.....believe me!

2) Have your fiance pay off all debt (CC and student loans). You want to be debt free ALWAYS,
with the exception to that being a future mortgage.

3) Like another poster stated, I believe in Joint-everything. By keeping things separate, you
are both alluding to the fact that "things might not work out" (I know, a little bit of a
diverging view from point # 1). If you are having doubts about that now, that does not bode
well for your future together. Joint-everything is my 2 cents.

4) Aggressively save all you can. Take advantage of all 401K's with company matching. Still
the best investment deal in town, IMO.

Great luck with your pending marriage, and I hope you both have a lifetime of happiness
together!!!!

All the best,

BudgetSurgeon

[alirobertson]

How to Manage Finances with Your Spouse

Here are some tips on how to manage finances with your spouse. When i read this article, i hit me that managing finances is the role of me and my wife. I hope this will help you too!

How to Manage Finances with Your Spouse

It’s not about the money they say. Love is all that matters they say. Well, ideally it is true. However, in the real world where money makes the world go round, financial stability is the outmost important priority especially in marriage.

No matter how in love both of you are, there are still chances that you and your partner will discuss issues about money. There are daily, weekly and monthly expenses that you share and for couples who are in tight budget, pressure pushes twice.

Shared vows, shared banks?

Majority of married couples share their money in joint accounts. While this is helpful to track all your finances, this commonly sparks dispute and misunderstanding for both parties. Having a “spender” and a “watchdog” in one of you will surely raise money issues.

What you need to do is have yours, mine and ours rule. You can have a joint bank account while having your personal ones. This will help you track your family budget without getting gritty on your personal expenses.

Dealing with debts

Do not play the blame game when it comes to debts. Most marriage ends in a sour note because of failure in dealing with their debts. Talk and decide on how you can pay it off together.

One of the options that couple takes is a prenuptial agreement. It makes sure that the asset of one before marriage will always be protected once brought into matrimony.

Tracking finance

Be keen in tracking your finances. Avoid buying unnecessary things or things that you don’t really need. Or if it’s unavoidable to spend, spend wisely. Although plasma TV is cheaper nowadays, try buying one during black Friday.

Another way to track your finances is through honesty. “How much was that laptop again?”, “Thanks for the dinner, how much did you spend for that?” and “Nice watch” are common scenes that couples encounter when asking about the costs of something that one bought.

Surprisingly, not all spouse answers honestly. Common answers on the questions above are “I got it with huge discount!”, “I have gift certificates!” and “It comes in multiple payment installments.”

Uh oh, someone will get hurt literally and figuratively once the truth is discovered. We all have dirty little secrets but please, avoid financial secrecy before it ends your marriage.

Emergency funds

Being healthy and fit doesn’t mean you don’t need health insurance. Unfortunate events happen not only to both of you but also to your family as well. Having a stash good for a couple of moths is a good strategy. Be ready with everything even with zombie apocalypse so whatever occurs, the only weapon that you have is readiness.

Investment opportunities

Have short-term and long-term goals. For now, you can invest on stocks, bonds, mutual funds, CDs and other investment option that will suit for the best of you. Education plan for your kids as well as saving for a retirement plan is a long-term goal that you can start at present.

In the long run, you will benefit from your investment. If you’re unsure with your wide options, you can always seek help from a broker or a financial expert such as Knightsbridge Advisors to help you determine the best way to deal with your portfolio.

Money really matters in marriage. Don’t always believe that when you’re hungry, love will keep you alive. It will make you happy but it will not make both of you alive. Grow old together while growing wise at the same time.