Life changes fast

**zetta** · 07-07-2009, 01:06 PM

Congratulations! My dad once told me that there's never a perfect time to have kids -- you just adjust your life when it happens. If you can finish your thesis and graduate by December then by all means do so. I would not postpone it, as it will be so much harder to write your thesis while caring for a baby. If you can swing it financially, why not plan to stay home for the first 6 months, relocate when your DH can find a job on the west coast, then look for a job for yourself after you've gotten settled? People take a break all the time between graduation and starting their first job, so I don't think employers will see it as a big problem, especially when you can explain that you wanted to relocate first instead of taking a job you knew you would leave within a short period of time.

eta: Definitely take some sort of "babymoon" (even if it's a modest one) and enjoy how simple kid-free travel is while you can!

**Well Spent** · 07-07-2009, 01:50 PM

Congratulatiosn to you and your spouse, LAL!

I didn't know that pain and bleeding could be signs of pregnancy? I thought it was usually fatigue, nausea, vomiting? I guess it's different for different women. Anyway, I think you should go ahead and finish your thesis so that you can graduate. Do you work right now or is the $150k/yr your spouse's salary? If so, I would stay home for at least 6 months or a year if financially feasible. There's no one better to care for your infant than you and dad. Is 150k gross or net? $425k is a big mortgage but if you can pay it without putting the infant in day care, personally caring for your baby is the safest, healthiest way to go. For vacation I wouldn't go somewhere with exotic food because you may not be able to stomach it and it could even be harmful. You should absolutely take a vacation though. It will be your last one as a couple alone, probably, for a very long time. Maybe work as a temp during your pregnancy while completing your thesis. Looking at a cross country move to the West Coast in the late stages of pregnancy/with an infant after your spouse finishes the MBA just seems like too daunting a task to be worth it at this time. And you dont' want to fiddle with your insurance when you really need it. Do you mean it costs $10,000 to your insur. co. to have the baby? I have no idea how much it costs to deliver and post-natal care at a hospital so I don't know if that's what you meant. Good luck! I think I recall you saying that both of you wanted babies so I'm happy it's happening!

**jIM_Ohio** · 07-07-2009, 02:18 PM

Congrats on the baby!!!

I did not think we were ready financially for kids, and we found a way to adapt. Certain savings goals have not been met since the kids came, and my advice is this:

Make sure you spend less than you earn. Even if other goals (financially) are not met or compromised, spending less than you earn prevents so many bad problems from rearing their ugly head.

Others here are going to give you loads of advice too, and I found that their is nothing as intense as being the parent of twins. Lots of things to do, so little time to do them in.

Congrats again!

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-07-2009, 03:10 PM

Thanks all. $150k is mostly his, $30k is mine. We can easily manage on his salary alone without the tuition payments about $25k/year.

I believe my DH is getting a promotion and raise in February as well (it was promised this year, but you never know). Close enough to make up my salary so I think we're okay financially.

I talked to my DH he doesn't want to take vacation because he wants to save his vacation days for the birth. He's got 11 days and will have around 24 when the baby comes. Is this too crazy? It's not the finances but the time.

**zetta** · 07-07-2009, 03:18 PM

That's awesome that he wants take vacation when the baby is born! You could still have a great trip tacking 1 vaction day onto a 3 day weekend. Labor day is coming up...

**jIM_Ohio** · 07-07-2009, 04:37 PM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

Thanks all. $150k is mostly his, $30k is mine. We can easily manage on his salary alone without the tuition payments about $25k/year.

I believe my DH is getting a promotion and raise in February as well (it was promised this year, but you never know). Close enough to make up my salary so I think we're okay financially.

I talked to my DH he doesn't want to take vacation because he wants to save his vacation days for the birth. He's got 11 days and will have around 24 when the baby comes. Is this too crazy? It's not the finances but the time.

I took 1 week off when baby A came home, and rest of week off (probably 3 days) when baby B came home (twins came home about 3 weeks apart).

24 days is more than 1 month... taking 5 days off before babies come home will help you both clear your heads and talk about some of your wishes regarding the kids.

Delaying vacations is not something I ever advocate. I agree scaling back the cost makes sense, but just taking a long weekend to somewhere is a good idea.

**disneysteve** · 07-07-2009, 05:02 PM

Congratulations!

Here's what we did. We found out my wife was pregnant in January, at which point we realized that our annual Disney trip in September couldn't happen. So we quickly planned a Disney trip for February and did that instead. Then I took a week off after our daughter was born.

Keep in mind that contrary to what many people will tell you, having a baby does not mean you don't get to travel anymore. We did a week in Disney when our daughter was 5-1/2 months old. We did it again the week of her first birthday and 13 more times by the time she was 11. We've also visited Canada, Mexico, 16 US states, Bahamas, Dominican Republic, Belize, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico and probably a couple of others I'm forgetting. Our daughter is 13 now and I'm sure we will just keep adding to the list.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-07-2009, 06:26 PM

Actually my DH will have 40 days likely! 10 days paternity leave or something like that, and 30 days of vacation + flex holidays and 5 more if he chooses unpaid leave.

I'm thinking more and more of ditching the vacation and going home. We had told everyone we were planning on going home for Christmas. But no way I can travel that far at 7 months.

I traveled a lot with my parents DS. I think it's fun, but I know unless our parents move closer our "vacations" will be filled with visiting family for the rest of our lives.

**MonkeyMama** · 07-07-2009, 06:29 PM

I would wait things out where you are. I would finish school/thesis (it will get 10 times harder with an infant). Temp work sounds like a good idea in the interim.

If you wanted to move now, I think it would be a lot easier, but it seems like you have a lot of things to wrap up (school, etc.).

I think realistically you need the money for the baby/unknown. & you don't want to go on an exotic trip while you are pregnant (you may not feel well - will want to be near good medical care, etc.). I think a long weekend would suffice.

My perspective is very different on the "new baby time off" thing. My spouse didn't work and *I* took about 8 weeks off. It was a very amazing time for us to be able to both bond with our new baby. I think taking off 4 weeks is awesome. I know a few friends whose husbands also took sabbaticals when their new babies arrived. Most men don't know what they have missed.

And also, the baby will likely sleep little the first few weeks, so you will really appreciate the help. Anyway, I personally think the vacation time would be better used for a leave after the baby is born. Though I totally agree you will want to get away on a mini-vacation too. Traveling post kids just isn't quite the same. (We travel without the kids a lot - but we worry about them the whole time too. With them just isn't the same. I Would totally go for a last hoorah). IF nothing else there is a 5-year window in there where traveling totally sucks (feeding, diapers, screaming, strollers, car seats). I think we will go on a big trip once my youngest graduates from car seats, to celebrate. The last obstacle to easier traveling.

Congrats!!!!

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-07-2009, 06:46 PM

Thanks MM. It's $10 copay for the baby. Maybe a minivacation or going home.

My DH will have maybe 40 days off.

**ActYourWage** · 07-07-2009, 09:41 PM

Congrats. You will know what to do when the time comes.

**zetta** · 07-08-2009, 05:32 AM

Check with your doctor, but I think air travel is still allowed in the 7th month, so seeing family at Christmas may still be ok. If not, there's always Thanksgiving. Your folks will probably want to come vist you after the baby is born, too!

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-08-2009, 06:14 AM

It's a 14 hour flight minimum possibly longer with layovers and delays. I don't know how well honestly I'll be holding up. And thanksgiving isn't long enough. I have to go to hawaii from the east coast. Maybe, do you think it's feasible?

I want to see my grandma. I don't know if she can make the trip, although I want to plan on going back next summer to bring the baby to her and go to Hong Kong and Japan to see other family.

**Tree0164** · 07-09-2009, 02:06 PM

Congratulations!

I would go on shorter trip.... several days enjoy your husband/wife time together one more time before you become parents.

Life changes fast