Pressured to buy a house

**zetta** · 12-06-2008, 01:45 AM

This may not be financially the best idea, but might be a compromise position. Could you rent a bigger house for 3 years (until the kids are up and out) and rent out your house for enough to cover the mortgage and property taxes?

**PrincessPerky** · 12-06-2008, 04:57 AM

How small is small? 4 teens and one gpa in a three bedroom is a tight fit, but doable.

Are there other alternatives? redo kitchen for more room, add on a bedroom or bathroom? clean out your stuff to make some room? (wait that's what my husband needs to do)

Are the kids really moving out?

is gpa a long term thing or will he be moving out soon?

Would it hurt to find out the numbers on a house? (that's what I did a month or two ago..it didn't hurt and we still live here)

**maat55** · 12-06-2008, 05:44 AM

I know where you are at. I went through this senario about 20 years ago. Here are some of our outcomes.

The good:

We moved to a smaller town with a better school system.
We bought a house that was roomy with a pool.
The neighborhood was safer.

The bad:

Our House payment doubled.
We reduced our monthly investments significantly.
We began to invade our IRA.
We slowly took on debt.

With the knowledge I have now, we could have still made the move, but I would have made many better decisions along the way; a different house, more frugal lifestyle etc. We were younger than you, I would guess by the age of your children, which is a different dynamic than we had.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably stay put. But this decision is based on my knowledge of my wife and our financial circumstances, you may have more significant dynamics to consider. Good luck.

**kork13** · 12-06-2008, 05:48 AM

I think a good compromise might be a renovation. You can continue living in your home, but if your wife insists on more space, you can build an extra room on one side of your home, or you could build a loft above your main living room. This is what my parents are (eventually) planning to do with their home. A renovation like that not only gives you more space, but increases the value of your home.

Divorce should never be an option over a disagreement like this. Talk to your wife and figure out ways to compromise. Find out exactly what she really wants, and discuss ways to make that happen without breaking the bank.

You'll lose your socks if you try to sell right now, and it sounds like you would not be able to afford a new home without selling your current home. I would not sell under your circumstances.

**Smelly_Cat** · 12-06-2008, 08:24 AM

Great Advice everyone., We got this house about 10 years ago for 65k, I ran up HELOC to about 75K, 12k on visa, Since we have the extra paycheck now, we have got the Home principal down to 65K and the VISA is zero'ed, But Hey, One income, 6 family members, How can you save a dime. If the house market settles a bit, maybe it will sell for 100K +. That is all we have.
The House we like is 250K, I figure if my payment is 500 for our 65k house it will be at least 2k a month for ala Whopper House. Not to mention PMI.. which makes me sick to pay. I'm in textiles and I'm little fearful of goin out on the limb at 43 year old.

The present house is regular 1200 sq foot 3 bed upstairs, We have converted the garage into 2 more bedroom and a PC room/Laundry

I'm not sure what how the kids will turn out, the oldest is in Community College now and the the other 3 have this year and next to finish HS.
I really love being able to send the kids on Church trips. etc. Floating a 2k mortgage makes me uneasy.

**Investing First Steps** · 12-06-2008, 09:49 AM

It seems to me that things are only going to get better as far as "fitting" in the place. Your kids will likely want to go out on their own sooner or later, so it might be a questionable time to enter the housing market, given the state of the economy. I'm very leery of taking on additional liabilities (like a house payment), in this market.

**PrincessPerky** · 12-06-2008, 10:13 AM

In my experience, No is never a good thing to say to a wife.

Maybe is a better word, that and getting more specifics. Sounds like you have enough bedrooms, is the kitchen to small? or does she want just new? would she rather move knowing the spare money wont be there for vacations?

Can you sell your house?

Would a house between your current and her dream do?

**disneysteve** · 12-06-2008, 10:51 AM

Aside from the financial aspects, you'd also be uprooting 3 kids who are just about done school. Would the new house be in the same district or would they have to change schools? If they have to change, I'd definitely say no.

If the problem is space, I think you should just deal with it as within a few years, one or more kids will likely strike out on their own.

If there are other issues besides space, are any things that could be dealt with by renovating the current house?

**cptacek** · 12-06-2008, 11:17 AM

Originally posted by Smelly_Cat View Post

Wife just became a school teacher and wants a big house. NOW!

To me, it sounds like this is the big problem. My take: your wife just started working and is now making money and contributing to the household bills. She feels like if she is contributing, she deserves a bigger house.

I agree with most others...it would probably be best to keep the house you are in now. Pay down the mortgage and put yourself in a better place once the kids are out of the house.

**maat55** · 12-06-2008, 11:36 AM

How much of your combined take home pay would the new house take up? It sounds like your upgrade is huge.

**Smelly_Cat** · 12-06-2008, 01:59 PM

I've always bought the fixer up houses. I grew up on military
bases and housing never was that special to me.

You nailed it cptacek, that New big house is on somebodies mind 24/7. the interest rates are super low and the banks email us every hour to tell us to buy to get a loan now, Together we Gross about a 100k, but the keeping these teens alive takes alot of Walmart bags each week. Plus since we are both working, there is alot more eating out, new clothes, commuting cost and non reimbursed school supplies then we had one income and a stay at home Momma.

Getting a nice newer house that will fit us all in the country with some land is why its 250k,

Has anyone ever spoke with a money planner?.

Thanks for the support, The realtors and the banks are not on my side

On the bright side today, My 17 yr old son got 350 bucks in tickets last month and We went to court this morning and we wiggled out of them. Whoopee, Chrismas is saved. Sc

**TBH** · 12-06-2008, 05:20 PM

Interesting thread. Thanks for posting.

I am also having major new house cravings, like your wife, so I totally sympathize with her. And I am also struggling with an annoyingly rational spouse who is not giving in easily to my main reason for wanting to move: because I just want to.

I think if I was your wife, I would feel better if your answer was not "no, it's a bad idea" but "I hear you, and I need certain things to be in place to be comfortable with it, and let's figure out how we can put those things in place." You can make a list of what you need to be able to move up and still sleep at night. HELOC paid off. No CC debt. Kids through school. 401K balance at X. Make your list, make it a realistic list, attainable in, say five years or less, and then get your wife on board to help you get there so she can get what she wants.

Maybe, for example, you could say you don't want to move until all 4 kids are out of high school. That's only a couple more years, right? That will give you time to pay down the current mortgage a bit, settle into having two incomes, and also you will be able to see what your kids are doing. If all four are going to community college and living at home, maybe you can require them all to get jobs to contribute to the house payments, and you can move up at that point. Having six working adults in the house and one dependent (gpa) is very different from having two working adults and FIVE dependents. Also, is the oldest, who is in community college, working at all? I think s/he should be, even if only to pay some of his/her own school expenses.

**Smelly_Cat** · 12-07-2008, 09:58 AM

TBH, Setting a goals and making a new plan sounds like a good idea. I'm kind of martyr about money, don't wasted any money and you will have it when you really need something. I call it the the Ebeneezer Scrooge financial plan.

When we were in debt I figure'ed we would never dig our way out, So I said , lets get rid of this debt then get a house, A year and half later, we are out of debt and and I'm in trouble, I should have added " and save a down payment" to that goal.

Your right about the kids growing up and doing something, The oldest is working and about pays for keeping his car going, Which is good. I had not counted on the kids ever supporting them selves and paying us rent, That has a nice ring to it. When I was young , I could not wait to move out, Now a days, Kids hang around , which is ok if they are good. I work with a few 30 somethings and they still live at home pay rent and it works for them.

This sure is a funny time of life for me. SC

**TBH** · 12-07-2008, 11:01 AM

Originally posted by Smelly_Cat View Post

When we were in debt I figure'ed we would never dig our way out, So I said , lets get rid of this debt then get a house, A year and half later, we are out of debt and and I'm in trouble, I should have added " and save a down payment" to that goal.

Uh-oh. Sounds like you're stuck then.

I'm glad the oldest is paying his car expenses, but how about asking him to pay a token rent, just to make the point that he is taking up space and eating. Even if he paid $50 per month for rent and food and utilities combined, that would help him learn responsibility. You could even quietly save it for him, so when he's ready to move out you'll have his first month's rent put aside.

This is all very easy for me to say, because my kid is only 5. I have a neighbor who is 16, a junior in high school, and works 20 hours a week at the local grocery store. I am not sure I'll have the self-discipline to make my son get a job when he's in high school. I'd be worried about his schoolwork suffering, for one thing. But my parents never emphasized working or learning to support myself so I was totally lost when I finished college and had to learn how to pay the bills on my own.

Pressured to buy a house