wedding gifts

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Someone asked me how much to give on another. And I give $50/per head, so $100/couple for most friends. We live in an expensive area.

But the person got upset and said why should you give more because you live in an expensive area. Why do people in NY, Bos, CA, DC give more than people who live in Kentucky, etc. Where the average gift is $10-20.

I dunno. Help me people who live either in LCOLA or HCOLA Is it acceptable to give more because we live in an expensive area? Or should it all be the same?

[kork13]

hmm.... not sure about COL in determining amounts for a gift... if you had friends in Nebraska getting married, would you still give the same $100 to them as your friends in CA getting married? Or would you give less ($50?) to the Nebraska couple?

Personally, I've been giving my friends $50-$100 as a wedding gift. (just graduated college, so alot of friends have all been getting married over the last few months...one of which is tomorrow!)

[disneysteve]

You will get a range of responses to this question, and geography definitely plays a part.

I'm with you. $100/couple or more is standard around here (NJ). If I went to a wedding in Kentucky or Nebraska, I would give that same $100 because that is what I consider a standard gift even though the standard in those areas may be considerably lower.

Cost of living and local norms definitely vary from place to place.

[billchrz]

The rule of thumb is to give enough to cover your plates. I'm also in NJ and a typical plate at a reception is $75-$90. I would never give less than $150 from myself and wife. We had 4 weddings this year and this is what we gave:

My brother and his wife- $1000
A close friend - $250
My cousin - $250
A coworker - $150

[jIM_Ohio]

Family i like gets $150 or good friends.
family gets $100
Most others get around $50

[disneysteve]

The rule of thumb is to give enough to cover your plates.

No offense, but I always thought that was a ridiculous rule of thumb. What does one thing have to do with the other? How much I want to, or can afford to, give as a gift shouldn't be influenced by how fancy or simple of an affair the wedding is. Why does a couple who has a low key backyard wedding not deserve the same gift as the couple who has a black tie affair? And why should a couple get more from me by spending more on dinner?

Your gift should be based on your budget and your relationship with the couple getting married, not what is being served for dinner.

[ScrimpAndSave]

Also, how do you know how much it would be to cover your plate? My wedding is about $100 a head. I would NEVER expect that much as a gift from anyone.

[gamecock43]

I think geography plays a part because of geographical income levels. KY might have an average income of 50k (totally guessing here) and NY might have an average income of 100k. Therefore $100 in KY 'seems' like alot more money than in NY.

So far I have traveled for the 2 weddings I have attended, the gifts I gave were small, about $25. Because my flights and such to be there were several hundred dollars. Not the bridal couples problem- but I assumed they would rather I attend than not attend but send them an expensive gift.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I just wanted to know how big a deal geography is. Am I way over the top to give away $100? I'm with steve it doesn't matter really where I go I give the same.

[disneysteve]

I just wanted to know how big a deal geography is. Am I way over the top to give away $100?

I think geography is a big factor. I do not think you are way over the top giving $100. I'd give the same regardless of location of the wedding and regardless of the type of affair.

[red92s]

I'm lucky enough to have discounts through my employer on some of the most frequently-registered items for weddings and babies. I'm at the age now (25) where I make frequent use to the discounts for wedding gifts, which I would wager means frequent use of the discounts on baby stuff starting in about 2 years.

[boosami]

I always give the wrong amount or value of gift, usually because I just have no idea what I am expected to spend. This results in me giving too much because I figure it's better to give more than is expected then to short someone due to ignorance. I think I'm just so out of touch with how much things cost that I don't have a clue. I don't ever look at prices at stores or restaurants, and I couldn't tell you if a gallon of milk costs $1 or $6.

I went to a fundraiser for a family I know who was raising money from friends and relatives to put in a new (badly needed) septic system in their home. I donated $500 and didn't think anything of it. Apparently, that was more than 10 times what others donated. They sent me thank you cards and called me repeatedly to thank me and give me updates on their progress. It's years later and still every time I see them they still thank me for the generous donation.

I'm going to a wedding next week and I will for sure be spending more than $100 on a gift, appropriate or not.

[disneysteve]

I always give the wrong amount or value of gift

I don't think there is such a thing as the "wrong" amount for a gift. You give what you feel comfortable giving, whether that is $25 or $100 or $500. Anybody who faults you for not giving "enough", whatever enough means, needs to get over it.

[kork13]

I don't think there is such a thing as the "wrong" amount for a gift. You give what you feel comfortable giving, whether that is $25 or $100 or $500. Anybody who faults you for not giving "enough", whatever enough means, needs to get over it.

Agreed. I'm of the opinion that gifts are NEVER expected. I'm happy with someone's attendance, or a card/letter when not able to attend. Gifts are (or should be, IMO) a reflection of the individual's desire to give it. Plus, with that mindset, you can only be happy and grateful for any gifts you do receive. The wedding I went to yesterday, I gave them $100, because they're close friends and I wanted to give as much as I was able to. For others, I've given only $50, $25, or some others nothing beyond my attendance. These lower amounts are not because I'm a cheapwad or I didn't like them, I simply didn't feel personally compelled to want to give them something more.

Thinking about it, I'll also add.... I think it has more to do with where you are from (not them), both geographically and financially. Back to what I just said, for me, $100 is alot and IMO is a generous gift. In the future, when I make more, $100 likely wouldn't mean as much, and I would likely feel "personally compelled" to give more than that. Gifts are a personal thing, and you give what you feel is appropriate.

[JinCO]

We usually buy a gift of around $100. Geography does not play a part in the decision process of how much to spend.