Do you NEED 2 incomes?

[disneysteve]

Thousands of Bay Area tech workers earns bigger salaries but lives/commute daily from Sacramento, Stockton, Elk Grove up and down San Joaquin Valley. They do it even with their average salary $150K can't barely cover a median condo prices mids $500K.

Same here in southern NJ where lots of people commute to New York City, 90 miles away. They earn the NYC salary but get to enjoy the lower COL. Of course, the trade-off is they spend 4 hours or more per day commuting.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Sounds typical of CA and NY. Also DC where people live in VA or MD and commute in.

[cptacek]

Even that doesn't totally work because in those rural areas, salaries tend to be lower for similar work as in major markets. If you could live in a small town but earn a big city salary, you'd really be set.

I commute > 160 miles one way because of this.

[disneysteve]

I commute > 160 miles one way because of this.

How much time do you spend commuting, and how often do you have to do it? I sure hope you don't make that trip daily.

[cptacek]

It is a 2.5 hour trip. I drive to work Monday mornings and leave to come back home on Thursday nights...I am working 4 10 hour days. I had a house down there but just got it sold a few weeks ago, so now I rent a room from a friend of mine for those three nights.

[tripods68]

cptacek,

Funny you mention that. We actually have few friends that rent rooms near their work in the Bay area during the workweek to avoid the daily commute to and from Sacramento (2 to 3 hours). And they come home for the weekend.

I personally couldn't do that and be away from my kids and DW.

[cptacek]

cptacek,

Funny you mention that. We actually have few friends that rent rooms near their work in the Bay area during the workweek to avoid the daily commute to and from Sacramento (2 to 3 hours). And they come home for the weekend.

I personally couldn't do that and be away from my kids and DW.

yeah, it sucks big time. We don't have kids yet, but are hoping to start soon...maybe if I was home more it would be a little easier?

I am looking for a job where I can telecommute. I could do my current job from home, but they don't have a policy about telecommuting and won't write one, so I have to find a different job.

[disneysteve]

I have a cousin who, for years, did that kind of commute from Connecticut to Manhattan. He had an apartment in the city and would leave Monday and return on Thursday usually. And they have 3 kids.

[hakuna matata]

You all should move to Seattle. I work downtown, but live in rural Kitsap county. Small town but I have the benefits of a big city. When I moved out here it was very inexpensive but it has gone up--but it is still cheaper then living anywhere in Seattle.

40 minute commute in the morning via ferry and take the direct boat back (20 minutes). Now that isn't a fair comparison though since that doesn't include driving time on each side.

10 -15 minute drive on the Kitsap side and about 10-15 minute drive on the Seattle side--it averages about an hour commute each way. I could live in one of the suburbs of Seattle and easily have an hour commute every day driving and more if traffic sucks. My commute has steadily been 1 hour each way for about 10 years now. Plus I am not driving (in a van pool)--so I can read or even have a beer on the ferry. Plus I commute with the wife so that works out fine too

Best part of commuting via ferry in Seattle. You can leave a meeting with the excuse you have to catch a ferry---and people accept it!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Question, do people when considering staying at home for a child, make a non-gender based decision? Meaning that person staying at home has the lesser income whether or not they are the husband or wife? Or is it decided by gender?

I have to wonder why people on a financial board typically tell a woman to stay at home if her income doesn't cover daycare. But if it's the man who earns a lot less, rarely is it force your husband to stay at home.

[Seeker]

Question, do people when considering staying at home for a child, make a non-gender based decision? Meaning that person staying at home has the lesser income whether or not they are the husband or wife? Or is it decided by gender?

I have to wonder why people on a financial board typically tell a woman to stay at home if her income doesn't cover daycare. But if it's the man who earns a lot less, rarely is it force your husband to stay at home.

Yes, people do.

DH & I had this discussion pre-marriage (though it later turned out that I couldn't get pregnant) but ultimately becuase we could live on my salary, he'd be the one to care for the baby.

[moneybags]

Question, do people when considering staying at home for a child, make a non-gender based decision? Meaning that person staying at home has the lesser income whether or not they are the husband or wife? Or is it decided by gender?

Totally based on income here. When one of us first stayed home it was DH, since I was making more money. It flopped over to me at a later date.

[MonkeyMama]

Question, do people when considering staying at home for a child, make a non-gender based decision? Meaning that person staying at home has the lesser income whether or not they are the husband or wife? Or is it decided by gender?

I have to wonder why people on a financial board typically tell a woman to stay at home if her income doesn't cover daycare. But if it's the man who earns a lot less, rarely is it force your husband to stay at home.

You know the answer here.

I think I actually had better benefits than dh, and certainly more income potential for the long run. (Though we both made the same at the time).

BUT honestly for us, the decision was who would be a better home maker. & who hated their job more. In both cases that would be my dh. I have to say it really wasn't a fiancial decision. IT was a personal happiness decision. I could see making the same decision if he made more money.

Money is no good if you are miserable.

ETA: Most people I know choose based on gender. I know few people who actually think this through. Though on the flip side I know a lot of men who stayed home for a time (lay off and such) who just didn't like it. I think women as a whole fit the SAH mold better. Not always. But they are more willing to stay home than men, for sure.

[PrincessPerky]

I have to admit to being a bit sexist..or lazy..whichever pumping is far to much work IMO. (for those who have never tried, imagine being milked by machine for 20 minutes..without the pleasure of holding a baby....)

However I know several IRL couples who choose dad staying home..never really asked why, I simply assumed it was the best decision for them.

in our case aside from nursing issues, I am the better multitasker. so we wont switch when they are older.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I had a few women I worked with who pumped twice a day. They worked full time and their husbands too. One moved away and became a stay at home mom and she hated it. She wrote to me, over email she was going back to school for a new career.