When are we financially ready to adopt a baby?

**AmbitiousSaver** · 06-10-2008, 03:49 AM

I don't know much about adoption but I just wanted to say that I think it is great you have a plan in place.

That said, I would just make sure you have your medical insurance, the least amount of debt possible, and a plan in place to help you cover the inevitables with child rearing.

But I do also want to say... someone once told my grandmother "If you wait till you have enough money to have kids, you'll never have them"... I'm not sure how great advice that is, because I certainly don't advocate people without a plan to just have kids without any idea as to how they'll support them.

My husband and I have not had to deal with adoption, but have dealt with the pressures of being unsure how to do it because we felt like we couldn't afford it. And somehow, we adjusted.... so instead of buying Gap or LL Bean clothes... we take them to Target and shop off the clearance rack. I didn't skimp on getting the baby a nursery, but I did shop around... I found a website with free shipping and found her crib marked 60% off, I went to garage sales for her baby swing and some other baby equipment. So its worked out, even though when we found out about her we didn't know how we'd make it.

I do think you've definitely got a great head start. You're more prepared than we've ever been... but yeah, I would just make sure your medical insurance covered a lot and you had saved up enough to cover that first year of deductibles & copays. IMO the most likely thing or emergency that could happen with children is medical... the rest tends to just be wants beyond the basics (food, clothing, shelter). Oh and planning for childcare I suppose is another consideration.

My older bro and sis were adopted from South Korea while they paid for infertility treatments to have me and I know my parents weren't nearly as prepared as you. Dad finally retired, Mom is buying a McDonalds franchise, and my brother is a district attorney... I'm getting my master's degree... and my sister is a social worker so they did still manage to give us a good life despite being ill-prepared.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 06-10-2008, 06:28 AM

I think it will work out. Sounds stupid but a lot of people have kids with a lot less and they seem to manage.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 06-10-2008, 06:37 AM

This doesn't address your question, but it bothers me that it is so expensive to adopt a child. If you are adopting a US citizen, I wish we could arrange for the rest of us, via our taxes, to pay your adoption expenses. Our whole society benefits when one of its vulnerable children is given a place in an able, loving family.

**AmbitiousSaver** · 06-10-2008, 06:55 AM

I thought there were tax credits for adoption available as well here is some info about it Tax Topics - Topic 607 Adoption Credit

I'm not sure why its so expensive either... is it lawyer fees?

**poundwise** · 06-10-2008, 07:40 AM

All adoptions are not that expensive. Typically, if one is seeking a healthy, white, infant, then you're going to pay the most. If you want a couple of minority siblings who are 6 and 9, you can get them on the cheap.

Can you already tell I think the whole system of selling children is ludicrous? If not, read on a bit.

A billboard with a cute kid's photo reads, "Won't you give a child a loving home?" But when you call the posted phone number that becomes, "We'll need $20K to let you give a child a loving home."

I also don't like people on the other side of the process. Sometimes it is, "We just want to share our love and help a child who otherwise wouldn't have a good home." And then, when presented with some photos and profiles of children it becomes, "No, not that one. No, not that one."

Amazing.

/end hotbuttonrant

Seriously though, if your heart is in the right place and you can afford the big bucks to pay the agency and all that, then by all means, do it. Its neither your nor the child's fault that the system is the way that it is. Fulfill you heart's longing and give a child a good home; there's certainly nothing wrong with that.

In the case of families I know of, they have adopted through the foster care system or private arrangements and it cost much less to handle all the legal needs.

ETA: As for when you are ready. I think you are overly concerned. Save up what you need for the adoption, manage you own personal business the way you have been, make allowances/adjustments in the budget for expanding your family, change/update insurance policies if need be, etc. and then don't worry about it. You will have done what you reasonably could do. Life happens to all of us. The idea of being fully prepared for anything is a fallacy. Do your best and move forward.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 06-10-2008, 08:55 AM

Wow, is that true that it costs more to adopt a white, healthy infant? How could that be the case? Why would it cost more to adopt one child than another? Who is making a living from adoptions? I know of very few adopted children, but I don't think any of the parents spent much at all for the adoptions. No one I know who has adopted is even middle class and they just would not have had the money. I think they all worked through religious charities.

**poundwise** · 06-10-2008, 09:05 AM

Originally posted by Joan.of.the.Arch View Post

Wow, is that true that it costs more to adopt a white, healthy infant? How could that be the case?

ABC News: Why it Costs More to Adopt a White Baby

Illinois Times: Baby Trade

**stressedmama** · 06-10-2008, 09:11 AM

International adoptions are very expensive, but prices vary depending on what country you adopt from. Different countries have different rules and policies on adoptions. Costs add up because some countries like Russia require the adoptive parents to make 2 trips to the country before finalizing an adoption. Two trips for two people to make to Russia, along with lodging and meals, gets expensive very quickly. Not to mention you have to pay agency fees, court fees, donations to orphanages (aka bribs to home country), etc. My husband and I have looked into it and $25K - $35K is a good reasonable amount to pay for an international adoption for a healthy young child.

That being said, I think the OP should go for it. You'll never feel total financially ready for children. It sounds like you are on the right track by paying off debt, saving for retirement, and even saving to cover the majority of the adoption. Make sure you check into places that assist with adoptions. I would recommend you check out Steven Curtis Chapman's website Shaohannah's Hope: which gives adoption assistance. Good luck!

**MonkeyMama** · 06-10-2008, 09:14 AM

I personally would not feel comfortable adding a child to my life without a decent emergency fund. Granted, you lose the what ifs of pregnancy and delivery, so maybe need less than a pregnant mother. But still, do you think you will work when you have a child? IF so an emergency fund or backup plan is probably a good idea. Likewise, you don't have the working constraints of a working mother, or the biological clock to worry about. You can save up more money, you can work more jobs or step up the efforts in the interim.

For the most part you seem well prepared though. But just my thoughts. Kids are major financial drains.

I am kind of with Poundwise though.

I've heard many excellent things about Foster-to-Adopt programs in certain areas. You might not get the healthiest, whitest baby, BUT I have a relative who received a baby the day she was certified (2-days-old or something) and had officially adopted him at 18 months. They are in the process of adopting his baby brother. The state provided "stipend", diapers and formula. They didn't have to pay a dime. They will receieve medical care for those children and a monthly check for their first 18 years at least, even after the adoption. (I don't know the details, maybe longer).

They have plenty money to adopt. But they are instead sinking all their money into their quest to bear a biological child. This was really just a backup plan and a distraction of sorts. They certainly didn't expect on Day 1 they would have a newborn son (& dibs on future siblings, that would come so soon).

They did try to adopt a mutual friend's baby but it became a sale to the highest bidder. It was pretty sickening. Incidentally that was a healthy, white baby. That was a game they weren't willing to play. But the mom was just a struggling teenager who started to see $$$ when she started to find parents for her baby. IT disintegrated fast. She wasn't stupid though - plenty people willing to pay $$$$$.

IT's not all roses. The foster babies were born addicted to drugs. IT can really run the gammit as far as how addicted these babies are. But if the state is willing to foot the bill... For the most part, these babies just need homes. These kids usually do well with time.

I'd probably be hard pressed to take on a sick child, personally. NOT an easy road. But if you can be rather color blind there are a lot more afforable options.

It's a shame that is what it comes to though.

ETA: My aunt also adopted older children from Russia. With missing limbs, etc. It was still rather expensive because it was international though. Though I imagine part of the reason they went that route was to save money over domestic adoption (not the kind who did it from the goodness of their heart.

)

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 06-10-2008, 10:31 AM

Romania isn't as expensive either! My old roomie went back to Romania, but they have pretty strict laws about it. And it wasn't as expensive as you imagined. Or south america.

**aida2003** · 06-10-2008, 11:53 AM

Even though I'd feel more comfortable having extra money in the bank before adopting a child, you didn't mention what jobs you both have and whether they 'feel' secure. Also, what about your living/spending habits?
If you're frugal people and won't change your habits after you adopt a child, it's probably manageable to achieve your plan without a major EF (you still need a small EF though).

**stressedmama** · 06-10-2008, 12:26 PM

Unless it's changed in the past couple of months, Romania has been closed for international adoptions for several years.

Guatemala is the cheapest international country we have found to adopt from. Costs are more around the $15K - $20K range.

Before you decide to adopt a child make sure you have realistic ideas for how much daycare (if applicable), diapers, formula, medical visits, etc. costs and make sure your monthly budget can accomodate these expenses. Perhaps try to make a monthly budget for these expenses and set aside this much money every month now to begin your EF or to help finance the remainder of the adoption until you have a child. Since international adoptions can take a couple of years to complete you should be able to establish a nice EF by then.

**hopefulfirefly** · 06-10-2008, 12:31 PM

Thanks for everyone's replies. I think there are some major misconceptions about adoption that I'd like to clear up.

This doesn't address your question, but it bothers me that it is so expensive to adopt a child. If you are adopting a US citizen, I wish we could arrange for the rest of us, via our taxes, to pay your adoption expenses.

Thank you! That is a very kind thought. There is an adoption tax credit available in the amount of approximately $11K, however, you have to have income under a certain level to qualify AND it is set to expire in '09. Additionally, it is a "credit" that can be used to reduce the amount of taxes you owe over a 5 year period. So, it may be 5 years before an adoptive family fully benefits from it. The $$ is still needed up front to pay the adoption costs.

All adoptions are not that expensive. Typically, if one is seeking a healthy, white, infant, then you're going to pay the most. If you want a couple of minority siblings who are 6 and 9, you can get them on the cheap.

Apparently I need to clarify that the cost for adoptions is not for the purchase of a child, it is for the legal action of adoption, the "advertising" costs associated with being matched with a birthmother (how many of you have had random pregnant women just come up and ask you if you'd like to adopt their baby? It doesn't work that way, obviously, so there are expenses involved in reaching out to potential birthmothers) the uncovered medical expenses (let's remember not everyone has medical insurance and our medical insurance does not cover the birth/prenatal care of the baby), and expenses related to the needs of the birthmother (again, although this is potentially controversial, I do not want the woman carrying my future child to go without certain necessities during her pregnancy).

"We just want to share our love and help a child who otherwise wouldn't have a good home." And then, when presented with some photos and profiles of children it becomes, "No, not that one. No, not that one."

Despite the dramatization on the lifetime channel, I am not adopting so that i can be a hero or give a baby a good home....we're not talking about a puppy from a shelter....this is a LIFE that would have unlimited numbers of families willing to adopt if we do not. I'm not "saving" anybody nor am I trying to be a hero, I'm just trying to be a mom.

I've heard many excellent things about Foster-to-Adopt programs in certain areas. You might not get the healthiest, whitest baby, BUT I have a relative who received a baby the day she was certified (2-days-old or something) and had officially adopted him at 18 months.

Are you a parent? I have all the respect and admiration for foster parents, but at this time in my life, I don't feel I'm prepared to foster. Despite that, I would like to ask how you would feel if you or your spouse gave birth to your child and for the first 18 months of your child's life...everyday you were completely unsure if he would be your child forever. Would the state come to return him to his bio parents? Would the bio parents have their rights reinstated and request him back? While I mildly appreciate your effort to recommend "cheaper" options for our adoption, please don't underestimate the uncertainty surrounding being a foster parent.

IT's not all roses. The foster babies were born addicted to drugs. IT can really run the gammit as far as how addicted these babies are. But if the state is willing to foot the bill... For the most part, these babies just need homes. These kids usually do well with time.

These babies just don't need homes, they need constant love,attention, and a lot of dedication from the gracious individuals who are their foster parents. Parenting a child who has been born addicted to drugs in not an easy task and often it is not the 'state' that foots the bill for all the added expenses that these children need, those expenses often fall into the hands of the parents. It should be noted that not all foster children are born addicted to anything. Similarly, the baby we may choose to adopt could very well be addicted to something.

But if you can be rather color blind there are a lot more afforable options.

Again, the goal here is not to find the most affordable option. When you, or your spouse was pregnant, did you search for the most affordable doctor? Did you purchase the most affordable formula for your baby? Or, instead did you search for the highest qualified doctor or the most nutritious baby formula?

My dh and I would like a very qualified and experienced attorney to handle our adoption, and that costs money. The total amount that I anticipate needing for our adoption is not exclusively the costs paid to the attorney. If we adopt in a different state than which we live, we are required to live in that state until the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children is processed. Living in another state for several weeks, possibly longer, with an infant is expensive. As I mentioned before....we don't have the luxury of knowing with certainty that medical insurance will cover everything. Before you make judgements about the total cost of adoption, you should do your own research.

Thank you to those who make productive and meaningful comments about my original question. I appreciate your feedback.

**AmbitiousSaver** · 06-10-2008, 01:19 PM

I can completely sympathize with your difficulty in agonizing over this. I called my mom to ask her what adopting my brother and sister was like... and back in 76 and 79 even they had problems. They were adopted from South Korea because that was the only agency that would adopt out to them being they were in 2nd marriages and had a 12 year age gap. My brother and sister were three when they were adopted, my brother cost $1500-$2000 and my sister was around $3000.

The foster to adopt isn't always the easiest route either. Friend of mine, they are a foster family and had taken in 2 boys (white)... but one of the boys lives was constantly disrupted because of the visitations with the birth mother. He had special needs and the birth mother would ignore them and negate any progress my friend was doing. Then the social workers decided to put him in a different home after 2 years... they still have the other boy and it looks like they'll be able to adopt him, but nothing is set in stone. She has had him since he was an infant and is around 2 now.

Anyhow I wish you luck in your quest. I'm sure its not an easy road because it wasn't for my parents and they adopted 30 years ago and couldn't even adopt within the country because it was too hard.

BTW, I can relate about the "finding the best doctor" argument too. When I had an elective surgery, sure I factored cost into it... but it was my first surgery and I went with the doctor who was more expensive and had years more experience because there is a certain level of trust and peace of mind you get from knowing you are in good hands when it comes to important decisions.

When are we financially ready to adopt a baby?