If you can save...why not just finance?

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

LivingAlmostLarge, you are one smart cookie!

[Tree0164]

If it was me, I would go to see my father myself if he is dying. Will you be able to forgive yourself if something happens.

This way you can also stay with your friend and not hae to worry about staying in a hotel.

You and your husband do sound like you need to mature and stop playing games with the money and the My wants are needier than your wants. If you don't it will cause a ton of stress on the marriage.

[AmbitiousSaver]

You and your husband do sound like you need to mature and stop playing games with the money and the My wants are needier than your wants. If you don't it will cause a ton of stress on the marriage.

Ok, this quote just pretty much irritated me. What do you know about how mature we are? I think I have done pretty damn good for myself considering when I came to this forum I was $12500 in debt and now I have it down to $9600 in a few days.

Maturity is a comment I never hear of being an issue... I am 26 and have FOUR kids... I have gone without grocery shopping for myself when DH is gone just so I can pay OFF a credit card instead of just paying it down. I finished my bachelor's degree in 2 1/2 years despite becoming a mother at 18 & 19. I had my son the day of my auditing final and we had to move 6 months before I graduated... but I still did.

So we made a few bad choices.... rationalized them for our kids. Part of the CC debt is a water softener we bought because of our son having such bad skin... the other was home renovations... I can account for every single thing that is on that credit card and have a plan in place to pay it off in February at the latest, possibly October of THIS year... considering we are $9K in debt and DH's bonus is ONLY $3K this year... I think that speaks for itself. I just haven't divulged the plan DH and I have talked about on the forum, its in my blog.

Right now we just need some guidance to help us prioritize and know which goals we can/should go for. And how to reach those goals without spending more than we need to. I'm sorry we aren't financially saavy as we should be for others at our age.... its not like we were ever taught about finances as a kid since we didn't talk about them... and my parents, although I love them dearly, certainly weren't great role models.

But tell me my argument doesn't make sense and show me how, tell me I could be doing something better and how/why... I'll actually sit and think about the points you make and will likely even say THANK YOU for it... but don't just judge me. So many people I've known in life have done that to me and did that to me when I got pregnant at 18 just out of high school. I kept hearing I'll never get my degree.

Not only did I get my degree, I had two more kids and still graduated when I was 22 and am going back for my masters. Ambition is one thing I don't lack... and coming across judgemental comments like the above just give me more motivation to prove people wrong.

And I do have to add... my marriage is one thing I am not worried about. Although we may get into a heated first discussion... we keep revisiting it till we come to a resolution we are both fine... nothing is ever a closed discussion. And when push comes to shove DH and I will push back our goals in the interests of our children UNLESS that goal is also seen to be of their benefit (such as buying a different home/neighborhood when our neighborhood started getting tagged by gangs and I found out I was pregnant with a fourth)... or like the water softener or my minivan. Thats when our judgement can get a little faded cause we want them in a good, safe neighborhood... I want them to be safe in a reliable vehicle I can trust... and I don't want my son's skin and allergies so bad as it was before we got the water softener.

[cicy33]

I think you are doing great. You are probably doing better than us and I am 40! Keep going the way you are. You are a little luckier than me in that your husband will actually discuss with you. mine won't. He is so stubborn. God forbid I use the word cutback. Sometimes I think that there are those on this board that are more dedicated or one tracked on their debt than others. And that is great for them, but for others (like me) I will do it a bit slower as I want to enjoy life a little bit now as well as enjoy it later when I may or may not be around. I will still achieve the same result, just not as fast.

[jIM_Ohio]

Ok, so after sitting down and figuring out a budget and how we're going to pay for our debts... set aside money every month to account for future goals (buy a car in cash, etc, etc) I figured out to do what we want to do for the next 9 years... we need to save a set amount a month

So I tell DH he can get a motorcycle in 2011

To which he say "Why don't you just tell me I can't get one then? Cause in 3 years something else will come up and I can't get one." He's up in arms about this cause earlier I told him we could use our tax return next year and get him a motorcycle, which with adjusting our withholding to pay down the CC debt... is no longer an option.

So I say "Look, all I'm saying is if you really want one, just set aside $175/mo for 3 years" and he responds "Why can't we just finance one for $175/mo if we can save that $175?"

And I told him "Cause we're paying interest on it every month vs EARNING interest"

Is there a way I can help change his thinking or make him see what I'm trying to do? His thinking doesn't make sense, right? And I'm not good at explaining things like that... he just thinks this is my round about way of saying we'll never get one

I'm just thinking "Jeez, he should be glad I'm thinking about HIS goal of a motorcycle and not MY goal for a horse." At least I'm trying to think of a plan to make it happen vs throwing my hands up in the air and saying "My dreams will never come true"

Ask DH what is short, mid and long term goals are. Financially speaking. I have seen some of the replies already, but wanted to chime in on the OP before seeing all the replies.

Both of you need to align all financial goals together. The debt is a problem, but so are the goals of the other spouse. In my case I want to save for early retirement, where as my wife would like to take more vacations and more family time now. Your husband's need for toys should not be dismissed. But it should be rationalized within a budget both of you agree on.

[jIM_Ohio]

We want too much.... I actually suggested he go IA (something he's been suggesting to me to do to get out of debt). He'd be gone for a year in Iraq. We agree on our month to month budget... but can't agree on our goals or what to save for.

He tried equating my masters degree to him wanting a motorcycle, and I said No, my masters can earn me more money. I'm just ARRRRGHHHH!! Frustrated. I love him... but him going to Iraq for a year has suddenly become very tempting since he's not willing to budge on his goals.

He wants to spend $6K on a motorcycle, $1500 to see his family... I want $9000 for my master's degree and $8000 to have my family go back to Hawaii so my Dad can see the baby and I can too.

The conversation was never fully resolved. I told him I'll figure out how to get him a motorcycle if he figures out how to let me see my family in Hawaii. I don't know...

You each believe your own goals trump that of the other. That is a recipe for disaster. The budget needs to account for all financial goals, so my take is you really do not have a budget yet.

Figure out the long term, mid term and short term goals. Make sure the long term goals (debt free and retirement) are funded first, but do not fund all long term goals at expense of some reasonable short term goals.

Maybe let DH take a vacation where he can rent a motorcycle for a weekend. Maybe that delays the itch to get one.

[jIM_Ohio]

I think you should look at the possibililty of just you going to see your dad and him his parents. I think your families would understand that, 8 traveling is a problem. These trips alone are a financial disaster. Family visits should never be a huge burden, think about it.

I will second this. I sounds like both of you are independant. Take the trip yourself. In addition demand from your families that they come and see you.

I live 400 miles from my family and best/oldest friend. Huge family- aunts uncles cousins and cousins kids now total close to 70 on my mothers side and we are real close. Our philosophy has been that we do drive in 2-3 times per year. If there is a wedding, then that is one of the 2-3 trips. Otherwise we expect to get visitors here in cincy. Only 3 of my family members have visited us (except for our wedding here). I know everyone is busy, but family is a two way street.

See the family by yourself (to keep costs down). If the families want to see your family (and the kids), they need to make it a point to see you where you live.

[creditcardfree]

... maybe we could sell his car and downsize his car to afford a car we can buy in cash and a motorcycle in cash. I mentioned that yesterday and he said it wouldn't work.... but now he's thinking about it.

I think this is an excellent idea, considering that it would take any or much extra cash to get to the goal of a motorcycle. One WANT down without extra cash and you move on to the other goals.

It is definitely worth researching!

[Like2Plan]

Sometimes what one person wants out a budget doesn't make sense to other.
I wonder if part of the problem is your DH doesn't feel he has any control over the situation? Would it be possible to give your DH $175.00 a month (or some part of that) to put in an account of his choosing and then let him manage it as he sees fit?

DH and I have joint accounts and I manage the bills and investments. Even so, we each receive our own weekly discretionary spending money (to save or spend). If a need arises, DH has willingly given up part of it--but it was something he decided. Likewise, I have done things for DH with my spending money--something that I wanted to do for him...

[LivingAlmostLarge]

You have differeing goals. My DH and I have differing goals. But we compromise. I think we should curtail vacations until after he's done with his program, he feels he works super hard and deserves it. I have conceded with him that he deserves it.

I'd prefer we not do it and have more cash. But sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.

[PrincessPerky]

You know you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I know you are trying to work out a compromise..you might find listing all the wants, then try finding the ones you agree on, but can cut the size of.

For example that trip to Hawaii..family IS important, and hotels are much more comfortable than staying with said family, BUT. you can't have it all.

When we travel (which we do a lot) we stay with my MIL..you know I am not fond of that! but I do it so that we can afford to travel more often. there have been points where we stayed away for a time to cool off and also tried camping (DH was a wuss about it) anything to keep the cost down and still visit. We keep coming back to the cheap staying with family...not my fav, but it gets the want of visiting done, without ruining our finances.

The bike is another want that could be cut back, but not out. My Dads first bike that I recall cost him $250 (used) not the 'dream bike' and I think he now owns a non motor bike that cost about the same. Point is for the time it did the trick, he upgraded once, and then later switched to pedal bikes (which he likes better-some folk are strange...).

My husband wants new computer parts, always . I do too actually, but rather than buy a 3 or 5K new computer we settle for a component at a time, sure it isn't the dream machine, but it is a little bit of satisfaction.

Oh and for water softening, you know adding a bit of baking soda to the tub does the same thing? course it doesn't work for a shower, but is rather soothing in a bath as needed.

[lehresman]

AmbitiousSaver, I've read several of your posts and I'm curious what "DH" stands for? I assume you're referring to your husband, but what is "DH"? I guess I'm not used to this forum's slang yet.

[creditcardfree]

AmbitiousSaver, I've read several of your posts and I'm curious what "DH" stands for? I assume you're referring to your husband, but what is "DH"? I guess I'm not used to this forum's slang yet.

DH is dear husband, DD is dear daughter, DS dear son and DW is dear wife. My husband just asked me about this last night when he was reading my blog. Thanks for asking...I'm sure a few others out there were wondering, too!

[maat55]

[QUOTE=creditcardfree;167982]DH is dear husband, DD is dear daughter, DS dear son and DW is dear wife. My husband just asked me about this last night when he was reading my blog. Thanks for asking...I'm sure a few others out there were wondering, too![/QUOTE]

I be one of those.