I'm I being too frugal with my wife?

[scfr]

How would you feel about giving your wife some of your fun money to spend on herself? I'm not saying you have to do it, but I'm saying it would be a way for you to keep your budget unchanged while letting your wife feel a bit less "deprived."

Personally, I think $350 per month for fun money is outrageously sky-high, but I understand that everyone has different standards.

More important than the amount of the "allowance," it seems the 2 of you need to do a little talking about finances in general and at least come up with some common goals.

[maat55]

To all of you who have asked how much she would want for retirement, in fun money, is she on board with the current budget? She has no idea and doesnt really care. She hates anything financial with a passion so I take care of the finances. It works out well since I enjoy it.

So what days of the week are you spending with my wife. Your wife sounds just like mine. My wife would kiss me for that kind of money a month right now. Tell princess to get a job or more higher paying one if she has one.

[Fizgig]

So what days of the week are you spending with my wife. Your wife sounds just like mine. My wife would kiss me for that kind of money a month right now. Tell princess to get a job or more higher paying one if she has one.

"Princess" already has a job in which she earns 3x more than her husband.

I can understand why she would possibly resent the allowance. I think it's reasonable for you to give up some of your spending money, which you admit that you rarely need, in order for her to enjoy the fruits of her labor more.

[Gruntina]

I can see how 350 would not be enough in her shoes if it is going to all those expenses that you mentioned. My husband and I do not have a exact 50/50 figure of allowance each month because it varies and we use the money only when we need it which isn't much but our needs are met.

But I have to add, being aware of my financial outlook and goals, I do without massages, restaurant date with friends(maybe 1-2 times a year), I rarely buy article of clothing’s and get my hair cut only twice a year and dye my own hair using the 5 dollar dye box kit. It might be different if I had a much lower cost of living or a much higher income. We make a combined salary a little more than what you mentioned but we live in a HCOL area. With this being said, my monthly spending is usually around 50 dollars which includes a couple of lunch out for a change of atmosphere to "get away from it all" for an hour.

It really depends on what your financial outlook and lifestyle, if you are renting cheap or paying a big mortgage and the like.

If I had chosen to rent an apartment for life instead of being tied down with a mortgage, home insurances and taxes... I would have a lot more spending money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

First off DH and I have equal blow money, and it's only $40/month each. BUT I do not have to pay for stuff you talk about like massages, hobbies, clothes, vacation, etc.

That stuff all comes out of the "joint" money. Fun money is for us to have fun. We eat out with it with friends. Clothes, hair, makeup, etc is all joint.

If my DH wants me to look nice he can pay for it. If he didn't care about a groomed wife, had to buy razors, moisturizer, sunscreen, makeup, etc from my blow, forget it! I am spending it on eating out and he can look at me au natural uggo! He can see my bushy eyebrows, unshaved legs, unshaved underarms, etc. Sorry but women do cost more than men in the hygiene department.

And if he doesn't like it then well I can more than happily be natural. Of course he'd get ribbing at work when people take a look at a wife who just looks gross, etc, but heck I'd do it to make a point. And he knows it. Hence why he doesn't complain about some of my personal needs.

Also if she has to pay for feminine hygiene, birth control, etc, my take on that is it's cheaper than a baby so pony up hubby. Unless you want lots of kids. pregnant = no monthly needs. birth control = no kids.

[Snave]

I think this might have been asked earlier, but what does she think would be fair? Look, if it is an extra $50-100 a month, and she earns it and you have 8 months of EF and are saving 30% of your income, it is not going to kill you financially to do this. However, if you don't, she may come to resent it and nobodies happy if momma ain't happy!

[cptacek]

If she really doesn't have a clue about the unique finances of your household, then I understand why she might think that isn't enough. She probably knows how much she makes and then compares it to $350 a month that you "let" her have and then she craps her pants.

I mean, if you both together, make $75,000, and she makes 3 times more than you do, then she is making $56,000ish a year or $4687 a month, right? $350 a month doesn't look like much compared to $4687. If she doesn't know what else the money is being spent on, then it makes sense to question why she can only spend $350.

[project15]

Just a point of reference, we make about 90k and have allowances of $200 each per month. I save mine and she spends all hers every month. I do think this is as low as my wife could go. We're saving for a house, so once we buy and don't have to save so much for the down payment, I'll probably bump that up a bit.

[PrincessPerky]

While I imagine she has no interest in knowing the financial picture based on what you said, you might try a simplified version IE:
total monthly 'bills' (mortgage, electric, water, insurance, medical etc) +total shared fun (cable TV, internet, ect) + minimum savings (go with 20% combine retirement savings with 'regular') and then show what is left.

Four simple numbers the 'leftover' is your splurge amount..she gets some you get some...that way she isn't looking at a 4.5K check wondering why she only gets 350, she is looking at say 1K and seeing the three way split (350 for her 350 for you, 300 for joint benefit savings) Might make it more acceptable to her (though you might find she wants to skip the 'extra' savings and with 8months already put away I think it is prolly worth it to compromise.

[DebbieL]

When I read the initial post I thought “Gee, what a spoiled brat!” However, on further reading I can see that she earns the lion’s share of the money, works full time, and probably takes on a lot of additional stress dealing with her husband’s condition which only allows him to work part-time and bring in a minimal income.

To me getting massages and eating out all the time aren’t necessary (that’s what my DH is for, lol). I married a chef and he gives a darned good massage too.

I come at this from a different perspective than many in that DH and I do not combine our finances (so we don’t need to clear any personal spending with the other, etc.). I wouldn’t want to be told what I could or couldn’t spend. We are quite similar though, and both are savers for the most part. We’re just fiercely independent and don’t want to give up any control over our own personal spending.

Truthfully, if I were making that much more money than DH and paying most of the bills (which she must be if her income is that much higher), I would probably resent being put on an allowance (even though I do think $350/month just to blow is high).

For the original poster, this issue doesn’t really sound like it should be a problem. You’ve already said you don’t spend much of your allowance anyways. Why not give her the majority of it? She could have say $500/month and you take $200. This is more than you say you spend anyways and it would go a long way towards making your wife happy.

[Ima saver]

It seems pretty high to me too. Separate vacations? I have never been by myself one night since I have been married. (31 years) However, I do not splurge on my appearance and I think I look great. Give me a jar of pond's cold cream and some eye liner and I am fine.

[GoodBuyGirl]

Maybe you could give your wife massages. That would be fun for the both of you and free up some of her fun money.

[Seeker]

I wasn't going to respond to this because I didn't think I'd have anything really new to say, but I've come back to this.... and don't think there's really enough info here.

What type of "work" does she do? Is this where she meets her friends? Or are these totally separate "friends?"
Some business relationship are more social than others. And eating out can be part of that unspoken ritual.

You have also mentioned that you have no bills except the 40k mortgage on the house and that you are "on track" with retirement. But how much time remains on this mortgage? Also are you in a high cost of living area? Do you both have an Emergency Fund setup if she were to lose her job?These things would also impact my thoughts.

To me $350 is a huge amount of money for monthly "fun" money.... but I don't know all the facts here.

[cptacek]

However, on further reading I can see that she earns the lion’s share of the money, works full time, and probably takes on a lot of additional stress dealing with her husband’s condition which only allows him to work part-time and bring in a minimal income.

I think this is irrelevant and sexist. Lots of times (most of the time?) the husband makes the "lion's share" of the money and if a wife came on this forum and said "he gets more fun money than me because he makes more of the money" then I bet most everyone would try to convince her that that wasn't fair and it should be equal.

[Gruntina]

I think this is irrelevant and sexist. Lots of times (most of the time?) the husband makes the "lion's share" of the money and if a wife came on this forum and said "he gets more fun money than me because he makes more of the money" then I bet most everyone would try to convince her that that wasn't fair and it should be equal.

I was thinking the same of your response earlier too. But I can also see the wife may feel like she is being taken advantage of as well and be resentful of her husband. He is not able to work at his full potentional so it is different. The husband will always have a low income due to his disability.

In our household, it is more important that each of our important needs are met rather 50/50. But again, my husband and I really care and want the best for each other and we are both not spenders and think alike.