Wife Fed Up ?

[jwthornhill]

Yesterday evening started off as a rather typical evening. My wife cooked a fantastic dinner as usual and we all sat down in the front room afterward to watch Super Nanny. During a commercial break she asked our sons to leave the room. Whenever she does that I get a huge lump in my throat and a nervous ball in my stomach because, I know that the next words that will come from her mouth are going to be directed at me and more than likely they won't be nice. Just as I anticipated they weren't. She really let me have it, "I'm sick and tired of us not doing anything together! Every time we do anything it's always with the kids. Why can't we do things alone or with other couples?" It went on like this for almost 40 minutes. Then, I put my foot in my mouth. With absolutely no idea of how I would do it, I promised her that every Saturday afternoon I would make it a point to spend time with her alone and take her somewhere.

I know that I lacking a lot in the romance department. I've never been the most romantic person. Romantic to me is simply listen to some good ole' Sinatra songs and eating popcorn. In the past I've tried to compensate by taking my wife out to dinner or a movie or both. But, now that we are working to build or emergency fund, eliminate our debts and improve our overall financial health, I've cut back on these activities completely.

Now, I’m stuck with trying to find a way to keep my word and avoid spending too much money.

HELP!!!!

[Caoineag]

Walks with picnics are cheap and nice (probably not an option at the moment since you live in Michigan but for future reference).

Do you two like to bowl? Usually not incredibly expensive.

When is the last time you two went to a museum or botannical garden of any sort?

Have you two tried to learn a new hobby together?

They did do a recent study that suggested that the happily married couples were ones who experienced new things together so you might want to think about things you haven't done in the past. Movies and a dinner are quickly forgotten but a new activity or place can really get couples talking again.

Even a drive to an area you never seen before might be fun. Go for something different, whatever you two might enjoy.

[kork13]

Something my parents and many other couples do is simply go for a walk together, even if just through the neighborhood. You can talk about anything and everything you like. Discuss plans, ideas, goals, whatever. It's private (somewhat), relaxing, healthy, and costs only time (which may just be what she wants -- time alone with you). Understandably, it takes time to make a common, worthwhile practice of this, but definitely an idea you could try.

[scfr]

You don't have to spend money to be together:

Take a walk together, find a pretty spot to sit and talk just the 2 of you, make coffee and take it out to a private part in the yard where you can sit and chat.

If you are worried about what you'll find to talk about, as things come to your mind that you want to share with your wife, write them down and save them for your "special time" instead of saying them right away.

[pearlieq]

What does your wife like? What is she interested in?

Friends are the greatest unsung heroes of frugal fun. While you definitely want to make many occasions just you and your wife, adding another couple or two into the mix can provide so much fun! A potluck dinner is very inexpensive, and it's amazing how some friends can make popcorn and a card game seem like a party!

It takes two to tango. Why not ask your wife to take turns with you in being responsible for your "couple time"? One time you can take the lead, and the next time she can be responsible for your plans. It would be invaluable both in a way to learn more about her, and for her to understand the pressue you might feel to perform in that kind of situation.

[Gruntina]

I second pearlieq on asking your wife to take turns initiating the "couple time" activity. You can learn more about each other's desires.

Some ideas I can think of:
1:Going for an ice cream cone or coffee at an outside cafe
2: stroll down cute down town area and window shop(talking about items you see as you go along to initiate conversation).
3: If you have a yard, maybe you both can pick out a plant from the plant nursery to plant together.
3: read her poetry from a book at home in bed or relaxing on the couch
4: lunch or dinner date for just the two of you at home while kids are at friends and light up a couple of candles
5: crossword or piece puzzles together

I am not sure what things you both are into (can talk about that with her to find out) but in our case (my husband and I) got a tandem bike for only 200 dollars from eBay. It was something we never tried before and learned together for the first time. Now we love it and fortunately we live near the ocean where we just ride along the coast. It is an activity that requires us both.

Maybe one of your conversation can be about thinking of something new that you both never done before to try together. Maybe you will find that or not but at least its a conversation starter.

[Scanner]

Alcohol.

It's why it was created - marriage and most of all - kids.

[geojen]

I know that as a woman, I don't need my husband to spend money on me to make me feel appreciated and enjoy our time together. Our best times are hiking in the hills around the town we live in, working together in our garden, walking the dog, sitting drinking coffee and looking at the woods outside our home. This is probably what your wife want--your undivided attention so that you can connect on a level you did when you were dating. You know, back before you had kids and tons of responsibilities. Back when you spent more time getting to know her than planning the carpool and the grocery list.

How long have you been married? Perhaps you have both grown and changed and will enjoy getting to know each other again!

[Broken Arrow]

Alcohol.

It's why it was created - marriage and most of all - kids.

I laughed at that longer than I probably should have.

jwthornhill, it's OK to have an entertainment budget, even if it does slow down debt reduction just a little bit. In fact, it's generally considered a better balance than trying to run only on debt reduction, because you may burn out. It's suppose to be a marathon not a sprint.

At least, that's what I think of it. Please take it for what it's worth.

[Scanner]

I made my post as a joke but my friends who have a very healthy marriage make fun out of making martini's at night as the kids carry on.

Mixing drinks is an art and you can go a long way on a $100 - a few bottles of vodka, tonic, vermouth, apple schnapps.

[maat55]

I would like to agree with scanner, but you can't live by booze alone. I spent my first twenty years of mariage like most people, carrying debt and living on just about everything we earned. Then like you, I felt the need to get serious about my finances.

Today, I am debt free and have 9000 in my ef. but I have many other obsticles in my future like, another wedding looming and a building purchase to prepare for that has me in your boots.

I've told my wife that since she has no plan for this mountain, she can do as I've planned or leave. Sacrificing has come easy for me because I see the light at the end of the tunnel, she can only see today. I gave her and our children a good life and now it's time to pay the piper.

She's taking it fairly well, but her heart is not in it. Good luck.

[disneysteve]

I made my post as a joke but my friends who have a very healthy marriage make fun out of making martini's at night as the kids carry on.

Our daughter was away on a school trip week before last. My wife and I had a great time being alone together (one of my favorite oxymorons) in the house, being able to cook dinner together (we both love to cook) and not have to worry about if it was something our daughter liked or not, and having martinis with dinner each night. We hardly spent any money that we wouldn't have normally spent but it was as good as if we had gone out of town for the week.

Quality time doesn't need to involve money. It needs to involve TIME!

[Snave]

Check around to see if there are any classes the two of you can take together. My wife wants to take a cooking class together. While it will obviously cost a little money for the class, it will mean we are cooking in more often and that obviously saves money.

[am_vanquish]

Check around to see if there are any classes the two of you can take together. My wife wants to take a cooking class together. While it will obviously cost a little money for the class, it will mean we are cooking in more often and that obviously saves money.

I was just going to suggest this! Although your wife makes "fantastic dinner" .., my fiancee does not. About 4 months ago she asked for more time with me because I've spent a lot of time on classwork over the last year trying to graduate early.

I struggled to find things to do for a month, then found a cooking class offered through our church. We pay $10 every time we show up, learn to cook a full-course meal, and socialize with other couples. One week a month, we skip the class to cook something at home with just us, no other couples (this might be an issue with kids, which we don't have). There are some couples that cook really well and do this just to socialize, but if you're not into cooking together, you should be able to find a class on something else with a similar format (our church also offers dancing classes for couples).


Good Luck!

[noppenbd]

How about going to museums or galleries? In my town there are some free ones...