Making Teens Help Pay Off Family Debt?

[asmom]

I think it's a terrible idea although I am sure that you are not intending anything malicious towards your kids. If you and your wife accrued the debt, then it is yours to pay off. Now if you were asking your kids to chip in for something that the whole family could enjoy i.e. a vacation or a TV for the family room, then that would be different. But they should not be asked to help reduce the debt the two of you rang up.

[maat55]

I think having them pay your debts is wrong depending on what and how the debt was accured. If you were responsable and had circumstances beyond your controll happen, then sure they need to help. If it was accured by irresponsability, then no. Either way having them work for their benefit or the family is a good learning experience. A neat thing to do is to have them work and save the money for them, to buy their first car or other. Younger children can get paid for working around the house for money to buy toys. I would not let this get in the way of sport activities if they are involved in them. I treasure memories of those days even though I've been working since I was 14.

[ithaca]

I think it partly depends on the extent of the debt and how much trouble you are in financially. If you are in danger of losing your home or having to file for bankruptcy, I think all's fair and everybody needs to do what they can. If the debt is not so serious, I'm not sure that I'd expect my kid to contribute but I would certainly expect her to understand that due to some financial difficulties, we need to really cut back our spending and limit unnecessary purchases as much as possible so she can't get those new jeans or go to that hot new movie or that our annual vacation might need to be cancelled.

One other thing that might enter into the decision is the source of the debt. If it was due to simple overspending that the kids had nothing to do with, I'd probably keep them out of it. If it was some family catastrophe, medical problem, etc., it might be more reasonable to ask them to help out.

I also agree that school absolutely comes first. They shouldn't feel they HAVE to work but rather should be made to understand the benefit to them and the entire family of helping eliminate the debt more quickly with their help.

Very interesting question. Surely no answer is right or wrong and you need to do what works best for you and your family.

Good posting as usual.

[Ima saver]

Yes, Steve , it was a good post. I think we need to know more of the details before we make a decision.
I just know that I worked from age 12 on and I think that is why I am so good with money.(keeping it, that is)

[jIM_Ohio]

I see the forum is very split down the middle on this.

My inclination is rather than have your kids pay off your debts is to instruct them that they will have to assume financial independence sooner, around 18.

So colleges and everything. . .they could start saving towards.

That way, if you do have to declare bankruptcy, the courts can't seize their assets.

I mean, what if they chip in $5000 each over 1-2 years and you still go bankrupt?

That would suck for them.

This makes sense to me- it's the parents job to teach the kids about life (including money and other). It is not the kids job or responsibility to help the parents out of a financial mess created by the parents.

The kids will learn from the decision you make, regardless, you need to choose the decision which helps the kids avoid this issue in the first place.

[jIM_Ohio]

Beginning earlier this month my wife and I decided to step up our debt elimination plan by asking our teenage sons and daughter to contribute by working jobs, etc. My two teen sons (13 & 14) started a neighborhood trash carry-out service, or teen daughter got a part-time job and my wife and I started working extra hours at work in addition to a part-time weekend job that my wife got.

I recently had some relatives over for dinner and they both gave us a real tongue lashing for doing this.

What do you think?

We Need To Be Debt Free

a second take at this after perusing the blog. I see nothing which indicates the children contributed to the debt.

In addition I see bad decisions by the parents in this situation. Very similar to the bad decisions I saw my parents make.

I also saw you give to the church, but yet ask kids to contribute to household finances. Rethink this, as you can save money here.

I will reiterate, a 12,13 or 14 year old kid will not know how to speak out on this. They should not be asked to pay off the debt. You had kids earn close to $800. You did not teach them how to budget the money, it appears you made them feel obligated to contribute to the family. This is emotional blackmail, and can scar an adolescent for life.

Speaking for your kids, you need to get your head on straight and make better decisions. The debt is on you.

You lent money to someone you trusted and they burned you. Live and learn, not the kids fault.

You appear to have a budget, but did not look for ways to enhance the adult earning power. Why do you contract? Why can't you get a job with a company which can provide benefits, salary growth, and future opportunity?

I saw the budget and read it, but many of the blog posts did not appear relevant to a budgeting discussion, I might suggest you do that here in the forum (many of us do not read the blog section).



List the debt
List the income (adults only)

There is a solution, instead of increasing income thru kids, maybe get a second job, maybe cut the budget in places, maybe wife gets a job or second job (was not clear to me if she works). Maybe keep masters degree on hold until debt is clear.

I also did not see the total amount of debt listed on blog, if the chart was the debt, we are talking about 10k I think in debt. That is far from a monster problem to begin with.

[disneysteve]

I also saw you give to the church, but yet ask kids to contribute to household finances. Rethink this, as you can save money here.

I was waiting for someone besides me to bring this up. The fact that you are giving away $4,500 each year while simultaneously taking financial help from your kids to pay off debts really bothers me. Do you really want to be teaching your kids that it is more important to pay the church's bills than to pay your own? Charity begins at home. Only when you are on stable financial footing can you then go out and help others. I'm all for supporting charities. We do it regularly. But if we ever found ourselves in a situation where we couldn't meet our own needs, the charitable donations would absolutely be the first thing we cut.

[DebbieL]

For some reason, the tithing is something JW won't touch. It has been talked to death on his blog. I too have a problem with that side of things, but he won't change his mind. I do believe the kids came to him with the idea of helping out with money - he didn't ask them. If they want to do it, and it makes them feel good to help their parents I think it's okay (so long as they don't give all their earnings to their parents).

[disneysteve]

For some reason, the tithing is something JW won't touch. It has been talked to death on his blog. I too have a problem with that side of things, but he won't change his mind. I do believe the kids came to him with the idea of helping out with money - he didn't ask them. If they want to do it, and it makes them feel good to help their parents I think it's okay (so long as they don't give all their earnings to their parents).

I agree, DebbieL. Besides, according to the blog, the debt is shrinking quickly. It was over 14K when I checked a week or so ago and is now $11,700. I'm guessing this will be purely an academic debate in the not too distant future when they are debt-free. I think working together as a family is terrific as long as everyone is in agreement. Surely, the whole family will benefit in the end.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Maybe, but the truth is the kids should use the money to pay for stuff like their clothes, hockey lessons, etc. The Hockey Lessons which JW didn't want to pay for and then gave the coach a hard time about paying 100%, but he wanted a discount for paying cash? Sorry JW but that was a terrible thing. You expected a deal because of the cost, when others just anted up.

Well that's what I think the kid's money should be used for Hockey Lessons, clothes, going out with friends. Things that are unnecessary for their welfare and that you shouldn't pay but if they work and earn it they should.

And since you aren't paying for college, now would be the right time to start saving for college for them.

Also I hadn't considered tithing and taking money from the kids?

[jwthornhill]

We agree with most of you that the kids shouldn't be working to pay off the family debt. Especially since the remaining debt from the IRS and UIA. So, beginning this Feb. nothing they earn will be applied to our debt reduction program.

Thanks for all of the advice and constructive criticism.

[Scanner]

As far as tithing, I haven't followed this whole thing but I am sure the Catholic Church gives absolution/suspension of this obligation in extenuating circumstances.

Ask your priest, minister, rabbi.

Having the IRS breathing down your neck would qualify to me as an extenuating circumstance to suspend tithing for awhile.

There is such a concept of being guilty of "scrupulosity"

Scrupulosity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'll let you reflect upon that.

[flavor]

Charity starts at home but its the parents responsibility to take care of their kids and home.
If parents feel they are not responsible to pay for their kids college education, they should not feel that kids should have the responsibility to help their parents get themselves out of debt. Its your debt, not theirs. You made the wrong decisions. you made the wrong choices. Just my opinion.

[DebbieL]

Again, I have to point out the kids WANTED and VOLUNTEERED to help. It was their idea. This sort of thing was not uncommon at all not too long ago (and probably still is common in some parts of the world). My dad was working 16 hours a day both on and off his parents farm by the time he was 12 (he was born in 1929 - so basically raised in the depression). It was hard times back then, and many kids didn't get the luxury of a childhood that stretched into their 20s like they do nowadays.

My dad is the most AWESOME man I've ever known by the way. I've never met anyone kinder and with a more generous spirit. My parents never needed any financial help, but if they had, I know I would have wanted to help out too.

JW, you have awesome kids. I agree that it isn't their responsibility to help with the debts, but the fact that they wanted to speaks volumes. Sadly, I don't think my own daughter would do that if I needed it
Most kids these days are spoiled IMO.

[Lori63]

My son works (he's 16) to help pay car insurance and to have money for the 'unnecessary' things he wants, and also for his social life.
I agree if it is a cable/internet/phone bill that they have contributed to they can help pay.