Spousal Reimbursement?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

What would you do if your spouse asked for reciepts for everything to reimburse you?

[Coleroo]

it depends on why the asking is done. at our house we use the envelope system and my husband and I are both responsible for making sure receipts matches what was taken from specific bill money envelopes. now as for "spending money" no receipt is asked for / required.

So if its to track bill money / cut expenses, I see nothing wrong with it. If its to keep tabs on your personal spending money that would be offensive, imo.

[disneysteve]

What would you do if your spouse asked for reciepts for everything to reimburse you?

I'm not really understanding the question, but my wife and I are a team. We work together. One pool of money that we both have equal access to, so there is no such thing as reimbursement in our house.

[Aleta]

I agree with Steve. My husband and I have always pooled our money together. The only thing that I do different, is that for the emergency money that we have in the house, I want it to be reimbursed and put back. It's not a matter of where it was spent as long as it was put back. Although so much is different today with prenups, etc. There is no level of trust between the spouses and that makes the relationship a difficult one.

[scfr]

My DH & I also both have equal access to all funds and statements. If either of us is thinking of buying anything over $100, we have a deal that we will bounce the idea off of the other person first. I'm sure if either of us thought the other was spending too much, we would speak up (but it's not a problem). We compromise: I'd prefer to donate more, my DH would prefer to donate nothing, so we agree on an amount and then I get to decide where it goes.

Is there a legitimate reason for asking for receipts? There could be.

But if it is all about one person controlling the other person through controlling the money, then I would be extremely concerned.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

One another board, I called someone a controller. He makes his wife turn in receipts to be reimbursed for spending. They are on DR but I don't understand why they don't use cash envelopes and when the money is gone it's gone. Suppossedly it's to try curb her spending and budgeting. I don't get it all, I think it's very controlling. I would hate it if my DH watched every penny and expected me to be accountable to him.

I like cash envelopes because you are accountable to the money not to the spouse.

[disneysteve]

I like cash envelopes because you are accountable to the money not to the spouse.

What if the money runs out before the month runs out? If I knew I wasn't the one who had spent it, I'd certainly want to know from my wife where the money had gone.

I agree that wanting to see receipts for everything sounds very controlling, but if the couple is having financial difficulty, every penny needs to be accounted for to track spending. If she has been overspending, it might be appropriate for him to keep a close watch and make her accountable for everything. Otherwise, she'll just keep on spending.

Whenever I advise someone on setting up a budget, the first thing I always suggest is to keep a detailed spending log for a month, recording absolutely every purchase so that you can then sit down and track where everything went. Maybe that's what this guy is trying to do.

[humandraydel]

One another board, I called someone a controller. He makes his wife turn in receipts to be reimbursed for spending.

Well, without knowing more information, it's hard to comment. What if she is a spendthrift stay at home mom and he's barely able to keep up with the bills she racks up?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

He doesn't do a real budget. What he does is track her spending. And he's trying to live on 60% of the salary but she's complaining because he doesn't budget. He won't just put money into categories, so when things pop up they argue.

Steve, though if you had an envelope called groceries would you really wonder where the money went if she spent it? It went to groceries, and if it ran out maybe you didn't account for the real spending and just went off delusional spending?

DH would tell you we spend $100/month on groceries, but that's not real, but he doesn't shop for groceries at all. So to him it sounds reasonable, to me it's not. Lots of problems I've noticed occur because sometimes the spouse running the budget isn't the one shopping or running kids to errands.

[genmed]

If MY spouse (not knowing anything about the other person's situation) starting asking about reciepts.. I would have to start thinking about marriage counseling.

Like several of the other posters here -- we're a team. We have joint accounts where everything comes out of, along with some personal spending money. It's OUR money and OUR bills. We work together to make everything from the housework to the finances to supporting each other work.

If my spouse started monitoring everything I did -- there's a trust issue that would come up in my mind. We're not secretive from each other -- but neither do we monitor everything each other does.

[tinapbeana]

Steve, though if you had an envelope called groceries would you really wonder where the money went if she spent it? It went to groceries, and if it ran out maybe you didn't account for the real spending and just went off delusional spending?

If the spouse is someone with compulsive spending issues: yes, I would definitely question whether the money in the grocery envelope was in fact spent on groceries. That's why it's called compulsive spending. It sounds far fetched, but I know there's been at least one member of this site whose wife fell into this type of category with actual (likly diagnosable) compulsive spending.

In my house, DH freely admits he's a spender and would likely never save. He asked me to be in charge of household finances long before we were married, and basically put himself on an allowance. He gets X amount per month and I'm in charge of the rest.

Granted, after 4.5 years he's more involved now than in the past, and I hope to see that type of change continue. But we still have his checking account for his allowance and my checking account, which is used for household expenses. I take my allowance in cash.

t's what works for our household. In 5 years time it might not work any more, or it might still be fine. Every marriage and every household is just a little bit different.

[disneysteve]

If the spouse is someone with compulsive spending issues: yes, I would definitely question whether the money in the grocery envelope was in fact spent on groceries.

My thoughts exactly. Just because the envelope is marked "groceries" doesn't mean she didn't take money out for a trip to the mall. Even if it did all go for groceries, if spending is a problem for them, tracking where the grocery money is going becomes important. Is it being spent wisely or is she buying a bunch of name brand processed prepared junk food?

Maybe he is underestimating costs. The only way for him to know that and start having a more realistic view of things is to see where the money is actually going. That's the whole point of a spending log.

Can you tell us what this other site is? Being a finance junkie, I'm always looking for new and interesting sites like this one.

[pearlieq]

Unless it's something mutually agreed upon between the spouses (for the purposes of controlling excess/compulsive spending) I think it's creepy and quite unhealthy.

If it's something they both agreed to without any undue pressure, well then, to each his own!

[autoxer]

What would you do if your spouse asked for reciepts for everything to reimburse you?

That depends on what I'm trying to hide.

He doesn't do a real budget. What he does is track her spending. And he's trying to live on 60% of the salary but she's complaining because he doesn't budget. He won't just put money into categories, so when things pop up they argue.

I don't do a real budget, because that just doesn't work for me. Some categories never change & some vary a lot from month to month, so a categorized budget never helped control my spending. The money would just get shifted everytime something changed, and it became way too confusing. I just take care of the important things, and spend the rest judiciously. That system has helped me increase my savings dramatically. Different systems work for different people.

[disneysteve]

I don't do a real budget, because that just doesn't work for me.

I just take care of the important things, and spend the rest judiciously.

Same here. The only thing I actually "budget" is our savings. Whatever is left gets spent wherever needed. I don't have a clue what we spend on groceries, for example, and I do a fair amount of the shopping so I don't say that out of ignorance. It just isn't important to me to know how much is going toward food. As long as all of our needs and savings goals are being met, where each and every dollar ends up isn't important.