Your Thoughts on Our Situation

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Ooops.

I agree it's kind of crazy to consider divorce or annulment for any reason, but especially if it's just to qualify for public assistance.

That's what I get for not reading a post through.

[Saving in So Cal]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Aside from the moral implications, I doubt an annulment/divorce will solve, or even help, your particular problem. The state will most likely come after you for child support as well as reimbursement for whatever assistance it provides to your family.

My per child cost for daycare is roughly double what you quoted, which is the going rate where I live. I use the dependent care account suggested by another poster because I don't qualify for any other, better tax break. The account saves me roughly $1,500 a year.

In addition, where I live, many of the community colleges and churches offer top quality daycare to low and moderate income families on a sliding scale fee. Your county/township probably has an agency that provides information about these programs.

Finally, I have known many working families who have qualified for WIC services and state-covered health insurance for their children. Even if you do not qualify for more general assistance, you may qualify for these benefits. There is nothing lost by making an inquiry.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Guess everyone scared him away. But if he comes back, try and post your budget and perhaps people can help. I have no idea if $1500/month in fixed expenses is too much or not.

[sakigt]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Check into WIC again.........like another poster said, they now consider you a 4 person household and you may fall within their guidelines. I think WIC is a saving grace for families with new babies and lower incomes. They provide formula, juice, and cereal for the baby and you know how expensive that can be! And if you breastfeed, they supply extra food for the mommy and still supply cereal and supplemental formula for the baby if needed! What state do you live in? In Georgia where I live, the kids can qualify for peachcare for kids and it's a complete healthcare plan for children and it's based on your income......you may pay $0.00 or you may pay more a month. It's a life saver for parents with children and their companies don't offer health insurance!

I would agree that WIC is a life saver, not a way to have your cake and eat it too.

I agree. We need more info! Im sure theres a way for everything to work out. Heck, is has to somehow, doesnt it?

[Duchesse]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Get the tightwad Gazette for the SAHM and consider going black belt for a few years. A family of four with only one income is eligible for alot more assistance.

Mom can work at home for supplemental income. ie take in one or two more children after a time. Sit for two after school. do surveys, rebate, breastfeed, cloth diapers, etc.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

I'll admit I'm shocked at the idea of legally breaking up your family in order to try to get public assistance. But what the heck, I'll get into the spirit of extremes and inform you that you can get out of having to pay child support or reimburse the state for ADC payments if you.....Give up all parental rights, that is legally no longer be the legal father of your children. (I'm afraid I have known two scumbags who chose that option rather than provide any support for their kids.) But like divorce, the legal proceedings are going to cost you some money.

Then if you really do stay with the kids and their mother, despite your legal standing, their mother would still legally have to declare all support she got. That would be the income you are bringing in. So how would you be ahead? Well, I guess you are assuming that your wife would lie about what other support she has besides the state.

Would you like help finding a cheaper place to live or cheaper car?

[MonkeyMama]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Well my first impression is the $500 car payment is way too much as well. We make good money and until this last year I was driving a $1k car. For my first 14 driving years really. If you are so broke why pay so much for a car?

Bitterness aside, if you are making so little you can't seriously be putting all your hard eaned money into the programs that pay these people. It is doubtful you pay income tax at all. Social security yes - but that is another story. (My pet peeve when people whine about taxes they don't pay - though obviously the system is so convoluted that most people don't know what they are paying taxes to and for. As a CPA I know and people are always whining about all sorts of taxes they don't even pay - LOL).

Anyway, I digress. If you really want some suggestions on how to make ends meet, here is the place. Hang around here and you will learn a lot. I would advise thinking positive and looking for opportunity. If your wife wants to stay home can she open a home business or daycare/babysitting - excellent advice I saw above.

The anullment thing - not wise - won't get you far. When it comes to law appearances mean a lot most of the time more than anything - if you annull for assistance and then essentially stay married - ???? - not going to work overall. Just asking for trouble and if you get away with it creates a lot of problems legally- if something happens to one of you, you don't get all the benefits of marriage and property and children passing seamlessly between you.

Truly wish you luck!

[nanamom]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

I agree, divorce or annulment will open up other problems and not all of them are financial. If your wife can become a SAHM and find a home based business you may find that workable. It will probably enable to qualify you for the assistance you want from the state. Your parents are giving you the interest free loan would they help with the kid watching part time to reduce your bill? Lots of other states have free health care for kids, I'd look into that as well. I also agree that we are all shooting in th edark here unless you share your details. WE aren't nosy it is just hard to tell where you might be able to cut back.

[kobe008]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Thank you for all the replies. Last thing my wife and I want to do is the divorce thing just to save some money. I highly doubt we would go to that extreme but it was an 'idea'. When I get a few minutes I will put together an income and expense sheet and see if any of you have some ideas to help us out.

[jodi]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

I have filled out my share of public assistance forms in my job, and you have to list all "household income" regardless of the marital status of the occupants. Plus, at least here in NY, you are required to go after the absent parent for child support when applying for assistance. I don't think an annulment/divorce would work, and I'm glad you seem to be discarding it as a solution
I'll be looking forward to seeing the numbers and hearing all the input from the excellent people here. I hope we can help!

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

looking forward to the details.

when I started to put mine together I discovered things were hiding from me, eye opener to have it all written down. And refreshing to have it all under control with loot to spare...and I DO qualify for WIC if I wanted it.

I ditto the idea that a hard look at working vs staying home is in order, though don't go making the decision for your wife, it is more than money. It is time to cook, and I still have to do it. It is time to cut costs on laundry or hair or whatever, and I still have to do it. I find being here with the kids more than worth it regardless of money, but not all women do.

[Duchesse]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

looking forward to the details.

when I started to put mine together I discovered things were hiding from me, eye opener to have it all written down. And refreshing to have it all under control with loot to spare...and I DO qualify for WIC if I wanted it.

I ditto the idea that a hard look at working vs staying home is in order, though don't go making the decision for your wife, it is more than money. It is time to cook, and I still have to do it. It is time to cut costs on laundry or hair or whatever, and I still have to do it. I find being here with the kids more than worth it regardless of money, but not all women do.

I'd like to second Princess, I too mentioned mom staying home but utltimately this is her decision.

Choosing to do without some of the amenities you may have become used to is also an option both of you can look at.

For years I took the saving lead in my marriage. If your wife is willing to cook more at home, do her hair and nails/toes herself she could help save a bundle. Don't forget to have mom consider breastfeeding and cloth diapers. I can't stress getting the Tightwad Gazette more.

[tinapbeana]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

I'd like to second Princess, I too mentioned mom staying home but utltimately this is her decision.

Choosing to do without some of the amenities you may have become used to is also an option both of you can look at.

just a reminder to all that it's not just the mom who might be the one to stay at home, it might make more financial sense in some households for there to be a SAHD instead of a SAHM.

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

just a reminder to all that it's not just the mom who might be the one to stay at home, it might make more financial sense in some households for there to be a SAHD instead of a SAHM.

Ya, my best friend is a SAHD, whereas his wife is the breadwinner. Kind of funny to me because, back in high school, this guy is probably one of the most rugged guys I know. The quinessential man's man so to speak. And to watch him now, chasing after their hyperactive baby girls to change their diapers is just... well, hilarious to me. Anyway, the wife's job is way too lucrative for them to give up, and he's actually saving them a lot more money as a SAHD than for him to get a full time job.

[living_in_oz]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Honestly, it sounds like you can't afford the house or the car. We still live in home with only 1 bathroom(did I mention I have two teenagers??), because....well, we can't afford a larger house or afford to add on a bathroom to this one. You can only live where you can afford.
$500 for a car payment? That's too much. You can NOT afford that much money plain and simple. You have to realize your limits. The reason my family is not in debt is because we realize our limits and don't spend beyond them. Is it fun to drive an older van when everybody else has a new one?? No. But we realize we can't afford a new van at this time.

There was a time when everybody lived this way. Simply because people couldn't go out and finance everything like they can do today. American's have a false sense of wealth now. We see everybody driving new cars and think that we can do the same. In all honesty, MOST people can't afford dinners out, new cars, and vacations. If the median income for the US is approx. $40,000, then the average can not afford the lifestyles that they are leading. DH and I make around $40,000 and live within our means. We live in an older home, drive well used cars, eat out about once a month, and don't go on vacations or to the movies. We pay all of our bills, put money into savings, and don't charge on the credit cards. It takes every dime to we make to survive. Soooooo, how is everybody else affording new cars, new houses, dinners out, vacations??? They can't afford it. They are financing everything and putting themselves in a huge HUGE hole.