"For Women Only"!

[DivaJen]

Re: "For Women Only"!

I used to give money to my exgirlfriends and am very generous. Just not handing my checks pver to ANYONE.....not even the man upstairs.

It's funny how people view money, and partnerships. Being married is a partnership - if you ever did get married, it wouldn't just be 'your' money anymore, so it really wouldn't be 'yours' to 'hand over'. It shouldn't be about control; it should be about trust, and managing the money to the best of a couple's ability.

With attitudes of control I can see why money can be such a divisive issue in a relationship. How can you be true partners when one tries to control the other?

[Ima saver]

Re: "For Women Only"!

Good point, diva, you can't be true partners. I never think of it as my money or your money, it is our money and i try to handle it the best way for both of us.

[lrjohnson]

Re: "For Women Only"!

It's funny how people view money, and partnerships. Being married is a partnership - if you ever did get married, it wouldn't just be 'your' money anymore, so it really wouldn't be 'yours' to 'hand over'. It shouldn't be about control; it should be about trust, and managing the money to the best of a couple's ability.

With attitudes of control I can see why money can be such a divisive issue in a relationship. How can you be true partners when one tries to control the other?

One of the closest couple I know, very much long term partners, keeps a lot of their finances separate. When they got married two years ago they didn't change. They do own a house togther in both names, plus are co-owners in another house. But they each contribute half to household expenses. I think for many, separate may be funky and not reflective of a partnership. But there are exceptions for everything. So its up to each member of the couple to decide what works best for them as individuals and as a married/partnered unit. I see these two as having mine and yours and ours. Works for them.

[Ima saver]

Re: "For Women Only"!

lrjohnson, I bet this is an older couple, isn't it? I can understand that. If I were to remarry at my age, I would probably do the same things. I think we are talking about young couples who plan to have families.

[shelbylovesmelby]

Re: "For Women Only"!

When I was banking I saw several of the yours & mine accounts & that's just how some people do their finances. If it works for them why not???

My dh has his own money, more like an allowance for gas & ciggies each week, but it goes to his own acct (I'm joint owner btw).

[pearlieq]

Re: "For Women Only"!

We each have our own weekly allowance. It's mostly just pocket money, so we don't bother with separate accounts for it--we just use cash.

[lrjohnson]

Re: "For Women Only"!

lrjohnson, I bet this is an older couple, isn't it? I can understand that. If I were to remarry at my age, I would probably do the same things. I think we are talking about young couples who plan to have families.

No, don't bet, you;d lose, they are younger than me. They got together in their early twenties, and married when she was 30, he was 28. They've been married 2 years. They were each other's first "real" boyfriend/girlfriend. I think they'll grow old together.

[DivaJen]

Re: "For Women Only"!

One of the closest couple I know, very much long term partners, keeps a lot of their finances separate. When they got married two years ago they didn't change. They do own a house togther in both names, plus are co-owners in another house. But they each contribute half to household expenses. I think for many, separate may be funky and not reflective of a partnership. But there are exceptions for everything. So its up to each member of the couple to decide what works best for them as individuals and as a married/partnered unit. I see these two as having mine and yours and ours. Works for them.

That is somewhat how DH and I function. We still don't have a joint checking account. When we had two incomes we just kind of split up the bills. Now he writes every other check over to me and I handle the day to day stuff. I'm 35, he's 42 and we've been married for 8 years. And we're very much a partnership.

[Ima saver]

Re: "For Women Only"!

Ok, I would lose. We each have a cash allowance to and I never question what he uses his money for. He carries a credit card and knows if he needs anything he can just charge it. After 30 years, you learn to trust each other.

[rob62521]

Re: "For Women Only"!

It's nice to be able to trust your spouse.

When we first got married, that wasn't the case. My husband was still acting like he was the bachelor uncle to his nephew and wanted to buy him everything and give him tons of money. It wasn't until I made him sit down and pay the bills for a couple of months that he realized in order for us to be able to pay bills, he would have to curtail the spending. The sad part was he was really trying to buy the love and attention of his nephew who had basically quit being around him after he entered junior high and it wasn't cool to hang with your uncle.

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: "For Women Only"!

Technically, we have two separate checking accounts, his and mine, but in reality is totally OURS. He has access to mine and vise versa. Our salaries just worked out for this sort of natural set-up we have. All of "MY" money goes into one account and pays ALL the bills and all of "HIS" money goes into a second account and we live off of that money. Plus, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe it is wise for both the husband AND the wife to have their name on a bank account. Otherwise, if one of us were to die, the other would be up a creek.

I feel very fortunate to be in a joint, trusting relationship. We've made our fair share of financial mistakes, but at least we made them together.

[Ima saver]

Re: "For Women Only"!

Even tho he has no interest in money, I put his name on everything we have, bank accounts, mutual funds, stock, etc. No hassles then if one of us passes on! Kris, I understand how you are doing your funds, that is just the way it works for you. When I was first married, we paid bills with my husband's check and just groceries and child care (or private school) with my check.

[DivaJen]

Re: "For Women Only"!

Plus, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe it is wise for both the husband AND the wife to have their name on a bank account. Otherwise, if one of us were to die, the other would be up a creek.

One thing DH and I did was establish a trust (the legal document, not trusting each other, which we also do ), which helps avoid the above.