Do we need a prenup agreement?

**disneysteve** · 05-16-2018, 05:31 PM

Do you have substantial assets that you wish to protect? If so, than a prenup is the way to do that. Where your wife-to-be is from is really irrelevant to the conversation (although it might take more explaining if the concept is unfamiliar to her).

**TexasHusker** · 05-16-2018, 07:10 PM

I'm not a be pre-nup guy for the simple fact that it necessarily contemplates a divorce later. The marital vows should then be modified to say "Till death or divorce do us part." Crass I know, but better to be truthful than mumble words that you know might be a lie in front of your friends and relatives.

I'm a believer that if divorce is contemplated ahead of time - even as a 1 percent deal - then it is on the table as an option. And when it is considered an option, it is usually exercised sooner or later.

So if you see divorce as an option - however remote - and your spouse sees it as an option - however remote - then by all means yes, do yourself a favor and get a pre-nup. Because ol' Remote will come to your front door when you least expect him.

**AJSimon** · 05-16-2018, 07:18 PM

I feel like Dave Ramsey actually has some pretty good advice on this topic, if you want to search his Youtube channel. Not just on the question of when it's appropriate to get one, but also on how to sell it to your future spouse in a way that it's less likely to offend.

**snafu** · 05-16-2018, 07:35 PM

Different view, if assets warrant, I would include a prenuptial agreement on current assets valuation on the day before the wedding. I would consider any appreciation from that day forward as joint property. Because of a current issue being discussed by extended family, I would establish bride's expectations of your sponsoring her family emigrating to your country. [we're hearing a real dust-up between members of a related family]

**msomnipotent** · 05-17-2018, 04:40 AM

Not only sponsorship, but support as well. My mother's friend wound up divorcing her husband because he wanted to send all of his pay to support his family and live off of her income. They just couldn't come to an agreement (or live off of her income as a waitress). That is something that could be addressed in a prenup, but it really should be decided before the engagement.

**disneysteve** · 05-17-2018, 05:22 AM

I'm not typically a fan of prenups either, but in a case like this - a foreign wedding - there are far more things that can and do go wrong as some of you have already noted. I think OP is wise to protect himself as much as he can.

**TexasHusker** · 05-17-2018, 05:40 AM

I do admire you marrying someone from Kiev. You'll have a lot less arguments if you speak two different languages. And Ukranian women are so cute when they get mad.

**Gailete** · 05-17-2018, 06:40 AM

I'm not a fan of pre-nups either, but for the reasons stated, it might be a good idea and I hope I'm not being rude, but have you met this woman and spent any serious time with her? How does she handle her money currently?

Mr. Big Bucks was in my life for 4 years until I booted him out since he just refused to stop spending via credit cards. We had many discussions about money before we got married, but not enough of me seeing how he handled money. My Hubby knowing, I was taken for a ride, gave me his checking account url and passwords so I could see what he was doing with money. It makes a difference to know what each person's expectations of your financial lives would be. I also worked with a woman that had married a foreigner and they not only sent funds home to support HIS family in the middle east, but had family come and stay within them for months at a time while they were also supporting them. Some would have no problem with that, but I sure would have. I have a SIL that sends food and funds home to the Philippines. Might have been okay while my BIL was working, but he got injured on the job and only has SS at this point, and so is supporting her family far away, but her children and their partners and a grandbaby who live with them last I heard. She does work, but still that adds up after a while. It might sound feasible to do these things when you first are together, but I would think after a year or two, it would get to be old hat that you are constantly sacrificing things you want to do and to achieve because you have taken on the support of your new spouse and all their extended family members.

If you live in a community property state, you will need to consider (at least the lawyer will) what can be set aside as yours and what would be both of yours, as well as their extended family.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 05-17-2018, 10:11 AM

I'd sure as hell get a prenup now. If for some reason I got divorced or he died I'm too old and cynical to probably get remarried. but if I did it'd be with an iron clad prenup.

**hayeson35** · 05-17-2018, 03:56 PM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

Do you have substantial assets that you wish to protect? If so, than a prenup is the way to do that. Where your wife-to-be is from is really irrelevant to the conversation (although it might take more explaining if the concept is unfamiliar to her).

Yes. In kiev or other places, prenup agreements may be offensive.

**hayeson35** · 05-17-2018, 03:57 PM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

I'd sure as hell get a prenup now. If for some reason I got divorced or he died I'm too old and cynical to probably get remarried. but if I did it'd be with an iron clad prenup.

Hahaha. Thanks!

**hayeson35** · 05-17-2018, 03:59 PM

Originally posted by Gailete View Post

I'm not a fan of pre-nups either, but for the reasons stated, it might be a good idea and I hope I'm not being rude, but have you met this woman and spent any serious time with her? How does she handle her money currently?

Mr. Big Bucks was in my life for 4 years until I booted him out since he just refused to stop spending via credit cards. We had many discussions about money before we got married, but not enough of me seeing how he handled money. My Hubby knowing, I was taken for a ride, gave me his checking account url and passwords so I could see what he was doing with money. It makes a difference to know what each person's expectations of your financial lives would be. I also worked with a woman that had married a foreigner and they not only sent funds home to support HIS family in the middle east, but had family come and stay within them for months at a time while they were also supporting them. Some would have no problem with that, but I sure would have. I have a SIL that sends food and funds home to the Philippines. Might have been okay while my BIL was working, but he got injured on the job and only has SS at this point, and so is supporting her family far away, but her children and their partners and a grandbaby who live with them last I heard. She does work, but still that adds up after a while. It might sound feasible to do these things when you first are together, but I would think after a year or two, it would get to be old hat that you are constantly sacrificing things you want to do and to achieve because you have taken on the support of your new spouse and all their extended family members.

If you live in a community property state, you will need to consider (at least the lawyer will) what can be set aside as yours and what would be both of yours, as well as their extended family.

Wow, thanks for the thorough discussion! Now I'm a bit more inclined to get a prenup agreement for sure. And yes, will have to talk to a lawyer first.

**hayeson35** · 05-17-2018, 04:00 PM

Originally posted by TexasHusker View Post

I do admire you marrying someone from Kiev. You'll have a lot less arguments if you speak two different languages. And Ukranian women are so cute when they get mad.

Hahaha. She is such a lovely lady and I don't want to offend her. The cultural differences puts a barrier between us though.

**hayeson35** · 05-17-2018, 04:01 PM

Originally posted by TexasHusker View Post

I'm not a be pre-nup guy for the simple fact that it necessarily contemplates a divorce later. The marital vows should then be modified to say "Till death or divorce do us part." Crass I know, but better to be truthful than mumble words that you know might be a lie in front of your friends and relatives.

I'm a believer that if divorce is contemplated ahead of time - even as a 1 percent deal - then it is on the table as an option. And when it is considered an option, it is usually exercised sooner or later.

So if you see divorce as an option - however remote - and your spouse sees it as an option - however remote - then by all means yes, do yourself a favor and get a pre-nup. Because ol' Remote will come to your front door when you least expect him.

Actually, this one makes a lot of sense.......

Do we need a prenup agreement?