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Raising your kids with money

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  • #16
    Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post
    I want them to also understand how to handle money.
    This is a different question, though I think some of the answer overlaps. The stuff about teaching them to shop and teaching them about having priorities and budgeting is all part of learning to handle money well.

    You also need to actually teach them the basics about what money is and how it works. Don't expect them to learn anything at all in school. Just assume they won't.

    They are old enough now to grasp the concept that money is earned by working. Point out how people do all sorts of different jobs to earn money and that they then use that money to pay for everything they need like food and clothing and a place to live and a car and toys and movies and vacations.

    When they're a bit older, you can introduce them to different forms of payment: cash, checks, debit and credit cards. Then you can teach them about debt and how it can be a great tool if used responsibly but can also cause huge problems if not handled properly. I sat down with DD and used an online CC calculator to show her what happens when you carry a balance on your CC. But I also showed her how much we earn in rewards each year by using our CC properly and responsibly. She was probably about 10 when I did that. Fast forward to the present and she's 22 and has a rewards CC that she uses minimally, pays in full each month, and earns $120/year in rewards from.

    The main thing is to always be on the lookout for teaching moments. They occur practically every day if you are watching for them. It might be when you are out shopping for groceries. It might be when a certain commercial comes on TV. It might be some ad that comes in the mail.
    Steve

    * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
    * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
    * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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    • #17
      The main thing is to always be on the lookout for teaching moments. They occur practically every day if you are watching for them. It might be when you are out shopping for groceries. It might be when a certain commercial comes on TV. It might be some ad that comes in the mail.
      You are so absolutely right. I can't believe how much I was able to teacher my younger son by watching DVDs of his favorite shows, especially King of the Hill! It was usually just us and when things like the laugh track came on he would laugh too. I would stop the show and ask him what was so funny and he wouldn't know, but since the laugh track was laughing he went along with it. Instead I took the time to explain the laugh track, and his understanding blossomed. Same thing when my older son when he was around 4-5 came in the house opened his arms wide and said "mom I want to F*** You" Not a word we use in our house. So I asked why did he say it and then informed me the neighbors told him to and that I would like it. Well with some explanations he understood enough that those kids were just trying to get him in major trouble and I could have reacted by washing his mouth out with soap, but it was time for a teaching moment.

      Wished I had recognized all of the teaching moments but I'm not a perfect parent by a long shot. I think we as parents all wished we could have recognized those teaching moments and taken advantage of them. We do the best we can to teach them well to be adults, including finances, housework, being responsible to turn off lights when needed which is both a financial activity, and a responsibility one as well as a conservation one. So many things to teach and so few years and days to do it.
      Gailete
      http://www.MoonwishesSewingandCrafts.com

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      • #18
        Once the age allows, it is worth talking to the child and sending to work, not giving more money for pocket expenses (like going to a cinema or a cafe). Let them learn to live on their own money. At the same time everything they need for home, you buy.

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        • #19
          I have been struggling with this recently. I had to work throughout school, starting at a very young age. Calling my family "lower middle class" would have been generous. It sucked. I missed out on sports and going out with friends because I worked so much. Ordering a pizza was a special occasion. I don't think I wore a new piece of clothing until I could afford to pay for it myself. I just don't want that life for my daughter, and I don't plan on her working at all during high school or college unless it is a little summer job. Her job is to study and get good grades. We were raised to believe that your job as a parent is to make sure your kids have a better life than you, and we are certainly doing that so far. She is being raised to believe that as well.

          Having said that, she told me that a few of her friends have asked if we are rich, and I think she is starting to enjoy people thinking of her that way. I can understand why people would assume that she is spoiled at first glance. We probably are more well to do than some of her friends, but no where near being rich. She wears Abercrombie & Fitch and Pink instead of Arizona jeans and tees from Walmart. She likes the clothes, they are much better quality, and I don't want her going to school looking like a slob that just rolled out of bed and onto the school bus. I used to buy the cheaper clothes when she was younger and they would just fade and fall apart. I buy 90% of her clothes at the outlet mall and then sell them when she outgrows them, and A&F can have awesome sales. I will probably make money when I sell her down jacket. She knows that we wait for sales and coupons. I think she has a pretty good idea of how money works, especially for her age. She will be 13 soon. She really wanted this yoga outfit from Pink that turned out to be over $100 for the top and pants, and she just said, "Wow, that's nuts" while putting the clothes back. I didn't have to say anything. I did wind up getting the outfit for her for Christmas, though, so maybe she is a little spoiled. Just a little.

          We are pretty strict in other ways. She gets grounded if she doesn't make the honor roll or doesn't do her chores. We make her pay for her pets and if she breaks or loses something, or wants something really expensive. She saved up for 2 years to get her iPhone, but decided that Uggs were not worth it. I think she has a pretty good grip on reality so far, but I am wondering what her expectations will be when she moves out on her own.

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          • #20
            She gets grounded if she doesn't make the honor roll or doesn't do her chores.
            I remember when my son and stepson graduated HS (at the same time). I was getting ready for a graduation open house for them, which is what we do in this area to celebrate the momentous occasion of graduating. My son wasn't feeling well, but for some reason he wanted to go to someone's house and said he would be back in about 45 minutes which would work out as he had to use my car and I wasn't sure if I would need something at the store. So he takes off in my car in mid-afternoon and I don't see him again until after midnight! He walked into the house, made his apologies and lame excuse for why he didn't even call, and asked what was his punishment. I told him MY feelings on the topic and then grounded him until I felt like lifting the ban. When the step-son found out the next morning that my kid was grounded, he was shocked and the first thing out of his mouth was "You never ground anybody!" Which was true because frankly I would forget that I had grounded them so that wasn't much of a punishment. The son that got grounded knew he was grounded and never asked to borrow the car or ask to go somewhere other than work until about a month later I needed something at the store and I sent him and that was the end of his punishment. But it still makes me laugh to remember Jim saying that I never grounded anybody and the absolute shock on his face.

            I believe that had been his parents punishment of choice for him and not a very effective one. When he came out to live with us, he walked into a school system that was much more on the ball than his old one. He didn't realize that a mid-semester report card was snail-mailed to parents. So everyday for 6 weeks I would ask him if he had done his homework and he would say yes. Then I get the report card. He hadn't done a single piece of homework in 6 weeks in any class! So his dad and I took away some privileges, like his stereo. A week later, his trucker dad got back home and asks him if he had been doing his homework and the kid says sure, and his dad released all the privileges that had been taken away. I'm asking his dad why he did that since he had been lying about it before, and I hear a lame excuse. You guessed it. When the end of the semester reports came out, who hadn't done a single piece of homework? At that point I told him if he didn't start doing his school work, I would make him drop out of school and make him stop wasting the teachers time on him. Funny thing if his dad had said that, no worries. But me saying it, he about turned green. His school work got a bit better. Because he had already flunked one grade (which his dad had never known about for some reason) and his age, he was old enough to drop out with no consequences from truant officers, etc. He didn't like school and the school work, but boy did he like being there for the social part of it. The thought of having to spend whole days with me, scared him straight!
            Gailete
            http://www.MoonwishesSewingandCrafts.com

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            • #21
              Originally posted by msomnipotent View Post
              I have been struggling with this recently. I had to work throughout school, starting at a very young age. Calling my family "lower middle class" would have been generous. It sucked. I missed out on sports and going out with friends because I worked so much. Ordering a pizza was a special occasion. I don't think I wore a new piece of clothing until I could afford to pay for it myself. I just don't want that life for my daughter, and I don't plan on her working at all during high school or college unless it is a little summer job. Her job is to study and get good grades.
              It sounds like you certainly worked too much when you were growing up. I wonder if you are going a bit too far in the other extreme by not having your daughter work at all in high school or college. The key is to be sure she has good balance in her life, and my thought is not working at all at a real job until you get out of college is unbalanced. You learn important life skills that you need to effectively enter the workforce after graduation, and for me, earning my own money boosted my self-confidence. I was proud of myself/felt independent with my high school/college jobs. I had to go out and look for them, apply, interview, show up on time, do a decent job, and manage the $ I made..plus, working with other high school/college kids was often pretty fun.

              Also, and this is an aside, but "getting good grades" is making kids crazy nowadays. Study, memorize, spit back answers, then forget the material...while missing out on crucial experiences to improve critical social skills (like, hanging out with friends?)..

              Ps- if your daughter saved 2 years for an IPhone she is not spoiled! I cannot believe the phones that parents just buy for their kids- $800+ - crazy.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Snydley View Post
                It sounds like you certainly worked too much when you were growing up. I wonder if you are going a bit too far in the other extreme by not having your daughter work at all in high school or college. The key is to be sure she has good balance in her life, and my thought is not working at all at a real job until you get out of college is unbalanced. You learn important life skills that you need to effectively enter the workforce after graduation, and for me, earning my own money boosted my self-confidence. I was proud of myself/felt independent with my high school/college jobs. I had to go out and look for them, apply, interview, show up on time, do a decent job, and manage the $ I made..plus, working with other high school/college kids was often pretty fun.

                Also, and this is an aside, but "getting good grades" is making kids crazy nowadays. Study, memorize, spit back answers, then forget the material...while missing out on crucial experiences to improve critical social skills (like, hanging out with friends?)..

                Ps- if your daughter saved 2 years for an IPhone she is not spoiled! I cannot believe the phones that parents just buy for their kids- $800+ - crazy.

                Well, she does babysit and do extra things for money as it is, so it isn't like she isn't actually working for money or learning responsibility. I'm raising her to have good money sense already, at least I think I am. And I'm not opposed to having a summer job as long as it doesn't interfere with something more important. I'm assuming she will intern at some point during college, at least that is my hope. I know she needs to get her foot in the door before leaving school. I put more value on a degree simply because of her chosen field of study (paleontology). We have talked to some professors and some people at museums, and they said the most important thing is to get into a good school with a good internship program. If she wanted to be something like an accountant or teacher, I would probably think differently. Not that I think accountants and teachers are less important, but having a part time job at the mall isn't going to help her at all in this instance. Spending her summer on a dinosaur dig "vacation" doing grunt work would be more beneficial. But those are really expensive. I'm looking at spending $3,000 and that doesn't include air or hotel. In fact, I'm kind of hoping that she changes her mind because getting a Master's is pretty much a given, and the colleges that offer Master's in paleontology are SO expensive. I looked at UIC's program costs a few days ago and wanted to throw up. But this is all that she has talked about since she was able to talk.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Snydley View Post
                  It sounds like you certainly worked too much when you were growing up. I wonder if you are going a bit too far in the other extreme by not having your daughter work at all in high school or college. The key is to be sure she has good balance in her life, and my thought is not working at all at a real job until you get out of college is unbalanced. You learn important life skills that you need to effectively enter the workforce after graduation, and for me, earning my own money boosted my self-confidence. I was proud of myself/felt independent with my high school/college jobs. I had to go out and look for them, apply, interview, show up on time, do a decent job, and manage the $ I made..plus, working with other high school/college kids was often pretty fun.
                  I had a similar situation to msomnipotent, had to work too much in high school. I did not let my kids work during high school. I preferred them to focus on grades, extracurriculars, and non-work activities. They did work in the summers during hs & college and both worked minimal jobs at times during college. They had a lot of other activities in high school that boosted their self confidence and independence. I don't think they missed out on anything by not working.

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                  • #24
                    I did occasional jobs in Jr. High and High school. Usually babysitting, and believe it or not, parents didn't have problem with someone my age babysitting. I also got on a city/government program after 10th grade where I help the teacher during summer school, which didn't focus on one subject. I still remember the teacher making me sit down and do the art project with the kids. That job taught me a VERY important lessons. Just because you are supposed to get paid every 2 weeks doesn't mean you do. This was a program to help disadvantaged teens earn some money so they had some money to spend during the summer. For me, the program lasted 6 weeks. When no one handed me a paycheck after two weeks I was puzzled, At three weeks, I asked about it and was told when I would get it. At the end of my 5th week of 6!!!!! Right after I was finished my family packed up and left CA for PA. My next two paycheck's showed up right before school started and the last one showed up after two weeks of school! Lots of summer spending money. HA! I did learn to find out when actual paychecks would be issued and that there is usually a time lag on them, although a 3 week time lag I have never experienced again.

                    I had NO paying jobs for those next two years as we lived in the boonies, and lots of those places where kids find job no didn't even exist back in the early 70's. I did make up for lost time of no jobs once I hit college.

                    Hubby had his way paid completely by his father. He was not allowed to get a job while in school as he too was to focus on his grades as some of you folks did. He did work in the summer at whatever job he could find.
                    Gailete
                    http://www.MoonwishesSewingandCrafts.com

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by msomnipotent View Post
                      Well, she does babysit and do extra things for money as it is, so it isn't like she isn't actually working for money or learning responsibility. I'm raising her to have good money sense already, at least I think I am. And I'm not opposed to having a summer job as long as it doesn't interfere with something more important. I'm assuming she will intern at some point during college, at least that is my hope. I know she needs to get her foot in the door before leaving school. I put more value on a degree simply because of her chosen field of study (paleontology). We have talked to some professors and some people at museums, and they said the most important thing is to get into a good school with a good internship program. If she wanted to be something like an accountant or teacher, I would probably think differently. Not that I think accountants and teachers are less important, but having a part time job at the mall isn't going to help her at all in this instance. Spending her summer on a dinosaur dig "vacation" doing grunt work would be more beneficial. But those are really expensive. I'm looking at spending $3,000 and that doesn't include air or hotel. In fact, I'm kind of hoping that she changes her mind because getting a Master's is pretty much a given, and the colleges that offer Master's in paleontology are SO expensive. I looked at UIC's program costs a few days ago and wanted to throw up. But this is all that she has talked about since she was able to talk.
                      Babysitting certainly counts as working. As far as her plan to be a paleontologist, well, maybe that will change as she is only 13. As a scientist, my advice on this is to not pay the big $$ for a master's degree, she really would need a PhD. There are many M.S. programs in the sciences now and they are largely a waste of money. I would try to gently encourage her more toward biomedical science research- her graduate education would be at no cost to her and she would receive a stipend for living expenses (plus lots of jobs when she graduates, certainly relative to the paleontology field!).

                      moneybags: They did work in the summers during hs & college and both worked minimal jobs at times during college.
                      What you describe is the level of work that I am talking about. I only had to cover my spending money in college, and if I made enough during the summer, I didn't work the following semester/year of college. When I did, it was maybe 10 hours a week max.

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                      • #26
                        Well, this is quite an issue, since we're also doing pretty well here and our 4 year old has noticed it

                        We'll try to show her that, while we are good income earners, it's still important to know how to manage our money.
                        Personal Finance Blog | Dojo's PF Musings

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                        • #27
                          today my DK1 did me PROUD!!!!

                          I asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she said nothing. I have everything I want. I hugged her, smiled, and we walked into the grocery store. I nearly cried. We donate her birthday toys and she still gets from me and our "family."

                          I never made her donate she got to pick and choose what she has wanted. I was hoping for learn by example. I am so happy and proud.

                          Raising a good person is probably my biggest hope and dream and accomplishment.
                          LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post
                            today my DK1 did me PROUD!!!!



                            Raising a good person is probably my biggest hope and dream and accomplishment.
                            That is terrific! My goal for my two was simple. I wanted them, no matter where the went in life, to know that I loved them. I mentioned that to my one son last I saw him. He acknowledged what I was saying but gave the impression that it was a foregone conclusion. It is their father they have problems with. I also wanted them to be good people as well. The best compliment my older son ever got and he didn't hear it said, was when my soon to be DIL was talking about her bad skin and I asked her what bad skin. Apparently her chart at the dermatologist was about two big 3-ring binders. I still looked puzzled and then she said being with him her face had cleared up!! I've never seen her with anything less than perfect skin. If I ever saw her skin breaking out, I would be hauling the son off to the woodshed so to speak.

                            No matter how big or little our children it is wonderful seeing them taking their place in society and giving of themselves to help those around them in whatever way they can. Your daughter, however old, seems to have a grasp of that already which is terrific! I see so many kids today that won't lift a hand to help anyone. One of the reasons when kids do me a favor like holding a door for me, I look they in the eye and give them a genuine thank you and a smile. I want them to feel appreciated.
                            Gailete
                            http://www.MoonwishesSewingandCrafts.com

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