Why are so many people helpless?

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Years ago, my friend was appalled to learn that my husband did our oil changes. This was my friend who couldn't bring herself to make chocolate chip cookies because of the amount of sugar in the recipe-- a story I recently told here. Again, I think it was a cultural thing. She is extremely careful with money but there is no way she or her husband would change the car's oil. She plied me with oil change coupons, trying to persuade me that we really should pay to have it done. She felt bad for us. I've known her to do lots of other manual labor and even in her research lab some quite grotesque stuff, but changing the oil apparently would have been a deep insult to dignity.

Now, though, we have a neighborhood mechanic change the oil. It's just one of those little luxuries we've decided to pay for.

[msomnipotent]

Years ago, my friend was appalled to learn that my husband did our oil changes. This was my friend who couldn't bring herself to make chocolate chip cookies because of the amount of sugar in the recipe-- a story I recently told here. Again, I think it was a cultural thing. She is extremely careful with money but there is no way she or her husband would change the car's oil. She plied me with oil change coupons, trying to persuade me that we really should pay to have it done. She felt bad for us. I've known her to do lots of other manual labor and even in her research lab some quite grotesque stuff, but changing the oil apparently would have been a deep insult to dignity.

Now, though, we have a neighborhood mechanic change the oil. It's just one of those little luxuries we've decided to pay for.

That is just so weird, considering that she is willing to do other manual labor. Changing the oil is usually pretty easy and she can wear gloves. Unless their car is like our 300M. We needed a $50 special wrench, incredible flexibility, and the patience of a saint. That was the only car that we paid to have the oil changed a few times. I think that car was designed by someone who never worked on cars.

But I suppose everyone has their idiosyncrasies. I can't stand to eat in the kitchen and think it is rude when I'm a guest and forced to eat there. Dining rooms exist for a reason.

[disneysteve]

But I suppose everyone has their idiosyncrasies. I can't stand to eat in the kitchen and think it is rude when I'm a guest and forced to eat there. Dining rooms exist for a reason.

Don't come to dinner at our house. We have an eat-in kitchen. We eliminated our dining room years ago and turned it into a sitting room. We have a nice oak dining set. That's where we eat 3 meals a day every day. If a guest is over, they join us there. If we have multiple guests, we'll set up a folding table or two in the living room but that only happens a few times per year.

[Mjenn]

I think it really depends on your lifestyle. Both my husband and I work full time and i have no intention or desire to stay home. That means that the time we have to do things with the kids and as a family is pretty limited. I would rather use that time to do things with my family than taking care of big chores I can outsource. I am not helpless neither is my husband, but if I can pay someone to do a big clean of my house and go on a hike with my kids instead during the years they want to go hiking with me, then I will do that.

Part of the reason why I am frugal about some things is so that I can enjoy the things in life I enjoy without worrying about it bringing me financial ruin. So that means expensive hobbies like horses when I can, and paying someone to do the things I find take time but don't give back much more than the result of the task.

Also as Disneysteve mentioned, there are other reasons in our society that makes it easier to pay for services. Back when we owned an old Volkswagen Beetle and that was our only car, we could fix 95% of our problems ourselves as there was no computer and we could read up and fix things with the right parts. But now we own a car that is only a few years old and the headlights are much trickier to reach and change and if we want to resell the car and keep up the value we need to use an authorized dealer to do all regular services which often includes an oil change. I will admit that I absolutely hate and resent that expense, but we have found it returns its value when we sell cars where we live.

Our neighbors paved their entire yard (themselves if that counts) because they never wanted to mow the lawn again. I don't know if that shows 'helplessness' according to your description or rather ingenuity

[phantom]

There are only so many hours in the day, and I don't want to spend all of mine on activities that I dislike. If I really wanted to, I could sew all my own clothes, perform a lot of my routine car maintenance, be the sole educator and child care provider for my child, prepare all of my meals from scratch, grow a lot of my own food, take care of all of my own yard work, take care of many home repairs and upgrades, and wash my clothes by hand with laundry detergent I made myself. But, I don't have time to do all of those tasks and still work a full time job, and unlike a lot of the activities on that list, I mostly enjoy my job. So, why not use the money I earn at my job to buy tools and pay for services that lessen the amount of time I spend doing the tasks I like less?

For me, it's about finding a good balance. Finding a tool or service to handle every task you don't want to do can certainly get expensive quickly. There's also value in finding enjoyment in productive tasks, and in finding a sense of accomplishment after distasteful tasks. But, no one can do everything for themselves, and it's perfectly reasonable that different people are going to make different decisions on what to do themselves and what to outsource.

[MonkeyMama]

I think it really depends on your lifestyle. Both my husband and I work full time and i have no intention or desire to stay home. That means that the time we have to do things with the kids and as a family is pretty limited. I would rather use that time to do things with my family than taking care of big chores I can outsource. I am not helpless neither is my husband, but if I can pay someone to do a big clean of my house and go on a hike with my kids instead during the years they want to go hiking with me, then I will do that.

I am the same way. I don't remember hiring anything out really until we had kids. But then the time/cost becomes a totally different equation.

[JoeP]

I love learning new things! A couple weeks ago, I replaced the intermediate steering shaft in my daughter's car. I had almost all the tools to do it myself, except for an air chisel to separate a part (thank you Harbor Freight!). It took longer than expected, but I didn't give up and ended up learning an important tip that most garage mechanics probably already know.*

For me, it boils down to my first sentence. Acquiring tools is a nice side-effect because it enables me to do more tasks properly and safely. But having the knowledge that comes from experience is priceless to me. Paying someone to do that would be like robbing me of knowledge.

Maybe I'm stubborn, but I feel a huge sense of satisfaction clearing my 330'x18' driveway with my snowblower, even though I'm sometimes out there for over an hour in single digits and 30+ mph winds. I could let someone else do it, but I don't like the feeling of paying money to be dependent. Maybe when I get older this will change.

My dad had a lot to do with this. He was a mechanical engineer (I am in IT software) and told me innumerable tips that enabled me to have the confidence and caution that goes into many of the projects I undertake. For example: Don't throw away that box from your appliance...break it down and use it to lay on when you scoot under your car. Always wipe the machined surface your oil filter goes into to ensure a good seal. Wrap teflon tape in the direction of the threads. Twist your wires so the wire nut continues the twist. Measure twice, cut once, and start at the 1" line to avoid the slop at the end of the tape measure. Safety glasses. If you have to force something, you're probably doing it wrong....

Side note: A co-worker friend looks to me for "handyman" advice. My daughter and I went to his house and showed him how to sharpen his riding mower blades. I was able to share my knowledge: lifting the mower onto jack stands, chocking the rear wheels, removing the blades, removing grass glaze with an angle grinder + cup brush, proper eye protection, blade sharpening, protecting against rust with a light coat of oil. (We discovered the last person who did this had one of the mulching cross-blades on wrong!) He doesn't have the benefit of a handy father, so I kind of felt fulfilled helping him and also having my daughter participate hands-on! He also turned off his gas water heater, and I helped him see the issue and re-light it.



*That tip: remove the bolt before fitting the universal joint onto the steering rack shaft, then insert the bolt once it is in position. Nobody told me this!

[rennigade]

I love learning new things! A couple weeks ago, I replaced the intermediate steering shaft in my daughter's car. I had almost all the tools to do it myself, except for an air chisel to separate a part (thank you Harbor Freight!). It took longer than expected, but I didn't give up and ended up learning an important tip that most garage mechanics probably already know.*

For me, it boils down to my first sentence. Acquiring tools is a nice side-effect because it enables me to do more tasks properly and safely. But having the knowledge that comes from experience is priceless to me. Paying someone to do that would be like robbing me of knowledge.

Maybe I'm stubborn, but I feel a huge sense of satisfaction clearing my 330'x18' driveway with my snowblower, even though I'm sometimes out there for over an hour in single digits and 30+ mph winds. I could let someone else do it, but I don't like the feeling of paying money to be dependent. Maybe when I get older this will change.

My dad had a lot to do with this. He was a mechanical engineer (I am in IT software) and told me innumerable tips that enabled me to have the confidence and caution that goes into many of the projects I undertake. For example: Don't throw away that box from your appliance...break it down and use it to lay on when you scoot under your car. Always wipe the machined surface your oil filter goes into to ensure a good seal. Wrap teflon tape in the direction of the threads. Twist your wires so the wire nut continues the twist. Measure twice, cut once, and start at the 1" line to avoid the slop at the end of the tape measure. Safety glasses. If you have to force something, you're probably doing it wrong....

Side note: A co-worker friend looks to me for "handyman" advice. My daughter and I went to his house and showed him how to sharpen his riding mower blades. I was able to share my knowledge: lifting the mower onto jack stands, chocking the rear wheels, removing the blades, removing grass glaze with an angle grinder + cup brush, proper eye protection, blade sharpening, protecting against rust with a light coat of oil. (We discovered the last person who did this had one of the mulching cross-blades on wrong!) He doesn't have the benefit of a handy father, so I kind of felt fulfilled helping him and also having my daughter participate hands-on! He also turned off his gas water heater, and I helped him see the issue and re-light it.



*That tip: remove the bolt before fitting the universal joint onto the steering rack shaft, then insert the bolt once it is in position. Nobody told me this!

You're a dying breed. Your dad should be proud.

[scfr]

Probably for the same reasons many people choose to drive places that they could walk to: They are physically incapable, or they don't have the time, or they are lazy, or they feel it would lower their status to be seen doing it, or they don't know how to do it safely, or they never stopped to think that there was an alternative way to do it other than the way they have always done it, or they are unaware of the benefits & feeling of satisfaction to be gained by knowing you did something under your own power, or they want to help keep all of those gyms that people get in their cars and drive to in business, or they simply want to (maybe they don't like walking or they love driving).

[msomnipotent]

My dad had a lot to do with this. He was a mechanical engineer (I am in IT software) and told me innumerable tips that enabled me to have the confidence and caution that goes into many of the projects I undertake. For example: Don't throw away that box from your appliance...break it down and use it to lay on when you scoot under your car. Always wipe the machined surface your oil filter goes into to ensure a good seal. Wrap teflon tape in the direction of the threads. Twist your wires so the wire nut continues the twist. Measure twice, cut once, and start at the 1" line to avoid the slop at the end of the tape measure. Safety glasses. If you have to force something, you're probably doing it wrong...



*That tip: remove the bolt before fitting the universal joint onto the steering rack shaft, then insert the bolt once it is in position. Nobody told me this!

Here's another tip. Always unplug the spark plug before working on a lawn mower. The first time I fixed a lawn mower, I was removing line from a string trimmer that was tangled in the blade and it roared back to life when the blade turned. I still don't know how I was able to move my hand out of the way fast enough. I felt like such an idiot because it happened right in front of my in-laws and all the nuts and bolts I left on the mower deck went flying around the garage. Someone could have lost an eye.

Funny you should mention saving cardboard. My husband is obsessed with it. He stores it as if it is some precious commodity, and we had 30 sheets stored in the garage and basement that I know of just for the purpose of changing the oil. I started recycling some of it and he hasn't noticed yet. Four sheets is a year supply. He doesn't need 30.

[Nutria]

Four sheets is a year supply. He doesn't need 30.

You'll be sorry 7.5 years from now!!!

[colby99]

This can be a good question to understand life. Life is combination of good and evil, happiness and sadness as well as struggle and success. Some people are so helpless because their fate is supposed to be so. Some people are naturally helpless like due to calamities, physical and mental retardness, etc. They can still overcome these natural curse. But a person also become helpless by their own. Their wrong deeds lead them to be so. Their negative thoughts can also make them so. How one can learn about life is: struggle until you exist. This is key to ones good life. Those who indulge in bad deeds are supposed to live miserable life. This is a sad thing that people are naturally helpless but the annoying thing is they are pessimistic about their strength.

[AJ444]

Not so sure what is so hard to understand that people with the resources can choose to partake in chores when they want to and farm the rest out because they would rather use that time to do something they enjoy doing.

I enjoy computers/electronics so when it comes to fixing something basic on that front I am all over it.

I hate pretty much any other chore and farm it out because I can afford to, I spend that time doing things that I want.

Pretty bold to define something like that as not being a "man".

[Snicks]

First of all, i have done a bit of home things, repairs, remodeling, etc. What i find is that no matter what i do it will always take 3 to 5x longer than i ever anticipate. Usually, it's like, oh i don't have the right tool, or now i have to run to the hardware store because i need something i dont have, etc, etc. And, so then I might spend a couple of days prepping a room to get ready and paint. Well, then that is the only thing i really get down so then i drop the ball in getting groceries or we order out because now we are too tired to cook, etc. So, i might save some on one thing but on another, I don't. And, there are some things that less than professional results are OK, but for other things, there are not.
However, i agree, it seems people do increasingly less and less. But, as i said, you have to have the right tools, equipment, etc and to go purchase those things isn't cheap either.

One other thing, the bar for home ownership has been continually raised. When i was a kid, nobody in the neighborhood had landscaping. Most homes maybe had a few bushes around them. And, there was one or two people in the neighborhood who were hobby gardeners. My dad would go out and mow the lawn and it didnt' take long. Well, now you have to edge everything, landscape, mulch , put in a lot of plants that require trimming and on and on. The amount of work we have heaped on ourselves has increased exponentially while we all are home less and less. In a two parent home, both parents now are usually working whereas when i was a kid, my mom was home.
In addition, homes have gotten bigger. So, to keep them up requires a lot more time and energy as well. Our lives have exploded in many ways and that sucks up a lot of time.

[dojo]

It really depends ...

We are currently renovating an old derelict house in a rural area and we've done some of the work ourselves for the sake of it. Mind you I'm a woman, about 110 lbs and pretty skinny. I'm a web designer, so there's no chance I can last with too much hard work

Husband is a civil engineer who's getting hands dirty to remember the good ole days when he was 20, I presume, or just relax his mind.

The fact is that, when we're doing this, we're actually losing money.

We have 2 people who come to help, when it's really a lot to work (plasterboarding the walls, flooring etc.) and we pay them about 50 bucks/day (here in Romania this is almost a week's wage in a day, so they're very pleased.

Well, husband is making this type of money in about an hour of work in his business and for me it's a few minute's work as a web designer.

This is why I'm saying we're losing money, when doing the stuff ourselves, because in a work-day we earn enough to pay them to work for 2 weeks time. And they are very strong and experienced in this work, so their work is clearly better.

So .. I think some people are not doing the stuff anymore, because in some cases the time they spend could be better monetized. Or, as other noticed, they're just reluctant to get hands dirty