Who is caring for an aging parent?

[TexasHusker]

You can live an exorbitant lifestyle but I've never met anyone who has done it and been happy. That's the problem. I grew up very wealthy and married into a wealthy family who lives that way. Also had wealthy friends, professionals (mostly doctors and lawyers). Never met a one who is happy who DOESN'T live a very simple lifestyle

I just don't think it is possible. Probably has to do with greed. But people who live simply, especially those minimalists (not on the extreme end) are just happier, healthier people. I wish I've seen differently but just haven't. I've been around wealthy professional people all my life
I don't care what your weaith is, live simply and naturally and you'll be happy. It also appears people need to be grounded to be truly happy.

Being grounded never made me particularly happy.

[Nutria]

Being grounded never made me particularly happy.

Especially when the airline comps you into the cruddy hotel across the road from the airport...

[LivingAlmostLarge]

That's not fair. I've met many people who were wealthy and lived very comfy lives and were very nice and happy. I think whether you live super comfy or super frugal if you are satisfied you like said it's more important. There is nothing wrong with the finer things in life if you can afford it. And I can't help but think if you can easily afford the finer things in life then and are satisfied then maybe it's the same as being frugal and still happy.

I can honestly say I could make my life more frugal and cheaper. But it wouldn't necessarily make me happier. I'm very satisfied now. So I think it's mindset.

[Outdoorsygal]

Especially when the airline comps you into the cruddy hotel across the road from the airport...

Hence my real life example.... ^^^^

[Outdoorsygal]

That's not fair. I've met many people who were wealthy and lived very comfy lives and were very nice and happy. I think whether you live super comfy or super frugal if you are satisfied you like said it's more important. There is nothing wrong with the finer things in life if you can afford it. And I can't help but think if you can easily afford the finer things in life then and are satisfied then maybe it's the same as being frugal and still happy.

I can honestly say I could make my life more frugal and cheaper. But it wouldn't necessarily make me happier. I'm very satisfied now. So I think it's mindset.

From what I've seen, the finer things only causes a desire for more finer things. Sort of a never ending circle.
Just what I see...no contentment there. It likely has nothing to do with how much $$ you have, but how you live. But it's certainly a trap for most people.
That's what i firmly believe.
We all have a different opinion of what the finer things are...so it's relative to some degree.

[TexasHusker]

95 perecent of this country is enjoying "finer things" than most people in this world, and probably 99.999% of the people throughout human history.

Truth is, we are a bunch of rich, spoiled brats, on here arguing about where to invest all our cash. Hmmm do I toss another $10K toward my $ million IRA, or buy a few gold bars?

Sheesh.

[bigdaddybus]

Thanks to all for sharing your experiences. I have alot of respect for those willing to endure hardship themselves to care for aging parents/grandparents.

I have lost my 4 grandparents in the last several years. It has been educational to say the least, supporting my parents and being involved in many discussions but near zero decisions as to their care. My parents/aunts/uncles/cousins/siblings and grandparents all handled the challenges differently with alot of strain on relationships.
We had the same thing several here have mentioned, non existent family members during the final years of thier parents, but right their when they pass to get their share of whatever estate is left.

[TexasHusker]

We had the same thing several here have mentioned, non existent family members during the final years of thier parents, but right their when they pass to get their share of whatever estate is left.

That seems to be a recurring theme. I am not quite sure what the psychology is behind the absentee family members, but I suspect it goes like this:

Aww shucks. Dad is sick. I gotta get out there and see him. But you know what? A few months go by and Dad is still around. It's pretty easy just not to think about it. Then it goes away. But by now, it has been so long since I have even seen him or helped in any way, I would look really pathetic at this point jumping in to help. So...i'll just keep my head in the sand and tell the caretaker family members that I'm just really busy. Meanwhile, my guilt is eating me up so much, and it's been so long now, that I might as well just pretend that the relative doesn't exist at all. A token phone call would only serve to draw attention to my gross negligence. And I can't live with myself with how I am treating Dad, therefore I'll just go on like he is already dead.

[GoodSteward]

Sadly, my parents feel they are good with money and they can't afford to do anything different. Last week after posting some of this I went back to my mom, and showed her how much she would have in approx 15 years if she just put $100 into her 401k along with the 12k that is in there. It was around 78k I believe. Her reply to me was "That's nice, but I don't have $100." I then asked her "If you don't have $100 now, what do you think you will have when you can't work anymore? What do you plan to do?" Her reply was "I don't know." I just left the subject alone. I was irritated. I know she has it, but she doesn't budget. She makes something like 25k a year, and she only pays their water bill, cell phone bill, and puts gas in her car and buys food for her and my dad. My dad pays the rest of the bills(including her credit card debt). She easily has it, but will not budget to see it. I believe she even got her hands on a small credit card and I found out it was maxed.

My wife and I are not looking forward to when my parents can’t work.

[GoodSteward]

95 perecent of this country is enjoying "finer things" than most people in this world, and probably 99.999% of the people throughout human history.

Truth is, we are a bunch of rich, spoiled brats, on here arguing about where to invest all our cash. Hmmm do I toss another $10K toward my $ million IRA, or buy a few gold bars?

Sheesh.

I'm confused, should the people on here not be saving? I’m pretty sure plenty in here are not spoiled brats. Some have worked very hard to get to where they are and what they have, and just because they now have investment options doesn't mean they are spoiled. Being spoiled means “to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc.:” according to dicotnary.com. Compared to most of the rest of the world, we have it better than we may realize but I'm not sure it all falls under spoiled, especially if you recognize that you have it better and appreciate it. Thinking someone is spoiled is a based on the perspective of someone else, typically, and in the financial world it usually happens in the form of each subsequent layer of financial status assumes the one above them are spoiled. If you realize what you have, and appreciate it I don’t think you are spoiled just because you do have nicer things. The brat part comes in when we feel entitled, and that isn't the case just because some have saved a lot of money and can afford better stuff, or have worked hard to get a better paying job to get better stuff.

I’m sure some in here may be spoiled, but I take offense to call all of us spoiled. Those "million dollar IRA's" are the result of diligence and saving for a long time. The fact that most purposely live below their means to save a large amount of money indicates the opposite of being spoiled. I’m sure we may be spoiled on some things, but I don’t think we are spoiled just because we have disposable income and options.

I personally have never had a six figure income to stack up money(like some who quit and went out and bought houses), and what I do have now is from a lot of hard work. I am self taught in the IT field, and I am pastoring from an hour and a half from my home. I don't have a great savings account, but I'm working at it. I have been at the bottom with no cash flow left over asking family for help. I know what is like to have to do without, so what I have now I very much appreciate. I am perfectly satisfied with my two very used vehicles, and smaller(and cheaper!) house.

Sorry, but lumping everybody on this site like that is a poor choice of words, IMO.