Feeling obligated to leave money for your children?

[sv2007]

How old are your children? If you want to leave it for them, then leave it. Or better, just ask your children if they want it. They may prefer that you spend the money rather than receiving it as inheritance.

[disneysteve]

Ive been living paycheck to paycheck most of my life Steve. My X railroaded me and I supported her for almost 20 years which changed me and gnaws at me to this day. The final straw after the X repeatedly threatened divorce, was when she rented out two beds in my home, pocketed the money, and was OK with my daughters boy friend from the projects of chicago threatening my life after I asked him to leave.

my X who remains in my will and life insurance policy.

Obviously, there are some deeper issues here that go way beyond the scope of this site, so I won't even comment on those.

As far as the financial piece, though, if you have always been living paycheck to paycheck, at least use some of this money to put yourself on more solid footing financially speaking. Establish a 6-month emergency fund. Pay off any consumer debt and anything else that you might be behind on. If you have delayed any necessary home repairs or car repairs or personal health issues due to financial restraints, start getting those things taken care of. If you don't have life insurance and there is anyone financially dependent on you, get that in place.

We can't really give any more advice than that without knowing the details of your finances but I think all of that would be the place to start.

[tripods68]

I think you have a deep wound needs healing. It's unfortunate those bad things happen to you, decision you made alone.

It's not your kids fault right? As father myself I'm always feel obligated to provide for them including my wife no matter what happen to me. That's part of being a father.

Don't let you bad experience cloud your moral obligation to provide for your kids future, whether paying for their college cost of daughter's wedding cost one day.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It depends. I can see helping your kids along the way but also keeping all money to yourself just in case. My parents are not sharing anything with the kids and yet are super frugal. They are trying to prepare for their worse case scenario. It's hard for me to understand this because they aren't spending their money and I want them to. My mom is retired and still saving into a Roth IRA. Yes my dad is still working at 86 and making an income so they are actually saving money. I bang my head on this table. I thought the point of retirement was to use money you saved instead of still saving. UGH.

So you can see how annoyed i am. They are so frugal that my parents will be waiting at the airport for a shared taxi using coupons this afternoon to go home for $4 instead of paying for a regular cab that would be $25-30. They can well afford the non-shared cab option. I can't convince them otherwise and only if I'm there do I just pay for it. Maybe one day.

[Nutria]

They are trying to prepare for their worse case scenario. It's hard for me to understand this because they aren't spending their money and I want them to. My mom is retired and still saving into a Roth IRA. Yes my dad is still working at 86 and making an income so they are actually saving money. ... I can't convince them otherwise

Part of it's probably genetic, and your father grew up in the Great Depression.

Have you asked them what they are concerned about to still be super-thrifty at their age? (I bet it has at least something to do with self-reliance and seeing old people in poverty.)

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Probably being poor before and just living that lifestyle.

[rerod]

Probably being poor before and just living that lifestyle.

That's it, and applies to me as well. When you've lived a certain lifestyle the majority of your life, its difficult or impossible to change. Especially if it was traumatic.

Ever hear the expression..."fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me." How many times are you going to let someone take advantage of you. It seems that you're surrounding yourself with people you shouldn't be around period.

Yes, but I always give someone new the benefit of the doubt. I'm a blue collar wealthy carhart, and you cant mingle your way into the white collar crowd.

Establish a 6-month emergency fund. Pay off any consumer debt and anything else that you might be behind on. If you have delayed any necessary home repairs or car repairs or personal health issues due to financial restraints, start getting those things taken care of. If you don't have life insurance and there is anyone financially dependent on you, get that in place.

We can't really give any more advice than that without knowing the details of your finances but I think all of that would be the place to start.

I have all those things covered except for the home repairs. I don't see myself retiring here , so to me it doesn't make sense spending money to remodel my two gutted bathrooms because you never get that money back.

It's not your kids fault right?
Don't let you bad experience cloud your moral obligation to provide for your kids future, whether paying for their college cost of daughter's wedding cost one day.

No, but the kids, 21-24, did play me and the X against each other. She always spoiled them, and I was the strict mean dad so they always ran to her. She continues to spoil them is why they have moved in with her. Spoiled kids don't move forward with their lives if mommy still cleans their rooms and what not.

I must thank all of you, because this conversation helped me buy a additional chunk of VTIAX to raise my international to 18% during a time when most say everything is overvalued.
Why did it buy it? Because its cheaper now than it was in 2011 when I bought my first chunk.

But I don't plan on selling my bonds yet though. When I do, I will buy more VTSAX.

[disneysteve]

it doesn't make sense spending money to remodel my two gutted bathrooms

Potential buyers probably won't agree when it comes time to sell the place. Having 2 gutted bathrooms is going to seriously limit your pool of interested buyers. I'd suggest finishing them nicely but basically. Don't go nuts with marble and granite but don't leave them trashed either.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Gotta agree. Most buyers don't want homes that need work. They want move in ready. Don't go overboard and more you can do yourself the more you save. Just finish it enough that people can move in and not spend more money on it for awhile. It may not be to their taste but they'll live with it.