when you invite someone are you expected to pay?

[97guns]

maybe thats the problem i run into. i have a very good friend but whenever we go out to lunch and the check comes his wallet never comes out, i dont know if hes slow to pay or if intentions are for me to pay because i initiated the lunch date. i asked him to go with me on my last trip to asia and again his wallet stayed in his pocket. i booked airfare for side trips and had to put it on my card, he didnt offer to pay me back until 3 weeks after we return home, lets just say im not as close to him anymore

i took a trip to ohio last month to visit a friend, his brother invited us for dim sum, the check came and we let him pay it but my friend tells me "ill pitch in for us" whatever that meant

and right now im on a road trip for a funeral. 4 of us my mom, her cousin and my wife and i. we have eaten 5 meals and my moms cousin never even tried to pay even her percentage of it. my mom booked 2 rooms and invited her to come along and theres has not been any question as to how much the room is. services are today and we head home afternoon but will have to stop for dinner.

im just unclear if an invitite means you get a free ride or are these people freeloaders?

[bjl584]

sounds like you should have a conversation before going on the trip to discuss how the meals and etc. will be handled.

I've gone on several fishing and hunting trips with groups of guys and we always discuss beforehand how we are going to split the expenses.

[DaveInPgh]

Sounds like you are surrounded by freeloaders.

[bigdaddybus]

Sounds to me like you just need to be more upfront with people.

I go out to lunch with people all the time that I invite. When the waiter comes, just say "can you put this on separate checks" or say "you can go ahead and put this on one check".

I often pay for others, and often we pay our own way. To me its just not a big deal at all. If I initiate the lunch and I need something from someone, I'm thanking them for something, or I can tell they are concerned about cost I will pay.
Its also in the way things are said. Hey, lets get together and catch up over lunch sometime. (your likely both paying). Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile, how about I take you out to lunch so we can catch up (Your offering to buy)

For shared trips, I have always communicated up from when making reservations. I travel with a friend to watch vintage racing from time to time. He usually reserves the hotel /tickets and when we arrive I bring enough cash to settle up with him. Again, no big deal if your upfront and have good communication with people.

[97guns]

with the one very good friend i had always paid for lunch, i wanted to pay because my grandmother and mom are the same way and thats just how i was brought up so my wallet was always the first to come out. it wasnt until the trip to asia that made me realize that maybe this guy is a freeloader, it had always been my pleasure to treat

[MonkeyMama]

I agree with BDB, though it also probably depends on the people. My friends are not freeloaders, so I can't imagine them not offering to pay.

Since I am decades younger than most my co-workers, they often insist on paying if we go out. Since most my friends are childless, they often insist on treating (since I am supporting a family).

I don't know how much of it is that they are that generous or if it's a cultural thing where you are supposed to go back and forth over how you pay the bill. As a very direct person, I just don't like that. If you INSIST, then I will let you pay. I'd probably mostly want to split the bill. Though I don't mind taking turns with someone who insists on covering the whole bill.

[Jluke]

Is it a cultural thing for the people you hang out with?

maybe they assume that you since you retired at age 39 you have endless wealth.

[DaveInPgh]

with the one very good friend i had always paid for lunch, i wanted to pay because my grandmother and mom are the same way and thats just how i was brought up so my wallet was always the first to come out. it wasnt until the trip to asia that made me realize that maybe this guy is a freeloader, it had always been my pleasure to treat

A guy I work with is like that. He is in his 70s and still providing support for his adult children. Every meal they have out, he is paying. He told a former coworker a few years ago that he can't afford to retire.

[FLA]

the only time I plan to pay for everyone is if I invite people who have had me to their home several times for a meal and I want to reciprocate with a restaurant meal. Or if I specifically say, "let me take you out." The rest of the time my friends and I just automatically share the bill, unless someone says it's their treat.

Going to Asia and keeping my wallet closed would never even occur to me. That's major freeloading IMHO.

My brother and my BFF have both always made so much more than me that it's laughable. So I do let them treat me to meals but I leave the tip or I take them out for coffee sometime. I always offer to pay, though.