Have you helped people around you with finances?

[GoodSteward]

Each time I learn something new I try to help encourage people around me. I know my advice goes against their mentality since they feel they are poor, but I thought after a while of me being consistent they would start to listen. I"m talking about basic stuff like budgets and savings. They still don't want to listen to me.

My mother is dropping insurance because it went up 80$ a month. I know she can afford it because my dad pays all the bills minus a few small ones she covers. She has no car payment and doesn't have any money going into retirement or savings. She only buys a little gas, cell phone, water bill, and food for her and my dad. She was paying 150/m for insurance, but that is soon to stop since it is going up 80/m. I have no idea where her money goes. She makes around 25-30k a year.

I've all but begged her to get on a written budget, but she refuses to. She doesn't need it, or so she thinks. I even offered to buy her a copy of the budgeting program I use. She keeps a checkbook, but that's it. I'm not even sure she has ever sat down and figured up per month what she has left over from set bills. She doesn't budget food and buys name brand even if it isn't on sale. She is in her early 50s, and has 17k in a retirement her employer has put in for her over the years. She actually bragged about that. "It's 17k, and I didn't even put anything into it!" SMH Her employer is going to give her 150$ a month to go into savings for medical needs. I'm curious how long she will wait before dipping into it for personal stuff.

I have similar stories with other family and friends. They just keep making me face palm their choices. Nobody will listen!

I love them, and I push a little because I know they need to change. However, I am aware that if they don't see a need, they will reject it. I just try to keep silent now and wait for a chance to slip something in during a conversation, if they bring up finances.

Have any of you guys helped family or friends learn to do better? If so, How did you do it?

[rennigade]

sv2007 this topic has come up over and over. Please do a search next time before you start a new thread.


Here is what everyone will say...do not offer advice, your best bet is to stay out of the convo, helping family with finances is not a good idea, some have friends they can talk finances with because they're in the same boat, some will say they only provide advice if its asked directly to them. This has all been discussed over and over.

[GoodSteward]

I'm new to the site, so I didn't realize it had been brought up so much. I also was asking with a reason, as I included in the OP about my mother.

Either way, I was afraid I would get the answer you gave. I was just hoping there was something I might have been missing that someone has found to work. People will always be people.

[Nika]

It is an interesting topic regardless. And something that comes up over and over in everyone's life, so I don't mind at all it being brought up again. Examples change and it is always relevant, especially when it is family.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I'm glad you brought it to the forum. You surely wouldn't be the only one whose parents make financial decisions that worry the kids. I know I'd be worried if my parents had no medical coverage.

It sounds as if your parents are still together. Does Dad have insurance that might be less expensive for her to be added to?

If this was not an ACA supplemented insurance, maybe there would be one for her that is more affordable. Maybe that was too obvious for me even to mention. I just heard the other day what the most recent fine is for being uninsured, but it went in one ear and out the other. Does Mom know she will be paying that?

Does she have a regular doctor? If so will that doctor even see her without insurance? She might have to rely on pay as you go urgent care plus emergency room this way.

Really sorry about this, GoodSteward. Sincerely.

[DaveInPgh]

sv2007 this topic has come up over and over. Please do a search next time before you start a new thread.

sv2007 did not create this topic

[GoodSteward]

She is on my dads plan, but they changed companies and it went up. Someone within their smaller company is going through cancer for a second time. That is the speculation for the price increase.

Her issue isn't the increase of price, it's her lack of budgeting and tracking. She spends recklessly.

I shared a story elsewhere on here about the 120k$ combined CC debt some family had, and it was about my parents. He is paying all her credit card debt. I'm not happy with how that turned out, but it is their life. They have been together over 30 years.

However, my concern is that their poor choices will become my business if they have financial problems from a lack of proper planning. If something happens, and we need to help take care of one or both because of an issue beyond their control I am ok with that. I do love them. However, I will not be as quick to help if they hit problems due to a lack of financial planning (which includes them NOT listening to me about needing to make changes).

I hope this doesn't come off as being disrespectful to my parents. I just don't think it is fair for children to have to carry the burden of the parents poor choices, possibly causing them to struggle as well. My dad should have just filed bankruptcy, and worked on retirement. Now, instead, since my mom hasn't helped him pay this back they are still paying 10 years later, still has about 30k$ in credit card debt, and took out a mortgage on a paid for house my grandmother gave them to pay the rest. It's a mess now, and he is in his mid 50s. He also has several heath problems that might make him being able to work until retirement hard.

They will be paying a house payment for 25 more years, and he only has around 30k in retirement his job used to contribute to, along with my mom's 17k her job used to contribute to, plus an annuity that his job provided 20 years ago that will give him around 500$ a month I think. He also only has enough life insurance to cover most of their debts. My mom couldn't survive on her own. This could become a major issue for me and my brother later, and my brother is far from financially on top of things. I sat down with them with a financial adviser, and they were not very open with him. They seemed content in their situation, and it makes me very mad they can't seem to see down the road where this could be a burden on their kids.

[sv2007]

Since we buy a lot of houses, I have somehow become the go-to person for real estate at all my work places when just one co-worker finds out. I generally don't like giving specific advice on bids (it's asked a lot); the only thing I'd say is my past experiences; but otherwise, like contractors and general pricing, I freely offer recommendations.

[bjl584]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

You can nudge people in the right direction, but ultimately it is up to them to get on track.

[GoodSteward]

I had signed up with a company that does life insurance, investments, and help people with finances in general. They like to educate people, and then provide the solutions they need at the same time. I watched as they helped a couple from my church tremendously. They were shown how to be out of debt in 13 years with a 200k$ house they just bought, 30k$ new car they just bought, a newer truck they still owed half of, and another 10 grand in back taxes/other debts. At the same time, he was shown how to change which places his civil service retirement was going into, and increase it to a reasonable amount they could afford, and he would have around 750k$ in the account by the time he retired instead of the current prediction of only a a hundred thousand or so. He is in his mid 40s, and already a 20 yr retired air force vet with retirement from that. He would be good to go. It was so much of a change that the wife teared up some. They couldn't believe what could be done. I was amazed at how I could help people like this.

However, Within a year later they are refinancing the home to pull equity to pay off some debts and buy a few things increasing the total mortgage. They bought a storm shelter and financed for 5 years. They went out and traded in the truck for another brand new truck resetting that debt. He had changed his retirement allotment, nor had he changed his filing status to stop owing taxes at the end of the year(as he was told to do). I was dumbfounded. This has taught me people usually don't really change. They do a financial diet, but diets don't work. There is a fundamental flaw built into them. They are temporary. Once you hit your goal(or even before), your back to the same habits that made you unhealthy to start with. You need a lifestyle change, not a diet.

This is the reason why I decided to not continue with the company. I talked to numerous people for a few month period, and nobody would hear me out. Then I watched the family that did hear us out completely ignore it shortly after. I wasn't going to waste my time taking on a third job, taking away time from my family, just to sit down and educate people only to watch them ignore it.

It blows my mind how so many people choose to be stupid with money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I try and try and try. Doesn't work. So when my dad passes on I will have a mountain of stuff to Wade through and work on. My parents refuse help and will not accept that they are incapable with dealing with it.

I mean they don't even have a copy of their home insurance. But they have some.