Divergent financial views with yours spouse?

[sv2007]

Well, that's good to hear. In our family, wife retired many years ago, so I was the only worker and we've never had any money/power imbalance issues as we've always maintained joint everything.

However, a few parents at my son's school told my wife that they and SO keep separate personal spending accounts based on their separate paychecks. The thing is, when a spouse earns significantly more than the other, these accounts also reflects that. We never know this happens, only when you have kids do you find out.

[DaveInPgh]

Well, that's good to hear. In our family, wife retired many years ago, so I was the only worker and we've never had any money/power imbalance issues as we've always maintained joint everything.

However, a few parents at my son's school told my wife that they and SO keep separate personal spending accounts based on their separate paychecks. The thing is, when a spouse earns significantly more than the other, these accounts also reflects that. We never know this happens, only when you have kids do you find out.

I have yet to read a post of yours today that has made sense.

You seem to make a lot of assumptions about marriage and marital finances that are not supported by any facts.

[AJ444]

Where does the money come from when you all get entertained together?

What about when she makes you bring her to a chick flick that you're completely not interested in, or you bring her to a monster truck rally that she's not interested in?

We used to take turns but now have a line item in the common budget for joint entertainment.

Activities go in the order of her choice, my choice, joint choice then repeat. It works very well for us.

[AJ444]

"For better or worse, For Richer or poorer" doesn't seem to have any weight anymore I guess. While it does suck to have a spouse that works against the building up of your financial house, part of the reason for marriage is to expose your flaws to become a better person. We are selfish by nature, and marriage reveals this to help us change(hopefully). While I do understand some people are very hard to work/live with, we made a commitment to stick it out. The divorce rate is high not because of money, but because people are not willing to work things out anymore. Some trade spouses like appliances. If they think they are broken, they just get a new one. The thing is people like that normally end up finding problems in later marriages too because people are flawed. I believe the divorce rate goes up even more in second and third marriages. Why? You gave up once when you didn't like it...it's easy to do it again. I know a lot of people get upset about this stuff, so I am not here to judge anybody. Just remember you made the vow.

The judgement is strong in this post, my last 7 years of being happily married disagrees with pretty much every point you made. The divorce rate is higher IMO because people are not as willing to have a couple year mistake turn into a lifelong mistake. Better/worse, richer/poorer aren't the only vows/agreements for most people when they get married.

[Nutria]

The judgement is strong in this post, my last 7 years of being happily married disagrees with pretty much every point you made. The divorce rate is higher IMO because people are not as willing to have a couple year mistake turn into a lifelong mistake. Better/worse, richer/poorer aren't the only vows/agreements for most people when they get married.

Not enough pre-engagement examination of the practical elements of marriage.

IOW, ministerial counseling should happen before the engagement, since that diamond ring almost always pushes an unstoppable snowball rolling down the hill.

[AJ444]

Not enough pre-engagement examination of the practical elements of marriage.

IOW, ministerial counseling should happen before the engagement, since that diamond ring almost always pushes an unstoppable snowball rolling down the hill.

People change and are also good at hiding things. Personally the last place I would look for relationship advice is a place of worship. My brother (also an atheist) is marrying a catholic and is currently going through the counseling. His direct quote was "makes total sense to get relationship advice from someone who has never been in a relationship"

[dawnwes]

People change and are also good at hiding things. Personally the last place I would look for relationship advice is a place of worship. My brother (also an atheist) is marrying a catholic and is currently going through the counseling. His direct quote was "makes total sense to get relationship advice from someone who has never been in a relationship"

That would only be if you are Catholic. Protestant pastors and ministers are typically married.

[AJ444]

That would only be if you are Catholic. Protestant pastors and ministers are typically married.

I'm aware, I had to go to a Methodist church for 17 years when I was growing up.

[dawnwes]

I'm aware, I had to go to a Methodist church for 17 years when I was growing up.

My point is that you don't have to go to a priest. I don't even see the point if your brother is atheist. Wouldn't his advice be for the woman not to marry your brother in the first place?

[AJ444]

My point is that you don't have to go to a priest. I don't even see the point if your brother is atheist. Wouldn't his advice be for the woman not to marry your brother in the first place?

It is a family expectation on her side, he is just going along with it. There are still a lot of situations in the US where the non-religious compromise their beliefs to make certain things easier. A person doesn't have to agree with him but this is what he assessed needed to be done in this situation.

[Nutria]

It is a family expectation on her side, he is just going along with it. There are still a lot of situations in the US where the non-religious compromise their beliefs to make certain things easier. A person doesn't have to agree with him but this is what he assessed needed to be done in this situation.

I think that Dawn is surprised that the priest hasn't refused to perform a wedding with an apostate. (But... it's 2016, and hard-core Southern Baptists have been holding baby showers for illegitimately pregnant girls for 25 years so we really shouldn't be surprised when the Church loosens it's rules, too.)

[AJ444]

I think that Dawn is surprised that the priest hasn't refused to perform a wedding with an apostate. (But... it's 2016, and hard-core Southern Baptists have been holding baby showers for illegitimately pregnant girls for 25 years so we really shouldn't be surprised when the Church loosens it's rules, too.)

In this case "going along with it" means lying. He is going through the motions which is pretty easy to do after 17 years of forced attendance.

Personally I wouldn't choose that route but I understand why he is.

[Nutria]

In this case "going along with it" means lying.

Gotcha.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I think people walk away from marriage way to easily now days. When the going gets tough the people get going. I don't think that people want to work at any marriage and yes I am in the camp that marriage is work. I don't think it's easy or perfect or even just about love. There are so many things that happen.

[dawnwes]

In this case "going along with it" means lying. He is going through the motions which is pretty easy to do after 17 years of forced attendance.

Personally I wouldn't choose that route but I understand why he is.

Lying to who? The priest? His prospective wife?