Is it okay to charge money for a party?

[~bs]

The Super Bowl is approaching and I'll be attending a party. She announced that this year she will be charging a fee and will be also be bringing our own drinks. Obviously, throwing a party is expensive, but what do you all think about this? Is this okay?

It's her house, her rules IMO. If you don't like it, don't attend.

In all honestly, I don't mind potluck/BYOB style, but it's WAY easier to chip in $10 or $20 a head and be done with it. From a strictly monetary/time aspect, it's WAY cheaper just to hand over some money than to go out, buy all the food/drink, prepare it, then bring it to the party. If you make, say $20 an hour at work, you brought $10 in food that you took an hour to prepare, you've effectively paid a $30 fee. I'd rather hand over the $10, and waltz in the front door. Of course, I'm way less sensitive to being "socially correct" than others.

I used to tailgate quite a bit. We had one guy who didn't mind buying and bringing all the food, drinks, tent, grill, etc. So for $10 - $15, you could just show up to the tailgate, spend the afternoon eating the steaks and other food, drinking however much light beer you wanted, and not worry about all the other crap that needs to be brought to the tailgate, cooking the food, etc. Well worth it IMO

[disneysteve]

But one ("pot luck") is social and the other ("pay to attend") is commercial.

I just don't see it that way. If our friends invited us over and said they're going to order pizza and wings and ask everyone to kick in $10, that party is going to be just a social as if they ask us all to bring food to share. Either way, the point is to get together and spend time with friends. Either way, it's going to cost us money to attend.

[Nutria]

Either way, it's going to cost us money to attend.

Focusing solely on the bottom line, you sound like a bean counter.

[disneysteve]

Focusing solely on the bottom line, you sound like a bean counter.

Asking guests to pay $10 costs us $10.
Asking guests to bring food that costs us $10 to prepare also costs us $10.

Apparently a lot of people are just fine with the second option but feel the first option is tacky and socially unacceptable. I'm just trying to make the point that the two options really aren't that different. Personally, I'd be just fine with either one of those options, and I've been to both kinds of parties over the years. To me, what matters most is that we have friends who think enough of us to invite us over and want to spend time with us.

[phantom]

No, I was asking a serious question. phantom said he wouldn't pay to attend a party but is fine paying to offset the cost of food and also is fine bringing food. I don't see how those two things are different than "pay to attend". It all seems the same to me.

Phantom is a she.

The difference in my mind is "paying to partake in food" vs. "paying to be present." If it's clear that all the host is asking is that I offset the cost of the food and drink I'll consume, I'm okay with that. It's the idea of a general fee to be there that bothers me. If it's $10, to get in the door, even if I plan on eating nothing, what am I paying for? Am I paying for the host's work in putting up decorations and cleaning? Am I paying for part of the cost of the host's TV (in the case of a Super Bowl party)? Am I paying for the opportunity to hangout with other people? Am I paying for the trouble the host is going to go through afterwards to clean up the mess? I don't want to pay for any of those things. If the host feels that those are things he needs to be compensated for for, I question whether or not he really wants to throw a party.

[disneysteve]

Phantom is a she.

Oops. phantom was rather androgenous, like Pat or Jamie or Carson .

The difference in my mind is "paying to partake in food" vs. "paying to be present." If it's clear that all the host is asking is that I offset the cost of the food and drink I'll consume, I'm okay with that. It's the idea of a general fee to be there that bothers me. If it's $10, to get in the door, even if I plan on eating nothing, what am I paying for?

Oh, I definitely wasn't looking at it that way. If I go to a party, I fully expect to be eating and drinking while I'm there. If the host is asking everyone to chip in, I would certainly assume it is to help pay for the party, food, and drinks. If there wasn't going to be food and drinks, then I, too, would have a problem with being asked to pay to attend.

[Nutria]

Asking guests to pay $10 costs us $10.
Asking guests to bring food that costs us $10 to prepare also costs us $10.

Apparently a lot of people are just fine with the second option but feel the first option is tacky and socially unacceptable.

You're repeatedly, grossly and irresponsibly mischaracterizing our views.

[disneysteve]

Nutria, I apologize if you think I've mischaracterized something.

Let me just summarize my view here. I certainly realize others may disagree.

1. It is fine for the party host to ask people to bring food/drink.
2. It is fine for the party host to ask people to pay rather than having them bring food/drink.

As long as the amount charged is reasonable, I have no problem with option #2.

[Nutria]

2. It is fine for the party host to ask people to pay rather than having them bring food/drink.

You're still doing it.

According to OP, "asking" is not what the prospective hosts are doing. They are requiring.

[~bs]

I think you're splitting hairs. Nothing wrong with requiring one or the other. Like I said, their house, their rules

[disneysteve]

You're still doing it.

According to OP, "asking" is not what the prospective hosts are doing. They are requiring.

Oh, sorry, I missed that you were distinguishing between the two.

When I say "ask" I mean that anyone coming would be expected to pay so I would use "ask" and "require" interchangeably. It would be rather rude to show up at the party, partake of all that is offered, and not pay your share when everyone else there has paid.

Of course, if they invited someone who they knew had some financial hardship, they could tell them privately that they didn't need to pay but other than that, anyone coming would be expected to pay.

In the same vein, when we go to our Super Bowl party, everyone who comes will bring food. Nobody will walk into that house empty handed. In fact, we have an email chain for everyone to report what they will be bringing to avoid duplication.

[Nutria]

When I say "ask" I mean that anyone coming would be expected to pay so I would use "ask" and "require" interchangeably.

(I "ask" my children to take out the trash and do the dishes, too. )

This is what she wrote: She announced that this year she will be charging a fee and will be also be bringing our own drinks.


She could have said that there's going to be a tip jar to help defray the costs, or declared a potluck event and started an email chain like your party.

But she didn't.

It would be rather rude to show up at the party, partake of all that is offered, and not pay your share when everyone else there has paid.

It's 2016. Manners Elvis left the building decades ago.

Of course, if they invited someone who they knew had some financial hardship, they could tell them privately that they didn't need to pay but other than that, anyone coming would be expected to pay.

How. Embarrassing.

In the same vein, when we go to our Super Bowl party, everyone who comes will bring food. Nobody will walk into that house empty handed. In fact, we have an email chain for everyone to report what they will be bringing to avoid duplication.

IOW, a potluck dinner.

[msomnipotent]

No, I was asking a serious question. phantom said he wouldn't pay to attend a party but is fine paying to offset the cost of food and also is fine bringing food. I don't see how those two things are different than "pay to attend". It all seems the same to me.

I guess the simple answer is that it is the thought that counts. When I bring something for a potluck, I consider what the other people would like and bring whatever I feel like, price-wise. I have brought leg of lamb or prime rib to gatherings, and I have brought nothing more than chairs, ice, and a large cooler. I'm still going to eat that pizza like I bought it! And when people tell me that they are ordering food and to chip in, it is common courtesy to at least try poll everyone to see what dishes to order. At least you know you are getting something you will eat or have the option of bringing your own. But when someone informs you of a cover charge, you are a customer and not a friend.

Smooth move by having the party BYOB. At least in my area, you have to have a liquor license if you have a cover charge and serve alcohol. Not that anyone does.

[disneysteve]

when someone informs you of a cover charge, you are a customer and not a friend.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that point.

If we decide to have a party and have everyone chip in $10 to cover costs, that doesn't make them any less our friends than if we tell them each to bring food. Just my opinion. Yours is different, which is just fine. Different strokes....

[Nutria]

If we decide to have a party and have everyone chip in $10 to cover costs

What if they arrive and don't pony up the money?