Is it okay to charge money for a party?

[disneysteve]

Except that "pot luck" is not "bring your own food".

Ok, pot luck is "bring food to share".

So what's the difference between "bring food for everyone to share" and "don't bring anything but chip in $5 (or $10 or whatever)"? Why is one tacky and the other isn't?

[bjl584]

Personally, if I was going to throw a party or entertain guests, but the only way that I could do it was by charging a fee, then I wouldn't host a party.

If you WANT to bring your own dish or some drinks, then feel free. But, it certainly wouldn't be a requirement.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

The Super Bowl is approaching and I'll be attending a party. She announced that this year she will be charging a fee and will be also be bringing our own drinks. Obviously, throwing a party is expensive, but what do you all think about this? Is this okay?

I had a friend who tried doing this and we all de-friended him promptly, although this was years before facebook. Life's too short to hang out with misers.

[disneysteve]

I had a friend who tried doing this and we all de-friended him promptly, although this was years before facebook. Life's too short to hang out with misers.

Would you have "de-friended" him if he instead had asked everyone to bring food?

[bjl584]

Would you have "de-friended" him if he instead had asked everyone to bring food?

I think we're going beyond the plain simple fact that food and money are essentially interchangeable so far as a party is concerned. What really is the difference if I ask you to bring $10 worth of food to my party or I ask you for $10 cash at the door? There is no difference per say. But, one is seen as more socially acceptable than the other. The vast majority of people wouldn't think twice about bringing food or drinks to a party. But that same vast majority would turn their noses at having to pay someone to go to a party. It's probably a cultural and psychological thing. People don't expect to have to pay actual cash to go a friends or family members house for a party.

Technically, there is no difference between $10 worth of food and an actual $10 bill. The majority of people will just be more willing to give the former than the latter.

[amastewa93]

What really is the difference if I ask you to bring $10 worth of food to my party or I ask you for $10 cash at the door?

There really isn't one, but when you think about the number of people attending and each paying $10 and additionally buying alcohol or other drinks for the party... The person throwing the party would actually be making money from the event. It seems a tad bit unfair.

[bjl584]

There really isn't one, but when you think about the number of people attending and each paying $10 and additionally buying alcohol or other drinks for the party... The person throwing the party would actually be making money from the event. It seems a tad bit unfair.

Of course, if the party attendees all bring a dish and not everyone takes home their leftovers, then the party host is essentially getting free groceries. Again, no difference between groceries and cash. One is just more socially acceptable.

[disneysteve]

What really is the difference if I ask you to bring $10 worth of food to my party or I ask you for $10 cash at the door? There is no difference per say. But, one is seen as more socially acceptable than the other.

Exactly the point I've been hinting at. There is no difference. We are going to a superbowl party. I will bring guacamole. That will cost $12-15. My wife will probably make Oreo bark. That will cost $6-7. So we're into this party for $20 or so. When we went for New Years, we brought the same items and a corn casserole, so a few dollars more. We were totally happy to do it but if the hosts had said, "You know what. This year let's be different and have everybody chip in $10 and we'll just bring food in" we would happily hand over the cash. It would be a whole lot easier and not cost us any more money. If the hosts end up making a profit, well they're the ones hosting, providing the plates, cups, utensils, ice, etc. I have no problem with them being compensated for that.

[phantom]

I wouldn't go to a party in someone's home that I had to pay to attend. It sounds like paying for the privilege of being allowed inside someone else's house. If I need to hand over money to come to your party, I question whether you actually want my company at all.

If offsetting the cost of food is the reason for wanting money, then the host should say that's what the money is for. I don't have a problem with, "Hey, I'm ordering pizza, wings, and sandwich ring. If you want some, let me know so I can order enough. Also, be prepared to pitch in."

In my mind, the big advantage of asking everyone to bring a dish is that it adds to the social interaction of the party. It's fun to gush about how addictive the buffalo chicken dip is, while the person who brought it talks about how simple it was to put together. Talking about the pizza place and how convenient it is, isn't quite as much fun. But, maybe that's just me.

Asking everyone to bring their own dish also lets guests decided how much time and money they want to spend. When I have lots of time to prep for a party, and don't care about money, I like to try new recipes with ingredients I wouldn't usually buy. When I'm short on time and money, my goto is a pineapple sprinkled with red jello powder. I've gotten plenty of compliments on both.

[disneysteve]

I wouldn't go to a party in someone's home that I had to pay to attend.

Isn't bring food a form of paying to attend?

If offsetting the cost of food is the reason for wanting money, then the host should say that's what the money is for. I don't have a problem with, "Hey, I'm ordering pizza, wings, and sandwich ring. If you want some, let me know so I can order enough. Also, be prepared to pitch in."

Isn't that paying to attend, or at least paying to eat?

In my mind, the big advantage of asking everyone to bring a dish is that it adds to the social interaction of the party.

I agree 100%. We love going to these parties and getting to sample all of the great stuff that our friends make, as well as try out new recipes of our own. The food is always excellent and different, far better than if the party was catered.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Would you have "de-friended" him if he instead had asked everyone to bring food?

Not at all. This was more like he made us all breakfast and then asked us to contribute money.

[Nutria]

Isn't bring food a form of paying to attend?

I can't tell whether or not you're still playing advocatus diaboli.

[disneysteve]

I wouldn't go to a party in someone's home that I had to pay to attend.

Isn't bring food a form of paying to attend?

I can't tell whether or not you're still playing advocatus diaboli.

No, I was asking a serious question. phantom said he wouldn't pay to attend a party but is fine paying to offset the cost of food and also is fine bringing food. I don't see how those two things are different than "pay to attend". It all seems the same to me.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Are you good enough friends that the friend knows about your role as administrator here? If so, are you okay with the possibility of your query being seen here by the party host?

I enjoy potluck events very much. I've never been asked for money for a home party. I'd feel odd about it.

[Nutria]

No, I was asking a serious question. phantom said he wouldn't pay to attend a party but is fine paying to offset the cost of food and also is fine bringing food. I don't see how those two things are different than "pay to attend". It all seems the same to me.

It's not that "pay to attend" in and of itself is bad. After all we pay cover charges all the time to get into nightclubs, etc.

But one ("pot luck") is social and the other ("pay to attend") is commercial.