Have you ever tried to brag about your $ and looked like an a$$?

**FLA** · 09-09-2015, 07:52 PM

my two BFFs are both lawyers, he does well, but my GF and her husband are pulling in 1 million at least. When she was being head hunted, she took a call in front of me and said, "nothing less than 6", it took me a minute to realize that meant 600k, that was ten years ago and her husband makes more. I feel totally free talking about money with them, they don't judge me for making 10-20xs less than them. They've looked at my portfolio and gave advice. The three of them know everything. And cheer me on! those are good friends to have because if they are willing to waste the little time they have on their friend's rinky dink financial plan, then you know they truly care.

I only talk about retirement at work to a new person trying to figure out the 403b, but I would never say how much I've saved. I have never told even my closest work friend what I make or how much I save.

I have friends who make a lot less and friends who make like 25k more, I do not talk money with them unless someone brings it up in a general way or I know they are frugal, saving and planning and like to talk that stuff. I know very few friends like this.

my uncle is kind of my investment mentor although he doesn't take enough risk IMHO, so he knows everything. But I would never discuss money with his two daughters.

so I'm a tell every detail to this group of friends and I say nothing unless asked with the rest.

Weirdly, and this was almost 10 yrs ago, on Match I found men who at dinner hinted broadly at their net worth, some even said it outright. I dated one guy for a few months and he just kept hinting and hinting about his investments. I really couldn't stand him by this point and planned to never talk to him again, so I said, "Really? Hit me, how much have you got? You seem to want me to know." He made 100k more than me, he told me his salary, I did not. So I'm expecting huge investments. He had 100k in his 401k and went on and on how good that was for someone his age. Well, I was 7yrs younger and I normally would not do this, but he walked right into it and I told him what was in mine. He got red faced, he was not happy. He accused me that that money came from my ex in alimony (I refused alimony), then it was, "you must be putting all of his support money in that account!" Nope, child support went towards the CHILDREN, asshat. When he took a breath, I said, "I will tell you what I do to save that much and then this conversation and dinner is over." He stormed out calling me "a South side of the tracks lying whore!" Then he stormed back in to pay the bill, I said I had it, no problem. He goes, "that's what else is wrong with you, the man wants to pay the check, you offering every time makes me feel like I am not a man!" I had to laugh, anger much?

I don't think we even have a South side of the tracks here, regardless, I am not from there, nor am I a lying whore

**cypher1** · 09-09-2015, 08:31 PM

Originally posted by ronb View Post

We were just talking and I started kind of bragging about my job. I said it's really good but I'm so good at it now I want to move on because I deserve to be paid more. Anyway. I don't know if it really came off like I'm an a$$ but looking back, I feel like it did.

I'm kind of thinking of enforcing a 'no talking about my business' money around other people who aren't like-minded. Do you do that? Do you just avoid the topic of money most days?

If someone jumped in and said something like that, I'd just smile, give them the thumbs up, and carry on with my life. LOL

Otherwise I have no problems talking about money management/personal finance with friends and family, but if anyone asks specifics about salary/savings/investing I simply move the focus back on them.

Only a couple of close friends have a ballpark figure of what I make, but only because they wanted a salary range to negotiate with for same position/employer. But then again I tend to be very private about those details.

In the past I'd be very open to saying how much I paid for an item (IE a used car to fix and flip), and then how much I resold it for. But realized it could come off as bragging, so I stopped sharing that information.

**dawnwes** · 09-10-2015, 02:15 AM

Can't say that I have.

**JulieAlbright** · 09-10-2015, 04:40 AM

At this point in our lives I try very hard not to discuss our financial numbers with friends and family � I guess partially because I think it's rude to tell certain people how much better off we are than them, even though the spiteful part of me would love to go neener neener neener.

But the other part, you ever hear about how lottery winners suddenly discover they have 100's of friends and family they barely even realized existed? Well our lives are not that drastic but the sentiment is the same.

Now as far as looking like an a$$ in general. I think I probably went overboard with the Dave Ramsey disciple period the way I see many people do. I hope I was never as bad as some that I've read out on the internet, but I admit there have been times I should have just shut up.

The best piece of career advice I think I ever received: You learn pretty quick that if you want to collect a fee, you need to figure out how to give advice without sounding like you're lecturing your obnoxious 13 year old who just blew her entire piggy bank on junky electronics and lipstick.

**feh** · 09-10-2015, 05:10 AM

We don't discuss money w/ anybody, not even family members. That includes annual income and net worth.

**97guns** · 09-10-2015, 06:26 AM

I love to talk finances online and I guess it's bragging just talking about what I've achieved but in real life I never talk finances with anyone, I am the total opposite of what I am online.

I have a cousin that is exiled from the family because of the way his mother's estate went down, he got everything, 3 duplexes and 3 homes worth well over 2 million and his 3 siblings got nothing. he tells everyone he sees that he is a self made millionaire, even workers at home depot and Lowes. He is so hard up to be in contact with family that he travels far distances to see very distant relatives only to tell them all about his self made success.

**bjl584** · 09-19-2015, 02:58 PM

I generally avoid the topic of finances outside of this forum. I've found over the years that it can start more arguments than anything. No one really knows how much money I have. It's for the best.

**QuarterMillionMan** · 09-21-2015, 12:57 PM

It's lonely at the top.

**FLA** · 09-21-2015, 07:49 PM

Originally posted by QuarterMillionMan View Post

It's lonely at the top.

good one!

I am not at the top, nowhere near it, but one part of not talking about it, is that I think my friends, most of whom are SAHMs and DH has high paying job or they both have high-paying jobs, automatically assume I am poor, having been a single mom nurse. I didn't like that feeling and it was very tempting to say I was fine, no need to worry about me. It bordered on being offensive that they would think I would not be in a position to provide well for my children. So I wanted to say what I had saved but I never did.

Now I am so glad I never told these types of friends my financial standing now that I am ill and I will have less in retirement than I loosely planned on. When the dust settles and I know my exact income and costs, I will figure out a budget. I may be the poor cousin everyone talks about behind their back, but thank God I never revealed my numbers. I would be so uncomfortable now. I cannot even imagine what is said, since a year before I got sick, I combined households with my folks to help care for my mom and my kids were almost launched, I truly did not want as many sq ft as I had. But to the outside, it must look like I am doing so poorly I had to buy a home with my parents.

But then again, people are unlikely to ever be thinking so much about you, as you think they are, lol.

Have you ever tried to brag about your $ and looked like an a$$?