Question on what folks have done w assisted living/responsible party requirement

[Rachael777]

Hi all,
First forum post.

My Dad, 75, needs to go into assisted living. We went to sign contracts yesterday and, at the signing, the facility sprung a 'responsible party' agreement on me. Although they said the intent of the agreement is for me to help Dad should be forget to pay his bills etc.. if you read the agreement ( which I did, and showed it to my attorney) it ALSO makes me personally financially liable for fees/costs if Dad does not pay. the facility kept dancing around this which made me feel misled.

I did not sign the form and instead told Dad that to sign the form I need access to his accounts so I can see he has the funds in the accounts and so if he does not pay for whatever reason I can so I am not stuck w the bill out of my personal funds. Dad has a trust issue and we were not able to agree to that so we left.

I have a POA for Finance w Dad but am NOT added to his bank accounts and Dad has not been deemed incompetent so it really gives me no power.

facility refuses to remove the requirement for the form.

What have other people done.. what are your suggestions

note: it IS likely Dad will add me to one account and 'fund' that account w 3-6 months of funds and give me 3 blank checks for 'just in case' but I am not sure I feel comfortable w that as (per the current suggestion)I would NOT have access to see his balance/online account a so would never knew of the funds were in the account at all(they can be removed, used for other purposes etc)

Thoughts?

i have contacted an attorney friend for 'safe options' too.

Rachel

[cooliemae]

From my reading (my MIL is 73 and we're planning for the future right now), nursing homes that accept medicaid are barred by federal law from requiring third party guarantees for payments to be admitted. However only state laws apply to nursing homes that do not accept medicaid and nursing homes can require guarantees for services not covered by medicaid.

I would also encourage you father to put you on the account so that you don't have to through probate on at least those accounts because you're listed as an account holder. My wife is listed on her mother's checking so that if anything were to happen we have ready access to her funds. Of course there has to be a high level of trust there.

[Rachael777]

Thanks for the comments.

There is a trust factor there.

The facility under pressure (or wanting money) agreed to waive the responsible party thing if Dad signed up for 'auto pay'. He will do so. So I ma not signing for him but he has expressed willingness to put me on one account. so starting slow and I think it will improve once he gets into this place.

Apparently move in is this weekend. after these months of prep seems very quick.

[AnotherReader]

Be grateful the move-in is quick. Otherwise he might change his mind.

Is he near you or in his home state?

[Fishindude77]

Fun stuff

I dealt with all of my moms affairs like this over a ten year period till she passed away. Discovered she was broke, had to clean up all those $$ problems, took over her finances, sold her house she couldn't take care of, moved to apartment till she couldn't live solo, made her quit driving and sold the car, then to a nursing home, in and out of the hospital numerous times, handled the funeral, etc., etc.

Glad I was able to do it, but it's a lot of work and not much fun taking care of your parents in their final years.

Sounds like your dad is going willingly, so that is good.

[snafu]

All good news, dad is moving willingly, facility waiving the unacceptable requirement and will enable you to access at least one account. I suggest you discuss the process for dad with your lawyer friend and create a list of what needs to be done and ideal order. Does dad have an Advance Care Directive, Will and Revokable Trust in place? Will dad's current home need to be rented or sold? What's to be done with furniture and personal effects not going to care facility? How to create a list of dad's assets so that all are accounted for, nothing forgotten or gone 'dormant.' What can be done to rebuild trust? What steps are important? What processes in the future?

[Rachael777]

well. move in is Saturday AM so VERY QUICK. Dad lives in Wisconsin. I live in Illinois.. His house is up for sale and his girlfriend is staying there until the first week of June then moving to Madison (1 hours a way from the house)..hoping she still takes care of things.. a list is GREAT idea. so will get to work on that now. thanks guys!

[snafu]

Hope dad's move to to assisted living accommodation in Wisconsin went smoothly. Were you able to be there to add your support? Can dad's GF handle all the decisions and work needed to prepare the house for sale, sell all the furniture, electronics, kitchenware, stuff and papers that fill their home? What advice fro the realtor you've hired?

While it was years ago, I still shudder at the amount of work involved when my brother and I had to clear mom's house, ready it for sale and send all the furniture, electronics, kitchenware and 'stuff' to auction for disposal. Gratefully my mom was habitually organized so we were able to gather legal documents and dispose of the rest.