What to do with a small windfall when you owe so many....

[Dsquared513]

I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that you had to take on a huge amount of debt just to try to save the life and ease the pain of your child. It is a travesty that in a country with the resources of the U.S. we see fit to place an unconscionable financial burden on grieving parents. I recently read about parents who had co-signed on their children's student loans, then tragically lost their child, only to have private student loan companies demand full payment immediately. That's a different scenario, but I think it shows the utter lack of compassion that capitalism can breed and highlights the flaws of corporate healthcare and the predatory lending practices of numerous institutions. But I don't mean to turn your tragedy into an internet diatribe, I am sincerely sorry for your loss.

My answer to your question would be to save as much as possible to give yourself some sort of Emergency Fund for when (not if) the next unexpected expense arises. I don't know what your monthly expenses are but $1-2k is a good start for an EF. Even with large debts it is amazing how much better I sleep knowing that I have a few thousand dollars cash at hand in the event of an emergency.

Once that's done, and I mean this, do whatever the hell you want with the rest. Go to the spa, take a vacation, spend time with your family and friends, go to a concert or show, beautify your surroundings, plant a memorial tree or garden, buy something for someone you love. At the end of the day a couple thousand dollars isn't gonna make or break you, and since you didn't get into debt through shear irresponsibility like so many others did I see nothing wrong with doing something to try to enjoy yourselves. You have seen firsthand the tenuous grasp we hold on the precious little time we have, be thankful for the rations of joy meted out to us and take comfort in community. I just lost someone unexpectedly 2 weeks ago and for some reason recently I recalled this paraphrase of an Aeschylus quote from an old RFK speech and I have found a modicum of relief thinking of the words:

"Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart until,
in our own despair, against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

For all of you I wish peace, joy, and understanding.

[Petunia 100]

I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that you had to take on a huge amount of debt just to try to save the life and ease the pain of your child. It is a travesty that in a country with the resources of the U.S. we see fit to place an unconscionable financial burden on grieving parents. I recently read about parents who had co-signed on their children's student loans, then tragically lost their child, only to have private student loan companies demand full payment immediately. That's a different scenario, but I think it shows the utter lack of compassion that capitalism can breed and highlights the flaws of corporate healthcare and the predatory lending practices of numerous institutions. But I don't mean to turn your tragedy into an internet diatribe, I am sincerely sorry for your loss.

You are correct that this thread is not the place to discuss a news article about another family. But, having read the article you mentioned, plus the one about the parents suing their late daughter's doctor for wrongful death, I just have to ask. In your opinion, should the school which she attended be required to refund the tuition paid? If yes, why? If not, why not? If you would like to discuss it in another thread, that would be fine.

[Gailete]

I understand all too well about spouses and their wanting a credit card to use. In 4 years of marriage to a man that helped us get in over $40K worth of debt not including a mortage and car, when I told him NO MORE charging and there was absolutely no cash to spend he claimed I was emasculating him. Then the rants and raves because he was busting his back side to earn money and he should be able to spend it. At that point our minimum credt card payments equaled $1,100/month!!! And I made more money than him! The only way to ease the financial burden was divorce him and sell the house. He has not been out of debt since that point, but I have been (at times). Since I still have the phone number that I had when we were married, I still get credit agency calling here a couple of times a year looking for him. thankfully that has slowed down lately. Since then he has married 2 more times, most likely as he needed someone's to help maintain his 'lifestyle'.

This may not be your problem with your husband, but there are better ways of handling money than him having a credit card, such as a pre-paid card, cash generally works, a debit card on an account that has a certain amount of money in that he will have to think about prior to buying to be sure this is something he wants enough so his 'money' doesn't run out.

I too am sorry for your loss, but did want to give you ideas on how to handle hubby who wants a credit card. Obviously divorce is the last resort and there was more to it with me than just his money problems, but that is what everything came down to. A budget is good but won't work unless you are on the same page with where money should go. Also I don't know how much you earn, but I tend to notice here on these boards that someone will say they earn $125K a year, but in reality after taxes, SS and other stuff, their take home is only around $80K, so when budgeting be sure you are looking honestly at your actual take home income. Nor should you think that just because you earn a certain amount you deserve to buy certain things and have a certain standard of living.

I trust you will pick the best solution for your family. When I know I have a large chunk of change coming, I start making a list of things that are needed or have been put off due to lack of funds such as the dentist or eyeglasses,etc. You may find that paying for some of these incidentals is part of the best route for your family.