Should I lend my friend money?

[tom edward]

Nope. Don't do it . If she can't afford the house better to lose it and she can get an apt and get herself back on financial track.

If i were her i would have sold all that was of value to others before coming to a friend for a large amount of cash.

[lorraineb]

The answer to this is much easier to see form the outside than in the position you're in. You shouldn't lend it and it's not even a question. You don't have the funds to risk and you don't believe you'll get it back. Your friendship is telling you you should help, but the reality is that financially it would be a terrible move.

[cschin4]

Giving more money to someone who can't manage money is like giving booze to an alcoholic or drugs to an addict. She won't get her financial house in order until she has to. I would not want to own a home I can't afford. Losing a house isn't the end of the world. She has to figure out how to live with in her means. Simple as that. And if she dumps you ig you don't fork over then she is a piss poor friend .

[JoeP]

You can call me an idiot but I have always lend my co-worker money because she always struggles and she never pays me back which I do not care, I guess I am too nice huh?

It's not really lending if you never get the money back and don't care about that. What you're referring to is gifting or charity.

Try to get to the source of the struggles, otherwise they will always be there, and your friend will be in this situation forever. I would think she'd value your friendship more if you provided a solution rather than just gifting money.

[Nika]

The fact that she is pressuring you is a big red flag.

Even if she was a decent person, do not spend a lot of money just to help her not face reality for a few more months.

Paying her house payment, all of her past and future debts and obligations, while having an added obligation of paying you back would involve a drastic increase in her income. And if such change was imminent or reasonable, her bank would work with her on a plan - bank does not want her house, it wants money. If they are foreclosing, that means that do not believe they will get the money.

[Goldy]

Are there other ways you could help her? How about offering to sit down with her and hammer out a realistic budget, help her sign up for mint, help her sell items in her house to cover the shortfall.

You have a few weeks, could you both sell plasma or could you hire her to do work around your house?

Often when I hear someone ask for money to save their house they are putting effort into fixing a symptom (losing the house) instead of the actual problem (overspending)

If she wants help with the actual problem have her post it here and the members here can help point her in the right direction. Sometimes bankruptcy is the right option but more often than not you can dig out with a little hard work and discipline.

[snafu]

The fact that this gal has let her finances slip to the point of losing her home speaks volumes about her. Depending on the details, she needs to get it on the market PDQ. She needs to find out if the bank will let her do a short sale. No matter how much you give her, the house is lost now or a few months in the future. The money she want you to give will go down a big, deep hole of debt.

If you give the money, you both lose and the friendship is gone. Adding my voice to the many, you could help by getting her to write out the sums she owes to all the vendors, interest rates, minimum payments and help make a plan to turn it around if she's willing to do the hard work.

[Blessed]

I would not borrow your friend the money. I dont borrow money to anyone unless I am totally prepared to look at it as a gift. The fact your friend is pressuring you is another reason not to.

[Dsquared513]

Well since practically everyone told you to not lend your friend money then the decision should be obvious. However you didn't give a lot of info so everyone assumed that your friend is just terrible with her finances. I agree that you should not lend her money if that is the case, which it seems to be since you don't think that her situation will change. However, if her financial hardship is due to a recent medical emergency or loss of a job, and the friend was reasonably responsible with money up until that point; then it could be justifiable to help out as much as you can without burdening yourself in case of your own emergency. Also, telling your friend how she needs to get a hold of her finances to fix the situation, unless done with the utmost tact, will definitely ruin your friendship. She thinks she needs money, well just imagine her joy when she realizes she just needed a lecture about being a responsible adult (sarcasm provided free of charge). The only way that I would suggest getting involved with teaching her about finances is if that was the stipulation for you loaning her the money, that first you had to sit down and iron out a budget that accounts for all of her debt and expenses and leaves enough to pay you back, then somehow make sure that she is following it (good luck with that). Someone earlier said that lending money to financially irresponsible people is like giving booze to an alcoholic or drugs to a junkie, which is very true; but the same analogy applies to those people getting help, they have to want to change. Just like it's fun to drink or get high (up to a certain point) it's fun to spend your money on entertainment and frivolous junk (until the bills come due). I would love to try to help all of my friends manage their money better, but the choice is between doing that or still having friends. Drop subtle hints, point in the right direction, talk about how you budget or save, but don't cross the "my way is the right way and this is all your own fault" line (which is tricky to toe) because it's completely counter-productive and the quickest way to end your friendship. Good luck.

[KTP]

Why not direct your friend here to SavingAdvice and have us look at her finances and see if there is a way she can save the house herself. It could be that we recommend she get out of the house and into an apartment (if she is in a non-recourse state, living paycheck to paycheck and is $60,000 underwater on the house it would be silly for her to waste thousands of your emergency fund trying to keep the house...just put the keys in the mailbox).

[Sallyr70]

Your friend is trying to manipulate you through guilt. You've been friends for 15 years, but is it a true friendship? Because my best friend would sell the clothes off her own back before asking me for a loan. Do you think she would do the same for you? Also, someone doesn't just lose their house that quickly. It usually takes several months or years of not paying mortgage/taxes for that to happen. (Is she even being honest about it? Could she be exaggerating?) I wonder how long it's been brewing, and what steps has she taken to get the money ON HER OWN? I can't believe her nerve in asking you for thousands of dollars. If she knows you well after 15 years, she knows this would be a huge strain for you. She sounds selfish to me. Sorry that is harsh but that is how I perceive it. Whether you loan the money or not, you might lose her as a friend. If you ever watch the Judge shows, nonpayment of loans between friends/family is the most popular case.

[Brad03]

i dont think the friend should have asked, and if the friend is close you should be able to explain how you feel about it

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

I find myself in a very difficult situation. I have a friend who is in dire financial need. If she doesn't find a way to get several thousand dollars in the next couple of weeks, she's going to lose her house. She's put me in an extremely awkward position by asking me to help her out in this situation. I have the money, but giving it to her would mean draining much of my emergency fund.

We've been good friends for 15 years and I don't want to ruin the friendship. The issue I have is that even though she promises that she will pay the money back, I don't see how she ever will be able to with the current situation. She says that things will change and that shall be able take the money back to me, but I don't have the confidence that it will work out.

I've been getting quite a bit of pressure from her, and I know that she really wants me to lend the money. I also can tell that if I refuse that it's going to cause an issue with our friendship. This puts me in an awkward situation where I feel that my decision will determine whether we are friends in the future are not.

I was wondering if you could give me any advice on how to proceed in such a situation.

Why can't she borrow money from a bank? Or get a credit card?

[John213]

My dad had a bad experience in lending that change my childhood life.

My advice is don't lend the money.

My rule is to only lend to family members (usually my younger sister if she's really need it for emergency) or best friends (which they never asked me cause they know the story).

And If I lend some money, I make sure It will not hit me financially cause I always consider it goodbye money and never expect to be repayed.

[janecropper]

I would say don't lend them money, but give them money. If you can afford to help them out and you want to, that is. Don't expect to be payed back and you'll be pleasantly surprised if you are. Obviously you can only do so much, so if they ask you on multiple occasions, or for large amounts, you can refer them to the fact that you already gave them money with no expectations of having it returned. If they persist they are probably not a friend and not worth your time.