Days on which I feel poor.

[tgavin71]

Hello,
I don't know if it is legal where you are but have you considered home schooling? If you job will allow you to work flexibly it may be a worth while option. Do a search for more information about home schooling in your state. You may be surprised but what is involved and how social it is.

[Nika]

We both have full time jobs.
It will be challenging enough to just pick our son up from daycare (my commute is 1 hour each way, and DH's a little more, mabye 1hour 14 minutes). So we don't have the option to do what people of our income do -- 1. Move to Westchester, Connecticut and some rent in Manhattan.

Homeschooling is not an option.

And I am taking about pre-K, not pre-school. He is in pre-school now (well, kind of). He goes to pre-school at my husband's employer, in NJ. So he too has a 1:15 minute each way commute. But that place is very nice. And, he does not go every day. My DH works from home one day a week, has day off every other Friday, and he goes on travel (on those days our son stays at grandmas house). So he misses a lot of days already, but we decided that for pre-school we still can do it. When he goes to school, we will have to do something else.
But, even though DHs work has pre-K, according to their rules, because our son was born in the very end of November, he won't qualify by age this year. He would miss a year, and we don't want to do that. He would be a year behind in life.

We do not want to move from NYC. We like our jobs. Both of us. Our family here. 45 min-2 hours away (depending on traffic). Our friends are here. I like this city and what it has to offer. I will write a post some time soon on why.

[Like2Plan]

We both have full time jobs.
It will be challenging enough to just pick our son up from daycare (my commute is 1 hour each way, and DH's a little more, mabye 1hour 14 minutes). So we don't have the option to do what people of our income do -- 1. Move to Westchester, Connecticut and some rent in Manhattan.

Homeschooling is not an option.

And I am taking about pre-K, not pre-school. He is in pre-school now (well, kind of). He goes to pre-school at my husband's employer, in NJ.

But, even though DHs work has pre-K, according to their rules, because our son was born in the very end of November, he won't qualify by age this year. He would miss a year, and we don't want to do that. He would be a year behind in life.
.

Your DH works in NJ? Are there no NJ options?
I agree with you in that I wish they had 1/2 year school starts because it seems very archaic that currently each grade incorporates kids from ages that can range from over a year apart. But, it also seems like you want your child to join the rat race and he is only a toddler. He won't be the only one that was born at the end of November. He won't be a year behind in life.
We live in a very good school district--I believe the cutoff date is in August, but it isn't unusual for parents to keep their child out for an extra year even if they've made the cutoff date. I think this is partly because the schools have also increased their expectations for a child entering kindergarten.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Same ton of friends keep kids back. My friends son turned 5 in September 4th, cutoff August 31st she didn't care. Sure preschool is horrible but maturity it was better for him.

You need to write a list of priorities. What is most important?

Family
Friends
Retirement

Then list of what you are willing to give up
Schools
Commute
Salary

You have to choose your lifestyle and live with the decision and not complain. You are an adult and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can make changes if you want to. There are lots of hard decisions but in life nothing is easy or comes free. Only you have the power to change it. And accept the consequences of what you decide. I type this for myself as well.

You can't predict the future. You can only make decisions based on data you have today. And only you can choose what's most important.

[scfr]

If it's not the absolute very best then it must be the very worst?
There's no middle ground?
What about learning about the best-possible publicly available education options in your area? Don't say there aren't any. I won't believe it.
My sister probably lives in or near the same area as you (heck, for all I know you may be neighbors) and she has successfully navigated her children through the publicly available options, up to middle school. She does not have a lot of money. She cares deeply about the quality of education that her children receive. She's knows that there are better options available (there always are) but she is satisfied with her choices. In addition to the learning her children do at school, they learn a lot at home and through their activities. Her children are thriving. She has indicated that she may want to move before her children hit high school age, but HS is still a long ways away for your son.
I just think if you would stop thinking of it in such an all or nothing way, you may find some acceptable options. Unless you just prefer to wallow in self-pity. If that is the case, then carry on ...

P.S. Suddenly I feel like Cher in this scene from the movie Moonstruck: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY