Is Ignoring Society the Key to a Happier Life?

[cschin4]

Just because you have technology in your life doesn't mean you are letting the TV "babysit" your children. I LIKE to give my children Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, etc. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the "material" world.

[fruitbowlk]

Just because you have technology in your life doesn't mean you are letting the TV "babysit" your children. I LIKE to give my children Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, etc. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the "material" world.

It's people like you is why we can't have a decent conversation. If you allow your children to watch tv because you don't want to parent that's your business. If that not your situation then don't respond being defensive. Don't try to defend how you raise your children if you "think" you are raising them properly. Only people with doubt get defensive.

[Snydley]

I'm amazed with the apparent "race for the perfect life" that plagues the young adults in this country. In order to be considered successful and happy in the USA, you MUST be married, have AT LEAST 2 kids (and at least 1 must be a girl), have a nice, perfectly kept house, and value material possessions (nice new cars, etc).

DH and I don't follow the American standards for success, and the reactions to this are unbelievable and so sad. For example:

(1) DH and I recently decided (after being kinda unsure for years) that we definitely don't want any more children (we have one 6yo). We love our family size and our DD recently told me how happy she is that she is the only kid in the house. I feel satisfied as a parent with my one child and I am really enjoying the extra time that DH and I have now, the extra effort I can now place back to my career, and the additional time I have for myself (Im reading novels again!). Both DH and I have had multiple people say to us, point blank, "You're not going to do that to her, are you???" Everyone assumes we have fertility issues because no one chooses to stop at one child. In many European countries, scores of people are choosing to stop at one, even with free child care. It's so strange that it is not ok to choose to not be married and have 2+ kids, particularly when many studies of happiness show that the people who make these unacceptable choices are more content with their lives that those who follow society's norms. I was at a BBQ this summer with many younger couples (with babies) and they kept saying to each other, "when are you having the next one?" These women seem like hampsters on wheels, running themselves sick without ever considering how their actions may impact their own personal happiness. I'm not saying one child is the answer for everyone, but why is it not considered?


(2) We saved a long time and bought an older, unassuming, unimpressive (but nice!) house. Our neighbors don't always keep up their lawns, but it's a nice street and our neighbors are very friendly and eager to help if we need anything. The first time my mother walked into the house the look on her face said "this is so below them". I was so disappointed. I wanted her to be excited about our first home.


(3) We have one 27 inch screen TV that we got for free off of Craigslist (It's not a flat screen! The horror!!). We do plan to get a flatscreen once we complete a home remodel, but no point it getting it yet, or so we thought. Both of my parents sent me ads for flatscreens on Black Friday, and on numerous occasions when there's an important football game on TV DH's pals invite him to their houses so they can see it on a flatscreen. Um, do you people realize that there was a time not so long ago when flat screens didn't exist..and everyone could see the game just fine? WTF?

I do find it to be empowering to choose the maximize the quality of my own life and as a PP mentioned, give the ol' USA's ideal the middle finger.

-Jen

[cschin4]

It's people like you is why we can't have a decent conversation. If you allow your children to watch tv because you don't want to parent that's your business. If that not your situation then don't respond being defensive. Don't try to defend how you raise your children if you "think" you are raising them properly. Only people with doubt get defensive.

People "like me"? I am just giving my opinion as well as are you.

[fruitbowlk]

I like this approach and agree with you. I think as far as celebrating a holiday, it keeps it down to earth too. Holidays don't need to be about giving material goods, it can be about giving in so many other ways if one chooses to celebrate it that way. Too many kids expect material things on xmas -- I even have a friend who wasn't raised christian and expects material things on christmas from her parents -- because everyone else gets something. (I wouldn't ever say it to her directly, but I've always thought it was very selfish. Talk about forgetting the reason for the season.) If anything, I would give my (future) kids an experience for a gift, maybe make their favorite treat or something to celebrate the day -- not hundreds of dollars in crap that they may not even want that much, or will otherwise be uninterested in a few months afterwards! To me, the vast majority of materialistic gifts are a waste of money.

I take my daughter somewhere new where she can learn and experience life, people and culture for her birthday every year. I think its way better than a gift she will toss aside.

[cschin4]

I do agree that simplifying our lives is helpful. We can get so caught up in the business of life and spinning our wheels doing things that really dont' make us happy.

[fruitbowlk]

"I expect Greatness from her". Sorry but this disturbs me a little. Too many kids are pressured, pressured, pressured by their parents to live up to some version of whatever their parents imagine. As a parent, I honestly don't get understand that mentality. I want my kids to grow up healthy, happy and whole. I don't care if they pump gas for a living or do brain surgery. My priority is to see that they grow up as good, caring decent human beings. I don't need to live vicariously through my kids. Their achievements are their achievements. My child needs to own his/her own life and be who they are.

You are taking what I'm saying out of content. When I say greatness I talking about what is greatness for her. Why except a child making d and f when you know they have A and B in them. Why except a child misbehaving if you know they don't have to. If a child has b learning problem and all they have in them are c's then that there greatness. I was raised to be me and know one else and that has been the biggest give they could have gave me and that's how I raise my daughter. If she wants to a fisherman if that makes her happy and that's her greatness then so be it But when you are raising children to low standards you will get a low standard adult and as a parent if you are ok with that so be it.

[bigdaddybus]

I'm not sure if ignoring society is the key to a happier life, but I do think that knowing yourself and what you like and want out of life is the key to a pretty good life.

I have a friend that told me years ago that he is too selfish to have children and he married a woman who was fine with not having kids. They honestly love their lifestyle of fancy cars, lots of trips, and fine dining. To me, I have respect for them for being true to themselves.

I have another friend that quit a corporate job to run a food pantry. He lived well below his means for years and was able to leave a well paying career to pursue his dream job for 1/3 the pay. He has never been happier.

My wife and I have always had a love for children. After having two kids of our own and being established in our careers we decided to became foster parents...then adoptive parents. We took a measureable hit to our lifestyle, family questioned what we were doing and weren't supportive at first, but we were doing what we believed was right for us and I think that is the key to getting it right.

[gogirlanime]

It's people like you is why we can't have a decent conversation. If you allow your children to watch tv because you don't want to parent that's your business. If that not your situation then don't respond being defensive. Don't try to defend how you raise your children if you "think" you are raising them properly. Only people with doubt get defensive.

Please re-read her posts, because now you're about to get defensive. You're not being fair, and it's not a golden rule.