Gift exchanges

[LivingAlmostLarge]

What and how have you gotten out of exchanging Christmas presents? I've been very direct and honest. I've told people since college I don't want to exchange presents. I probably have been rude. I mean I am pretty blunt and harsh and truthful. I probably said I don't have the money I can't afford it and I don't want the junk.

At 34, I am trying to learn to be tactful to my friends. Since having my daughter I managed to get away with 1 gift exchange at Christmas/Hannukah until now. But this year I have two more friends who won't listen.

How do you guys deal with people who won't listen? Do you have a tactful way of saying please can we not exchange?

[YLTL_Dan]

We have a decently large family and we're still trying to figure out the best way. At first all of the adults exchanged Christmas presents and it usually ended being a bunch of gift cards! I wanted to stop completely and only focus on the Nieces/Nephews, but everyone else wasn't ready to go there yet.

Well, two years later we're finally doing a dirty Santa gift and that's it. We don't have kids yet, but I'm looking forward to how other people deal with the exchanges with friends...

[hamchan]

If someone gives me a gift I just say thanks. I don't feel compelled to give a gift back unless I want to and would have anyway.

[humandraydel]

Do you know how much they are going to spend? Can you take the gift they give you back and spend that money on something you need?

[disneysteve]

This isn't something I've had to deal with but why not just use it as an opportunity to get something you would buy anyway.

Let's say the exchange limit is $25. Ask for a gift card to a store you shop at regularly. Then you spend $25 to get the other person a gift but you end up with that $25 gift card. The end result is you haven't really spent any money.

[TBH]

I think if you politely explain that you'd prefer not to exchange gifts, and they get you a gift anyway, then they are the ones who are being rude. Receive their gift graciously and write them a thank-you note, but don't feel compelled to reciprocate. Next year, tell them again that you'd prefer not to exchange gifts. Eventually they'll get the message.

Gifts have caused a huge amount of grief in my family. People tend to view gifts as representations of how much you love them. Didn't spend enough? Didn't get them something they like? Well, you must not love them. You must not really know them, and you must not be listening when they talk to you. Yes, even the adults act this way. I've finally managed to stop the madness and now I only get gifts for my kid and my parents. That's it. I don't even give my nieces and nephews presents any more. It's great. My holiday spending is way down, the infighting in the family is way down, and I don't get a bunch of crap that I hate. One of my sibs still grumbles about the no-gift thing, and still tries to buy me presents every year when we're out together. If I admire something, she tries to buy it for me and I just say no thank you! I wish I had insisted on this years ago.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

They already have a gift not a gift card. And besides I know when they'll give it to us since we are leaving and having dinner with them beforehand.

[disneysteve]

They already have a gift not a gift card. And besides I know when they'll give it to us since we are leaving and having dinner with them beforehand.

So they bought a gift without regard to whether or not you wanted it? That's lousy. I guess you can always return it if you can find out where it was purchased. Of course then you may end up with a store credit to a place you don't shop. I've had that happen more than once.

If you have friends or family who are insistent on a gift exchange, set it up so that each person makes a list of 3 or 4 items in the agreed upon price range. That way at least you will know that the gift will be something that you actually want.

[moneybags]

So they bought a gift without regard to whether or not you wanted it? That's lousy. I guess you can always return it if you can find out where it was purchased. Of course then you may end up with a store credit to a place you don't shop. I've had that happen more than once.

I have given gifts to people without getting their approval. Sometimes that's the point of the gift.

[neatdesign]

I have given gifts to people without getting their approval. Sometimes that's the point of the gift.

I agree. Gift-giving is meant to be altruistic. If the friends are offended because they don't get something in return, then that's just proof that they gave you the gift for all the wrong reasons.

LAL, I wouldn't worry about it. You made it clear that you weren't going to be giving any gifts, but they went ahead and got you one anyway. That was their choice. The only thing you can do now is accept it graciously. And let's not all be cynics! For all we know, maybe they just wanted to give you this gift because they think it'll make you happy.

[disneysteve]

I agree. Gift-giving is meant to be altruistic. If the friends are offended because they don't get something in return, then that's just proof that they gave you the gift for all the wrong reasons.

LAL, I wouldn't worry about it. You made it clear that you weren't going to be giving any gifts, but they went ahead and got you one anyway. That was their choice. The only thing you can do now is accept it graciously. And let's not all be cynics! For all we know, maybe they just wanted to give you this gift because they think it'll make you happy.

True. If someone says, "Let's exchange gifts" and you say, "Sorry, I'd rather not but thanks for thinking of me" and they go ahead and get you a gift anyway, I don't think that obligates you to reciprocate. If they really want to give you a gift, let them and thank them for it. If it is something you don't like or need, return it or sell it.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I agree about gift giving, I sometimes just buy something I know my DD bff would like because I know she would. But I don't like I guess the holidays and the idea of exchanging presents at Christmas. I think it's just too much. She'll get enough from my mom and us.

[Jerry91]

In my opinion, no one should expect to receive a return gift. As Disney Steve has said, you can simply thank them for the gift. If they are expecting a return gift and if you do not provide them with one, from the next year, they will stop giving you a gift and this will end the gift exchange.