Choosing to be happy

[riverwed070707]

I started reading the Happiness Project. In the first chapter she talks about how research has shown that 50% of our happiness is genetic, 10-20% is life circumstances (age, gender, religion, etc) and the remaining 30-40% lies in how we think and act. In other words 1/3 of our happiness make-up is based on how we perceive our life. In its simplest form, to me this interprets to the happiest people not overlooking the small things and being grateful for what they do have, not lusting for what they don't.

For conversation sake, do you agree? What do you do in your day-to-day contribute to your overall happiness?

[Barclay]

I cannot believe 50% is genetic. It seems like it should be WAY less than that. My mother is just damn giddy almost all the time. I am NOT.

My life is amazing but I struggle with staying "up". I manage a lot of people and sometimes it really brings me down. The one or two really negative people have a big impact on my mood and overall happiness at work. I also bring it home occasionally.

I think we can do a lot of things to help our overall happiness. Spend a few minutes every day being grateful. Try and respond positively right away. Look at challenges as opportunities for improvement rather than struggles. Smile. And lots and lots of physical exercise. It helps me IMMENSELY. I exercise for an hour at lunch. It helps me bounce back for the afternoon.

[disneysteve]

30-40% lies in how we think and act.

For conversation sake, do you agree?

I think a lot more than 30-40% is how you think and act. I think that's the biggest factor by far. Some people just choose to focus on the negative in any given situation. My daughter is like that unfortunately. She definitely doesn't get it from me. My wife is a bit more like that but not nearly as much as DD.

I'm of the mindset that I'm going to enjoy the ride no matter what comes my way. When there are things that are in my control, I do what I can to make them better. When there are things beyond my control, I just deal with them and move on.

[riverwed070707]

I cannot believe 50% is genetic. It seems like it should be WAY less than that. My mother is just damn giddy almost all the time. I am NOT.

My life is amazing but I struggle with staying "up". I manage a lot of people and sometimes it really brings me down. The one or two really negative people have a big impact on my mood and overall happiness at work. I also bring it home occasionally.

I think we can do a lot of things to help our overall happiness. Spend a few minutes every day being grateful. Try and respond positively right away. Look at challenges as opportunities for improvement rather than struggles. Smile. And lots and lots of physical exercise. It helps me IMMENSELY. I exercise for an hour at lunch. It helps me bounce back for the afternoon.

I agree it seems like a lot riding on hoping you get the right genetic make-up but I also think its a little deeper than if you're parents are happy then you're happy. There have been lots of studies on it and it really stems more from inheriting traits that contribute to happiness such as social skills, work ethic, etc.

I don't know exactly how much I buy into it but I defintely see merit in the conclusion that happiness is largely a choice. I firmly belive two people could be in the exact same position in all areas of their life and one could be happy and the other not.

I am a pretty laid back person and I think I do a pretty good job of appreciating the small things, but I also am a goal setter and once one thing is almost accomplished, I've already moved on to tackling the next big project or goal. I picked up the book in hopes of trying to find some tips for living more in the now and less in the future. I think a balance of planning for the future and enjoying the moment is really important and I tend to lack a little on the latter.

To answer the original quesiton, some things I do to boost happiness regularly include exercise (I'm a yoga freak but hit the gym several times a week as well); disconnecting when I'm not at work - I have a lot of mom guilt over working and traveling a lot while DH stays home with DD and commiting to disconnecting and focusing on my family when I'm home makes me feel like we've achieved more quality time together; eating healthy -- food has an immeasurable impact on my mood, when I eat poorly I feel gross... thats all I can think of for now but I'm sure there is more!

[shaggy]

I think popular fiction like this book does a real disservice to people struggling with depression and other mental health issues.

[snafu]

I think the internal messages we give ourselves have a major impact on our 'happiness' register. My mom believed to her core that when life hands you lemons it was imperative to make lemonade. TV, magazines, Twitter all combine to serve-up a culture of dis satisfaction. I just refuse to buy-in. I have a mental 'grateful list' I add to daily. I want to compliment the best in people and avoid or ignore any small minded, nasty retorts.

[MonkeyMama]

I think popular fiction like this book does a real disservice to people struggling with depression and other mental health issues.

I agree.

My family tends to be "genetically very happy" or "emotionally disturbed." These are two extremes, but we don't have lot of in-between.

I personally feel like my happiness could literally be around 100% genetic. & I have always felt extremely grateful that I ended up on that side of the coin (versus the alternative).

I had a brief chemical imbalance after the birth of my second child. I have renewed compassion and awe for anyone who deals with depression, etc., after that experience. I was lucky, I just snapped out of it when my hormones settled down. I can't believe so many in my family had to deal with that every day of their life, and no amount of exercise, sleep, positive attitude or help was going to improve my mental state. Medication? Maybe.

I think probably the vast majority of the population falls somwhere closer to the middle of the scale, and could maybe take away something from this book. I think of my spouse who is someone more generally in the middle, but who has gotten happier with age.

[disneysteve]

I think popular fiction like this book does a real disservice to people struggling with depression and other mental health issues.

I think you're reading too much into this.

I think probably the vast majority of the population falls somwhere closer to the middle of the scale, and could maybe take away something from this book.

Exactly. I doubt that the author is suggesting that mental illness doesn't exist.

Much of our behavior and mood and attitude is under our control. You can learn and train yourself to be happier (assuming there is not a pathological condition present requiring professional care).

[riverwed070707]

I think popular fiction like this book does a real disservice to people struggling with depression and other mental health issues.

Have you read the book or are you just making assumptions?

If you care to know a little something about it before judging, its not a tutorial for how to be happy, its more of a memoir of how the author broke down the elements she believes make up her overall happiness and chose to focus on improving one area each month for a year. She fully recognizes and states that it isn't a cure for depression, that she wasn't unhappy before beginning the project and that the steps and concepts that make someone happy aren't going to be the same for everyone. I don't think it does a disservice at all, just a mood-boosting, peppy encouragment to not forget to stop and smell the roses.

[disneysteve]

I don't think it does a disservice at all, just a mood-boosting, peppy encouragment to not forget to stop and smell the roses.

Exactly. There are hundreds if not thousands of "self-help" books on the market. They aren't aimed at the people with legitimate mental illnesses. They are directed at the majority of the population that doesn't suffer from mental health issues.

[shaggy]

Have you read the book or are you just making assumptions?

So everyone who agreed with the author of the book must have read it?

Your original question was "For conversation's sake, do you agree". IMO that doesn't call for a lot of documentation or research before posting a response. I stated that I don't agree. End of drama.

I'm weary of all of the recent "how to think yourself happy" threads on a money-saving board, that is all. It would be nice if they were all in the Everything Else section.

[hamchan]

There is this very pervasive view in our society that depression can be fixed by taking a walk, eating healthier, and focusing on the positive. Mental illness just isn't taken seriously as a legitimate medical issue. I ran into this attitude frequently in massage school where many of my classmates were very against Western medicine. I think these attitudes are common and so dangerous.

[riverwed070707]

So everyone who agreed with the author of the book must have read it?

Your original question was "For conversation's sake, do you agree". IMO that doesn't call for a lot of documentation or research before posting a response. I stated that I don't agree. End of drama.

I'm weary of all of the recent "how to think yourself happy" threads on a money-saving board, that is all. It would be nice if they were all in the Everything Else section.

Not at all. The question was whether you think you can be happier based on the choices you make in your day-to-day life. Anyone can have an opinion on that without having read the book but to call the book a disservice to mental illness would mean you'd have to actually know what the author wrote.

[JoeP]

There are some people who are not happy unless they are miserable. I know a couple such people, and I don't know the root causes, but they have to have made the connection that when you're being negative and nasty, you're not going to have people clamoring to be around you, so their lack of happiness may breed more unhappiness because people don't want to be around them!

I'll do what it takes to be extra nice around them. After my contribution, and whatever (if any) counseling/drugs/therapy/etc they're taking to address their situation, there is nothing I can do. Maybe some people don't want to be happy because they have accepted and internalized their misery and don't want to change.

[disneysteve]

There is this very pervasive view in our society that depression can be fixed by taking a walk, eating healthier, and focusing on the positive. Mental illness just isn't taken seriously as a legitimate medical issue. I ran into this attitude frequently in massage school where many of my classmates were very against Western medicine. I think these attitudes are common and so dangerous.

I think folks are mixing two issues: OP is not talking about depression and mental illness but rather just general life attitude. Nobody is saying that clinical depression doesn't exist or can be fixed by changing your attitude.

That said, if you're just feeling kind of down, taking a brisk walk can help. Numerous studies have documented that. Releasing endorphins makes you feel better. It certainly won't cure depression but it can brighten up your day and change your mood. And there are lots of things you can do to help deal with stress and improve your outlook on life in general. Again, this isn't about people who have legitimate mental health diagnoses. Those folks need appropriate treatment. For the rest of us, though, we have a lot more control over our mood than we often admit.