I want this nightmare to be over.

**Mesem** · 07-15-2013, 05:10 AM

Hamchan, I am assuming DH stands for dear husband? You are doing it all wrong! What your husband needs is not more medical treatments, but a lifestyle change. It sounds cliche, but try it! Eat more apples, cook him Asian stir-fried vegetables(YouTube vids), eat more fibrous starches like whole grain bread, eat less fried foods or foods with high saturated fat, and when his foot heals, make him go walking each day whether he likes it or not.

Mesem

**feh** · 07-15-2013, 06:36 AM

Originally posted by hamchan View Post

How in the hell are we ever supposed to save anything if we can't even go more than a few months without a medical emergency? This is never going to get better. DH is just going to keep getting sicker until he dies. Why do I keep working myself to death trying to get ahead? There is no point. I am just missing what is left of his life. I am sick of delaying gratification. I am sick of waiting for something that will never happen. Because the system is so broken that there is no way out.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I can imagine how stressful it is, even if I haven't experienced something like this myself.

Are there any county or state services that could advise you on your options?

**hamchan** · 07-15-2013, 10:53 AM

This is not a lifestyle issue. DH watches his sodium, saturated fats, carbs and protein very carefully. He eats mostly vegetarian and rarely eats anything fried. We cook everything from scratch. He walks everywhere including to and from work every day, though he will have to stop that until his foot heals. His insurance only covers one pair of diabetic shoes a year, but he wears them out too quickly with the amount of walking he does. He lifts weights six days a week.

We make more than the median income for our area (HCOL) so there are no social services available for us. They just expect us to keep paying for all of this somehow.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 07-15-2013, 11:00 AM

I'm a bit shocked at the presumptuous advice about lifestyle change and diet change above. Who would have such difficult health problems without having heard of lifestyle and diet changes--if that has anything at all to do with their problems? Maybe her DH has a better diet than you can imagine and maybe diet and lifestyle has little to do with his problems. I don't see that Hamchan has said what the root of his ill health is. Besides, contrary to a lot of claims I see on the internet, doctors do prescribe lifestyle and diet changes where it would seem helpful. I know my doctor has a dietician on staff and available everyday the office is open. The office sponsors all kinds of classes and workshops to help make changes where needed.

Hamchan, I am regretful that in the USA we have not made the social compact to help take care of one another in such a basic way as to not leave ill people and their families impoverished, exhausted, and beaten down if they have large healthcare needs. A lot of people are not of the same mind as I am, but I think we could do a much better job of it.

Edit: Sorry, I was still composing my post when Hamchan responded. I see she has already responded to the diet and lifestyle ideas.

**MonkeyMama** · 07-15-2013, 11:25 AM

Originally posted by Joan.of.the.Arch View Post

I'm a bit shocked at the presumptuous advice about lifestyle change and diet change above. Who would have such difficult health problems without having heard of lifestyle and diet changes--if that has anything at all to do with their problems? Maybe her DH has a better diet than you can imagine and maybe diet and lifestyle has little to do with his problems. I don't see that Hamchan has said what the root of his ill health is. Besides, contrary to a lot of claims I see on the internet, doctors do prescribe lifestyle and diet changes where it would seem helpful. I know my doctor has a dietician on staff and available everyday the office is open. The office sponsors all kinds of classes and workshops to help make changes where needed.

Hamchan, I am regretful that in the USA we have not made the social compact to help take care of one another in such a basic way as to not leave ill people and their families impoverished, exhausted, and beaten down if they have large healthcare needs. A lot of people are not of the same mind as I am, but I think we could do a much better job of it.

As to your first sentenace, Joan, I am not surprised at all - we live in a completely illogical weight-obsessed society, and I have cringed at the comments on these forums at times. Heck, someone told me in person that they were suprised my young spouse had a brain tumor "because he is so thin."

To Hamchan - nothing to add but, "sorry" for what you are going through.

**Petunia 100** · 07-15-2013, 11:33 AM

I don't have any practical advice for you, Hamchan. But, I will say there is no point in allowing these problems to stress you out. You can only do the best you can do. You can't change what is happening and you can't make it cost less.

Are you contributing to your retirement accounts? You have probably said before, but I don't recall. Don't skimp on them in favor of medical debt. If overwhelming medical debt ultimately bankrupts you, your 401k/IRA money is protected up to a certain amount. I hope that won't happen to you, but if it DOES, don't allow it to take your retirement money too.

I hope dh is feeling OK, and I hope his foot heals quickly.

**hamchan** · 07-15-2013, 11:47 AM

DH has a 401k that he contributes to. I do not have anything like that available with my job, unfortunately. I have met with a person at my credit union about setting up an IRA but he said that I have to have three months of income (about 15k) saved before I can start one. At this point saving that much seem rather hopeless.

**hamchan** · 07-15-2013, 11:50 AM

Oh, I don't think I mentioned it before but DH is not overweight. He has actually lost a bit of muscle mass due to being on a protein restriction, but his body fat percentage is low.

**Petunia 100** · 07-15-2013, 01:14 PM

Originally posted by hamchan View Post

DH has a 401k that he contributes to. I do not have anything like that available with my job, unfortunately. I have met with a person at my credit union about setting up an IRA but he said that I have to have three months of income (about 15k) saved before I can start one. At this point saving that much seem rather hopeless.

There is no requirement to have 15k in savings, it sounds like that was more financial advice. (You don't want to have to dip into your IRA prematurely, so keep adequate cash on hand before investing).

Don't open an IRA at your credit union, you want no-load funds. Stick with Vanguard, Fidelity, or T. Rowe Price. Open your account on their website. Even if you don't plan to open an IRA now, keep this in mind.

What do you do for yourself, to keep your stress level down? Do you exercise, meditate, take a nice hot bubble bath? Don't neglect yourself.

**librarylady** · 07-15-2013, 01:19 PM

One day at a time

I am so sorry your DH is so ill and that you both are having to deal with these heartbreaking issues. All you can do, is all you can do. If I were in this situation I would have to tell myself to try to take this one day at a time. Do what you can and forget about the rest.
I'm sorry our country does not do a better job of taking care of these basic needs. Maybe someday.
I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you.
You are both in my prayers.

**Baby_nurse** · 07-15-2013, 02:45 PM

Originally posted by Mesem View Post

Hamchan, I am assuming DH stands for dear husband? You are doing it all wrong! What your husband needs is not more medical treatments, but a lifestyle change. It sounds cliche, but try it! Eat more apples, cook him Asian stir-fried vegetables(YouTube vids), eat more fibrous starches like whole grain bread, eat less fried foods or foods with high saturated fat, and when his foot heals, make him go walking each day whether he likes it or not.

Mesem

Please do not presume to give medical advice. It's not only dangerous, but insulting to the OP.

Hamcham- I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Yes, the healthcare system is broke and it really does screw over people sometimes. I'm sure you have already investigated alternative means of funding the doctor visits (Medicaid, etc), so for now I will just send my condolences and wishes that your husband's latest setback is short lived.

**Mesem** · 07-16-2013, 04:45 AM

I see many of you disagree with my judgement, but I posted because I wished to help. Unless Hamchan is looking for pity and a back rub from forum members, I do not think she would post something like this unless she wanted help. Don't you agree? As for your husband, Hamchan, what exactly is the situation in regards to his body? Is he like old, diabetic, or something else?

**~bs** · 07-16-2013, 07:01 AM

sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm guessing your post is more of a rant than a request for advice. Your situation falls pretty far outside the standard "need budgeting advice" kind of deal. I do wish you the best of luck, as dealing with a chronic medical problem is extremely trying.

**hamchan** · 07-16-2013, 07:49 AM

He is diabetic with anemia, kidney failure, and CHF, and he is not old at all. He is 37. His doctors consider him to be a "medical mystery." But his half sister who is 28 is having the exact same problems.

I just don't understand how anyone gets through something like this without being totally destroyed financially. I feel as though we are bailing water out of a sinking boat.

I want this nightmare to be over.