Social Security Benefits

[maat55]

Personally, I would treat this situation as if she will not be getting any SS funds later. She should go to work and save as much as possible. If it is there, great, if it is not, you did not wait to find out.

[UpstateNY86]

I try to tell her all these things and she refuses to understand how bad of a situation she is in...Right now she lives with my sister(see my post earlier). She gave away her only asset to her! So unless she wants to live there the rest of her life(they are both always colliding). She has to learn to fight for herself and not rely on my dads handouts..He gives her like 400 a week right now. Keep in mind she has no bills besides cell phone and healthy NY. My dad also has no bills(lives with mother) and works 90-100 hrs a week...Really crazy stuff and my dad has always worked them kind of hours(restaurant biz).
thanks!

[Gailete]

Sorry, I didn't see any post about her living with her sister. Sounds like she apparently doesn't mind her situation and since your dad is giving her all the spending money she needs, she has no motivation to do anything. The problem is if your dad dies and can't toss $1600/month her way anymore and he doesn't leave her enough to live on after that. Boy would I love an ex sending me that much money!!!

What puzzles me is at her age she doesn't want to do anything. Perhaps she is scared, but she is of my generation, only younger. We weren't raised generally to depend on men--for crying out loud whether we agreed or not, we grew up in the age of women's liberation! But as you said she is lazy and doesn't care to learn any more about finances. You cold sit her down and say this is your last discussion and don't come crawling back to you when she loses everything but that won't work either. I comes down to you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, sorry to say.

[UpstateNY86]

I agree...A job would actually really help her IMO..she is bored and miserable..imagine not leaving your house for 30 years..

[Petunia 100]

I agree...A job would actually really help her IMO..she is bored and miserable..imagine not leaving your house for 30 years..

Maybe she is depressed? Has she discussed the possibility with her doctor?

I remember your other thread now, your parents sold their house to your sister, for only what was owed, just gifting her the equity. Now Sis has a boyfriend and they want mom to move out.

I don't think your mom has financial problems. I think she has some sort of self-esteem problems which lead her to make poor financial decisions. My diagnosis is worth exactly what you paid for it, but seriously, see if your mother is willing to talk with a professional. Divorce is not the end of the world, she can still live a full, happy life.

[Gailete]

Divorce is not the end of the world, she can still live a full, happy life.

Yes, so true. I'm older than she is by about 4 years (divorced twice I hate to say)and am practically housebound due to illness, but I can sit in front of a computer for stretches and am able to run a small on line business, that I know if I felt better I could turn into full time income. Anyhow even on disablity, I live a very full life and can't imagine not living in charge of my life and just letting circumstances flow around me and not doing anything about it. With what your mom gets from your dad and what she could earn at a job, she would have enough to live simply and be able to grow self-esteem and a chance to meet new people and get out and about.

I remember when I was a nurse at a jail and we would have a depressed inmate, obviously they couldn't get out and about and do things, but since exercise endorphins can help with depression we would try to encourage them to walk around the day area to get exercise. Instead with absolutely nothing else on their plate to do, they would just sit around and grow more depressed. Those that moved around and participated as much as possible with groups whether bible studies, trustee work, walking the day area, etc. were much healthly emotionally AND much better to face their future when they got out. I too would chime in with encouraging your mother to see a counselor of some type. These days, there is no shame in reaching out.