Kid Expenses

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Okay I gotta know how many people on this board expect or are planning on paying 100% for college, possibly graduate school, wedding, house down payment, car for their kids?

I have been repeatedly told how expensive kids are and that I'm crazy for wanting more than the two I currently have. I've been asked how do I expect to pay for college, private school, weddings, house, etc? I've been told that I obviously after two kids, since I stay at home have no idea how expensive daycare and after school care is.

First I stay at home so the cost of daycare is what I would be making. Second, I don't see private school as a option even if I were working full time because at $25k minimum it's too expensive for us to afford. Third, I am hoping to pay for college mostly but the wedding, home, graduate school I hadn't ever thought to afford.

My DH and I are super conservative and we do save a lot now for retirement. But it's to be sure we don't have to depend on our kids period. I don't get it. We make a really good salary I won't deny it, but how the hell are people expecting to pay for private school, college, graduate school, car, wedding, home DP, and save for retirement?

I ask because even at double our current income we couldn't afford it for two kids. So I figure why not have a third or fourth and just enjoy life. I like my kids. My DH and I had school loans but we went to public schools to minimize it. And we paid for our own wedding, cars, house DP, etc. Our parents are fortunate enough to pensions and be able to provide for their own retirements but they certainly are not wealthy enough to have financed graduate school, home, cars, wedding, etc for us.

Are people really saving for all those things for their kids? Is it at the expense of retirement? Is it really expected you have to give your kid all those hand outs for them to even get started in life?

[cooliemae]

DW and I are saving for college and will hope to have it paid for, but it also depends on where our son goes to school. As for everything else I don't think we'll be paying for. Of course, we'll be there for support and will perhaps give a generous gift for the wedding, much the same way my parents gave DW and I a $3000 check as a wedding present.

I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to make sure that they don't have to support you. My DW and I support her mother, who lives with us, while my parents are completely self sufficient. And don't get me wrong, I love having my MIL live with us, but from a financial standpoint those resources could be used in other places.

[Blessed]

We plan to pay for a good chunk of it. Private collages often give bigger scholarships we have been told and have found that to seem true as colleges are recruiting our younger son. As far as grade school- high school we moved to a good district when we bought a house so that was not a worry.

We don't have a huge income either but over time the $ grows. Our oldest has not went yet though he is 20. He knows his $ is sitting there until age 31. If he chooses not to go by then it will revert back to us for retirement. Our younger son knows exactly how much we have for him and if scholarships don't cover the rest he will have to if he comes up short. I have told both kids if they go to college, graduate and have $ left it is their free and clear.

What we do refuse to do is endanger our retirement years by paying for more college than we can really afford.

My kids were both responsible for their first car minus a small amount from us.

I'm not worried at all about weddings.

They can save their first house down payment just like we did or don't buy one.

[twest]

We too are saving for college now and hope to have everything covered for our DS. We also are not going to cover any expense that isn't affordable and risk our retirement in any way. On the car issue we have already told our DS that he will have to come up with money for his own car and we are going to match him up to a ceratin amount. DS is six and already saving for a car now. If DS happens to get scholarships to pay for college then the money we have saved can be used for a downpayment on a house. This is what my parents did for me and my brother. I received full scholarship and was able to use the college savings for my first house.

I think a lot of parents want to do so much for their children even if that means going into debt and making a total mess of their own lives. In my opinion I don't want that for us becuase 1. It teaches my child that he shouldn't really be concerned with debt. 2. It also will put a burden on him because I know he would want to help us if we were in a financial mess. Parents just don't always think of the full consequences....They want it and their child deserves it is much of the attitude of parents today.

Children want to be loved more than any material possession anyway.

[MonkeyMama]

Okay I gotta know how many people on this board expect or are planning on paying 100% for college, possibly graduate school, wedding, house down payment, car for their kids?

HA!

The problem is most people don't have a financial clue.

Of course all of this is at the expense of retirement (& basic financial security).

Daycare is a very temporary expense and I Wouldn't get too caught up in that. At this point (kids 7/9) a small second income could be substantial to us. BUT, maybe to the point we could do private school or help more with college OR help our kids buy a house some day. But of course, not *all of the above.* (Daycare was only of real consequence ages 0-5 - though it was expensive enough at those ages to not bother working). With 4 kids you can hire a teenager to babysit in the afternoons or have a live-in nanny who is paid with room and board (what all my friends do with large families).

At this point in time we plan to do -0- with all of the above. We may be in a better position than our parents were to help a wee bit more. But if so, my kids are certainly not going to expect that - it will be a surprise.

[MonkeyMama]

I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to make sure that they don't have to support you.

So true. This is the philosophy our family lives by. I know SO MANY people supporting their parents. & their parents handed them everything and they don't have any financial sense. It's just bad all around, and why I Feel pretty strongly my kids will be better served standing on their own two feet. Some people see that has harsh. For the long-term they will be better off than most their peers, is the way I see it.

[Blessed]

So true. This is the philosophy our family lives by. I know SO MANY people supporting their parents. & their parents handed them everything and they don't have any financial sense. It's just bad all around, and why I Feel pretty strongly my kids will be better served standing on their own two feet. Some people see that has harsh. For the long-term they will be better off than most their peers, is the way I see it.

I agree with you!

[disneysteve]

Okay I gotta know how many people on this board expect or are planning on paying 100% for college, possibly graduate school, wedding, house down payment, car for their kids?

Having just made our first college visit on Saturday, this question is very much on my mind.

No, we do not plan to pay 100% of college. We simply don't have the means to do so. We have a 529 plan that currently has about 50K in it and we have 21 months before she starts college. We invest $300/month into that account, so by the time the first tuition payment is due, we should have about 57K. That will cover one entire year no matter where she goes plus at least part of a second year. I'm also figuring on continuing to designate the same $300/month that is already being set aside, so that's another 14-18K over the course of 4-5 years (her program may be a 5-year program). That brings the total up to around 75K that I'm already planning to provide. There may be more along the way but that will be the bulk of it. The rest will need to come from summer jobs, some of her own savings, and financial aid.

If there is graduate school in her future, hopefully it will involve tuition reimbursement from her future employer.

Wedding - yes, within reason.
Car - probably some help with the first one, perhaps matching funds to her own
House down payment - I don't expect to. That's not the parent's job.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I guess I ask because I want more kids than less and I've been hearing a lot of "how do you plan on affording it?" I think we can afford it, we do make a decent living, I love my two kids, we are saving for retirement, college, reasonable home, and we don't carry around debt. That being said I know we aren't saving enough for college 100% paid for 2 kids let alone 3 or 4 kids, and we can't afford private school nor can we afford graduate school nor can we really afford cars or weddings (we have 2 girls so far). But I know we will be able to afford some of college, and maybe a $5k wedding gift?

Is it wrong to have kids and not provide college for them?

[twest]

I don't believe it is wrong in any way if a parent does not want to provide or cannot provide college....whatever the case may be. There are scholarships and part time work that can be utilitzed by kids. I believe they will appreciate the experience even more if they pay for it because they were responsible and relied on their own resources and abilities which is an accomplishment in itself.

[feh]

Okay I gotta know how many people on this board expect or are planning on paying 100% for college, possibly graduate school, wedding, house down payment, car for their kids?

College - my wife and I decided we would pay for 3 years at a state school. The rest will be up to DS.
Grad School - DS is on his own
Wedding - might be willing to chip in; haven't really thought about it
House - DS is on his own
Car - wouldn't buy a car for him, but may let him have aging family car
Private school - nope; public schools are quite good where we live

[cooliemae]

I don't believe it is wrong in any way if a parent does not want to provide or cannot provide college....whatever the case may be. There are scholarships and part time work that can be utilitzed by kids. I believe they will appreciate the experience even more if they pay for it because they were responsible and relied on their own resources and abilities which is an accomplishment in itself.

Absolutely! The other thing to remember is the choice of schools that kids/parents make. I grew up in MS, but graduated from a small college in NM which gave me the most bang for my buck. I had about $20k from my parents for my college expenses which when combined with the scholarships and part work was more than enough to pay for 4.5yrs of college. This left me loan free.

My DW on the other hand felt that she had to get a degree from a "name brand" university which of course cost money. So we have about $20k in student loans still outstanding.

Now we're married, work at the same company and make very similar incomes (though she is a bit ahead of me). There are a good number of routes to take that will get you where you want to be whether it's starting at a community college and transferring or getting post-graduate degrees at more prestigious universities and saving money for that by going to a less expensive undergraduate program.

[SavingSweetOneL]

Here is what I suggest:

1) Love and spend time with your children in thier growing up years. Focus on simple things to do with them, that allow both parent and child to be in each other's presence, in a happy, comfortable way. That is the best gift any parent can give a child. Let them know you as a human being, as you get to know them.

2) Teach your children about money. How the economy works, how numbers work, and how to use thier own money for the things they want, that it all won't be coming from you.

3) At the age of ten or when capable, they should be doing chores of some sort, and recieve money for it. There are many books that talk about this, and whether this should be an allowance, or extra income for them. This part is totally in how you wish to raise them.

4) Always have an agreement on any thing that they are desiring, that they need to contribute a portion to it. For instance, if you are willing to provide basic $30 dollar jeans, but, they want more fashion trendy $50 dollar jeans, they will have to provide the $20 dollar difference. This, also, works for the more expensive items in life, such as cars and schools and weddings.

5) You will not always be there, and you do not want to spend your life time cleaning up thier messes, that can be created through dependency.


Look on Amazon for books about money management for kids.

Just my thoughts.

SweetOneL

[phantom]

I don't have kids yet, but I do plan on helping them out with college when I do. I can't imagine exactly what higher education is going to look like in about 20 years when I'm ready to send my first kid to college though. I don't think current rate of increase in tuition can continue for the next 20 years, but if it does, my kids, my husband, and I and are going to have to give serious thought to how much a college education is really worth. But, I definitely plan to start saving for college when my kids are young.

My parents paid for most of my wedding, and if I have daughters, I will gladly pay for modest weddings for them. But, I don't anticipate needing to save up too far in advance for a wedding. I can't imagine a reasonably priced wedding taking more than a few months to save up for.

My kids will probably be on their own when it comes to buying cars and houses. While I might be able to help out a bit with those things, I think it makes for a better learning experience if they take care of the vast majority of those costs themselves. If I take care of a large part of their education costs, saving up for houses and cars should be something they can do themselves.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having kids while not being able to afford to pay for their college educations. Having kids when you can't afford to feed and clothe them is questionable. But, as long as you help your kids save up for their own educations, guide them towards earning scholarships, and help them make good decisions about education, I don't think paying a large portion of the bill is a must.

[disneysteve]

Is it wrong to have kids and not provide college for them?

It certainly isn't wrong. Do what you can - that's all you can do.

One thing I will point out though, to all of those who say, "I worked my way through school. My kid can do the same." Times have changed. The cost of college has risen way faster than inflation and way faster than wages. The school I graduated from in 1986 was 10K/year. It is now 45K/year. Incomes haven't gone up 4.5 times since then so "working your way through" isn't nearly as feasible as it once was. That's a big reason why student loan debt has skyrocketed. Income hasn't nearly kept pace with costs.