When your mother says "You have nothing to show for yourself"

**bjl584** · 07-17-2012, 07:33 AM

Yes. It is something to show for yourself. Good work doing so. But all that stuff is intangible to most people. A lot of people gauge someone's success by how much "stuff" they have. The big house, the fancy car, the vacation home, the boat, etc. I hear the same thing from my father. "What do you do with all your money?", he asks. "Why don't you buy a new truck? I know you have plenty of money." "Treat yourself.", he likes to say. I plan on just staying the course. It's my life and my finances. Not his or anyone elses. I'm perfectly happy with the way that I run my financial affairs.

**elessar78** · 07-17-2012, 07:55 AM

Tangible "stuff" doesn't also end with finances�could she be hinting at boyfriend/husband, kids?

From a guy's perspective, women don't speak in literal terms all the time.

**chrisburke21** · 07-17-2012, 08:24 AM

Don't let it get you down. Sometimes it is tough right out of school and the job market has been tough for everyone. If your mom is anything like mine the last poster is correct that she is hinting at grandchildren. As far as what you have to show is that you are happy with your progress. That is all that matters.

**JoeP** · 07-17-2012, 08:31 AM

Originally posted by chrisburke21 View Post

Don't let it get you down. Sometimes it is tough right out of school and the job market has been tough for everyone. If your mom is anything like mine the last poster is correct that she is hinting at grandchildren. As far as what you have to show is that you are happy with your progress. That is all that matters.

I speak Female, and agree with the above. She may see your life as basically stagnant since 9 years ago, while we all know it isn't.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 07-17-2012, 09:01 AM

As both a mother and a daughter, I find it disturbing that your mother would say such a thing.

Have you actually told her about your progress?

**disneysteve** · 07-17-2012, 09:05 AM

Originally posted by bjl584 View Post

I hear the same thing from my father. "What do you do with all your money?", he asks. "Why don't you buy a new truck?

I can't tell you how many times I heard that from my mom during the years I had my last car, especially in more recent years (I had it for 14 years). I finally bought a "new" car a few weeks ago and I still heard about it. "Why didn't you get a new car? If your father was alive he never would have let you buy that."

I'm 47 years old and think I'm doing okay for myself but it's never good enough for mom.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-17-2012, 09:27 AM

Agree ignore your mom. Trust me mine says that to me all the time. That includes why am I having children so early (I'm 33 and she thinks I easily have another 10 years

). Parents sometimes lose sight of reality.

**EconDiva** · 07-17-2012, 09:41 AM

Originally posted by Joan.of.the.Arch View Post

As both a mother and a daughter, I find it disturbing that your mother would say such a thing.

Have you actually told her about your progress?

Well, she knows that I moved here for a new job...my goal was to increase my income by 10% by June of this year, and I got about a 20% increase so I was happy with that.

She doesn't know about the increase in 401k, accelerated loan payments or me working on an emergency fund. I don't usually talk to her about those kinds of things. I don't think she's interested because she doesn't believe she will ever get out of poverty herself.

**EconDiva** · 07-17-2012, 09:44 AM

Originally posted by elessar78 View Post

Tangible "stuff" doesn't also end with finances�could she be hinting at boyfriend/husband, kids?

From a guy's perspective, women don't speak in literal terms all the time.

Hhmmm...I never thought of it that way but I guess it's possible...

**disneysteve** · 07-17-2012, 09:46 AM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

Parents sometimes lose sight of reality.

I think they also fail to realize that your "reality" can be different than theirs. Also that reality can change over time. Buying a factory certified used car today is much different than buying a used car from some random stranger in the newspaper 20 years ago. Needing to sock away money in your 401k is much different than having a great pension to depend on when you retire. Preparing for college costs that have risen way, way faster than inflation for years on end isn't part of their consciousness. When I started college, it cost $7,000/year. I suspect if I asked my mom how much she thought it would cost today, she'd guess with that as her point of reference and perhaps think that the price has doubled or even tripled since I graduated. In reality, the very same school is $45,000/year today but I bet she has no concept of that.

**marvholly** · 07-18-2012, 01:57 AM

it is time to put on your BIG girl panties and tell your Mother to mind her own business and if she will not listen hang up/walk out EVERY time she does this to you.

you have the right to live your own life and set your own priorities and it sounds like you are doing a good job of it.

**mgkimsal** · 07-18-2012, 03:37 AM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

I can't tell you how many times I heard that from my mom during the years I had my last car, especially in more recent years (I had it for 14 years). I finally bought a "new" car a few weeks ago and I still heard about it. "Why didn't you get a new car? If your father was alive he never would have let you buy that."

I'm 47 years old and think I'm doing okay for myself but it's never good enough for mom.

Wow. For all the issues I've had with my parents, this has never been one, and I should be grateful. Not once have I ever got anything resembling "you don't have anything to show for your life!", not when I was 22 and in a band living in a crappy apartment working a crappy low-end job, or any time after that. Something I should be grateful for, certainly (and will continue to be grateful for in the future!).

Really, thinking about it, no one in my extended family has ever said that either - never got pressure to 'buy a new truck' or anything even close to that. It would be so out of character in our family that it would be insulting for anyone to do that - hard for me to even imagine it. But... that's with hindsight. If I'd grown up with people like that in my family, I could see how it would shape your thinking (family peer pressure, etc).

We're by no means set for life, and no one in the family is mega-wealthy, but we're all mostly doing OK so far.

**rob62521** · 07-18-2012, 07:59 AM

Your mom might be scared for you. Or, it might be like others have posted that she things you don't have enough stuff. Some folks equate stuff with having enough or having something to show for yourself. You also have to determine what kind of person your mom is ... is she overally critical and just wants to nag about something? Or, is she truly concerned and wants to make sure you will be OK?

I never did anything right in my mom's book. It took me a long time to realize the problem was hers, not mine. It sounds, from your post, you are making great strides to do well.

**snafu** · 07-18-2012, 09:30 AM

As a mom and a daughter I'm horrified by your mother's remarks. It takes 10 'atta girl' to make up for one negative comment. I think you should tell your mom you find those comments insulting. There is no need to justify your choices.

As you know, the folks here are really tough but we give compliments for taking control of your finances and looking after yourself. Give yourself a big pat on the back. You're doing grrr-eat, you have a plan and you're working towards it. Miscellaneous stuff will never fill your heart or serve your needs. It spirals down to clutter for a charity shop or trash.

When your mother says "You have nothing to show for yourself"