cutting off a friend

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I don't know how to cut off a friend. She's in a bad way, but I can't help but feel taken advantage of. She just started to be a stay at home mom last monday. I watched her daughter last week Wednesday and Thursday. Thursday she forgot to drop off her daughter on the way to her doctor's appointment. They came over and she had not been changed, no diaper bag, still in her pajamas I had dressed her in on Wednesday. Yes they had dinner with my family on Wednesday.

I don't think she can cope right now with her daughter. I tried to talk to her Friday until tonight, but she's been busy having fun. Literally. Friday she went to the beach with friends, Saturday she went out overnight with other friends, Sunday bridal shower, and today she went "last fitting" for a wedding dress with her cousin and dropped her daughter off all day at another friend's house.

Yes I think she's losing it. I also wanted to talk to her husband and tell him, but my DH said I should talk to her directly. So I've been trying to catch her.

Well today coming back from her day of fun, she got into a car accident, but didn't go to the hospital. So tomorrow she's going to the ER. Her Primary Care is on vacation. I am going to watch her daughter while she goes.

I know she's a good person. Honestly she's got a lot on her mind. But I am tired. Is it wrong to try and wean myself away from her?

[krantcents]

Unless she is paying you, she is definitely taking advantage of you. I am sure you would like to share some of that fun, if you weren't watching her kid. I agree talk to her and stop enabling her.

[disneysteve]

Initially reading your post, I assumed this was a single mom. Then you mentioned her husband. These folks need to get their act together and be parents. Dumping their kid off on one friend or another so they can go live their lives unencumbered isn't appropriate and is certainly not something I would want to be a part of.

Why did she decide to become a SAHM if that isn't going to include caring for her child? Doctor's appointment? My wife took our daughter with her when she had an appointment. Going to the beach or going away overnight with friends? Has she forgotten she has a child? And where is the father in this whole scenario?

[creditcardfree]

I am no longer able to watch your daughter. I have other plans. Now is not a good time for me to watch an additional child.

At some point she'll either get her act together, or there will likely be others along the way that will help. It does not have to be you.

Is this a case for child protective services? Just checking. If it is, they need to be called.

[disneysteve]

Is this a case for child protective services? Just checking. If it is, they need to be called.

I had this thought, too, though couldn't really tell in the OP if there was any actual abuse or neglect going on. Not changing the kid overnight is what raised a red flag for me.

[Frugal]

IN my opinion, usually someone outside of your immediate family should pay you for babysitting, esp. if they are a stay-at-home-mom and have no excuse not to watch their kids.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Like I mentioned this was during the day so the dad is working. He actually had the kid over the weekend and picked up the kid from my place. I wanted to talk to him directly, but I felt obligated to talk to her directly first.

She's at mental health professional offices when i've been watching her daughter twice. And yes fun other times, which I did not realize. Her husband is also trying to get her to stop from running away.

She's said she's trying to learn her "SAHM" job. She had a nanny until last week. I think that a lot has to do with her mental instability. Hence all the appointments.

I feel bad, but she never listens. I confronted her today, after I drove over to her place to watch her daughter again for another dr appt and she didn't go. I give up. I have said my peace and she was angry at me. But what else can I say?

Not abuse, but neglect. Because she's not entirely there I think. On the phone all the time, even in front of me. Supposedly hanging out, but instead she's outside smoking and on the phone while I watch her kid in the house.

I don't know if she realizes this. I did not bring this up because it was enough to mention that she's losing her marbles.

[creditcardfree]

Neglect is a form of abuse in my opinion. Obviously, there is a lot going on, but sometimes we need to remove ourselves for our own sanity and let professionals handle the situation.

[cschin4]

You need to just say no if you don't want to watch her child. That's it. Sorry, i can't watch your daughter, period. Unless you want too. But, i never pawned my kids off on anyone. I always had them enrolled in daycare and paid daycare, even if they weren't there.